


Accepting the Black Goat's Egg

by TorScrawls



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, First Kiss, Gen, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Imagine what we could have had!, Insecurity, Slow Burn, Someone has to fix the way canon treated Hide!, a lot of worrying, spoilers for the anime up till the end of season 1, spoilers for the manga up till ch 108
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-03-02 11:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 83,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13316931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TorScrawls/pseuds/TorScrawls
Summary: Ever since his ‘date-turned-almost-fatal-accident’ Kaneki has been acting strange, and Hide is adamant in figuring out why, regardless if Kaneki wants him to or not. If being a little pushy could help his friend then he would gladly play the role, but what if he just makes things worse instead…?





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> I always felt that the original story sold Hide short; he had so much potential as both a positive influence on Kaneki, and as a cool character! So here is my personal project where I write the story from Hide's perspective and what I think he went through. This story will deviate from canon as it progresses, as I didn't necessarily like the way that Hide's and Kaneki's friendship played out in canon. Hope you enjoy!

As soon as the last class of the day ended, Hide reached into his pocket and grabbed his phone. He had been itching to send a message to Kaneki all day and did not bother to suppress the big smile that spread over his face as he typed out the text.  
  
“ _Congrats on your release! Let’s go to Big Girl! My treat_.” Hide did not wait for an answer before he set off towards the restaurant with a spring in his steps. Hide’s smile grew as he felt his phone vibrate with an answer a minute later.  
  
“ _Okay. Sounds good. See you there. /Kaneki_ ”  
Hide decided to walk all the way to the restaurant, feeling too restless and happy for anything but a quick walk while swinging his arms and humming along to the music in his ears. He ended up pacing back and forth in front of the entrance while smiling at everyone who passed him, ignoring their concerned faces.  _Kaneki is finally released from the hospital. Now everything can go back to the way it was_.  
  
Not ten minutes later Hide spotted Kaneki slowly making his way up the street, looking pale but otherwise normal.  _That was quick; he must have been out already._  
  
“Yo, Kaneki! You look better,” Hide said with a big grin and a wave before tugging on the other’s arm with an encouraging “Let’s go!” Kaneki half-smiled at his antics and followed him inside. As soon as they sat down at a table Hide placed their usual orders and turned back to Kaneki.  
  
“Well, your doctor sure faced a lot of opposition, didn’t he? On the talk-shows the last couple of weeks they have hardly talked about anything else!”  
  
“Yeah, they said there was some controversy with the transplant, since they had not gained consent from the hospital board, or even the family of the deceased….”  
  
“But that girl… She didn’t have any family, did she? And besides, it really seemed like she was dead upon arrival…” Hide flinched slightly when he realized what he had said, worried that the subject would be too sensitive to talk about. Hide shot his friend a worried look and found that Kaneki seemed uncharacteristically indifferent about the whole subject. Nevertheless, Hide felt himself frown at his own unintended insensitivity and quickly added an apology. “Ah… Sorry. That wasn’t the most considerate thing to start with.”  
  
“No, it’s okay,” Kaneki’s answer was short and did not contain any discernable emotions. Now that Hide looked closer; his friend looked remarkably un-bothered to talk about the death of the person that had, up until recently, been his crush. A feeling of dread filled him and he mentally kicked himself for not realizing sooner that Kaneki was, in all likelihood, still in chock after the accident.  
  
To try and cover up his own misstep, and to distract his friend, Hide talked on about some friends at school, some people he had met, and things he had done. While he talked Hide tried to keep an eye on his friend, but it was hard to read the other’s emotions as he refuse to raise his eyes from the able. Kaneki did not interrupt or add anything to the conversation until the food arrived and Hide started to get worried. Kaneki was usually not one to talk all the time, but not completely silent.  _Maybe it’s the chock._ As the server sat the food down on their table Hide felt himself brighten up; the food at Big Girl truly was something else. The mere sight of it made his mouth water and he was sure that a full stomach would make Kaneki feel better, especially considering that his friend had lived off of hospital food for the last couple of weeks.  
  
“Let’s eat!” Hide cheerfully exclaimed as he grabbed his fork and knife. It took a couple of seconds before he noticed that Kaneki had not moved. “….You’re not eating…?” Hide asked and frowned as Kaneki flinched at the question, still keeping his eyes on the table, now staring intently at the plate in front of him.  
  
“Oh… yeah….” Kaneki said and slowly grabbed his cutlery.  
  
“So gooood!” Hide put on a show to encourage his friend to eat; he must still be tired from his long stay in the hospital. He felt a smile spread on his face as he watched Kaneki take a bite from the plate, no matter how hesitant it was. A couple of seconds passed in silence as they ate before Kaneki broke it.  
  
“Hide… Is your meat cooked okay?” His voice was quiet, more so than usual, and he looked at his plate as he spoke; still hiding his face from view. Hide’s smile slowly disappeared.  
  
“Huh? Yeah. It’s perfect. What, is yours underdone? Hard as a rock?” Hide tried to keep his voice cheerful, and his increasing worry at bay.  
  
“Yeah….” Kaneki uttered his answer with so much misery that Hide stopped his own eating abruptly and focused on his friend again. Kaneki stared at his food as if it was poison. Just as Hide was about to suggest that they go home and rest, Kaneki lifted a slightly trembling hand with another piece of food. As soon as Kaneki put the small piece of food in his mouth his whole face scrunched up, and before Hide had time to react Kaneki was violently ill all over their table.  
  
“What??? Kaneki?!” Hide stood up and went to place a hand on his friends shoulder. “Let’s go home. Come on,” to his surprise Kaneki immediately shook him off.  
  
“No. I have to go. Sorry,” and without another word Kaneki stood up and almost ran out of the restaurant. Hide stood up quickly, almost running after him, but stopped as he thought back to his friend’s reclusiveness during their short meal.  _He probably didn’t feel good enough to meet up yet, and still did it because I asked him. I can’t chase after him when he clearly wants space, I’m not going to be that egoistical. Kaneki is the priority right now._ Hide heaved a deep sigh as the door closed after Kaneki, leaving Hide behind with unanswered questions and building concerns, still trying to convince himself to not chase after the other; that he had made the right choice to give him space.

 

* * *

 

He had not made the right choice. Hide slowly made his way home after another lonely school day. Kaneki had not shown up at school since before the accident, and Hide had not heard from him since their disastrous dinner at Big Girl two days ago. Several ignored messages and calls had Hide turning on the TV each night to watch the news for any mention of his friend; the recent accident made it easy to jump to conclusions.  
  
It was not unusual that they went without talking for several days, but considering the current circumstances Hide decided that he would much prefer a slightly annoyed Kaneki for intruding on his alone time than he would a physically or psychologically hurt one. His earlier decision to let Kaneki sort through his emotions by himself only stretched so far; he was desperate for any sign from his friend. Kaneki probably just felt embarrassed by what had happened at the restaurant.  
  
He quickly dialed his best friend’s number, allowing himself to hope that this time it would be answered. Hide held his breath as he waited for the call to connect, trying to ignore the resurfacing worry as the seconds passed by and his friend did not answer. As he heard the beep indicating that his call had reached voicemail he closed his eyes in resignation, cursing himself for hoping. He quickly swallowed his disappointment and decided that this time he would at least leave a voice message for his friend.  
  
“Hey Kaneki? How are you feeling? You’re not coming to classes. If you want to see my notes for Asian History, I’ll bring them over. The writing’s messy so they are hard to read, though. If you need them send me a text. But knowing you, you have probably read it all in the book already,” Hide looked towards the ceiling as he realized that he was rambling, he took a deep breath and tried to focus on what he wanted to say.  
  
“Ah, books. That reminds me… There was a book signing with Takatsuki-what’s-his-name at the bookstore in front of the train station. You like him, don’t you?” He was suddenly reminded by a conversation he had had with Kaneki some years ago where the other had complained about his overbearing aunt and her long voice messages. Hide quickly decided it was time to end the call, the last thing he wanted was to overwhelm Kaneki even more.  
  
“Thought I guess if you don’t feel good you can’t come. Well, anyway, later…” Hide trailed of and quickly ended the call, suddenly feeling very foolish; all the conviction he felt just minutes ago having poured out of him together with the rambled words. Kaneki had not made any indication that he wanted to talk to Hide, or that he wanted Hide to talk to him.  _What if I am bothering him?_ It was the first time in many years that Hide felt insecure when it came to his place in Kaneki’s life. The thought made him feel sick.

 

* * *

 

 Hide tried to pass time by studying, but felt his attention drift. The phone call he had made on his way home still occupied his mind.  _Maybe I should just have gone over?_ He knew that Kaneki sometimes had a hard time asking for help when he needed it, and sometimes did not even realize that he did need it. No matter how much Hide tried not to think too hard about it; the accident had been very serious, and Kaneki probably needed some time to think things through by himself before he was ready to face the world again. Nevertheless, he could not shed the feeling that his friend was hiding something from him. He heaved a heavy sigh and looked up to the clock.  _19:12._  Well, he still had a couple of hours left of the day, and he should probably get started on the math homew-  
  
A sudden, jarringly happy, jingle pulled him from his thoughts and he automatically reached for his phone on the table in front of him.  
  
“Hello, Hide?” The voice on the other end of the line made Hide sit up straight.  
  
“Hey!” He could not keep the enthusiasm from his voice as he finally heard Kaneki’s voice.  
  
“Hey, could you bring me the notes from Asian History?” Hide furrowed his brow slightly, the other sounded tired.  _Very_  tired. Resigned even. Hide rose to his feet.  
  
“Of course! You okay?”  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
“Okay. I will come as soon as I can,” Hide decided to ignore the other’s unconvincing reassurance and decided it was time to go there himself and talk face to face. He started packing away his schoolwork, placing the notes from Asian History in his bag.  
  
“Thanks… See you…” The voice barely sounded like Kaneki at all. The worry Hide had fought down the last couple of days reared its head; something was definitely wrong.  
  
“See y-” Before Hide could finish is goodbye the line went dead. Hide looked at his phone in stunned silence for a second; the other had never hung up on him before. Kaneki was too socially careful and considerate to do something like that. The action made Hide scramble to pack his things away as fast as possible.  
  
Hide hurried over to Kaneki’s place in record time, no longer trying to pretend that he wasn’t worried. As he got there he knocked on the door, impatient to finally see his friend with his own eyes and make sure he was okay. The few days that had passed since they last saw each other felt like an eternity.  
  
When no one answered the door Hide knocked again. And again. After a minute of no reply he moved over to the window and tried to make out anything moving inside. When all he could make out was darkness and some trash on the floor in front of the fridge he scrambled for his phone in his pocket and composed a message; ignoring the way his hands shook slightly. “ _Dying of loneliness, man. Not up for Asian History, huh…. Still need notes?"_  
  
He pressed send and stuffed his phone back in his pocket as he forced his shoulders down and his hands to unclench. He cast a last look in the window but quickly turned on his heal and started on his way back home.  _It’s fine. Kaneki’s fine. If he doesn’t want to talk to me it’s okay. I won’t bother him._  He had never felt as useless as he did in that moment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I have some more chapters coming up and plan to update every week.  
> Disclaimer: the story will use some dialogue from the manga in the first couple of chapters.  
> Comments would make my day!


	2. Worrying

When Hide saw Kaneki enter through the university gates the next day Hide threw all his worries and doubts out the window for a few seconds and embraced the relief washing through him.  Hide had started to consider planting himself in front of Kaneki’s door, not leaving until he made sure that his friend was okay. But here he was. Alive and walking. Hide did not try to contain his smile as he sprinted over to his friend, throwing himself on him.  
  
“Kaneki! How dare you skip class for so long! I don’t know anyone in Asian History! Put yourself in my shoes! Rabbits can die of loneliness you know!” Hide took a step back, looking Kaneki over. “What’s with the eye patch? Trying to make a fashion statement?” Hide tried to mask his worrying with his usual cheer. He knew that Kaneki would not wear something so conspicuous if not for a good reason, and besides; the other had not worn the eye-patch earlier that week when they had met up at Big Girl after his release from the hospital. _A complication from one of the injuries he got after the accident?_  
  
Hide had not pried as to exactly what injuries Kaneki had sustained after he had ended up in the hospital; the staff he met when visiting Kaneki had told him what he needed to know when they realized that he was the closest thing Kaneki had to someone looking out for him, but he had not pressed the matter when the other had woken up. Hide knew that if it was him in that hospital bed he would appreciate Kaneki allowing him to disclose what he wanted, and when he wanted, himself.  
  
Hide pressed down on all of his circling thoughts and focused on the fact that Kaneki was here right now; he wanted the other to talk to him when he felt ready and that would only be possible if Hide actually listened. He perked up when Kaneki’s soft voice reached his ears, privately relieved to have a real conversation with his friend again.  
  
“…Hide, you know that is just a myth. And besides, you are not a rabbit.”  
  
Hide put on a smile and ignored the way Kaneki avoided mentioning the eye patch. He also did his best to ignore the pale face of his friend, and the dark bags under his eyes. _One thing at a time. Don’t overwhelm him._ Hide laughed with a feeling of both relief and worry and hoped that it came out at least partly natural.  
  
“Quiet you,” before Hide could continue his careful questioning they were interrupted by a loud voice.  
  
“Nagachika!” Hide immediately looked up towards the sound, slightly irritated at being interrupted when he finally had the chance to talk to Kaneki again. He quickly located the source; the voice belonged to one of his seniors in the school Festival Planning Committee, who continued talking while walking over, seemingly unaware he had been interrupting anything. “Is this guy your friend?”  
  
“Yeah, this is Kaneki! Kaneki Ken. I haven’t been able to get rid of him since grade-school!” Hide answered in his normal over-energetic way while slinging his arm over Kaneki’s shoulder. If Kaneki stiffened a bit more than usual, Hide chose to ignore it. He opted instead for turning towards Kaneki and explain.  
  
“This guy is a senior of mine in the school Festival Planning Committee. They have been running me ragged the last week in preparation for the school festival!” Kaneki did not answer, but simply looked over at the older student. This was nothing unusual for Kaneki; but Hide felt himself breathe easier when his senior waved a little and uttered a short “A pleasure.” Seemingly not taking offense at Kaneki’s silence.  
  
Hide sighed inwardly as he heard himself laugh in response to the tension he felt rolling off Kaneki. It was a tell-tale sign that he was more agitated than he wanted to admit, even to himself. To cover it up he placed a hand behind his head and tried to keep the conversation going.  
  
“And I was invited to be on the committee as well. They sure didn’t think that decision over too well, haha!”  
  
“You went and said you wanted to do it, didn’t you?” His senior said as he chuckled good-naturedly and turned towards Kaneki. “Would you like to join too Kaneki? Are you in any other clubs?” When the attention of the conversation shifted towards him, Kaneki immediately fixed his eyes on the ground in front of him and raised one hand to clutch at the opposite arm.  
  
“Eh? Well, uh. I….” Kaneki stuttered, paling as he talked. Hide frowned; Kaneki usually preferred not talking to people he did not know well, but this was worse than usual. He decided to intervene.  
  
“He can’t! He got, you know, committee-phobia!” Hide said and saw Kaneki’s shoulders relax from the corner of his eye.  
  
“Eh? What’s that?” His senior seemed to take the bite and indulge him, and Hide plowed on.  
  
“If he’s on a committee or something similar, because of the extreme pressure, he develops this condition where a mysterious fluid starts leaking out of all his pores…”  
  
“And how does that end?”  
  
“Death,” Hide said with his most deadpan voice, trying to keep from smiling when he saw Kaneki’s mouth twitch up at the edges.  
  
“Really? Well, whatever. In the meantime Nagachika, why don’t you get the DVD from last year’s festival from Nishio?” Kaneki had started to breathe easier during Hide’s exchange with his senior, and Hide sent a quiet thanks to his senior for accepting the change of subject. Being known as a talkative air-head had its benefits.  
  
“Roger that!” Hide grinned and waved at his fellow committee member as he dragged Kaneki off towards Nishio’s office. He was not going to let him get away until he had made sure that he was okay. Or at least that he was _going to be_ okay.  
  


* * *

   
“Are you eating properly?” Hide asked as they reached a corridor without any people. Nishio’s office was located on the other side of campus and Hide had no plans to keep quiet all the way there.  
  
“Huh?” He heard Kaneki stop abruptly behind him. Hide fought the instinct to turn around and face his friend as he picked up on the panicked edge in Kaneki’s voice.  
  
“You look a bit pale. You have to eat for your body to function properly,” Hide said as he came to a stop as well, still not turning around. This was how their serious talks usually went; Hide would make an offhand remark about something he was worried about or noticed. Then Kaneki would meet him halfway with an explanation or reassurance.  
  
Hide knew that his perceptiveness was not always appreciated and tried to only speak up when it was something serious. This time though, Kaneki did not answer him. After a tense few seconds Hide made to turn around to face his friend, but at that moment he heard Kaneki start walking again, and decided that he would gain nothing from pushing the other right now. Hide let out a sigh and fell in step beside Kaneki, who still didn’t meet his eye. _Maybe the other was still thinking about what happened at Big Girl?_  
  
They walked in silence all the way to Nishio’s room, Hide fighting his instinct to press the matter. He decided to opt for the usual solution when it came to Kaneki instead; wait it out. He did not want to pressure the other after the stressful couple of weeks he’d already had after the accident, especially not after seeing how poorly Kaneki reacted to a simple conversation earlier.  
  
They reached Nishio’s room and instead of knocking Hide opened the door, desperate for something to break the unusual silence between him and Kaneki. And break it did, with a scream. Hide took a step back before he realized where the sound had come from; a woman was sitting in Nishio’s lap and they had clearly barged in on something private. He uttered a quick apology and stepped out of the way as the woman ran past them, trying to keep from blushing. _This day was out to get him._ He looked away from the woman’s retreating back and saw Kaneki looking at the ceiling; his whole face red. _Not a complete failure of a day after all, Kaneki was back._ Hide turned his attention to the reason they had come here; Nishio. He put on an apologetic smile and entered the office.  
  
“Haha, sorry about that Nishio!”  
  
“Nagachika. I hate it when people barge in on my territory… Don’t you know how to knock? Is this how you show respect to your elders?” Nishio looked at him, unreadable expression on his face as he spoke. Hide had to admit that the other unsettled him sometimes, he wasn’t used to not being able to read people.  
  
“I-I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say,” Hide said and scratched the back of his head.  
  
“You should. You should at least have something to say,” Nishio said with the same serious voice. Hide felt himself starting to sweat, something in the other’s voice made the hair at the back of his neck stand up. He was saved from answering by Nishio seemingly catching sight of Kaneki over Hide’s shoulder as the other stepped into the room.  
  
“Hm?” Nishio tipped his head to the side and then his eyes went wide. Hide heart a startled intake of breath behind him and turned around just in time to see Kaneki take a step back; eyes fixed on Nishio.  
  
“Hey, what are you doing?” Hide said with concern as he turned around fully to face his friend who had gone pale again.  
  
“Ah… I…” Kaneki seemed to lose his voice, eyes still fixed on Nishio. Hide looked back towards Nishio as well and was met with a smile.  
  
“Why don’t you come in? You’re with Nagachika, right?” Nishio said in a neutral voice, all earlier signs of surprised erased from his face. Hide made a conscious effort not to frown as he tried to make sense of the situation. Kaneki reacted as if he was scared of the other. Nishio seemed to have been surprised by Kaneki as they entered. _Have they met before?_ He made a mental note to ask about it later when the moment presented itself, and made sure his smile was in place before trying to smooth the whole thing over.  
  
“Yeah! This is my friend Kaneki.”  
  
“N-n-n-nice to m-meet you!” Kaneki made a valiant effort at a smile, not managing more than a twist of his lips.  
  
“Known each other since we were kids,” Hide filled in as Nishio got up from the chair he was sitting in.  
  
“Is that right… So you are Kaneki, eh… I’m a second year from the pharmaceutical department. Nishio Nishiki. My pleaure Kaneki,” he said as he approached Kaneki before stopping right in front of the other. A bit to close to be considered normal. _Threatening?_ Hide’s mind tried to make sense of what was happening while he kept an eye on Kaneki; ready to step in if the other needed him to.  
  
“Nice to… Meet you…” Kaneki ground out as they shook hands. _Something is definitely up_.  
  
“You need some materials, don’t you Nagachika? Hold on a second,” Nishio turned away from Kaneki and Hide saw his friend take a deep breath as he straightened up again.  
  
“Ah, yeah! I need the DVD from last year’s festival,” Hide said with all the cheer he did not feel. He kept close to Kaneki and tried to ask him if he was okay with his eyes, but the other refused to look at him, again.  
  
“Okay. Nagachika, try looking over there in the shelves. It should be in a green case,” Nishio gestured towards a wall covered in tightly packed folders.  
  
“Ah, okay!” Hide decided to press his friend for answers later when they were alone. He did still need to find that DVD.  
  
“Over there. Kaneki, you can help looking too,” Nishio gestured at the wall opposite from Hide while going for the desk himself.  
  
“Huh…” Kaneki breathed out.  
  
“It’s more effective if you look over there. Come on, get a move on,” Nishio sounded impatient and Kaneki took an automatic step towards the indicated shelves; he had never been good at refusing orders.  
  
“Um…Okay…?” Kaneki said as he turned away from Nishio for the first time since they had entered the office. They all settled into a tense silence as they searched.  
 

* * *

  
“I guess it’s not here. Is it okay if we give up now?” Nishio spoke after close to an hour had passed and no-one had found the missing DVD.  
  
“No! Please keep searching…” Hide said with his best attempt at puppy-eyes; he really did need the DVD for the school festival committee. Nishio regarded him with unreadable eyes before seemingly freezing in place.  
  
“Ah.”  
  
“Nishio?” Hide asked uncertainly, quickly looking over at Kaneki who had stopped his own search to watch the two of them talk.  
  
“I took that disk back to my house. Oh no,” Nishio said with a voice that contained no regret.  
  
“What? For real?!” Hide said in exasperation. _What am I going to do now?_  
  
“Don’t make a fuss. I’m sorry. It’s a bit inconvenient, but should we go… get it?” Nishio said with a smile that did not reach his eyes.  
  
“What? To your house? A seniors house?!” Hide said in indignation as he saw Nishio send Kaneki a look he could not read.  
  
“Then it’s settled. After all; sometimes you forget things when you are as busy as I am,” Nishio said as he got to his feet. Hide had to figure out what was going on here, and maybe he should start by talking to Nishio. Kaneki did not seem to be in the mood for long conversations, and besides; he could meet up with Kaneki after they had gotten the DVD.  
  
“Hm, that is true. Kaneki, sorry! Today I’m going to drop by at Nishio’s place,” Hide said with a smile.  
  
“Err…” Kaneki looked taken aback by the direction the conversation had gone and Hide did not blame him. This was not how he had planned to spend the first day after Kaneki had come back to school.  
  
“You can go to class before me,” Hide continued before turning towards Nishio. “Is your house close by Nishio?” He would rather not leave Kaneki alone for long after trying to get a hold of him for so long.  
  
“It’s a bit of a walk, but not far,” Nishio said as he picked up his bag from the floor. Hide nodded and they both turned towards the door.  
  
“Um… Is it okay of I go too?” Kaneki’s voice was unusually steady and serious. It made Hide turn around. Kaneki usually never wanted to go someplace where socialization with someone new was involved. On top of that, Kaneki had not seemed to feel very well that day.  
  
“No, you need to get some rest!” As an afterthought, realizing that he may have sounded too serious, Hide added: “Besides, me and Nishio are going to have a pervy talk, and…” Hide trailed of when he picked up on the expression that had taken over Kaneki’s face. The other was scared. Terrified even. Kaneki had never been good at hiding his emotions, a fact that Hide was repeatedly grateful for. In this situation however it only made him more confused. _Something was definitely up_. Before he could ask Kaneki what was wrong, Nishio spoke up.  
  
“It is okay if he comes along right? Why are you making a fuss about it Nagashika?” Hide scrambled for an excuse, definitely not wanting the other to come with them after seeing that look on Kaneki’s face.  
  
“No, no! I just thought that since it’s the first time you two met, it might be awkward and-”  
  
“I said it is fine. I am just going to make a phone call before we go,” Nishio cut him off before he could finish his sentence. Nishio turned around as he fished his phone out of his pocket and started talking to whom Hide assumed were the woman from earlier. Hide watched Nishio’s back retreat to the other side of the room, looking over at Kaneki when he felt confident that Nishio could not hear them. After being permitted to follow them Kaneki seemed to have calmed down some, and Hide decided to use their relative privacy to try and get some answers out of his friend.  
  
“Why did you suddenly-“ Before Hide could finish his sentence, Kaneki cut him off.  
  
“Err, um, I… Since it had been so long since I went outside, it felt like it would be a waste to just return home alone,” Kaneki finished off with what he no doubt thought passed for a genuine smile. Kaneki had never been good at faking his emotions and feelings, and if the fake smile didn’t give him away then the hand touching his chin sealed the deal; he only ever did that when he was lying. Hide could not keep a suspicious hum from escaping him as he narrowed his eyes at Kaneki. He was not used to being lied to by the other and considering the weird interactions between Kaneki and Nishio, Hide felt strangely left out. As if he was missing a vital piece of the puzzle.  
  
“Well, since Nishio seems fine with you coming along, I guess it doesn’t matter,” Hide said with a shrug and felt a small twinge of sadness as Kaneki breathed out in obvious relief. Hide hated not being honest with his friend, but if Kaneki caught onto the fact that Hide was worried for him he would most likely clam up even more about whatever it was that bothered him. Hide would call it a mix between self-deprecation and selfishness, and ignore the way it hurt that his best friend was lying to him.  
  
“Umm… Hide, are you good friends with Nishio?” Kaneki said in a quiet voice. Hide looked at him, not having expected Kaneki to talk. The other was staring at Nishio’s back with an almost angry expression on his face. Hide decided to tell the truth.  
  
“Huh? Nishio? In all the days that we’ve spoken, there’s never once been a time… That I don’t get the feeling he’s poisonous. I might actually hate him,” Hide whispered back, rubbing the back of his head as he did. He hoped that him being honest about his feeling would make Kaneki more comfortable with talking about his own.  
   
“I…I see,” Kaneki said, clearly taken aback. Kaneki sent him a small smile and Hide returned it. Hide decided to take this time to try and sort through everything that had happened and figure out what he had missed. There was clearly a connection between Kaneki and Nishio that he wasn’t aware of, and it rubbed him the wrong way.  
  
Kaneki had been in an accident, and ever since then he had avoided Hide and presumably contact with other people as well. He seemed on edge and very tired. He reacted poorly when Hide had brought up the topic of food. He acted strangely in front of Nishio, as if he had met him before. Despite this, Kaneki had not reacted when he heard Nishio’s name, and he was not active in any clubs at school.  
  
_So they had met outside school then? Kaneki seemed adamant to go with them. Did he want to go to Nisio’s home that bad? Did he not want to be left alone? Did he not want me to go alone…?_ The last thought made Hide turn back to look at Kaneki. His friend was still staring intently at Nishio, the same way Hide had caught him doing several times since their arrival in the other’s room. It was a stare filled with fear and suspicion.  
  
Hide was clearly missing something that connected the other two people in the room. Kaneki turned his eyes towards Hide and Hide quickly looked away, forcing a nonchalant grin on his face as he casually looked over the room, feigning boredom. He could not show Kaneki how troubled he was just yet. Not if he wanted to be allowed to help his friend.  
  


* * *

   
They exited the school together, Hide doing his best to keep Nishio engaged in small talk as Kaneki trailed quietly a step behind them; keeping close to Hide’s side. When they stopped for a taiyaki at a roadside shop Hide did his best to fake a smile as he ate it, doing his best to ignore the way his throat closed up with nerves and forced himself to swallow the food down anyway. Hide also tried not to react as Kaneki kept looking at Nishio as they walked; he had never seen such open hostility on his friends face before.  
  
Hide started to regret bringing Kaneki with them, the sense of dread had eased somewhat as they walked, but he still felt immensely unsettled by the whole situation, and did not want Kaneki anywhere close to Nishio before he could figure out what was wrong. His friend’s unusual seriousness resulted in Hide having to make a conscious effort to unclench his hands and appear relaxed, pretending to not feel his stomach squirming in response to the stress.  
  
They had arrived at a small passageway between streets when Hide almost opened his mouth with another attempt to get Kaneki to go home and rest, when Nishio spoke.  
  
“It is shortly after the bend at the end here.” Hide felt surprised. This did not look like an area where there would be apartments.  
  
“We are coming from the back, right?” Hide heard himself say. Feeling a sense of dread creep up on him as he turned the corner Nishio had indicated. The feeling that something was seriously wrong came back with a vengeance as Hide stopped, rooted to the ground, facing a dead-end. He felt inexplicably vulnerable and scared.  
  
“Seems like this is a dead-end,” Hide said with a slight tremor in his voice. The moment the words left his lips he felt a tremendous force hit him in the stomach. Before he knew what was happening he was airborne. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t scream. He could feel his body hit the ground. Something connected with the back of his head. He felt no pain, no nothing, as his vision faded to black. The last thing he heard was a terrified scream.  
  
“Hide!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you like it so far.   
> I still plan to update this story regularly.  
> Disclaimer: the story will use some dialogue from the manga in the first couple of chapters.  
> Comments would make my day!


	3. Realizations

Hide became aware of his surroundings a little at a time; first the fact that he was lying down, then the fact that it was quiet and lastly the fact that there was something tight around his head. Opening his eyes and regretting it instantly as pain flooded his brain, he groaned and got a harsh reminder that he had a stomach, or the giant bruise that now seemed to pose as his stomach. He slowly raised a hand and brought it up to his head, trying to place the restricting feeling there. His hand found thin fabric, wrapped around his head several times; a bandage. Hide closed his eyes and cursed under his breath, wanting nothing more than to go back to the sweet ignorance of sleep.  
  
He tried to remember what had happened. He had been walking with Kaneki and Nishio. They were going home to Nishio to fetch a tape. And then… and then… His mind came up with nothing, but he was sure that something serious had happened considering the state he was in.  
  
Suddenly he realized that he had no idea where he was. Hide tried to listen for someone moving, but could hear nothing. He once again opened his eyes, more slowly this time, and found himself on a bed in an unfamiliar room that looked like a traditionally furnished common room. The smell of coffee reached his nose. He laid as still as possible, taking deep breaths and closing his eyes; fighting to get his headache under control as he tried to figure out what was happening. _Where is Kaneki?_ _Is he okay?  
  
_ Suddenly he heard voices floating into the room he was laying in. He could make out a male voice, and was that Kaneki that answered?  After a couple of seconds where Hide stayed as still as he could while straining his ears for any more clues, he realized that he could hear footsteps coming closer to the room he occupied. After another second he heard a door creak open and someone taking a few hesitant steps towards where he was laying, before they abruptly stopped. _Kaneki?_  
  
Hide kept still, not knowing where he was, why he was lying in an unfamiliar bed, or who was in the room with him. Suddenly someone broke the silence.  
  
“Recently… my hunger…has been dragging on for a long time…occasionally at times I feel like I’m at a point where I will starve to death. And even I don’t understand the reason. But now that’s not entirely the case.” The initial relief at hearing Kaneki and realizing that he was up and walking, and therefore okay, overshadowed everything else for a couple of seconds. Then Hide realized what the other had said.  
  
He had been very close to reaching out for his friend, reassure him that he was awake and to make sure that Kaneki was okay as well, but what he had just heard made him freeze. He had missed something. Was this why Kaneki had acted so strange lately? Because of this ‘hunger’? Instead of revealing that he was awake, Hide rolled over to his side; pretending to sleep on. He could not pass up on the opportunity to hear what the two people in the room would say next, the fact that Kaneki was up and walking proved to Hide that his friend had gotten away from whatever had happened to them fairly unharmed. _But what did he mean when he said that he felt like he was starving to death?_ Hide would make sure that they talked about that later. _Kaneki hadn’t eaten a lot at Big Girl. He hadn’t even eaten the taiyaki they had bought with Nishio. Nishio…_  
  
Hide wondered how Nishio was doing. As the thought of Nishio entered his mind, a sudden, unexplainable, fear gripped his heart. Hide had to concentrate on remaining motionless on the bed as he did his best to quiet his suddenly gasping breaths. Something had happened, and it had involved Nishio.  
  
“The blood in my mouth. I get it. This is not mine,” Kaneki spoke with a pained voice, quietly and regretfully. “Answer me honestly. While I was sleeping… What did I…?” Kaneki trailed off, clearly waiting for an explanation from the other man that accompanied him. Hide held his breath.  
  
“There is only one way to satisfy the hunger. You know that. If you had stayed the way you were you would have ripped your friend up with your own two hands. Please realize what kind of person you have become,” The other man spoke with a voice that radiated power and almost seemed a bit harsh. But it contained kindness as well; understanding, sorrow. Hide felt suddenly cold. _What does he mean with ripping up his friend?_ He tried to sort through his thoughts while straining his ears. He felt bad for listening in on their conversation, but Kaneki had been tightlipped around him lately, and if he wanted to be able to help the other he needed to know what was happening. Even if whatever was happening seemed to be bigger and worse than he ever could have imagined. After a couple of seconds he could hear Kaneki’s voice again. It sounded as if he was crying.  
  
“I do not… want to… hurt my friend. I can’t stay together with Hide, and I can’t live in the ‘Ghouls world’. Because I am neither human nor ghoul. I am all alone.” Hide could hear Kaneki hiccupping as he talked. He felt like something had hit him hard in the stomach; making it hard to breath. _Ghouls world?_ _What were they talking about?_ _Kaneki was human… Right_? He heard Kaneki take a deep, shuddering, breath and despite his reeling thoughts, Hide wanted desperately to reach out to his friend, to comfort him. But if he revealed himself to be awake now he would feel like he invaded Kaneki’s privacy, and the privacy of the man he was talking to. Kaneki should make the decision to talk to Hide himself, and besides; Hide really wanted to take some time to sort all the information through before he could decide on how he felt about this. Everyting he had just overheard made him feel lightheaded. _Kaneki is a… ghoul_? _What is going on_? His thoughts, and Kaneki’s crying, were interrupted by the old man speaking again.  
  
“Neither? You are mistaken. You are a ghoul, and at the same time a human. You are one person who belongs in two worlds at the same time. Join our shop Anteiku. We will teach you how to live like a ghoul. Keeping your place as a human is definitely linked to that. In a short time, hopefully, your human self will want to understand us, and see whether we are simply beasts driven by our hunger,” here the man paused slightly and when he spoke again, it was with a significantly lighter tone to his voice. “How about it? But first I will show you how to make delicious coffee.” Hide could hear Kaneki stammering as the other man waited for his answer.  
  
“Eh, um, well. I have never had a job before. So… do you think even I can do it?” Hide could hear them exiting the room and he felt himself start to breathe again, not noticing that he had stopped. His headache had come back with a vengeance from trying to process everything he had heard.  
  
_Kaneki was partly ghoul? Kaneki had recently been changed into a ghoul? Was that even possible? Humans could be turned into ghouls? Was this somehow connected to the accident when he went out on a date? Kaneki had… tried to attack him?_ It was apparent that Kaneki had regretted the action, had not been fully aware that he had done it. But the thought nevertheless left Hide with a sour taste in his mouth. He did live in a society that had taught him that ghouls were remorseless beasts _. ‘In a short time, hopefully, your human self will want to understand us, and see whether we are simply beasts driven by our hunger’_. The words of the older man came to Hide again and he sighed. He had always suspected that it was more to the picture than the media and the CCG let on, but this?  
  
_Ghouls living side-by-side with humans? Being a part of normal society? There could be ghouls anywhere. Is someone else he knows a-_ Hide’s train of thoughts stopped short as the image of Nishio came to the front of his mind. _Nishio_? Suddenly the events that had landed him in this bed in the first place came rushing back. Nishio had led them to a dead-and. Something had knocked him out. _Nishio_? Kaneki had acted strangely around the man. Almost as if he was scared of the other. Scared for Hide’s sake? Hide had always felt a bit uneasy in the upperclassman’s presence. _Nishio_???  
  
Hide could hear his breathing taking on a strained quality and he tried to control his thoughts. _Calm down, calm down. You are safe for now._ The old man seemed to be a ghoul. Kaneki seemed to be a ghoul. But they had talked as if they had saved Hide after whatever had transpired with Nishio during their walk. Hide made a conscious effort to keep his breathing normal, trying to convince himself that he was safe for now. _Kaneki was here. Kaneki would make sure that he was safe._ He just wished that he would be able to put as much fate into that thought as he used to be.

* * *

   
Hide woke with a start; not having made a conscious decision to fall asleep, but apparently his body had craved the rest even as his head had been working overtime trying to sort out all the new information. He quickly got his breathing under control and realized, with immense relief, that he felt better than the last time he had woken up. He still opted for opened his eyes carefully, and when no immediate head splitting headache greeted him, he blinked up at the ceiling before looking around.  
  
He had never been in this room before, that much was certain. Hide slowly sat up in bed, letting out a relieved sigh as his head felt marginally better, even if his stomach felt even worse; it had  solidified somehow during the time he spent asleep. He carefully lifted his t-shirt and felt a cold shiver run down his spine as his eyes landed on the big ugly bruise covering his whole abdomen. _Well, that was a close one. Wasn’t it?_  
  
Hide gulped and resolutely pressed down both his t-shirt and the feeling of panic that threatened to overtake him. One thing at a time; first he had to find out where he was, then he had to find out if Kaneki was safe.  
  
Hide slowly turned until he could place his feet on the floor, doing his best to ignore the pain radiating from his abdomen at every movement. He rose upright while keeping a hand on the bed for balance, and after a couple of seconds of deep breaths and closed eyes, he straightened and felt grateful that nothing gave out or spun out of control. He went over to the door and eased it open, peering out into an empty corridor. Just as he stepped out another person exited a door further down the corridor to his right. It was an elderly man in formal clothes, looking very much like a butler straight out of a historical drama. Hide stopped dead as the man turned toward him and smiled.  
  
“Well. You are awake. I am relieved. How are you feeling?” Hide immediately recognized the voice as belonging to the man Kaneki had talked to the last time Hide had woken up.  
  
“H…Hello. I am feeling alright. Eh… Where am i?” Hide could not help but feel apprehensive toward the man he guessed to be a ghoul. Yet something about the other radiated support and kindness. The mixed signals made Hide keep his guard up.  
  
“Oh, of course! You are at the top floor of Anteiku, my coffee-shop. Touka brought both you and Kaneki here after the accident.” _Anteiku? That was the coffee-shop he and Kaneki had taken to frequenting lately, right? And Touka? Wasn’t that the waitress that had served him and Kaneki before Kaneki’s catastrophic date? …Accident?_ Hide tried to keep the fact that he felt utterly lost in this situation off his face as he tried to sort through his thoughts for the question that might give him the most useful answer.  
  
“The accident… What happened?” Hide said while leaning against the wall, opting for looking casual while taking some weight from his legs, which were still less steady than he would prefer. _Can I trust what he tells me?_ The old man sent him a sympathetic look.  
  
“You were hit by a car. The driver fell asleep behind the wheel. Nishiki Nishio, the man you were with, is in the hospital. My employee Touka found you three on her way from school, both you and Kaneki Ken escaped with minor injuries, so Touka brought you both here where she cared for you.”  
  
“Oh. Okay.” Hide did not know what to answer. The only thing he remembered from the accident himself was that he had passed out after a powerful blow sent him flying. He would have been able to accept it as a car-accident if it wasn’t for the conversation he had overheard between Kaneki and this man standing in front of him. The old man smiled and swept his hand out to gesture towards a staircase leading down.  
  
“I do not doubt that you are tired. How about you go home and rest, and then you can come back and thank her later? Kaneki has already gone home.” Hide simply nodded at this, turning toward the stairs. He was too tired and had too much to think over already.  
  
“Her? And Kaneki is alright then?” Hide said as he pushed himself off of the wall. He had to make sure that his friend was okay, even if he the fact that the other had left before he had woken up stung.  
  
“Touka. She’s working tomorrow after school. And yes; Kaneki is fine. He went home after making sure that you would be fine,” the old man said, hand still outstretched towards the stairs. Hide took the hint and willed his abused stomach to allow his legs to move.  
  
“Resting sounds good. Thank you Mr.…?” Hide stopped as he realized that he did not know the name of the man that stood before him with the kind smile.  
  
“My name is Yoshimura. Nice to meet you Nagachika. Take care.” The smile did not seem to reach the old man’s eyes anymore. Hide did not question how Yoshimura knew his name. He did not question how Touka had been able to take bring in both him and Kaneki seemingly by herself. He did not bring up anything he had heard last time he woke up. Hide simply smiled back and walked down the stairs, ignoring the way he could feel the older man’s eyes on his back well after exiting the coffee shop.  
  
Hide came home feeling deathly tired. It hadn’t been until he went outside that he realized that it was night, again. He had slept through the whole day. _I missed Literature. God, it feels like ages ago since I was in school._ He threw himself on his bed, fighting sleep as he sent a message to Kaneki. Not trusting Yoshimura’s words completely. “ _Yo, Ken! I heard from a man named Yoshimura at Anteiku that you went home already? Way to abandon me, dude! Are you okay?”_ Hide pressed send, and promptly fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had to get this chapter out a little early, but I will still try to post a chapter every week!  
> If you liked it, hated it, or if the story resonated with you in any way, then please comment! It would make my day!


	4. Investigation

Hide woke up late the next day. He had no idea how long he had been sleeping for, but he felt immensely better than before. Hide carefully stretched out his body, trying to see what still hurt. He felt relief that his still hurting stomach allowed him some more movement than last time he had been awake, and he didn’t hesitate to reach up and yank off the bandage around his head. Satisfied he got out of bed and set about his morning routine as usual, doing his best to pretend that nothing out of the ordinary had happened.  
  
It wasn’t until he got out of the shower that his tired brain realizes that he hadn’t seen an answer from Kaneki before falling asleep last night. Hide made his way over to his phone that still lay beside his bed where he had dropped it the night before. Kaneki had replied. Hide smiled and immediately opened the message. Kaneki had not gone back to ignoring him. _That is a step in the right direction. Right_?  
  
“ _Hello Hide. Sorry that I did not wait for you to wake up. Yes, I went home. Are you okay? I am all right. /Kaneki_.” Hide smiled at the formal message and quickly composed an answer while going into the kitchen; starting up the coffee machine and searching for breakfast in his admittedly empty fridge. _  
  
“I’m fine! Don’t worry. Are you up for meeting me tonight?”_ Hide wanted to make sure that Kaneki was alright with his own two eyes. He pulled out some toast and was just about to add milk and sugar to the newly brewed coffee when his phone vibrated. _That was quick, considering it is Kaneki._  
  
“ _Sorry, Hide I can’t. I have started working at Anteiku and I have to be there tonight. /Kaneki.”_  Hide felt his eyebrows rise in surprise. Kaneki was already starting his new job there. _They sure moved fast._ He did not know what he felt about this; on one hand it might be good for Kaneki to have someone he could talk to, someone who knew about his situation, but on the other hand Hide did not in any way trust the strangers at Anteiku. Ghouls or not.  
  
Hide would prefer to talk openly to Kaneki himself, but at the moment Kaneki did not know how much Hide knew about the situation, and for now; Hide was adamant to keep it that way. He did not want to break his friends trust by revealing that he had eavesdropped on his conversation with Yoshimura, or scare him away by confronting him about it too aggressively. He had to be smart about this.  
  
“ _Okay. I understand. See you later then!”_ Hide put down his phone slowly, staring at the screen. He could not help but feel like Kaneki had tossed him aside for new friends. He wished that his friend felt that he could trust him, talk to him about what was going on. He could not deny that it hurt, but he had to stay as level-headed as he always did. There was always a reason for why people acted the way they did, and Hide was going to solve this problem just like any other. He had to.  
  
When Hide had finished his coffee and hastily made toasts he grabbed his bag, intending to go to afternoon classes; he had already missed more than enough school considering exam period was fast approaching. Not to mention his seniors in the Festival Planning Committee was probably ready to through him out for not finding the old DVD as he promised. As he bent down to get his shoes he felt winced as his stomach protested, sending an unwanted reminder of exactly what had happened after the last time he had been to school. Hide paused with his hand still reaching for his shoes.  
  
He quickly made up his mind, put the shoes on while ignoring his stomach complaining, and exited, closed and locked the door without allowing himself to question his new decision. He went down to the street and sent one look down the street leading to Kami University before turning the other way; toward the city center. Toward the public library.  
  
Hide searched out all the books he could find on ghouls and checked them out as discreetly as he could. The excuse of a class assignment on his lips if he was questioned on his choice of literature. If it was one thing he knew when it came to ghouls it was that it was dangerous to get involved. He then spent the whole afternoon and night reading as much as he could, trying to get a better understanding of the creatures that had, up until very recently, only been monsters from stories.  
  
He knew that he was easily distracted by new things; wanting to know all there was about a subject that caught his attention, but this was different. This time he did it for Kaneki, not for himself. Hide doubted that he would tire of this subject the same way he usually did and could not help feeling some annoyance directed towards Kaneki as he stretched his back and looked towards the big pile of books he had yet to go through. He would like his friend to at least meet him half way in this, the books were clearly biased, and he doubted how much helpful knowledge he would gain from them. At the thought of Kaneki’s silent treatment of him during the last couple of days Hide sighed. Off course Kaneki would not meet him half way; Kaneki doesn’t think that Hide should reach out to begin with. He doesn’t think he’s worth it.  
  
The thought made Hide glance towards his phone, almost giving in to the temptation to call Kaneki right away and simply tell him everything he knew about the situation. Get it all off his chest and convince his friend that he was still there for him, would still be there for him. Kaneki had always reacted with surprise when Hide offered comfort, friendship, or support when Kaneki needed it; instead seeming to think he should receive indifference. Hide knew this came from growing up with a dead dad and an absent mom, and later on; an indifferent aunt.  
  
Those years had left their mark on Kaneki and even if Hide tried to get his friend to understand just how important Kaneki was to him, he had yet to make Kaneki accept his help willingly. The other seemed to think of himself as a mere burden, not wanting to unload anything onto Hide if he had a choice. Hide had made it his private mission to prove Kaneki wrong. To prove that he was worthy of love and care. He would not stop now. Kaneki needed him now more than ever, even if he never would admit to it. With these determined thoughts in mind he turned back towards the book and continued to read, ignoring the clock on the wall and his grumbling stomach.

* * *

 

The next day Hide went to school as usual, sat through all the lectures and talked and laughed and excused himself to the Festival Planning Committee, all the while keeping an eye out for Kaneki. When the last lecture of the day had ended and there still wasn’t any sign of his friend, Hide decided to make a visit to the lecturer for Asian History and tell them that Kaneki had sadly come down with influenza and couldn’t come to school for some time yet, and of course could he bring Kaneki his homework and instructions for the next assignment. Hide exited the office with a deep sigh and hoped that he had made the right choice. He had bought Kaneki some time, but he had also lied to someone about the situation. _This doesn’t make me an accomplice, right?_ The thought made him frown. _An accomplice of what? Kaneki hasn’t done anything illegal in his life. Except now he was a ghoul, whose mere existence was a crime.  
  
_ The realization made Hide angry, and distracted enough that he almost missed the quick turn of a person in front of him; someone changing direction at the last minute and hurrying down a corridor. He could not suppress his curiosity as he looked down the corridor and saw a retreating back halfway down the hall. A very familiar looking back.  
  
“Hey! Wait!” Hide called out as he started walking down the corridor. The woman in front of him didn’t stop and didn’t look around, but simply walked faster; now almost running.  
  
“Please! I just want to know if he’s okay!” Hide called out again, and this time the woman stopped. Hide stopped to, not wanting to frighten the other into walking away again.  
  
“Please?” Hide did his best to sound as innocent and calm as possible while his whole body was tight as a string. _Please talk to me. Anyone, please talk to me._ The woman slowly turned around and Hide tried his best to hide the breath of relief that escaped him. He recognized her face, even if he had only seen it for a second in Nishio’s office a couple of days earlier. She wore a closed off expression; eyes hard.  
  
“He’s fine. Why?” She spoke with a dismissive voice, but kept her eyes fixed on Hide’s.  
  
“I was just worried after the accident,” Hide said with his most charming smile. Her posture relaxed slightly at his words, but she made no move to approach him.  
  
“As I said, he’s fine,” she said as she fiddled with her left sleeve.  
  
“I heard he’s in the hospital? Is it possible to visit him?” Hide said, and as soon as the words left his mouth he knew they had been the wrong ones. She took a quick breath, furrowed her brows and turned around again.  
    
“I’m sorry. I got to go,” she said over her shoulder; and then she was gone.

* * *

Hide decided to pay Anteiku a visit and didn’t waste any time as he made his way back to the café where this whole mess had started, and only hesitated when he saw its doors down the street; what if Kaneki didn’t work today? _Maybe_ _I should have texted him._ He decided that he had nothing to lose by going inside and so he pushed the door open, armed with all the new knowledge about ghouls and a mind set to get Kaneki to talk to him.  
  
He entered the café and quickly cast a look around; quickly locating Touka behind the counter and he waved at her as he sat down. She immediately made her way over, looking anything but happy to see him, despite the smile on her face.  
  
“Touka! Hello!” Hide said with a wide smile.  
  
“Hello,” Touka said stiffly and stopped in front of his table.  
  
“I heard that Kaneki had started working here! How nice!” Hide said and looked behind her, trying to spot his friend. There seemed to be no one else working at the moment and he fought down the disappointment as he turned his attention back to Touka.  
  
“Yes. He has,” she said and looked anything but happy at the fact. Hide choose to play dumb and happy. It usually worked when trying to figure a person out.  
  
“Man, such a surprise! You know, he’s never had a job before?” Hide smiled and decided that he now had a second goal with the visit at Anteiku; determine whether Touka knew what was really going on or if she was simply an innocent employee.  
  
“Really…? How interesting,” Touka said as something seemed to catch her attention from behind Hide’s back and she motioned for someone to come over. Hide turned around to see who it was and could not keep the smile back as he saw Kaneki walking towards them; dressed in fancy work clothes and looking slightly confused.    
  
“Ah! Kaneki!” Hide exclaimed and the other stopped for a second.  
  
“H-Hide! Why are you here?” Kaneki seemed surprised, and not in an entirely good way, but he took the last couple of steps so that he stood in front of the table Hide sat at.  
  
“You told me that you had started working here. I came to take a look,” Hide acted his usual, smiling, self. “And congratulations by the way!”  
  
“Congratulations?” Kaneki said with a confused frown on his face.  
  
“For your first job! That’s a big step!” Hide said as he threw his hands in the air, reveling in the small smile that formed on Kaneki’s face at his antics.  
  
“Thanks Hide,” Kaneki said and then sent a look at Touka who still stood beside them, clearly listening in. Kaneki quickly looked back to Hide. “It’s fine if you come here, but please order something.”  
  
“A cappuccino, then!” Hide said and Kaneki nodded and wrote it down in his pad. Touka turned to leave at that, but Hide remembered what he had talked about with Yoshimura.  
  
“Come to think of it! Touka! I came to thank you today!” Hide kept the smile on his face as she turned back towards him, clearly annoyed at being reeled back into the conversation. _Not very social, is she?_ She scowled and mustered up a pitiful attempt at a courteous smile while Kaneki looked between them with raised eyebrows.  
  
“Thank her?” Kaneki said with a genuinely confused look on his face.  
  
“You idiot! She helped us after we were involved in that car accident, right? It seems Nishio was badly hurt in the incident so he was hospitalized. But Touka nursed us back to health! Didn’t you?” Hide turned his gaze at Touka who smiled a bit stiffly back. _Let’s see where she stands in all of this._  
  
“Ah… Yes!” She spoke with a light tone, but Hide could see how uncomfortable she was at this whole exchange. Kaneki looked on in confusion. They seriously had to work on their acting.  
  
“Apparently the driver fell asleep behind the wheel,” Touka said and shifted on her feet.  
  
“Honestly, I do not remember much about the accident... But I have a feeling that Touka was by my side the whole time,” Hide said in a serious tone, trying to make the other feel at ease. He did not want Touka to figure out that he knew more than he let on. Hide did not trust her. “Truly thank you! As thanks; allow me to treat you to lunch!” Touka did not respond to his sudden offer, simply smiled and turned around and walked back over to the counter. Kaneki started to follow her, then stopped and directed an apologetic smile at Hide, before leaving him alone at the table. _She’s definitely no innocent employee; she knows what’s really going on._ Hide leaned back in his chair and let his gaze follow Kaneki as he joined Touka behind the counter.  
  
The two set about preparing the cappuccino while talking, Kaneki looked very troubled and Hide could even pick up on an exclamation or two, though he could not hear what the conversation was about. Hide settled for looking around the coffee shop, studying the other patrons. The patrons were an ordinary mix of people present; an old man with a flat cap, an old woman with a wheeled shopping bag, a mother and her child, and a pair of people in the corner who appeared to be lovers. _They could all be ghouls_. The media had always said that ghouls hid among them, acted and dressed as humans and then ate them. He realized that he had never truly grasped the concept until this moment. He had never felt so exposed.  
  
The scariest part of it all was that nothing had really changed; it was simply his perception that had shifted. These people, or ghouls, had been here before he became aware of them. And this was better, right? _Knowledge is always preferable_. Hide told himself this as he tried not to meet the eyes of any fellow patrons.  
  
Kaneki came back to the table, handed him a cappuccino, smiled, and went back over to Touka; continuing their talk. Hide did his best not to feel abandoned by his friend as he sat alone at the table sipping the coffee. Ever since the accident Kaneki had been very… distant. It felt more and more as if Kaneki actually avoided him. After the conversation that he had overheard between Kaneki and Yoshimura, Hide had a pretty good guess as to why, even if he did not understand all the details as of yet. Hide took a slow sip on his cappuccino and looked over at Kaneki and Touka again. They looked to be almost arguing, Kaneki kept glancing in his direction.  
  
Hide sat and smiled as best he could until his cappuccino was empty, keeping his eyes down; both to keep from drawing attention from the patrons around him, but also to give Kaneki some sense of privacy in his conversation. The feeling of being a bother sneaked up on him again, something he still wasn’t used to feeling around Kaneki. He looked back up towards the counter but noticed that Kaneki had gone away somewhere, leaving Touka alone behind the counter again. _Not even a good bye._  
  
Hide sighed and got up. Maybe it was time to head home. He paid for his coffee, trying to act as cheerfully as ever, and exited the coffee shop. Breathing in the air outside and stretching his back, he almost walked into someone on their way into the shop. Hide quickly apologized and stepped aside, making way for the mother and daughter walking hand-in-hand as they smiled at him and went inside Anteiku. Hide looked after them. _Even they could be ghouls_. He shook his head, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and turned to begin the walk home.  
  
After walking some hundred meters from the café Hide grabbed his earphones resting around his neck and was about to put them on when he became aware of footsteps from behind. He realized with a start that those footsteps had been present since he exited Anteiku. _Shit. Is it Kaneki? Touka?_ His earlier thoughts about ghouls kept him from simply turning around and checking, the feeling of vulnerability not having completely left him yet. He opted for quickly turning down a street to his right, using the new angle to send a discreet look over his shoulder. He had to make a conscious effort to not let out a sound of fear as his eyes landed on the old man with a flat cap he had seen inside the café. _What should I do? Is he really following me?_  
  
As he walked further down the side street and heard the footsteps turn the corner behind him; following him on the new route. Hide tried to press down on the surfacing panic, he doubted that the older man simply wanted to chat. He turned towards smaller and smaller streets, fighting his instinct to get to a more crowded area, instead hoping that his knowledge of the area was superior to his follower, and that he would be able to shake him off.  
  
He seemed to have calculated correctly as he turned another corner and quickly ran down an alley that curved back to where he had begun his attempt at shaking the man, not hearing any footsteps following him. Hide continued to run for several blocks, not daring to turn around or slow down, this time keeping to more crowded streets in an attempt to blend in. His heart raced together with his thoughts. _That old man was surely a ghoul. God, he had planned to eat me. He must have noticed me at Anteiku. Shit. What have I gotten myself involved with?_  
  
The sound of screaming reached his ears. It sounded like an old man. _Another victim? The ghoul himself?_ This was a completely new world. _How could this have been going on our whole life without us really noticing? Can I handle this?_ Another scream reached his ears and Hide put on his headphones, turning the music up. He took several deep breaths and slowed down into a walk; deciding that he should try to garner as little attention as possible, blend in with the crowd on the street. _Will Kaneki be able to handle this?_ Instead of dwelling on an answer for his own question, his mind supplied him with another query. _Is Kaneki ready for it?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> If you liked it, hated it, or if the story resonated with you in any way, then please comment! It would make my day!


	5. Tracking

Hide sat at his desk he next day, staring down at his phone and not taking in a word the teacher said. He had thought about staying home that day, but he did need the attendance, and besides; after the night before he really did not want to spend the whole day alone. He had spent the night tossing and turning, jolting awake at the smallest sound and trying to convince himself that the old man that had followed him from Anteiku would not come crawling through his window the second he closed his eyes.  
  
The teacher wrote out something on the whiteboard and Hide tried to focus, but his thoughts drifted back to the topic that had worried him all morning. If this is how I react to one old man following me, then how can I be of any help to Kaneki? It hurt to admit, but there it was; the reason he had not yet texted his friend after leaving the café the night before. And of course Kaneki hasn’t texted me either. Hide blamed his bitterness on lack of sleep.  
  
It was a very real problem though, Hide mused as he pretended to take notes as the teacher directed her gaze at him, if he couldn’t be sure that he could deal with the reality Kaneki now lived in, then how could he expect the other to trust him and allow him to help? He had to prove to himself that he was up to it. This is what Kaneki dealt with now, so he would have to learn to deal with it too.  
  
He would have to formulate a plane on how to tell Kaneki what he knew without freaking the other out too much, and he would have to do it pretty soon; he did not approve of his friend suffering alone. Hide absentmindedly twirled the pencil in his hand around and around and kept his eyes in the slideshow that never seemed to change picture.  
  
After the scare he had had the night before Hide did not feel very compelled to run back to Anteiku right away. Not until he was more prepared. He thought of the pile of book at home on the subject of ghouls and stopped twirling his pen as he decided; he would get more knowledge and he would set up a strategy on how to avoid being helpless if confronted with a similar situation again. He would make sure that Kaneki did not have to protect him or worry about him before he made his move.

* * *

Hide walked with his headphones on, decidedly not fighting the urge to look over his shoulder every two meters and turn down the volume so as to hear better. He refused to give in to the fear that had set in after realizing that he might get targeted and hunted down like an animal at a moment’s notice. That someone that looked like an ordinary human could decide that he looked like the perfect dinner and- Hide shook his head to keep his brain from going down that particular path again, he really did not need any more stress right now. He stuffed his hands deeper in his pockets and looked around.  
  
It was a cloudy day. Some people he met on the street even had their umbrellas out, but it wasn’t raining. Not yet. Hide was on his way home from school, his sight set on the pile of books about ghouls that was waiting for him on his kitchen table. He might have missed something with his last read-through of some of them. He had also read that the CCG had some pretty informative web-pages set up on the subject of ghoul physiology and he was willing to take any information he could get his hands on.  
  
The downside of ghouls being seen as monsters was that there wasn’t a lot of un-biased information in circulation, and it was hard to sort the facts from the lies. _The media made sure to only bring up the bloody and horrible information, the stuff that sold. The CCG made sure to justify their merciless crusade with exaggerated facts and half-truths._ It was the first thing Hide had come across when he started taking an interest in ghouls, several years ago; the information presented as facts where only accepted as such because nobody bothered to uncover the truth.  
  
Hide stopped when his eyes landed on a seedy-looking electronics store to his right. A sudden idea came to him as he once again tried to pick out eventual footsteps following him. _What if I didn’t have to listen for people following me? What if I knew where they were before that? What if I could make sure that no one dangerous got close to me? Or Kaneki?_ Hide cast one look over his shoulder before entering the store.  
  
The inside was covered floor to roof with electronics in all sizes and Hide had to stop inside the door to try and orient himself. He quickly strode in the direction of a shelf loaded with small square devices. He had done some research, but standing face to face with the options made him feel quite lost. He looked towards the register where an old lady was reading a newspaper while obviously ignoring him.  
  
“Hello, excuse me!” Hide said while putting on his most charming smile. “I’m looking for a tracking device small enough to… fit on a dog’s collar. Can you help me?” Hide approached the register and the old lady, who by now had lowered her paper. He hoped the dog part hadn’t sounded too contrived, but he wouldn’t be surprised if people did want to keep good track of their pets.  
  
“Mhm…” The old lady looked him over with skeptical eyes. ”Whatever you say. Do you have any money?”  
  
“Yes. I do.” Hide suppressed the irritation in his voice and did his best to keep the smile on. “It needs to be small enough to not be too noticeable though, I don’t want anyone picking it up.”  
  
“Sure, sure. Try the third shelf from the top. Named _Optical_. There’s with our without audio,” the old woman said as she once again directed her attention towards the newspaper in her hands. Hide swallowed down his snide retort and went back to the shelf containing the tracking devices. _As long as she doesn’t ask questions it’s okay._  
  
Hide stood on his toes to get a better view of the shelf in front of him. There were several small packages, all with the brand _Optical_ printed on the top. They seemed to come in several different sizes and as the old lady had said; with or without sound. Hide cast a look at the prices and swallowed. They were expensive, really expensive. He suspected that the old lady had directed him towards the most expensive brand, but a quick look at the other shelves showed that this was the standard price. _Well, it’s not like I expected them to be cheap._ _Especially not in a store where they don’t ask any questions._  
  
Hide picked out two devices without audio and one, more expensive, with audio. He sent a silent thank you to his past self that had spent the summer working a part-time job at a supermarket as he counted off the total in his head. The old lady glanced at his haul as he put the packages on the counter. Hide paid and stuffed his new purchases in his pocket.  
  
“Thank you for your help,” Hide said as he turned for the door.  
  
“Good luck with your dog. Don’t get bitten.”  
  
“I won’t.” Hide said and exited the shop. He took a deep breath and put on his headphones; cranking the volume up loud enough to drown out the rain that had started to fall while he was inside the store. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and smiled when he felt the shape of the three packages. For the first time in too long he actually felt like there was something he could do to help, something he could contribute with.

* * *

 Hide spent the rest of the day inside learning how to operate his new tracking devices. They seemed simple enough. Turn them on and stick them to whatever you wanted to keep track of. As it said on the label: ‘ _Attach it to your dog, cat, keys, car, or child and you will know where they are at all times. The enclosed glue will adhere to most surfaces. The signal has a reach of about 10 km.’_ Hide smiled ruefully as he turned one device on, placed it inside a shoe and put it in the hallway. _The instructions don’t say anything about keeping tabs on dangerous ghouls. I guess I have to figure the details out myself._ Hide downloaded the corresponding app on his phone, making sure that the app was secure enough that no one would be able to access what he recorded, or the locations he would receive.  
  
Hide turned the app on and immediately received an update to his shoe’s whereabouts. _So far so good._ After making sure that the other devices also worked, and after spending an hour moving the shoe around the apartment and trying out the audio reception he felt satisfied that they would provide him with what he needed. The app seemed to update the location with one minute intervals while the audio was nearly in real-time. Hide put the devices in his bag and stretched, he would have to come up with a good scenario tomorrow to test the devices out for real. Maybe he could find a good opportunity while in school.

* * *

 Hide sat down at his usual place in the lecture hall, near the back so that he could have a good view of the whole room. He put his bag on the floor next to his chair, placed his pen and paper on the desk in front of him, and set in for a long day. During the lecture he spent half his attention on trying to figure out a way to test the devices out without anyone noticing him, it wasn’t exactly socially acceptable behavior to put tracking devices on people… _Maybe I can put one under my desk? But I would really like to test out the location tracking on a moving, living, target. Someone that wouldn’t kill me if they found out, before I try it out on ghouls._  
  
The second the lecture began someone opened the door and came inside, but Hide had his attention on his possible test-subjects in the class. _It has to be someone whom I can take the device back from without them noticing. They are expensive enough without me wasting one.  Should I hide it in a cup? Someone’s bag? In a book?_ His thoughts were interrupted as someone sat down beside him. Hide automatically looked up at the movement and felt his breath freeze in his throat. _Kaneki._  
  
“Hey,” Kaneki said with a small smile as he put his own bag on the floor next to his chair. Hide stared.  
  
“H- Hey! Kaneki! You’re back in school!” Hide said with a face showing the disbelief he felt. As the other simply nodded and sent him a small smile, Hide felt his face change into a big grin as well. He could not contain the relieved laughter that escaped him at seeing Kaneki back in a familiar setting, seemingly okay.  
  
“Shhh!” Kaneki made a hushing motion and looked around the room with reddening cheeks.  
  
“Sorry, sorry. I’m just so happy, man!” Hide said with a big grin.  
  
“Yeah, me too,” Kaneki said as he lowered his eyes and smiled.  
  
The rest of the lecture passed in silence, but Hide could not help but sneak a couple of glances at Kaneki. Who, if the small quirk of his lips every time Hide looked his way was anything to go by, noticed everything but didn’t call him out on it. _Kaneki is really here._ Hide smiled through the whole lecture and didn’t hear a word the teacher said. As they were dismissed Hide stood up at once and went over to his friend, pulling him into a hug; for once not thinking things through or worrying about the consequences or how it would be received, he simply wished for everything to go back to how it was, no matter how naïve that wish was. Kaneki stiffened in his arms before chuckling.  
  
“Hide! What is this all about? Are you okay?” Kaneki patted the other on his back, but Hide could feel that the other had not relaxed. _I could say no. That I’m not okay. I could take the first step to bridge this weird gap of not communicating between us._ Hide drew back and smiled as he saw Kaneki’s worried look. _But I can’t make this about me. Kaneki has it so much worse._  
  
“I’m fine! Missed you is all,” Hide said with a laugh and felt relief spread through him when Kaneki accepted the excuse with a smile. _You are still too trusting, Kaneki._ And Hide wouldn’t have it any other way.  
  
“I missed you too.” Kaneki patted Hide on the arm and finally seemed to relax somewhat.  
  
“Well. Good call to come back on a Friday! Nothing makes it easier to get back in the swing of things like taking a couple more days off!” Hide joked as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. He automatically gripped the small device he had put there earlier that day. _The tracking device._ Hide suddenly felt ashamed. Everything felt so very normal now when Kaneki was back in school so that tracking people, ghouls, CCG, and all of that felt like a bad dream. Hide looked down at Kaneki’s bag at his feet. _I could put one-_ He forcefully shook his head before he did something he would regret. He would not break whatever trust the other still had in him.  
  
“That’s so true!” Kaneki laughed as he grabbed his bag and the two of them exited the lecture hall together.  
  
“Hey, by the way! Are you up for taking a detour past Nishio’s office?” Hide said and saw Kaneki flinch slightly out of the corner of his eye.  
  
“Eh… Why?” Kaneki said and slowed his walk.  
  
“I still need that DVD man! The Festival Committee is breathing down my neck! And if we’re lucky he’s back from the hospital, don’t you wanna know if he’s okay?” Hide kept his tone light as he slowed down to grab a hold of Kaneki’s arm and started dragging him towards Nishio’s office. He felt slightly bad for not telling his friend how much he knew, but he did actually need that DVD. And there was nothing wrong with providing the other with some opportunities to tell him the truth. _And set yourself up for disappointment yet again._ Hide kept smiling even as Kaneki stretched his own mouth into a frail mockery of his usually smile and allowed Hide to drag him along.  
  
“Yeah, of course I’m worried,” Kaneki said as he lowered his eyes and scratches his chin. Hide’s smile fell and he turned his head away slightly to hide it. _One day it will work. One day there will be no more lies. Like before._  
  
They stopped in front of the closed door and knocked. Kaneki kept shifting from foot to foot and glanced down the corridor. _Is he paler than usual?_ It was hard to tell in the light, but the other was clearly not comfortable approaching anything to do with Nishio. Hide decided that it would do no-one any good if they dragged this visit out longer than necessary, so he opened the door to the office, ignoring Kaneki’s spluttered protests he entered the room. The office was empty, and looked exactly like it had when they had left it in search of the DVD. To Hide it felt like a life-time ago, so much had changed since then. They split up and quickly looked through the shelves again, but nothing had changed since they had last gone through them. Hide looked over the room, and his eyes landed on the desk at the back of the room. _Nishio had searched the desk._ Hide walked over to the desk and pulled out a drawer.  
  
“H-Hide! Are you sure about this? What if he knows we’ve been here?” Kaneki said as he walked over to where Hide rooted around in the drawer. Hide grinned up at him and pulled out a hand, holding the DVD they had been searching for  
  
“Worth it!” Hide said in victory as he waved the DVD in the air. Hide hoped it was worth it, he still didn't fully understand what had happened during the _accident_ and he guessed he should be more worried than he was. At least if Kaneki’s repeated glances at the door was any indication.  
  
“Kaneki? You okay?” Hide asked as he had zipped his bag up again.  
  
“Yeah… I'm fine,” Kaneki said as he scratched his cheek. Hide suddenly remembered the tracking decides in his pocket and shot Kaneki another look to make sure his attention was still directed at the door. _This could be the perfect test._ Hide silently reached into his pocket and grabbed one of the tracking devices he had put there the same morning. He silently placed his bag on the desk and pretended to carefully place the DVD in it, while attaching the small device to the inside of the casing. Hoping that it looked inconspicuous enough to not garner any attention if anyone opened it, he carefully closed the DVD case again.  
  
“Why do you think Nishio would hide the DVD? Maybe he wanted it for himself!” Hide said with the voice of someone trying to gloss over something shameful. He quickly zipped the bag up and glanced in the others direction, relieved when he saw that Kaneki was still turned mostly towards the door. He felt a pang of guilt when he took in Kaneki’s definitely pale face and slightly furrowed brows. _Maybe I shouldn't have dragged him here. Remember the old man who followed you from Anteiku; this isn’t a game._  
  
“Yeah, maybe. Come on, let's go before someone comes,” Kaneki said as he started walking out of the room. Hide kept silent and followed, deciding to be more careful. Or at least to keep Kaneki out of it. _Kaneki is stressed enough as it is, I don't need him worrying about me as well._

* * *

Later that day the two of them sat in the courtyard eating lunch and drinking coffee; Kaneki had insisted that he didn’t need any lunch as he would eat at Anteiku before he started his shift. Hide decided not to call him out on it and kept to his tactic of providing the other with opportunities to talk about everything, but not pushing it.  
  
As they talked Hide’s eyes landed on a figure making its way over the yard towards the pair. It was his senior from the Festival Committee. Hide felt a surge of disappointment as he realized that their conversation was going to get interrupted, it felt like ages ago when he and Kaneki had been able to simply talk like usual. He then realized that this was his chance to try out the tracking device he put in the DVD and quickly plastered a smile on his face as his senior came into speaking distance.    
  
“Hello! Nice seeing you!”  
  
“Hey! Hide!” His senior smiled as he stopped in front of them. “And… you. Hello again.”  
  
“It's Kaneki,” Kaneki said quietly, “And hello again.”  
  
“Right! Hide’s friend,” the senior smiled before turning his attention towards Hide. “Have you found the DVD from last year’s festival?”  
  
“As a matter of fact, I have!” Hide smiled and pulled out the DVD from his backpack and handed it over to his senior with a flourish.  
  
“Oh! Great!” His senior clearly hadn't expected him to have found it; his face betrayed his surprise, but the smile that formed on his face was genuinely happy. Hide felt a stab of shame at using him to try out his tracking devices. _It's all for the greater good. At least it's not the one that transmits audio._  
  
“Well… Then I better get going. We don't have a lot of time left until the festival, better get the most out of this-” he held up the DVD, “before it’s too late!” Hide’s senior smiled, nodded at them, and turned around, walking away. Hide waved until the others back was turned and then looked back over at Kaneki.  
  
“So… what were we talking about?” He was adamant to keep the illusion of normality for as long as possible. Or at least until he had access to his computer so he could turn the tracking device on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading about Hide making ethically questionable decisions!  
> Shit is going down in the next chapter!


	6. Talk

“You asked what coffee I would recommend. Try this,” Kaneki said as he put down a cup on the table in front of Hide. Hide peered into the cup, and at seeing the black color of the liquid inside he wrinkled his nose.  
  
“It’s black. You know how I feel about black coffee. Since when do _you_ like black coffee?” Hide asked incredulously as he pushed the cup away from himself. Kaneki laughed uneasily before jumping as Touka shouted from the counter to “Stop being a lazy ass!”  
  
“Trust me. Try it!” And with that Kaneki was gone and Hide was left to stare down into a cup of bitterly smelling black beverage.  
  
Hide tried the coffee, regretted it, and settled in to watch Kaneki go about his work. He actually looked as if he had picked up on the basics fairly quickly, but still seemed somewhat distracted. Kaneki was fairly often living with half his mind in whatever book he was reading at the moment, but he had long ago learnt how to work around it. As Hide watched him work however, he saw Kaneki ask people to repeat themselves several times and saw him spill coffee more than once. _Something is definitely troubling him._ Once again he wished the other felt that he could talk to him.  
  
Hide re-focused his eyes on Touka when he became aware that Kaneki had turned around for the third time to meet his eyes with an increasingly worried look on his face. Touka stood behind the counter fiddling with some cups, but also keeping her eyes on Kaneki’s form. Hide frowned. Something was up between the two of them. Touka suddenly whipped her head around to meet his gaze and Hide quickly looked down at his cold cup of black coffee, feeling no better than before he came here.

* * *

“I can’t believe you actually stayed for my entire shift!” Kaneki sounded exasperated as he came up to Hide’s table after changing out of his work-uniform, Hide was the last guest to occupy a table in the closing coffee shop.  
  
“Well, I could not leave without getting the recipe for that delicious coffee you served me!” Hide said with exasperated happiness as he got to his feet. Kaneki turned and waved to Touka who stood behind the counter stacking cups. She did not wave back and Hide frowned, but Kaneki did not seem miss a beat.  
  
“You didn’t even finish it!” Kaneki said with a half-laugh and fell into step beside Hide as they exited the coffee shop and emerged onto the cold and dark street.  
  
“Well. I wanted to savor it! It is not my fault that you took it away!” Hide said with mock indignation. Kaneki shook his head at this, smile still in place.  
  
“You are so full of bullshit.” Kaneki said and Hide gasped in fake indignation.  
  
“Such a vulgar mouth! What have I ever done to deserve this?” Hide exclaimed as they started down the empty street. Kaneki laughed and Hide could not help but join him, it all felt so normal and right. It was exactly what he needed. _Maybe things can go back to how they used to be._  
  
“Hide. Thank you for bringing me the homework while I was… away. And for checking in on me like this. It… It means a lot,” Kaneki said in a small voice, a big contrast to the laughter only seconds ago. Hide felt his own smile die down at the tone. They were still walking side by side on the same empty street, but Hide could have sworn it just got colder.  
  
“No problem, Ken. You know that.” Kaneki nodded, but looked away. Hide frowned and made a decision. He made sure that his next step forward took him closer to his friend’s side and then he slung his arm over Kaneki’s shoulder; wanting to convey support and friendship in his usual way. This time however, Kaneki did not react with his usual timid acceptance and smile. This time Kaneki tensed under his arm as he kept on walking, looking straight ahead. Hide frowned before deciding to try and change the subject; he thought hard before blurting out the first thing that came to mind.  
  
“Well, that Touka girl certainly doesn’t seem to like me! Maybe she has a thing for you, huh?” Hide laughed and didn’t notice Kaneki turning to look at him with a pale face, “You should have seen the way she looked at me!” Hide stumbled when Kaneki suddenly took several steps away from him, out from under his arm. He looked over at Kaneki and stopped when he saw the other’s pale face and wide eyes.  
  
“What? Are you okay? Kaneki?” Hide desperately tried to figure out what he had said wrong. _Maybe Touka did like Kaneki and it was a touchy subject? Maybe Kaneki really didn’t like Touka? Maybe… Maybe Touka really, really, didn’t like Hide…_  
  
“I… I am sorry Hide. You… You can’t... I don’t feel good. I got to go. Sorry.” Kaneki stammered, still backing away.  
  
“Ken, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. We can just-“ Kaneki shook his head forcefully and interrupted him.  
  
“I _have_ to go. Sorry.” And with that, Kaneki turned on his heel and sprinted down the street in the opposite direction they had been going, in the opposite direction from his home. Hide stared after his retreating form, arm still outstretched. _Things can’t go back to how they used to be, can they?_

* * *

 Hide tried calling Kaneki as he got home. No answer. Hide tried leaving messages to say he was sorry for whatever had happened. Asked if he was okay. If he should come over. No answer. He sat down in front of the computer and checked on the tracking device in the DVD, but it had not moved since the day before when he had been able to follow it all over school. His senior had apparently left the DVD in the clubroom overnight. _Well, at least I know it works. I will make sure to grab the tracking device during the next club meeting._ Quickly getting bored, and feeling too restless to focus on anything, he stuffed the two remaining devices in his coat pocket and went to bed. Hide did not sleep that night, staring up at the ceiling and trying to figure out where he had gone wrong.  
  
The next day Hide got up, ignored his pile of homework, and went straight over to Kaneki’s apartment. He knocked on the door until the neighbors came out and asked what all the ruckus was about. Hide didn’t apologize but simply turned and left, trying to ignore the worry crawling up his throat. _He couldn’t go through this again._ Next he went to Anteiku, feeling relieved when he spotted Touka behind the counter. _At least she knows something about what’s going on._  
  
“Touka! Have you seen Kaneki today?” She looked up and narrowed her eyes as she spotted him, hands stopping wiping down the plate in her hand. She cast a quick look around the café before settling her eyes on him again.  
  
“No,” she said in a short, angry, tone. Hide stood still before the counter; expecting her to continue, but she simply turned her back on him and continued to wipe the plate in her hand.  
  
“Come on! I am worried about him,” Hide tried pleading with her when he realized she wasn’t going to elaborate. Her evasiveness made him think that she knew something about where Kaneki was.  
  
“Maybe you should leave him alone.”  
  
“What?” Hide took half a step back, not prepared for amount of venom in her voice. _Maybe she really doesn’t like me. She won’t… hurt me, will she?_  
  
“Has he asked you to go prying into his business?” Touka said and turned around again. The narrowed eyes where now topped with furrowed brows and a thin, downturned, mouth.  
  
“Excuse me?” Hide’s apprehension changed into anger. _Who did she think she was_?  
  
“I am just saying; you seem to be bothering him.” The comment hit a bit too close to home for Hide’s liking and the anger drained out of him as quickly as it had come. _Was he bothering Kaneki_? Kaneki had not asked him for help. In fact; he had not mentioned anything in relation to the accident or given any indication that he wanted to talk about it with Hide.  
  
He shook his head and pushed his doubts away. If it was one thing Hide had learnt being Kaneki’s friend for so long it was that the other did not want to bother others; if he had a problem, then you had to pry it out of him to help. Either that, or you had to try to help him without Kaneki himself catching on. The latter was out of question right now as Kaneki did not even _talk_ to him. Sometimes he would not thank you, but what mattered right now were not Hide’s feelings, it was his friend’s wellbeing.  
  
“Yes, I am bothering him. I am his friend,” Hide spoke with conviction, relishing in the slight widening of the other’s eyes, before he turned on his heel and exited the shop, deciding against staying and risking being at the receiving end of Touka’s decidedly scary temper. The small feeling of victory did not last as he stepped outside and into the street with no idea where to go next.  
  
His attention was drawn to a mother and daughter walking towards him, hand in hand. The small girl seemed to be excitingly describing something to her smiling mother. The words “big brother” and “Takatsuki Sen” reached Hide’s ears. _I wonder if Kaneki knows them._ He suddenly realized that he had seen them inside Anteiku before, sitting at a table in the back. Hide quickly stuck his hand in his coat pocket; grabbing a hold of one of the tracking devices while pretending to be distracted by his phone, averting his eyes from the approaching pair as to not draw any attention to himself. When they passed each other on the street Hide made sure to bump into the small girl slightly, making sure not to jostle her too hard.  
  
“I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” Hide said with convincing panic in his voice while brushing her off. He sent a silent thanks to his younger self for practicing sleight of hand magic tricks as he managed to fasten the tracking device on the back of her arm without any trouble.  
  
“I-I’m fine, thanks. Sorry,” the girl mumbled while keeping her eyes on the ground, suddenly very subdued. Her mother stood still, eyes fixated intently on Hide and he desperately hoped that she hadn’t seen the device. None of the pair displayed any trace of their earlier merriment.  
  
“No! It’s my fault!” Hide exclaimed as he took a step back, turning towards the mother, giving a small bow. “I’m sorry again.”  
  
“It’s fine.” She said with a strained voice, turning her attention towards the girl. “Come on, let’s go.”  
  
Hide became aware of the mother’s pale face, and the way the girl still kept her eyes on the ground. The sudden shame rising in him almost made him stop them again and explain everything and take the device back; what had he been thinking bothering complete strangers because of his own selfish curiosity? It had seemed innocent enough during the split second in which he had made his decision; try one of the devices out on a target that was bound to move around more before attempting to use one on a ghoul. A simple learning experience. He ignored the voice in the back of his head reminding him that he also wanted to know if these people knew Kaneki; to get a glimpse into the life of his friend that was suddenly closed off for him.  
  
Hide carefully glanced over his shoulder and saw the pair walk up to the entrance of Anteiku and enter. He heaved a sigh and looked towards the sky. _I can’t possibly take the device back now._ He pulled his hood up over his head, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and started walking home.

* * *

Hide waited for his class in Asian History to start. He leaned over the bench with folded arms as he considering if he should try and go back to Anteiku after school, or go straight to Kaneki’s apartment. The sound of the door closing made him sigh; sure that the teacher had arrived. He looked over at the door and immediately straightened up when he saw Kaneki walk into the room. He waved to get the other’s attention and smiled as Kaneki approached. The other’s answering smile did not reach his eyes.  
  
“We gotta stop meeting like this, man!” Hide said as he indicated the free chair next to him.  
  
“A-aah. Yeah.”  Kaneki looked down with a frown, cheeks turning pink. “I’m sorry.” Hide thought back to all the worrying, all the unanswered calls and text messages, the visits to Anteiku and to Kaneki’s apartment. He took a deep breath and smiled.  
  
“No worries,” he said with as much emphasis as he could muster, hoping that the other caught his deeper meaning. Kaneki directed another strained smile at Hide and slumped down in his chair. Hide opened his mouth to ask why he had ran away last time, what he had done wrong; but at that moment the door opened and the teacher entered. Hide heaved another sigh and sank back down on his folded arms.  
  
Kaneki looked tired. He also kept glancing at Hide out of the corner of his eye with a small frown. During the day Hide tried his ordinary tactic when Kaneki was in a bad mood and talked about everything and nothing, waiting for the other to relax, to respond, to smile, to give any indication that he enjoyed being in Hide’s company. Nothing changed. After half the day had passed like this, Hide decided he had had enough of this new, strained, dynamic between them. He did not care about how he approached the subject anymore; while he spent his days overthinking how he should talk to his friend, Kaneki was slipping away from him. He had to act now.  
  
“Hey, Kaneki. Can we talk?”  
  
His serious face must have given something away, because Kaneki furrowed his brows.  
  
“Can we… can we take this after class? Please?” Kaneki asked in a strained voice.  
  
“Yeah, sure! Or after school if you’re free?” Hide tried to keep his voice as light as possible, not wanting to scare the other off again. It was a new feeling; not being completely sure how Kaneki would react. All this tip-toeing around each other made Hide tired, so very tired.  
  
“Yeah, maybe…” Kaneki mumbled and glanced away, fiddling with his sleeve. Hide decided to take that as a yes.  
  
They didn’t talk for the duration of the lecture, but as soon as the class ended Hide leaned over with a smile.  
  
“Thank God that’s over, right?  
  
“Haha, yeah…” Kaneki laughed.  
  
“I have a feeling that the upcoming test is gonna be way too hard! Maybe we should study today?” Hide said with a frown, he did actually need to study for the test. Then he shook his head slighty, he had the whole weekend in front of him to study, today he was going to actually _talk_ to Kaneki. Hide remembered all the books about ghouls laying on his table, and all the newspaper-clippings on the subject strewn around the room. That, combined with his small pile of tracking devices by his computer, would paint a… somewhat suspicious picture. Not the ideal setting for the relaxed and friendly conversation that Hide hoped for.  
  
“Hide? About today, maybe we could meet up some other -” Kaneki started, but Hide was adamant in not letting the other worm his way out of this and clapped his friend on the shoulder hard enough to make the other stop in the middle of his sentence.  
  
“Maybe we can go to your place?” Hide asked with a smile that he hoped wasn’t too strained. Kaneki looked a bit taken aback.  
  
“What? Eh… It’s not very… clean.”  
  
“Haha, mine neither! And your place is closer!” Hide said as he packed his bag and got to his feet. _Thank God._  
  
“Well…But…” Kaneki stammered and scrambled to put his own things back in his bag.  
  
“It’s decided then! Let’s go!” Hide exclaimed and slung his bag over his shoulder before striding out of the classroom.  
  
“Wait! Hide!”  
  
Hide was out the door before the other could stop him. He looked over his shoulder and smiled when he saw Kaneki following behind, trying to fit his books in his bag while walking. Kaneki stumbled and dropped a notebook, pages fluttering out on the floor. Hide laughed as he stopped and turned to help.  
  
“Do you want some help with that?”  
  
“It wouldn’t have been a problem if you hadn’t just ran off!” Kaneki pouted. Hide smiled bigger. This was the most relaxed conversation they had had all day.  
  
“I’m sorry! Here; let me get that.” They quickly grabbed all the papers and managed to fit them in the bag in a relatively orderly manner. Hide noticed that the notes weren’t nearly as neat and painstakingly structured as Kaneki’s notes used to be.  
  
“Hey, what happened with your notes? Starting to get sloppy?” Hide joked.  
  
“I-I’ve been busy,” Kaneki stammered with a small blush as he hurriedly closed his bag.  
  
“I know,” Hide said solemnly. Kaneki sent him a strange look. Hide had never been on the receiving end of a truly calculating look from Kaneki before. He did not particularly like it.  
  
They walked in relative silence and it wasn’t until they arrived at Kaneki’s apartment complex that Hide remembered that Kaneki had a part-time job now. He had not really given the other a chance to back out of meeting him today, and he really hoped he didn’t have to go to work at Anteiku this afternoon. That would make their available time very short; not the ideal time to bring up the topic Hide had in mind. He looked at his friend out of the corner of his eye as they ascended the stairs towards Kaneki’s apartment.  
  
“So, eh... You don’t have to go to work, right?” Hide asked. Kaneki opened his mouth, closed it again, and took a deep breath.  
  
“No. Not today,” Kaneki said in an almost defeated tone.  
  
“Good. Good…” Hide said slowly, thinking about how he was to approach the subject. Now that the time was almost here he felt like he couldn’t breathe properly. He hadn’t even known his hands could sweat this much! _It’s just Kaneki. You can do this._ He didn’t even notice that Kaneki had stopped before the other spoke up.  
  
“Hide, what is going on? Really?” Hide turned around and felt the automatic smile and reassurance die on his lips when he saw his friend’s pale face and _are Kaneki’s hands trembling?_  
  
“Can we please go inside first?” Hide looked over to Kaneki’s door, only five meters away, and felt like it symbolized some first hurdle to overcome. If only they could get inside and talk, they would be able to sort this out. Kaneki said nothing, simply kept looking at him with furrowed brows. “Please?” Hide added, a bit more desperate now. _We haven’t even begun talking yet and it’s already falling apart._  
  
“O-Okay…” Kaneki said as he gave a small nod and walked the last couple of meters to the door. Hide let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. _One step at a time._  
  
They went inside the room, and Kaneki had not been kidding when he said that he hadn’t cleaned. Hide had never seen the place so messy before.  
  
“You _have_ been busy,” Hide exclaimed with raised eyebrows as he took in the closed curtains, the clothes littering the floor, the unmade bed, and table laden with books and notes. Kaneki forced out a laugh and fiddled with his sleeves.  
  
“Well. I did warn you.”  
  
“You did,” Hide said as he approached the windows, “Come on, let’s get some light in here!”  
  
Kaneki stood in the hallway as Hide flitted through the small apartment; opening the curtains, picking up some clothes, and straightened out the worst of the clutter on the table. Kaneki shifted from foot to foot, watching Hide busy himself.  
  
“Hide? What are you doing?” Kaneki said in a small voice, Hide could clearly make out the unease in it.  
  
“I just-“ Hide stopped himself. No more excuses or lies. If he wanted Kaneki to be honest with him, he’d better start by setting a good example. “I’m just trying to sort through my thoughts.” Kaneki nodded.  
  
“Well… I don’t know if it will help, but I can put on some coffee?” Kaneki shifted from foot to foot.  
  
“That would be great. Thanks.”  
  
Kaneki shuffled into the kitchen and Hide could hear him rummage around. When he was sure Kaneki couldn’t see him anymore he raised his hands and rubbed at his face. _I got to calm down. I have to do this. It’s for both of our sake._ Hide looked down at his hands and noticed them shaking.  
  
Hide sat down on the couch, turned on the TV and tried to think about nothing. A couple of minutes later Kaneki came back into the room with two cups of coffee and sat down beside him.  
  
“Hide. You are starting to scare me a bit. What is it you wanted to talk about?” Kaneki put the coffee cups on the table and turned to Hide, hands clenching in his lap. _Well, this is it._ Hide reached for the remote to the TV, turning it off. The sudden silence was deafening. He took a deep breath and turned to look at Kaneki.  
  
“I know that the last week has been… well, a lot of things happened. What with going back to school, and the accident with Nishio… And… I want to say that you can talk to be. About… anything.” _God damn it. If Kaneki wasn’t worried before, he is sure to be now._ Sure enough; the other’s furrowed brows had deepened.  
  
“What… What do you mean?” Kaneki said with a slight tremor in his voice. Hide didn’t miss how he didn’t quite meet his eye as he spoke. _The direct approach it is, then._  
  
“Look, Kaneki,” Hide took a deep breath, keeping his voice as light as possible “I- I know, okay?” Kaneki snapped his head up and looked Hide right in the eye. Hide could see the blood draining from the other’s face and started to second guess his decision of brining the topic up in the first place.  
  
“W-what d-do you m-me-mean?” Kaneki spoke in stutters; his one visible eye was wide with fear. _Well, it’s too late to back out now._  
  
“I figured it out some days ago. But Kaneki, I don’t care! I’m still your friend. I just want you back. I want you to talk to me.” Hide kept his eyes on Kaneki as he spoke, trying to project enough calm for both of them.  
  
Hide floundered for what else to say. He had gone through this conversation in his head so many times in preparation for this, but now it all seemed to have deserted him. Kaneki seemed frozen in place.  
  
“Even if you are a g-” Hide started, but Kaneki suddenly shot up, talking over him.  
  
“I… I have to go!” Kaneki exclaimed and Hide looked at his friend in disbelief.  
  
“What? You can’t just-“ Hide said with desperation. Kaneki looked down at him with panic in his eyes.  
  
“I have to! You can’t- You are not supposed to-“ Hide could see the tears rise in Kaneki’s eyes. He quickly stood up as well, placing a hand on Kaneki’s shoulder to try and keep him there. _Please don’t go now._  
  
“Look, Ken-“ Kaneki shook him off, backing away.  
  
“No. Nononono. You are not- This is not-” Kaneki looked at him as if he was something very scary, something from his nightmares. Hide tried not to take it personally.  
  
“Kaneki. Calm down. Breathe. Please.” Hide took a step toward Kaneki, but the other backed up even further, hitting the wall. Hide stopped, not wanting to make the other feel cornered. He sat down in front of Kaneki and spoke in a calm voice, “It’s okay.”  
  
“No, it’s not! You don’t get it!” Kaneki almost shouted. Hide blinked at the other’s sudden intensity.  
  
“Then tell me to get out. Kaneki, if you really don’t want me here then say so. But I can’t… I can’t take it when you just ignore me. I’m your friend and I want to help. Let me. Please.”  
  
Kaneki let out a long breath, seemingly deflating where he stood. With a sigh he made his way back to the couch and sank down on it, head in his hands. Hide followed and sat down next to him, leaving some space between them.  
  
“You are not supposed to know,” Kaneki said so quietly that Hide barely heard him. Kaneki lowered his hands and stared unseeingly down at his own lap.  
  
“Why?” Hide spoke carefully, keeping his eyes on the other’s reactions.  
  
“You are in danger. This was not supposed to happen,” Kaneki choked out. _I’m in danger?_ Hide heard Kaneki’s breathing pick up again and he quickly cast about for something to say to calm the other down.  
  
“Kaneki. Relax. We are okay right now. _I’m_ okay.” Hide had not imagined that Kaneki had been so worried about the subject for _his_ sake. He had not taken this into consideration. Hide took a deep breath, trying to sort through his thoughts.  
  
“Kaneki. I chose to look into this. And I am worried about you, I know you don’t want to hear it, but _I am_.” Kaneki gave him a defeated look as Hide spoke. “I am sorry, but I am too egoistical to back of simply because you want me to. I understand that you want to protect me. But I don’t want to lose you.” Hide did feel awful for pushing this on Kaneki, but it was the truth. He could not bear to let Kaneki go. He wanted him in his life. Kaneki closed his one visible eye and pressed his mouth into a thin line.  
  
“Well. It doesn’t matter now,” Kaneki muttered to himself before opening his eye again and looking at Hide. “I’m sorry Hide. For everything.  I did not mean to push you away.” Kaneki stopped and backtracked. “No. That’s a lie. I did mean it. I didn’t want to involve you,” Kaneki said and he looked so sad, and so very tired.  
  
For the first time, Hide felt like he understood some of the pain that Kaneki must have gone through. He had thought that he could read his friend well, but not even he had picked up on the bottomless despair in the other’s eye. Hide suddenly felt glad that he had pushed him into talking. His words left no doubt that he had indeed been meaning to cut Hide out of his life, even if it was for his own good. The thought made something clench painfully inside of him.  
  
“I know.” It was the only thing Hide could think of to say as they sat on the couch in silence, staring at each other. To Hide’s surprise Kaneki was the first one to break the silence again.  
  
“You can’t tell anyone what you know. Please,” Kaneki pleaded as he started fiddling with his sleeves again.  Hide couldn’t help but feel slightly affronted. _Did Kaneki think that he would sell him out_?  
  
“Of course not! I would never put you in danger. I wouldn’t dream of it,” Hide said as he tried to will the other into understanding how serious he was. There was nothing that would make him betray his best friend. He had thought Kaneki knew that…  
  
“No! You don’t understand. I’m not talking about the CCG. I’m talking about Anteiku, I’m talking about ghouls, I-” He stopped short. Speaking the word “ _ghouls_ ” out loud seemed to make him realize the reality of the situation they were in. It made the whole thing all the more real. If he was being honest, Hide had to admit that he barely managed to keep from flinching when he heard the word himself. So far he had not spoken to anyone about what he was looking into, or what he had found out. To hear the word that was the center of the whole mess come from his friend’s mouth made it real in a way that books, reports, and news on the TV never did. “I-” Kaneki started again, but stopped, seemingly at a loss for words.  
  
“What do you mean other ghouls?” Hide said as he pushed down on his own unease, trying to smooth the whole thing over. It would get them nowhere if they couldn’t even say it out loud. There was no use in putting so much weight on a single word. _Even if that word changes everything._  
  
“They- Touka- You are not supposed to know,” Kaneki stammered and looked away again. “It’s dangerous,” Kaneki finished quietly. Hide snorted, making Kaneki look back up at him.  
  
“And you mean to say that you’re not in any danger?” Hide asked in exasperation. Kaneki simply stared at him, not giving any verbal answer, which was enough of a confirmation for Hide.  
  
“Look. I understand that it’s dangerous,” Hide said patiently, trying to press down on the growing exasperation he felt at still having to explain to Kaneki that he wasn’t going anywhere, even after all the years they had known each other. “You know I’m not stupid,” Hide finished with a wry smile. He could see Kaneki’s pain at this statement; the other had no doubt worked very hard to fool him into thinking that nothing was wrong. Hide gave an apologetic smile. “This is the way things are now. So let’s make the most of it. Like always. Right?” Hide smiled at Kaneki, waiting for the usual agreement. It did not come. The other simply stared at him with an empty expression on his face. “Kaneki?”  
  
“I can’t do this. I’m- You can’t be near me. I’m dangerous. I’m a monster now,” Kaneki stammered out, brining one shaking hand up to touch his eye patch. For the first time during their conversation Hide felt angry.  
  
“Don’t you dare call yourself a monster! You are Kaneki Ken, and that hasn’t changed. Whatever happened _to_ you did not change who you _are_. You know that right?” Hide said with a firm voice, trying to make the other accept his words as the truth with sheer force of will. Kaneki kept looking at him with an empty face, until his eyes suddenly filled with tears that quietly started to run down his face.  
  
Hide automatically reached out for Kaneki, but stopped himself before he could reach the other’s arm. He didn’t know whether his touch would be welcome at the moment or not. He ended up with his arm awkwardly stretched out between the two of them, feeling very much useless as he watched the tears fall down his friends face.  
  
“Hide. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. _They_ could hurt you. Please stay out of this.” Kaneki looked at him with pleading eyes. Hide did his best to keep his face neutral as he leaned forwards slightly, carefully placing his hand on the other’s arm.  
  
“Kaneki. I’m sorry, but I’m not going anywhere,” Hide said firmly, squeezing Kaneki’s arm once. Kaneki looked down at the hand and suddenly his whole face crumpled; his eyebrows scrunched up and he heaved out a loud sob as he leaned forward over his knees, crying in earnest now. He did not shake off Hide’s hand.  
  
“H- How can- can y-you touch m-me? When y-you kno-know what I-I am?” Kaneki sobbed out.  
  
“You are Kaneki Ken. I know that,” Hide said firmly before slowly inching closer to his friend and enveloping him in a tight hug. Kaneki let him hold him as he cried, pressing his face into Hide’s shoulder and shaking from head to toe. After several long minutes Kaneki seemed to be able to catch his breath again and Hide stopped rubbing soothing circles on the other’s back.  
  
Hide glanced over Kaneki’s head, down at their two forgotten coffee cups still standing on the table. He slowly lessened his grip on Kaneki and the other sat up straight, not quite meeting Hide’s eyes and sporting a small blush on his face. Hide was not about to let things go back to being awkward between them, not after they had finally started to talk again.  
  
“Come on, let’s get something warm to drink-“ Hide stopped himself and looked at Kaneki in hesitation, feeling ashamed. “You can still drink coffee, right? Or do you want tea? … Water?” Hide asked while feeling his face heat up with a blush of his own. Kaneki huffed out a small laugh at Hide’s floundering and raised an arm to rub at his wet face.  
  
“Coffee is fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo-boy! Now we're getting somewhere!  
> As always; thank you for reading! If you want to tell me what you think of the story so far that would make my day!


	7. Reconciliation

They sat at Kaneki’s table, sipping their new coffees and avoiding eye-contact. Hide turned the cup in his hands around and around while Kaneki kept his cup raised in front of his mouth, no doubt trying to hide behind it as much as possible.  
  
“Aren’t you scared?” Kaneki suddenly asked; face still half hidden behind the coffee cup.  
  
“I’m scared, but not of you,” Hide said while he kept fiddling with the cup.  
  
“You should be,” Kaneki said in a tired voice, ending the sentence in a sigh. Hide put his cup down on the table in front of him.  
  
“I know you could never hurt anyone. Much less kill,” Hide said with conviction as he looked down into the black coffee, not seeing the look of guilt and sadness settling over Kaneki at his words. After a couple of quiet seconds Hide tore his gaze from the swirling liquid in front of him and looked up at Kaneki. Upon seeing the shame and hesitance on the other’s face Hide furrowed his brows. Before Hide could apologize and try to figure out where he had gone wrong in his attempt at reassurance, Kaneki spoke.  
  
“You know… I have actually been in a fight. A real fight.” Kaneki’s voice was low and tentative and yet spoke volumes about his fear of disappointing his friend. Hide quickly racked his brain; he had never heard Kaneki talk about a fight before, and they had always shared everything. _Always, that is, until the whole date-turned-sour happened_.  
  
“You mean you fought another ghoul?”  
  
“Y-Yes,” Kaneki said, not quite able to hide his frown at the word _ghoul._  
  
“Who?” Hide asked in surprise. The mere thought that Kaneki had actually been in a fight felt so utterly foreign to him.  
  
“Nishio...” Kaneki mumbled out and fiddled with the coffee cup, looking away from Hide’s face.  
  
“What?” For a second Hide felt stunned. He had suspected that Nishio was a ghoul, but to hear it out loud was still a surprise. But that did explain a lot; the strange feeling of danger when he sometimes caught Nishio staring at him intently, Kaneki’s insistence to go with them when Hide were going to Nishio’s place, Nishio’s absence and silence after the accident, and his girlfriend’s reluctance to tell him what hospital he stayed at. “Oh…” Was all he managed as all the pieces clicked into place.  
  
“Yeah….” Kaneki trailed of awkwardly.  
  
“I’m sure you had good reasons,” Hide said with conviction. No matter how much had happened during the last couple of weeks, he still knew Kaneki, and he knew that the other wouldn’t fight someone for no reason. Kaneki didn’t answer, still avoiding looking at Hide.  
  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty,” Hide said slowly, trying to get the other to talk again.  
  
“No, it’s okay. And yes; I had a good reason,” Kaneki said with conviction, but he still looked uncomfortable with the subject.  
  
“Well, good. I don’t remember much from the accident myself so I don’t really know what happened?” Hide made the sentence into a question at the end, hoping to get some answers out of his friend about what had happened that afternoon that had ended with him badly bruised in a bed at Anteiku. His stomach gave a painful throb at the reminder of his still healing injuries.  
  
“You… Well… Nishio kind of… Attacked you? And I tried to stop him,” Kaneki muttered out, scratching at his chin absently.  
  
“Oh,” Hide breathed, not knowing how to process that. Nishio, someone he knew, had attacked him. And Kaneki had managed to fight off another ghoul? Or he had at least tried. He suddenly remembered the conversation he overheard in the bed at Anteiku between Kaneki and Mr. Yoshimura: “ _If you had stayed the way you were you would have ripped your friend up with your own two hands._ ” There was something Kaneki didn’t tell him. “Why? Why did he attack me?”  
  
“Because of me!” Kaneki said as he looked at Hide again, his eyes full of pain. “He attacked you because I’m a… a ghoul and I was intruding on his territory.”  
  
“His _territory_?” Hide asked incredulously, “What did you do??”  
  
“Nothing really! But I’m not sure I’m welcome in school anymore…” Kaneki mumbled out, looking distressed.  
  
“He can’t claim the whole school as his territory! That’s ridiculous!”  
  
“Well… Nevertheless, he attacked you to get to me.”  
  
“And you fought him off. Thanks for that,” Hide said with genuine warmth, it felt weird talking about Kaneki fighting anyone, especially a ghoul, and him apparently coming out the winner. “You must be really strong now, huh?”  
  
“No, I’m really not,” Kaneki mumbled out, looking ashamed. _Is this connected to what he’s not telling me?_ Hide frowned as he looked at the other.  
  
“What do you mean? You fought him off, right?” Hide asked without preamble. He did not have any energy left for guessing games at the moment.  
  
“Eh, yes. It’s nothi-” Kaneki cut himself off. He seemed to deflate slightly as he furrowed his brows and shook his head. Hide heard him mumble out, “No more lies,” before turning back to look at Hide with scared eyes but a newfound determination. “I almost attacked you.”  
  
The words came out choked, as if it physically hurt to say them and Hide did his best to hide his discomfort at hearing his friend admit to almost attacking him. He knew that Kaneki was a lot stronger now, and that being a ghoul was sure to come with some… cravings. But it was one thing to know it and another to accept it.  
  
“But you didn’t,” Hide said decisively, both to convince Kaneki and himself.  
  
“No, you don’t understand!” Kaneki slammed a hand down on the table, startling Hide, “I- I would have. If Touka hadn’t stopped me. I could have-”  
  
“Then don’t let yourself get that hungry again,” Hide said in a calm voice, taking a deep breath, “Do you have access to... something to eat?”  
  
“Yeah…” Kaneki mumbled out, looking away, clearly uncomfortable.  
  
Hide nodded, trying to keep calm while processing the surreal direction the conversation had taken, “Good.”  
  
Kaneki took a deep breath and looked back at Hide, “How? How did you… figure it out?”  
  
“Well…” Hide hesitated to tell the other that he had eavesdropped on Kaneki’s conversation with Yoshimura. Then he remembered Kaneki’s mumbled “ _No more lies.”_ Hide frowned and picked up his cup again, twirling it in his hands, “I heard you talking with Mr. Yoshimura the other day. After the accident with Nishio.”  
  
“You heard that??” Kaneki looked horrified, “Oh god.” He buried his head in his hands.  
  
“Sorry I didn't say anything. But… I guess I wanted you to say it on your own terms.” Hide sighed. “When I realized that wasn't gonna happen, and when I noticed you distancing yourself, when I noticed how much this affected you… I had to say something.”  
  
Kaneki said nothing, but he lowered his hands from his face, giving a small nod.  
  
“I mean, I don’t regret bringing it up. If I hadn’t done it, I felt like you… wouldn’t?” Hide asked in a hesitant voice, not aiming to shame his friend, but to clarify.  
  
Kaneki looked equal parts pained and determined, “You’re right. I wouldn’t have.”  
  
Hide felt his face fall.  
  
“And I can’t apologize for that,” Kaneki continued, eyes pleading Hide to understand.  
  
“I get it. I’m not gonna apologize for making the decision to talk to you either,” Hide said in a serious tone, meeting Kaneki’s gaze with a challenge.  
  
Kaneki nodded in understanding, eyes sad.  
  
Hide decided to change the subject, “How did this happen?” Hide asked while gesturing in Kaneki’s general direction, “Was it the date?”    
  
Kaneki looked a bit surprised at that, “I… yes.”  
  
“Huh. Guessed so.” Hide said with a wry smile, “The whole thing in the hospital seemed a bit sketchy. What with no consent for the transplant and all,” Hide trailed off, “Wait. When did you realize that you had become… you know? A ghoul?”  
  
“Well,” Kaneki shifted his eyes away, looking down into his coffee, “The absurdly disgusting hospital food was the first clue. And I had gotten her organs, and… I mean… she was a ghoul so…”  
  
“Wait! You knew she was a ghoul??” Hide looked at the other in disbelief. _How had Kaneki known that his date was a ghoul?_ He was fairly certain that the other hadn't known when he asked her out.  
  
“Yeah. I mean, she _did_ try to kill me,” Kaneki said in a snort, but his hands clenched slightly, giving away his distress.  
  
“What?!” Hide exclaimed in shock, how had he not known this??  
  
“At our date? She tried to eat me,” Kaneki said and pressed his lips into a thin line, his gaze shifting to where his hands lay on the table.  
  
“But… didn’t you get hurt in some construction accident? Steel beams?” Hide asked, feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the new information.  
  
“Well, yeah. That also happened…” Kaneki trailed off, an almost exasperated look on his face.  
  
“Shit. I'm sorry, man,” Hide mumbled, not quite knowing how to respond to that.  
  
“Yeah, me too,” Kaneki muttered and took a sip of the cooling coffee. Hide followed suit and grimaced slightly at the almost cold drink. Kaneki caught his displeased look and shucked slightly, some of the tension leaving the air surrounding them. Hide smiled back until Kaneki suddenly turned serious again.  
  
“You really can’t tell anyone that you know. And we can’t act differently.”  
  
“I promise, I won’t,” Hide said while looking Kaneki in the eye, trying to will the other to understand how serious he was. “I would never betray you like that.”  
  
“It’s not for my sake,” Kaneki almost scoffed, “I promised not to tell you about me being a… ghoul, and if the people at Anteiku realize that you know you could be in danger.”  
  
“But aren’t those people your friends?” Hide asked in surprise.  
  
“Well, it’s complicated,” Kaneki trailed off.  
  
“Really?” Hide asked with a raised eyebrow.  
  
“Really. I kind of understand them, they have to protect themselves,” Kaneki said thoughtfully.  
  
“I guess,” Hide said with some skepticism, “But I can’t say that I agree with the methods.”  
  
“No, I guess that’s true. But things work a bit differently in… those circles,” Kaneki trailed of, seemingly getting lost in thought. Hide bit his lower lip to keep from asking what he meant exactly, not willing to push his luck with getting Kaneki to talk. _Take it slow._ Instead he settled for simply nodding.  
  
Kaneki raised his gaze to look at Hide again, “What will you do if someone decides to go after you?”  
  
Hide thought back to the old man following him from Anteiku, but decided not to comment on the fact. He didn’t want the other to worry more than necessary.  
  
“I’m not completely helpless you know!” Hide exclaimed. He _did_ decide to comment on the look of disbelief on the other’s face. “Hey! I’m not!”  
  
“You are to ghouls,” Kaneki deadpanned, eyes filled with worry.  
  
“Well… Then what if I pretend to be a ghoul?” Hide asked, voicing an idea that suddenly came to him.  
  
“What do you mean?” Kaneki asked with narrowed eyes.  
  
“What if I could fool people, or ghouls in this case, to think that I’m one of them? Then they would think twice about attacking me, right? Oh! Maybe I could borrow some of your clothes and then they won’t be able to smell me!” As soon as Hide said it out loud he remembered Kaneki telling him about Touka and Nishio and how territorial ghouls could be. The pained expression on Kaneki’s face only cemented this realization. “Or not…”  
  
“Yeah… I’m sorry, but no. I don’t think it would be safer. It might actually be more dangerous. Most ghouls don’t pay a lot of attention to humans besides seeing them as… well... food. But they _do_ pay a lot of attention to other ghouls.”  
  
“Ah,” Hide said as he pulled a face, “But I want to help you in some way. You have just told me about all of these things that have happened to you. You can’t expect me to simply sit by and do nothing!”  
  
“I don’t think pretending to be a ghoul is the answer. It’s not safe,” Kaneki heaved a deep sigh, sinking down in his chair slightly.  
  
“Is it safer to pretend to be CCG?” Hide asked with a thoughtful expression on his face.  
  
“You can’t pretend to be CCG!” Kaneki exclaimed as he straightened up, “They will catch you! You will go to jail!”  
  
“….What if I didn’t pretend then?” Hide almost whispered, wondering if he should even bring it up, “What if I started working for the CCG?”  
  
“….What?” Kaneki croaked, face suddenly pale, “What did you say?”  
  
“Well… Okay, it’s not as bad as it sounds-” Hide raised his hands, trying to explain himself.  
  
Kaneki cut him off with an incredulous expression, “I certainly hope not! Hide, you do realize that the CCG hunt and _kill_ ghouls, right?”  
  
“Yeah, I mean, that’s kind of their whole deal…” Hide forced out a strained chuckle as he tried to calm the situation down.  
  
“I can’t believe it!” Kaneki stood up from his chair, dragging both hands through his hair, “And here I thought that this might work out. This was a mistake, I-” Now it was Hide’s turn to interrupt Kaneki.  
  
“Hey! Hey, calm down. I didn’t mean it as _join_ join. More like… spy?” Hide tried to placate the other and motioned for Kaneki’s abandoned chair. The other reluctantly sat down after giving Hide a frown. “I mean, if we could get information regarding some of their investigations it might help us avoid dangerous situations. Or help when someone is in trouble.” _Or help me find you if you decide to try and cut me out of your life again,_ Hide didn’t say out loud.  
  
“I don’t know Hide…” Kaneki was still pale, and he was fiddling with his hands in front of him, “They might see right through you. I can’t put everyone at risk like that.”  
  
“I’m sure they would also give me some basic training in self-defense and such,” Hide tried to persuade the other.  
  
“But then ghouls might attack you because they see that you’re CCG!”  
  
“I doubt we would have to worry about that now, I’m not qualified for anything except maybe an assistant,” Hide reassured, “I’m probably not going to get to wear any badges or something like that.”  
  
“That’s true…” Kaneki trailed off, “Give me a moment to think about this?”  
  
“Sure,” Hide breathed out in relief.  
  
“For the time being we should try to interact as little as possible,” Kaneki said, but hesitated when he saw the pout Hide sent him, “At least around others.”  
  
“Okay. Yeah, I can do that,” Hide agreed. He wondered if he should tell Kaneki about the tracking devices and decided that it was best to be honest about this. Kaneki had shown a lot of trust during this talk, and Hide wanted to repay that. “I’m actually working on a strategy to avoid ghouls.”  
  
“Huh? How?” Kaneki asked with raised eyebrows.  
  
“Well, I have these tracking devices and-”  
  
“ _Tracking devices_??” Kaneki cut him off, eyebrows rising up towards his hairline, “Seriously?”  
  
“Let me explain!” Hide huffed and Kaneki actually looked a bit sheepish. It wasn’t often that Hide had to fight for his right to finish a sentence with his friend. “I have these tracking devices, and I’m going to try and use them to track ghouls. So they won’t sneak up on us.”  
  
Kaneki looked at Hide as if he had said that the world was flat, “That is _really_ stupid Hide.”  
  
“It’s okay! I have only tried it out on like two people and I’m still alive,” Hide snorted.  
  
“You did _what_??” Kaneki asked with open shock on his face.  
  
“I tried them out,” Hide repeated clearly, feeling a bit annoyed that his idea didn’t get the good reception he had hoped for.  
  
“Hide! That’s illegal!” Kaneki exclaimed, hands gesturing in exasperation.  
  
“Nobody got hurt!” Hide defended himself, even if he knew that what he had done wasn’t exactly _ethical._  
  
“Still. I don’t like the idea. What if a ghoul catches you?” Kaneki rubbed at the bridge of his nose, looking tired. Hide had to admit that this conversation had been draining.  
  
“They won’t. And I think it could actually help,” Hide said with conviction.  
  
“Well, maybe we could talk about this more later?” Kaneki asked with a hopeful look, “This has been nice, I guess, but… draining.”  
  
“Yeah, I agree,” Hide said as he stretched in his chair. He glanced at the clock on the wall and frowned. “I should really be getting home soon.”  
  
Kaneki followed his gaze and sighed, “I guess so.”  
  
“See you tomorrow? For some studying?” Hide asked hopefully. Maybe after their conversation they could start hanging out more like they used to.  
  
Kaneki seemed to hesitate before his shoulders relaxed, “Sure. But after five, I have a shift at Anteiku.”  
  
“Look at you! All grown up with a job and all!” Hide joked as he got to his feet, Kaneki gave a small laugh and followed him into the hallway.  
  
“It’s just part-time, Hide.”  
  
“So modest!” Hide exclaimed in a dramatic fashion, exiting the apartment, “See you tomorrow.”  
  
“Be careful on your way home!” Kaneki called after him as he made his way towards the stairs.  
  
“Yes, mom!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a LOT of talking, I hope it was somewhat interesting though! They just had some things to get off their chests.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this far! Likes/reviews keep me going!


	8. Uselessness

His talk with Kaneki the day before had left him feeling drained and he had slept for far longer than he usually would, but when he woke up he felt lighter than he had in over a week. He had finally talked to Kaneki and it had gone relatively well, all things considered. They had parted on good terms, and had even made plans to meet up again today to study. Hide smiled.  
  
He turned on the TV, flopping down on his couch and relishing in having some time for himself before meeting up with Kaneki to do homework. His attention was grabbed by the TV as the news report currently on mentioned something about “ _ghouls_ ”.  
  
“New reports state that the ghoul called _Rabbit_ is dangerous and on the loose. Witnesses claim to have seen the evasive ghoul together with the _Daughter,_ the supposed offspring of a ghoul exterminated by the CCG just an hour ago. If you hear or see anything suspicious, please do not hesitate to contact the CCG immediately. ” The screen was filled with a hand drawn picture of a child with cute clothes and a timid smile. Hide recognized her at once; it was the child that he had seen at Anteiku several times together with her mother. _Shit. I never asked if Kaneki knew her._  
  
Hide got to his feet in a second and rummaged through his bag for his phone, immediately dialing Kaneki’s number and pressing call. No answer. He opted for writing a message instead.  
  
“ _Hey Kaneki! Still up for our study-session tonight?”_ He hit send and started pacing. _What if Kaneki knew the Daughter? What if he was somehow involved in the situation they were talking about on the news? What if he was in trouble?_ Before Hide managed to work himself into a panic his phone vibrated.  
  
_“I’m sorry Hide, but I can’t come tonight. /Kaneki.”_ Hide sat down on the couch, the earlier feeling of contentment seeming far _far_ away. _Well, that is an awful coincidence, isn’t it Kaneki?_  
  
“ _Does it have anything to do with the Rabbit and Daughter on the news?_ ” Hide typed out, hesitating before hitting send; hopefully Kaneki wouldn’t lie to him after their talk the night before.  
  
A sudden though made him sit up straight. _The tracking device. I put a tracking device on her._ Hide stumbled up from the couch, running over to his computer and booting it up; immediately starting up the program for the tracking devices. He cast a quick look at his phone, still no response from Kaneki. The program showed that the device he had put on the girl was currently located in Anteiku and Hide let out a sigh of relief. If she was at Anteiku she was safe. Kaneki was probably with her. That probably meant that nothing serious was going on right now… _Probably_.  
  
Hide spent the next couple of hours trying to convince himself that everything was fine. The TV stayed on in the background, but no further news about the case concerning the Rabbit and the Daughter came on. To try and distract himself Hide found his old handheld console and attempted to drown out his worried thoughts with his favorite game.  
  
After playing three whole levels and not being able to focus on any of the dialog, Hide decided that he had waited long enough for Kaneki to reply. He fished out his phone from his pocket and immediately called Kaneki, he _had_ to make sure that the other was okay.  
  
The other picked up just as he was sure the call would go to voice mail.  
  
“Hello? Hide?” Kaneki’s voice came through the speaker, sounding awfully tired. Something was definitely wrong.  
  
“Kaneki? Are you okay??” Hide asked, not managing to keep the slight panic out of his voice.  
  
“Yeah… Yeah, I’m fine,” Kaneki tried to reassure the other, the attempt falling flat as his voice almost broke towards the end of the sentence. Hide immediately stood up. _Had Kaneki been crying_?  
  
“Where are you? I will come pick you up and we can-”  
  
“No. No it’s fine. I’m at Anteiku.” Kaneki said, putting some emphasis on the word _Anteiku_ in a way that made Hide understand what the other couldn’t say out loud; he couldn’t come. The others would figure out that he _knew._  
  
“Oh. Well...” Hide hesitated, sitting back down, “Why can’t you meet up tonight? Does it have something to do with what’s on the news?”  
  
“It’s on the news??” Kaneki asked in surprise, followed by some silence where Hide could hear the sound of a TV turning on. “Shit.”  
  
“What?” Hide asked in a concerned voice. It was not often that Kaneki swore.  
  
“They saw Hinami,” Kaneki almost whispered the words, as if speaking them aloud would make them come real.  
  
“The girl? The… Daughter?” Hide asked tentatively.  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
Hide didn’t know what to say to that. Kaneki _had_ known the girl, and now she was in serious trouble. And according to the news report her mother had just been killed. “I… I’ve seen her at Anteiku a couple of times. Is she... a friend of yours?”  
  
“You could… You could say that, yeah,” Kaneki breathed out, sounding so _so_ tired. Hide wished he was there with him.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Hide said, feeling like it was all he had to offer, even though it was nowhere close to enough.  
  
“Me too,” Kaneki mumbled. There was a sudden noise in the background on Kaneki’s end, it sounded as if someone else was talking. “I- I got to go. I got to try and help her. Sorry about our plans.”  
  
“No, I understand. Take care.”  
  
“You too,” Kaneki said before hanging up. Hide found himself sitting with the phone still pressed against his ear for several minutes, thinking how unfair the world was towards kind people like Kaneki and how useless he felt.

* * *

Hide didn’t hear much from Kaneki the following days, and he tried to keep from contacting the other too much; Kaneki was sure to need some time to try and sort through everything that had happened, and to help his friends who needed him. Hide pushed down on the selfish feelings that he would want to be a part of that, to stand by Kaneki’s side as he dealt with this.  
  
Now that Hide knew that Kaneki knew the girl, knew Hinami, he felt guiltier that he had placed a tracking device on her. Even so, he couldn’t keep himself from checking her location from time to time; it was the only connection he had to everything that was going on except Kaneki, and he desperately wanted to feel included in what was happening. She never seemed to leave Anteiku; and with her face all over the news and on billboards, he couldn’t say that he was surprised.  
  
Hide hadn’t told Kaneki that he had put a tracker on her, and after Kaneki’s reaction at finding out about Hide’s new… hobby he wasn’t too keen on the idea of telling him any time soon. He didn’t want to keep secrets from the other, but he also didn’t want to bring anything up that would risk straining their relationship further right now.  
  
Hide heaved a deep sigh as he sank down in his couch, once again he found himself sitting with his homework spread before him, staring at it blankly as he listened to the TV in the background; desperately listening for any clue as to what was going on. He absentmindedly picked up his phone, bringing up Kaneki’s number before resolutely shutting it again. He had lost count how many times he _almost_ called Kaneki the last couple of days, but he always stopped at the last second; feeling ashamed that he could be so selfish as to try and insert himself into Kaneki’s life without the other’s invite. If Kaneki wanted him to talk to him, then he would-  
  
Hide stopped short. Paling.  
  
This was exactly the kind of thoughts that had led to their friendship almost ending when Kaneki turned into a ghoul. This was the exact kind of reasoning that Hide had promised himself to not follow anymore after their talk the other day. _Have I learnt nothing??_  
  
Hide brought his phone back up and dialed Kaneki’s number with an angry frown. Kaneki picked up almost immediately.  
  
“Manager??” Kaneki’s voice came through the speaker, sounding breathless. Hide hesitated. _Was he running? What was going on?_  
  
“No, it’s Hide.”  
  
“Oh, I can’t talk right now!” Kaneki said breathlessly. _Yes, definitely running_.  
  
“What? Kaneki? What’s happening??” Hide asked desperately. They had barely talked for days, and now when he finally managed to call his friend, something serious seemed to be happening. He wouldn’t be able to handle it if Kaneki hung up on him now.  
  
“I can’t- Hinami has disappeared,” Kaneki said hastily. Hide could hear the wind howling in the speaker.  
  
“Hinami has…?” Hide trailed of, shocked at this sudden development, before his eyes landed on his computer, “Wait!”  
  
“Hide, I really gotta go!” Kaneki huffed through the phone, Hide felt adrenaline spread through his body as he ran across the room to where his computer was. _I can help!_  
  
“Just give me two seconds!” Hide desperately tried to convince the other, willing Kaneki to not hang up the phone. He pulled up the program, willing his computer to load faster.  
  
“Hide what-”  
  
“Go to Kasahara elementary! The overpass close to the school at Kasahara river!” Hide almost screamed out, relief flooding him as he looked at the map on his computer. He hoped Hinami was okay. She _had_ to be okay. For both her own and Kaneki’s sake.  
  
“What?! How do you know that?” Kaneki asked in a confused voice.  
  
“Trust me! We can talk later!” Hide said while he rushed over to the door, stepping into his shoes and running through the door in a matter of seconds. His apartment was fairly close to Kasahara.  
  
“Okay. Okay.” Kaneki breathed as Hide slammed the door behind him. “Wait, Hide… Are you going out??”  
  
“Just hurry!” Hide said desperately, already halfway towards the stairs.  
  
“No! You can’t come!” Kaneki shouted over the phone, making Hide stop dead in his tracks.  
  
“I can’t just-”  
  
“No! Hide stay at home! I will- I will come to your place later, okay?! Just stay!” Kaneki pleaded with him.  
  
Hide hesitated. He wanted to help _so badly_. But the desperation in Kaneki’s voice made him doubt the impulse. Maybe he would only be in the way.  Hide glanced towards the stairs one last time before turning back towards his apartment. “Okay.”  
  
“I got to hang up now,” Kaneki said urgently, before muttering under his breath, “I got to call Touka… And the manager. I should take a right here…”  
  
“Take care! See you later!” Hide said with as much enthusiasm he could muster, hoping that he could at least provide the other with some emotional support.  
  
“Yeah, bye!” Kaneki said as he hung up. Hide lowered his phone and stared down at it for a few seconds before making his way back inside his apartment.  
  
Kaneki had said that he had to call Touka. Was she the Rabbit then? Hide supposed that made sense. He stepped into his hallway and rubbed his hands over his face, heaving a deep sigh as he tried to will the adrenaline away; it would do him no good now. 

* * *

Several hours passed in agonizing silence, Hide keeping a close watch on both his phone and the news, before there was a quiet knock on his door. Hide was flinging the door open in a matter of seconds, and when he saw Kaneki standing outside he was unable to keep himself from throwing himself on the other, embracing him as pure relief flooded his system.  
  
“Thank God you’re okay!” Hide said with a suddenly thick throat, feeling like he wanted to cry. Kaneki was stiff in his arms and Hide’s relieved smile transformed into a frown, “Or… Are you?”  
  
Kaneki pushed at Hide lightly to get the other to let him go, keeping his eyes on the ground as they both stepped into Hide’s apartment.  
  
“Yeah. I mean, I guess so,” Kaneki mumbled out, and Hide’s frown deepened. He quickly looked the other over for obvious signs of injury, but found nothing.  
  
“What happened? Are your friends okay?” Hide asked in a worried tone, leading Kaneki into his living room. As soon as the question left Hide’s mouth he heard a sniffling behind him. He turned around and came face to face with a crying Kaneki, tears streaming almost silently down his face. Hide immediately stepped closer to Kaneki and brought him into another hug, trying to convey a sense of security and support through his embrace. “Oh, no. I’m sorry. It’s okay. It’s okay.”  
  
Kaneki sobbed, but didn’t make any move to push Hide away again, “It’s not okay! God! They almost got Hinami! And Touka! And…” Kaneki heaved a deep breath and trailed off as he sobbed harder. Hide held him as tight as possible, letting Kaneki cry into his shoulder.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Hide mumbled out, repeating the word over and over. He really was sorry. Sorry that all of this had to happen to Kaneki. Sorry that he hadn’t been there with him. Sorry that he really couldn’t make it any better.  
  
After a couple of minutes Kaneki managed to draw a deep, if trembling, breath and Hide deemed it safe to move them over to the couch. They sat down side by side and Hide kept one hand on the other’s arm, hoping that the contact brought the other some sense of comfort.  
  
The room was quiet for several minutes before Kaneki broke it by mumbling out, almost too quiet for Hide to hear, “I bit him.”  
  
“What?” Hide asked as he looked up at Kaneki’s suddenly passive face.  
  
“I bit an investigator,” Kaneki said and looked up at Hide, shame coloring his cheeks. “I actually bit him.”  
  
“Oh. Well,” Hide said as he cast about for something he could say to reassure the other, “But it wasn’t unprovoked, right?”  
  
“Well, no. But still! I bit him!” Kaneki said in agitation, brows furrowing.  
  
“You didn’t kill him though,” said Hide. It wasn’t a question.  
  
“No. But I could have!”  
  
“You didn’t,” Hide said firmly as he looked Kaneki straight in the eye, trying to get the other to agree. He may not know the full situation that transpired, but he did _not_ like the self-deprecating look on the other’s face right now.  
  
“No… I didn’t…” Kaneki trailed off, looking down at his lap and his clenched fists.  
  
“Good.” Hide nodded, before he was hit with a sudden, worrying, thought, “He didn’t see your face, right?”  
  
“No. No he didn’t,” Kaneki assured him, shaking his head for emphasis and brining one of his hands up to drag it through his black hair.  
  
Hide frowned in thought. Kaneki had bit someone, an investigator no less, and he had managed to not show his face? “How? Was it… dark?”  
  
“Well, I have this mask…” Kaneki trailed of uncertainly, glancing up at Hide quickly and then back down.  
  
“You have a mask??” Hide asked with raised eyebrows. “Isn’t that something only… You know… violent and dangerous ghouls have?”  
  
“Not really… Apparently they are very common?” Kaneki said with some uncertainty. “I don’t know. I don’t really understand anything right now.” Kaneki ended his sentence with a strained laugh. Hide frowned.  
  
“Hey. It’s gonna be okay,” Hide said as he once again leaned in to embrace his friend. He hoped that his arms would somehow shield Kaneki from all the bad things in life.  
  
“How do you know?” Kaneki asked in a tired voice, but he slumped forward so he was leaning into Hide’s embrace.  
  
“Well, you just have to trust me,” Hide said with a small smile, which slid off his face as he felt Kaneki tense up at his words. “What?”  
  
“You said that before as well,” Kaneki said in a suddenly suspicious voice, straightening up so that he could look at Hide’s face, “But how _did_ you know where Hinami was?”  
  
Hide glanced away from the other, pursing his lips in thought as he tried to come up with a good explanation, “Well… I…”  
  
“Hide. Tell me the truth,” Kaneki said, and there was a hard edge in his tone. Hide felt himself deflate.  
  
“Yeah. Sorry. I… might have put one of the tracking devices on Hinami,” Hide said in a rush, still refusing to look at Kaneki.  
  
“You- What?!” Kaneki exclaimed in disbelief and Hide flinched as he looked back at his friend.  
  
Hide raised his hands defensively, “It was before I knew who she was! Or that you knew her! It was just a spur of the moment thing!”  
  
“You can’t just go around putting tracking devices on people!” Kaneki said in an exasperated tone, standing up from the couch.  
  
“I don’t go around putting them on everyone I see!” Hide tried to defend himself. it wasn’t such a big deal, was it?  
  
Kaneki frowned before looking straight into Hide’s eyes with an uncertain expression, “… Have you put one on me?”  
  
“No,” Hide said at once. Kaneki kept looking at him, seemingly searching his eyes for something. Hide felt himself bristle slightly under the scrutiny, “I really haven’t!”  
  
Kaneki let out a breath and averted his eyes, shoulders lowering slightly as he said, “Okay. Okay I believe you.”  
  
Kaneki sat back down, a bit further away from Hide this time, and he tried to not take it personally.  
  
“I made it in time to stop another investigator from ambushing Hinami and Touka,” Kaneki suddenly said into the slightly tense silence.  
  
“Hm?” Hide looked up at the other, slightly taken aback at the new direction the conversation had taken.  
  
Kaneki took a deep breath, looking up at Hide, “I made it in time. Because you told me where they were. So… Thank you.”  
  
Hide felt his mouth twitch up into a small smile. He recognized a peace offering when he saw one. He nodded towards Kaneki, “You are welcome.”  
  
“I still think it’s wrong, you know,” Kaneki muttered under his breath, turning back to staring down at his hands.  
  
“Yeah. I’m sorry,” Hide said as he stood up. “Coffee?”  
  
Kaneki nodded and stood up, following Hide into the kitchen, “Will you stop?”  
  
“Probably not,” Hide said sadly. He knew that it would stress the other out, but he wasn’t willing to give up the one thing he had that could help.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit rushed, but I hope it's okay!  
> As always; thank you for reading! Likes/reviews keep me going!


	9. Build Up

“What do you think you’re doing?!” The man snapped and took a quick step away from Hide who was crouched on the ground next to him, picking up the coins he had ‘dropped’ from the rain spattered ground.  
  
“Nothing! I’m sorry, I just tripped,” Hide said in what he hoped was an innocent voice, rising up and taking a step back with his hands raised. _Damn, I wasn’t able to attach the tracker._  
  
“Tripped, my ass! What is that you’re holding?” The man squinted at Hide’s right hand. The hand holding the tracking device he had attempted to attach to the other’s shoe. Hide thanked the rain for making it harder to see and clenched his hand around the device harder, taking another step away from the ghoul. “It’s nothing. I’m sorry.”  
  
“You filthy human, how dare you touch me,” the man, the _ghoul_ , growled as he activated his kakugan and took a step in Hide’s direction. Hide cursed and stumbled back faster.  
  
“Hey! Hey! I didn’t do anything!” Hide tried to calm the other as he sent a look up and down the small street; it was dark and no-one in sight. Maybe he should have thought this through a bit more. But he had seen the man skulking around the neighborhood the last couple of weeks, especially during the night, and had overheard his neighbors talking about someone a block away disappearing suddenly. This was a perfect example of a suspicious individual, and a perfect opportunity to test out his tracking devices for real. If he managed to get proof that the man was a ghoul, he could contact the police and make the whole neighborhood safer.  
  
Looking at the man in front of him taking another step in his direction he did concede that even if he now had proof that he was a ghoul, the eyes being a pretty clear signifier, it wouldn’t do him much good if he didn’t manage to live long enough to get the information to the police.  
  
“Hide!”  
  
The shout came from down the street and Hide glanced to his right, seeing Kaneki running down the street.  
  
“You vermin,” the ghoul growled and Hide looked back at the man in front of him just in time to see him leap forward, arm ready to strike. Hide closed his eyes tightly.  
  
The blow never came.  
  
Hide slowly cracked one eye open, then the other. There was something red a few centimeters in front of his face. _Blood?_ No, it was something solid. Hide barely had time to blink his eyes open before the thing in front of him moved, seemingly retracting.  
  
Hide followed the shape and saw it connect to Kaneki’s back, and _holy shit._ It was his kagune. Kaneki’s kagune was centimeters from his face.  
  
“Wha-” Hide breathed out and took another step back, promptly stumbling and sitting down with a thud on the wet ground.  
  
The man that had attacked him stood a couple of meters in front of him, looking angrier than ever and glaring at Kaneki. “You filth! Why are you protecting a human?”  
  
“He’s my friend,” Kaneki said in a quiet voice, and Hide could hear the fear in his voice.  
  
The man laughed, “Your friend?? Is this some game? When are you gonna eat him then??”  
  
“Stop talking. Leave,” Kaneki said in his quiet voice, but Hide was surprised to hear it contain more anger than fear now. He had never heard Kaneki threaten someone before and he didn’t necessarily like it.  
  
“You little shit. You can’t tell me what to-”  
  
The man was cut off as Kaneki took a step forward, swinging his kagune around so it hit the man’s stomach, sending him flying. Hide gaped in shock.  
  
“I- I’m not t-telling you twice. Leave,” Kaneki stuttered out, holding himself in a convincing fighting position that Hide had not been aware the other was capable of.  
  
Hide stared, mumbling under his breath, “Holy shit.” Sure, he knew Kaneki had fought of Nishio before, but to see him actually attack someone, even if it was for his sake, made everything so much more real.  
  
The man stumbled to his feet, cast Kaneki another angry look and then shuffled backwards down the street, away from where they stood. “Whatever! Keep your treat then.”  
  
“Oh my God,” Hide breathed out, slumping against the ground where he sat, ignoring the way the rain seeped into his clothes. He glanced up at Kaneki and couldn’t keep from staring as he followed the kagune retreating into his friends back. _Okay. That is… slightly unsettling._  
  
“You okay?” Kaneki asked as he reached down a hand for Hide, and Hide hurried to close his gaping mouth. He prayed that Kaneki didn’t notice his slight hesitation before grabbing the offered hand.  
  
“Y-yeah, I’m okay. Thank you,” Hide tried to assure the other, ignoring the way his hands shook slightly.  
  
Kaneki breathed out a loud sigh, raising a hand and scrubbing it over his face, “What happened? Who was that?”  
  
“I was just- You know- I-” Hide stammered out, trying to find the right words, trying to explain without making Kaneki too angry, too disappointed. Kaneki looked at him with worried eyes and Hide’s shoulders dropped in defeat. “I was trying to put a tracking device on him, okay? I messed up.”  
  
“Hide!” Kaneki breathed out, looking equal parts shocked and outraged, “You can't do stuff like this! God. What if I hadn’t been here? What if I had arrived a minute later? What if-”  
  
Hide stepped in and embraced him, ignoring the way the wet clothes stuck to his skin and probably drenched Kaneki as well, keeping his hold until he felt the other finally relax slightly against him. “I’m sorry. I really am.” Hide pulled aback slightly to see Kaneki’s face, sending the other a small smile, “But you saved me. My knight in shining armor.”  
  
Kaneki frowned at him, but didn’t step out of the embrace, “Well, we were lucky. He wasn't very strong.” Hide could feel Kaneki shudder as he continued, “He must have been really hungry.”  
  
“Nah, I bet you’re just stronger,” Hide said as he punched Kaneki lightly in the shoulder, trying to lighten the mood, trying to reassure himself that this was still the same Kaneki he knew.  
  
Kaneki snorted in response and extracted himself from the hug with a small smile. Hide felt something unclench in his chest at the familiar sound, and a big smile grew on his lips as they started walking towards Hide’s apartment.  
  
They quickly made their way inside, and Hide took a deep breath of the warm air as they entered.  
  
“Aren’t you cold? You are dripping on the floor,” Kaneki said as he put his bag down on the floor by the table. Hide looked down at himself and frowned. The adrenaline had kept him from realizing how cold and completely drenched he was.  
  
“Okay, that is pretty disgusting. Wait, let me change shirt.” Hide grabbed his shirt and pulled it off, throwing it on the floor, he would clean later, before turning around to go into his bedroom for a dry one. He met Kaneki’s eye from across the room and froze. The other looked horrified. “Kaneki? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”  
  
Kaneki opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before he was able to produce any sound. “Your stomach,” he croaked out, and by now all color had drained from his face.  
  
Hide immediately glanced down, expecting to see something warranting Kaneki’s extreme reaction. The only thing that met his eye was his stomach, which was still a bit bruised after the… accident with Nishio. _Oh_ …  
  
“Hey, it’s cool. It doesn’t even hurt anymore!”  
  
“But you got it because of me!” Kaneki said in a horrified voice, taking a stumbling step back and putting a hand down on the table beside him for support.  
  
“Uh… No? I got it because of Nishio.”  
  
“He wouldn’t have attacked you if it wasn’t for me!”  
  
“Stop taking all the credit for yourself!” Hide shouted, wanting the other to stop blaming himself for everything, but not knowing how to make Kaneki understand. Kaneki flinched at his suddenly loud voice and Hide berated himself for losing his cool; shouting was not the right option. “Sorry.”  
  
“No, I- I’m sorry. I just don’t want you getting hurt,” Kaneki said meekly, lowering his gaze.  
  
“I know,” Hide said with a sigh as he continued his walk towards the bedroom. “Hey! I will bring you a dry shirt as well, okay?”  
  
“Yeah, okay…”  
  
Hide rummaged through his drawers and came up with two big t-shirts. _Perfect._ He quickly put one of them on, wanting to cover his bruises before Kaneki had a chance to see them again, and pulled on a pair of dry pants as well. As he walked back into the living room he threw the other shirt in Kaneki’s direction when he saw the other sitting on the sofa.  
  
“Here you go.”  
  
“Thanks,” Kaneki mumbled as he quickly pulled his wet shirt off and put on the dry one. Hide was happy when Kaneki seemed to relax as he put on the warm and dry shirt, and the other looked undeniably cute in the oversized t-shirt. Hide had always liked seeing Kaneki in his clothes.  
  
Hide sat down beside Kaneki and sprawled out with his feet stretched out in front of him and his head leaning back to look up at the ceiling. “What if he comes back?” He hadn’t planned on speaking the thought out loud, but it slipped from his mouth as soon as it formed.  
  
“I don’t think he will. You saw what he looked like. He will most likely change ward.”  
  
“What if he doesn’t?” Hide tilted his head to look over at Kaneki, suddenly feeling very paranoid that the ghoul would come after him. _He really should be more careful._  
  
Kaneki pointed at himself dramatically, a smile on his lips that didn’t fully reach his eyes, “Then I will protect you!” He followed the statement with a scoff and a calmer, “And I’m glad you’re finally realizing how dangerous this is.”  
  
Hide hummed in response and the silence stretched on for several minutes before Kaneki broke it with a quiet, “Can you try to not put yourself in unnecessary danger?”  
  
“But I had seen him acting strange for several weeks now, and the old lady a floor down was scared and I just… I had to try and do _something_.”  
  
“Hide,” Kaneki said softly, placing a hand on his arm. “That's not your job.”  
  
“I know that, but I got to try.”  
  
Kaneki simply sighed in response and Hide changed position so that he lay down with his head in Kaneki’s lap and his feet over the armrest. Kaneki absentmindedly carded his hand through Hide’s hair. _This is nice,_ Hide thought as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax.  
  
The silence was broken once again, this time by the sound of Hide’s growling stomach and he laughed in embarrassment as he patted it and sat up.  
  
“Well. Better get some food in there.”  
  
Kaneki looked at him a bit uncertainly before nodding. Hide frowned and patted Kaneki’s shoulder as he spoke, “You don’t have to stay if it makes you uncomfortable?”  
  
“No, it’s okay. If it’s fine with you?” Kaneki asked hesitantly, fiddling with the hem of the shirt uncertainly.  
  
“Yeah, totally! I wouldn’t pass up on a chance to hang with my best friend, now would I?” Hide said with a smile and Kaneki seemed to relax slightly.  
  
Hide made his way into the kitchen and took out some simple ingredients before stopping to think. He turned slowly to where Kaneki stood in the doorway and asked slowly, “What do you eat?”  
  
Kaneki looked at him with wide eyes before turning his face to the side and answering in what could almost be described as a whine, “Why would you ask that?”  
  
“Well, I didn’t mean…” Hide laughed apologetically, “I meant more like, where do you… get it? Food that is?”  
  
“I-” Kaneki hesitated, glancing around the room at everything except for Hide and seemingly struggling for words.  
  
“I know you said you had access to something to eat!” Hide hurried to add, trying to smooth things over. “I’m just curious. You don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable or anything.”  
  
“Well. Ghoul’s have to eat humans.” Kaneki started slowly and Hide nodded along, “But they don’t have to be… alive when we get them.”  
  
“Oooh,” Hide breathed out, taking in what the other had just said. Deciding to not push the other for details. “Well, that makes sense. And I think that might be a better option. Considering the alternative”  
  
Kaneki’s mouth pulled up into a wry half-smile and he entered the kitchen more fully, helping Hide prepare a simple dish of eggs, vegetables and rice. As the ingredients cooked on the stove Kaneki leaned forward to take a sniff and Hide could see the other almost gagging at the smell.  
  
“Don’t overdo it!” Hide said with a small laugh as he ushered him out of the kitchen, “I will be done in a second.”  
  
Hide finished up in the kitchen and came into the living room to join Kaneki on the couch. As he started eating he couldn’t help but notice Kaneki sending repeated glances at his food. When Hide raised an eyebrow in question Kaneki blushed slightly and looked away.  
  
“What?” Hide asked around a mouthful of food.  
  
“Well… It’s just…” Kaneki hesitated before looking back over at Hide’s plate of food. ”I can barely remember what it used to taste like you know?”  
  
Hide’s smile suddenly felt strained, “Oh. I guess that’s pretty weird, huh?”  
  
“You could say that,” Kaneki responded dryly, but there was humor in his eyes as he raised his eyebrows in exasperation and Hide let out a small breath of relief.  
  
They ate in silence for a couple of minutes until Hide stuffed the last of his food in his mouth and got up to do the dishes, before hesitating to glance back at where Kaneki sat on his couch, in his clothes. He really didn’t want to be alone after what had happened that day. “Hey, do you wanna stay for a while?”  
  
Kaneki turned to look at him and smiled easily, “Yes. I would like that.”  
  
Hide quickly cleaned up in the kitchen and flopped back down on the couch after putting on a movie they had seen together several times before, placing his head on Kaneki’s lap again and instigating an unspoken challenge over who could recite the most lines out loud. The movie passed by quickly and as the end credits rolled by on the screen Hide felt more relaxed than he had in weeks. He looked up at Kaneki, who had slumped against the side of the sofa during the movie, and saw a small smile on the other’s face.  
  
“Hey. I missed you,” Hide said with a smile of his own as he sat up beside the other.  
  
“I missed you too.” Kaneki patted Hide on the arm as he straightened out, stretching a bit after sitting for so long, before he opened his eyes suddenly, exclaiming, “Oh, that’s right! I almost forgot!” Kaneki reached into his pocket and gave Hide a shy smile. “This is as a thank you for your help while I was…away from school.”  
  
Kaneki held out his hand towards Hide, palm up, and in it was a little plastic bunny. Hide felt his eyebrows rise toward his hairline as he looked at Kaneki, back at the bunny, and then slowly reached out and grabbed it.  
  
“Ah… Thanks?” Hide said hesitantly as he looked at Kaneki’s serious face.  
  
“Now you don’t have to be so lonely anymore,” Kaneki said in what he probably thought was a serious tone, but Hide could see his mouth twitch at the edges. “I wanted to make sure you had a friend with you,” Kaneki finished and was unable to contain his laughter as his serious face broke into a smile.  
  
Hide joined in the laughter, “Well, thank you! This will be my new best friend!”  
  
“Usurped by a toy,” Kaneki muttered in fake indignation, “This is a new low.”  
  
They spent the rest of the night talking and laughing and everything felt deceptively normal between them again. Before they knew it Kaneki had to get going to make it home before the trains stopped going for the night and Hide said goodbye as he tried to ignore the growing feeling of unease in his chest; he had almost managed to forget about the incident during the day, but as he was left alone the feeling of dread grew in his chest.  
  
_Next time I will have to be more careful. I have to figure out how to protect myself. Maybe I should try out pretending to be a ghoul?_  
  
Hide’s eyes landed on the shirt Kaneki left on his couch after changing into a dry one and hesitated only for a second before picking it up and putting it in a plastic bag. _I will give it back to him later._

* * *

“ _Hello. Do you want to meet up at the river? /Kaneki_ ” Hide stared down at the message in surprise, Kaneki hadn’t texted him to meet up in a long time. Hide smiled as he typed out a quick reply.  
  
“ _Sure! Give me half an hour_?” He pressed send and turned back to the shelf in front of him, quickly picking out a couple of tracking devices. He had decided that he needed more of them if he was ever going to be able to use them at a scale that did some actual good. He paid for them, ignoring the grumpy lady behind the counter, and hurried down the street in the direction of the river.  
  
When he got there he immediately spotted Kaneki on a bench by the walkway, sitting alone in the setting sun. The riverbank was deserted but the two of them and he called out to the other as he neared, waving his hand over his head.  
  
“Hey! Kaneki!”  
  
Kaneki looked up and smiled, raising a hand in greeting. Hide sat down on the bench beside the other and breathed out as he looked over the sparkling water and darkening blue sky.  
  
“This is nice, huh?” Hide asked as he sent a glance over at Kaneki, who simply nodded in response. _Well, if he wants to talk about something specific he will bring it up sooner or later._ Hide shuffled into a comfortable position and settled in to wait.  
  
The sun had just disappeared behind the rooftops when Kaneki spoke up, almost absentmindedly, “I met a strange guy at work today.”  
  
“Strange how?” Hide asked with furrowed brows as he turned to look at Kaneki.  
  
“Well…” Kaneki seemed to hesitate slightly, before turning to meet Hide’s eyes. “He’s also a- …you know. And he was very eccentric? And wanted to meet up sometime?”  
  
Hide’s frown deepened. “Meet up? Just the two of you?”  
  
“I think so?”  
  
“Is that smart? I mean, considering what happened last time and all…” Hide trailed off, remembering Rize and how well the meet up with her had gone for Kaneki.  
  
Kaneki’s narrowed his eyes slightly, “Not everyone is a horrible person, you know.”  
  
“I know! I didn’t mean it like that!” Hide said while holding his hands up in a placating manner.  
  
Kaneki sighted, “I know. But I do really think he just wants to talk to someone who also likes books? …And I kind of want to get to know some-” Kaneki stopped and cast a quick look around to make sure they were alone, “Other people _like me_. To understand them better.”  
  
“I get that, but be careful,” Hide said with a sigh. He couldn’t stop Kaneki from meeting this new ghoul, but the other couldn’t stop him from worrying.  
  
Kaneki was silent for several minutes before speaking up again, “I met Kimi yesterday. You know; Nishio’s girlfriend?”  
  
“Oh? Really? I haven’t seen either of them for a while…” Hide asked in surprise. He actually hadn’t seen Nishio since the other had attacked them, but he couldn’t say he was sad for the other’s absence.  
  
“Well… Nishio is a bit bad off still…” Kaneki said hesitantly and Hide wondered why the other had brought the subject up. The incident with Nishio wasn’t exactly pain-free waters for either of them to tread.  
  
Hide hesitated before voicing the first question that came to mind, “Still? Don’t ghouls heal fast?”  
  
“Normally yes. But he hasn’t eaten for a while now.”  
  
Hide opened his mouth to ask if Kimi was safe, being the girlfriend of a hungry and wounded ghoul, but stopped himself when he realized how that was likely to go over with Kaneki. Instead he opted for a safe, “What did you guys talk about then?”  
  
Kaneki looked around again, before speaking in a low voice, “Well. It was interesting, the way she viewed ghouls and humans. She thinks she’s lucky having been born a human, and she says she sympathizes with ghouls for having to live the way they do. And… She doesn’t seem to hold it against them.” Kaneki trailed of at the end, seemingly getting lost in thought.  
  
“Huh. Then I’m guessing she knows that Nishio is a ghoul?” Hide asked and received a nod from Kaneki. He had to admit that he felt a newfound respect for Kimi and her decision to stay with Nishio despite the danger. “I can sympathize with her.”  
  
“Why?” Kaneki asked in surprise.  
  
“Well. I’m here, aren’t I?” Hide responded with a big smile, patting Kaneki on the shoulder.  
  
“I guess so.” Kaneki looked away, but Hide could still see the small smile on the other’s face.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be a bit slow, but it's all building up for the next chapter! Shit is going down :) :) 
> 
> Thank you for staying with the story so long!! And for your wonderful support, you guys are amazing!!


	10. Working

Hide put on the clothes Kaneki had left at his place earlier that week, hoping no one would notice the way the legs stopped halfway down his calves, or the way the shirt showed a sliver of his stomach. He quickly readied a tracking device with sound, put it in his pocket where he could easily reach it, and exited his apartment heading for the main street. He had no hope of focusing on homework today, the day before he had seen an ad from the CCG; indicating that they were looking for new part-timers at their office in the 20th ward. If he wanted to apply, he had to do so today before the end of office hours and Hide had spent the majority of the day debating with himself over what to do.   
  
Instead of staying at home with only his thoughts for company, he walked aimlessly up and down the busiest streets, keeping an ear out for anything unusual. This way he could at least pretend he was doing something productive, and besides; he had come to the conclusion that if he wanted to be of use and help Kaneki he would have to be more proactive with the whole “tracking-to-keep-them-safe” plan. Despite this, after walking around for the better part of an hour and neither seeing nor hearing anything out of the ordinary, Hide was almost ready to give up. He had just made up his mind to turn back home when a woman’s voice drifted over the din of the street.   
  
“Well, I don’t care!”   
  
Hide looked over in time to see a fashionable woman in her mid-thirties cross the road behind him, talking on her phone with someone and being clearly upset.   
  
She cast a quick glance around and lowered her voice as she continued, hissing into the phone, “You better make something about that. I have no intention of being discovered.”  
  
Hide slowed his steps down slightly, being careful to pretend to have his attention focused on his phone. _Discover what?_  
  
“That would make it my problem! I’m not going to die because of a simple mistake. I got to go. Call me when it’s taken care of.” The woman snapped her phone shut, and Hide could hear the sound of her shoes as the space between them shrunk. _As good an opportunity as any,_ he thought and just as she passed by him he pretended to hit his foot on a slightly raised section of the street, falling into her side and deftly placing the bug on the underside of her handbag.   
  
“Oh God! I am so sorry ma’am! I just stumbled and- Are you okay?” Hide gushed in what he was fairly certain was a convincing imitation of an anxious and kind young man. After all; he had witnessed Kaneki for years.   
  
She showed him off and scowled at him before hurrying on with a hissed out, “Watch it.”  
  
“I’m sorry!” Hide called after her before turning around, smiling to himself as he started walking home. _Time to try out the sound._  
  
When he got inside his apartment he immediately threw himself on the sofa and turned on the tracking program on his phone, feeling delighted when he immediately got audio feedback. He could hear the woman talking, probably having another conversation on her phone, but this time she sounded much happier.  
  
“Yes. Well, they say monsieur MM will be bringing some food tomorrow and we can’t miss that!”  
  
There was quiet for a couple of seconds and Hide held his breath as he waited.   
  
“To the restaurant of course!”  
  
Hide frowned at this. _Restaurant? Ghouls didn’t go to restaurants. Maybe she wasn’t a ghoul after all?_ Before he had more time to think about it the woman continued speaking.   
  
“Yes. The doves have been very active lately, haven’t they?”  
  
Hide felt more and more confused. _Doves?_ What’s doves got to do with a restaurant?  
  
“Well, I better get going. See you tomorrow darling!”  
  
After this Hide could only make out the sound of walking shoes and rustling of clothes. Sighing in defeat he put down his phone and stared at the wall. _Well, the people I track can’t always be ghouls, I guess.  
  
_ Hide changed out of Kaneki’s clothes, feeling guilty at having used them without permission. He decided to try and give them back at the first opportunity he got. With that in mind Hide picked his phone back up and sent Kaneki a quick message:   
  
“ _Hey, Ken! You forgot some clothes here yesterday, I can come over with them tonight if you want?_ ”  
  
Hide hit send and glanced at the clock on his wall, he still had a couple of hours if he wanted to make it to the CCG’s interviews. Hide opened the tracking program back up, heard only muffled fabric, closed the app again, put on his shoes and went back outside.

* * *

“I’m here to apply for the position as staff assistant,” Hide said as soon as he reached the front desk, making sure his face portrayed the very picture of innocent friendliness.   
  
The receptionist gave him a quick once over and smiled, reaching out a hand expectantly. “Welcome. Your ID please, and I will register you as an applicant.”   
  
Hide smiled and handed him his ID card, taking the moment when he clicked away on his computer to take a couple of calming breaths. _It’s all going to go fine. You’re not doing anything wrong._ Hide’s thoughts went to Kaneki and why he was here in the first place. _Kind off._  
  
“Here you go,” the receptionist said as he handed him back his ID and gestured towards a group of sofas to the right, “Please wait over there and someone will be with you shortly.”  
  
Hide thanked him and took a seat on one of the sofas facing the lobby, looking at all the people milling about; he could see what looked like assistants, police officers, messengers, and the occasional person in a long coat, or carrying a silver briefcase, striding across the floor with purpose. _Investigators._   
  
Hide followed one tall man that carried such a briefcase with his eyes for a couple of seconds, but almost jumped in his seat as the man’s head snapped up; eyes immediately focusing on Hide. For a horrifying second Hide thought the man had been able to see through him; seen the real reason that he was there, and he became suddenly aware that he might be putting Kaneki at risk by coming here. Hide conjured up a small smile and hoped it looked fairly convincing, but felt dread fill him as the tall man started making his way over the floor towards him with long strides.  
  
“Hello. My name is Amon,” The man greeted, reaching out a hand without a trace of a smile on his face.  
  
Hide prayed that his hands weren’t as sweaty as they felt as he grabbed the offered hand and shook it, “Nice to meet you, Amon. My name’s Hide, I’m here to apply for the position as staff assistant. Are you the one who’s holding the interviews?”   
  
Hide desperately hoped that wasn’t the case; something about the man called Amon made alarm-bells go off in Hide’s mind and he wasn’t sure he would be able to sit through a whole interview with the man.  
  
Amon was silent for several seconds after this, wearing a small frown on his face and keeping a hold of Hide’s hand the entire time, before suddenly letting Hide go and shaking his head, “No, I am not. I simply wanted to say hello. Have a good day.”  
  
“You too, sir! Have a good day!” Hide waved with a big smile plastered on his face as the other man turned to walk away. When he was alone again he released a long, slow, breath and sank down in his seat. He had to be careful; there were people here whose job it was to look through lies. He had to make sure his lie was flawless.   
  
“He can be pretty intimidating, right?”  
  
The sudden voice to his right made Hide sit up straight with a small yelp, and he turned around to see a smiling woman standing beside the sofa holding a stack of papers in her hands.  
  
“Eh…” Hide looked around, but seeing no-one else close by that the woman could have possibly been talking to, he turned back to face her, “Yes. But he seems nice.”  
  
She smiled even bigger, repositioning the papers to one arm, and extending the other hand to Hide, “Oh, he is! I’m the one responsible for the interviews concerning the position as staff assistant, you’re Hide, right?”  
  
Hide nodded as he shook her hand, feeling grateful that the one holding the interview was such an approachable person, “Yes, nice to meet you.”  
  
“Shall we get going then?” She indicated for Hide to follow, and after a last glance in the direction Amon had disappeared in, he followed. 

* * *

Later that night Hide found himself ringing the doorbell on Kaneki’s apartment, holding a bag with Kaneki’s clothes in one hand and some takeout in the other as he shifted from foot to foot.  
  
Hide was moving before Kaneki had fully opened the door; entering the apartment with a big, strained, smile and talking about anything trivial that came to mind. He tried to act casual as he dumped Kaneki’s clothes on the other’s sofa and went into the kitchen to put his food in the fridge, all the while not letting up his shattering. He knew he was worrying the other with his pacing, but if he just kept talking, then Kaneki might never find out that he-   
  
“Hide,” Kaneki stated firmly, grabbing a hold of one of Hide’s shoulders and preventing him from pacing the room one more time. “What is it?”  
  
“I’ve joined the CCG.” Hide blurted out quickly, not able to keep it in any longer. Kaneki froze and Hide felt the other’s hand on his shoulder tense almost painfully. “I’m sorry.”  
  
Kaneki was silent for several long seconds, before sighing and taking a step back from Hide, looking him in the face with pinched eyebrows, “You have to be careful. Promise.”  
  
“I promise,” Hide agreed quickly, nodding his head as he did. “I even made a new friend in HR.”  
  
Kaneki raised an eyebrow at him, “Really?”  
  
“Yeah, she was the one holding the interview. I really think this could help us,” Hide said in a somewhat pleading tone, wanting Kaneki’s approval and ignoring the feeling of guilt churning in his stomach at not warning Kaneki about applying for the job.   
  
Kaneki looked thoughtful, “Maybe it can.”  
  
Hide felt a big smile creep over his face and he slung his arms around the other, “I knew you would understand! Sorry about not telling you, though!”  
  
“It’s fine. Just, be careful, okay?” Kaneki said with a smile of his own as he patted Hide on the back. “Some of them almost seem able to read minds, they can be really suspicious of people.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Hide drew back slightly, looking at Kaneki in confusion. It almost sounded as if the other had first-hand experience with the CCG headquarters.   
  
“Well, when me and Touka went to the CCG we almost got caught by an investigator -”  
  
“Wait! You went to the CCG??” Hide asked incredulously, grabbing a hold of Kaneki’s shoulders and shaking him slightly.   
  
“Um… Yes?” Kaneki hesitated with raised eyebrows, eyes pointedly looking down at Hide’s hands clasping his shoulders and Hide immediately let the other go only to drag said hands through his hair in distress.  
  
“Oh my God! And you call me reckless! Are you okay?”  
  
Kaneki gave a small scoff, “Obviously?”  
  
“Shit...” Hide breathed out as he allowed his hands to fall to his sides, “Why would you do that??”  
  
“We-,” Kaneki cut himself off, a small smile tugging at his lips, “Or rather Touka, wanted to throw them off Hinami’s trail. So we offered some false information.”  
  
Hide took a deep breath, trying to calm down as he sank down on one of the kitchen chairs, “That’s a stupid risk! And what? She just dragged you along?”  
  
“Well…” Kaneki hesitated, mouth pressed in a thin line and a hand waving in a vague motion, “She can be very strong-willed.”  
  
“Okay, okay,” Hide repeated as he took another breath. As soon as he had the chance he would tell Touka exactly what he thought about her _strong-wiliness_. “So you almost got caught?”  
  
“Yeah. It was actually the same investigator that was after Hinami…”  
  
“Oh,” Hide breathed out, feeling apprehension at dredging up such a sensitive subject, “Well, you’re safe now, at least.”  
  
“Well, yes. As safe as can be,” Kaneki shrugged before smiling slightly, taking the edge of his words.   
  
“That’s all I ask for,” Hide said with a smile as he bumped Kaneki’s side playfully, relishing in the sight of Kaneki’s smile growing bigger.

* * *

Hide found himself settling into the work at CCG quickly, actually enjoying it more than he thought he would as he got to talk to a lot of interesting people. He hadn’t yet gotten access to anything even remotely useful, but he was sure that if he kept his head down and his demeanor pleasant he would eventually stumble across something.   
  
Kaneki and Hide had taken to meeting up after school twice a week to study and to update each other on what was going on at Anteiku and at the CCG. Hide treasured these evenings, as they were his only real insight into the new part of Kaneki’s life.   
  
This night, however, Kaneki had cancelled their plans to meet up with the eccentric ghoul he had been talking about, a ghoul apparently called Tsukiyama. Kaneki had seemed genuinely interested in getting to know him so Hide had gracefully agreed to postpone their scheduled hang-out to later that week in exchange for a promise that Kaneki would give him a report on how it all went the same night.  
  
It was now approaching midnight and he hadn’t heard a word from Kaneki, and the other wasn’t answering his phone. After the last couple of incidents involving Kaneki not answering his phone, Hides’s mind had taken it upon itself to conjure up one morbid scene after the other. His somewhat panicked mind had decided that he should go outside and search for Kaneki, and he was rummaging through his drawers for a warmer sweater when he suddenly picked up on a sudden sound. Hide froze. After a couple of quiet seconds he heard the sound again; a quiet knock on his front door.   
  
Hide forgot all about being careful as he almost ran across the floor and wrenched the door open, finding himself face to face with Kaneki.  
  
“Kaneki! Thank God you’re okay!” Hide breathed out as he sagged against the doorframe, suddenly feeling too tired to stand up straight.  
  
“Hello,” Kaneki greeted in a low voice and Hide suddenly took note of the others tired eyes, his pale face, and as he glanced down he sucked in a breath at the sight of a bloodstain covering the left side of Kaneki’s stomach.   
  
Hide straightened up again, tiredness forgotten as the previous panic-induced scenarios flashed through his head again. “Kaneki? You okay?”   
  
Kaneki started slightly at Hide’s voice, seemingly having spaced out in the short amount of time he had been silent, “Huh? Yeah… Can I come in?”  
  
“Yes! Please do!” Hide hurried to say, stepping aside to give the other space to enter. Hide took note of Kaneki swaying slightly before taking a small step forward, and immediately grabbed his arm to support him.   
  
“What happened?” Hide asked carefully as they shuffled into the apartment slowly, Hide trying to be mindful of the wound he suspected adorned Kaneki’s stomach, while praying that the other didn’t sport other injuries he wasn’t aware of. It wouldn’t surprise him and he kept his grip on the other as light as he could.  
  
Kaneki was quiet for a second before answering in a slurred and quiet tone, voice filled with self-loathing, “You were right. That ghoul was… bad business. I got fooled.”  
  
Hide paled. He wanted to ask what exactly had happened, but considering Kaneki’s obvious exhaustion, that would have to wait. “Do you need anything?”  
  
“No. No, I’m fine,” Kaneki assured him, but it was undermined as Hide could feel him tremble. Kaneki hesitated for a second before continuing, “Can I stay here tonight?”  
  
“Please do,” Hide answered at once; he did not want to let the other out of his sight right now. As he spoke he directed them both towards his bedroom, helping Kaneki to sit down on the bed.   
  
“Do you need help with that?” Hide nodded towards Kaneki’s stomach, hoping he had enough first-aid supplies to take care of a wound that would be able to produce that much blood.   
  
Kaneki shook his head, “No, it’s already patched up.” He lifted his shirt slightly as he spoke, showing of a big plaster. Hide could see the edges of another plaster on Kaneki’s chest and felt sadness fill his entire being at the realization that his best friend had, once again, had to go through something absolutely horrible.   
  
Hide opened his mouth to try and voice his thoughts, voice his sorrow and regret, but before he had drawn a full breath Kaneki had lain down on the bed, curled up on his side, fully clothed, and promptly fallen asleep. 

* * *

The next morning Hide woke up feeling unrested, the lingering unease after a bad dream at the forefront of his mind; fleeting images of a wounded Kaneki and the smell of blood leaving him feeling anxious as soon as he opened his eyes.   
  
He quietly got up from the sofa and shuffled into the kitchen, deciding to brew some coffee before he woke Kaneki up. As he entered the kitchen, however, he stopped in surprise as he saw Kaneki sitting at the table, already wide awake.   
  
Kaneki looked up as he entered the room and sent him a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Good morning, Hide.”  
  
“Morning,” Hide greeted with pursed lips as he set about starting up the coffee maker, sending Kaneki a questioning glance. How long had the other been up? Had he not slept well?  
  
“Can you make me a cup as well?” Kaneki asked while scratching at his stomach. Hide nodded and relaxed slightly at the familiar sound of the coffee starting to brew. That feeling of ease disappeared as he turned back around in time to see Kaneki tugging at the plaster on his stomach before suddenly ripping it off.   
  
“Hey! You gotta leave that alone for a while-” Hide cut himself off as the skin under the wound came into view; expecting a big gruesome wound, but instead his eyes landed on unmarred, slightly bloodstained skin. “Oh, it healed overnight? That’s… cool.”  
  
Kaneki gave him a wry smile, but didn’t comment as he lowered his shirt back down and got up to throw the sullied plaster away. Hide desperately wanted to ask about what had happened the day before, if Kaneki was safe, if there was something Hide could do to help.   
  
Before he could give voice to any of the questions tumbling around inside his head, Kaneki spoke, voice low and almost emotionless, “They wanted to eat me.”   
  
Hide swallowed, taking a deep breath before prompting, “They?”  
  
“It was some kind of bizarre restaurant,” Kaneki said in a small voice, looking down at the table with furrowed brows and lips pressed into a thin line.  
  
“I’m so sorry,” Hide said, at a loss on how to comfort the other. Kaneki raised his head to look at him, mouth turning up at the corners into a smile, a smile that looked a bit more genuine than the last one had. Hide counted that as a small victory.   
  
“Thank you. I… think I’m okay,” Kaneki said, before his eyes became slightly unfocused, smile sliding of his face, “It’s just, they were all so… inhumane. And they are wore masks. They had an announcer, a whole system set up. Nicknames and all. I didn’t even realize it was Tsukiyama until he spoke. I mean… MM? Really? They can’t even use human names? Or show their faces? That has to mean they know what they’re doing is wrong, but they still-”  
  
“Kaneki,” Hide said forcefully, cutting off the other’s increasingly agitated muttering, not liking the look of anguish and anger that settled on his friend’s face as he talked. “It’s over. You’re okay.” He approached the table and put a hand on Kaneki’s shoulder, squeezing lightly, and he could feel Kaneki tremble slightly beneath his fingers.   
  
“Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, I’m just- I’m fine,” Kaneki stuttered out before taking a deep breath. Hide removed his hand with some reluctance, wanting to comfort Kaneki any way he could.  
  
“Just tell me if-” Hide stopped mid-sentence as his thoughts caught up to what Kaneki had said. _Restaurant. Yesterday. MM._ Hide felt himself pale.   
  
“Wait. MM?” Hide croaked out, taking a stumbling step towards the chair opposite Kaneki and slumping down in it.  
  
“Some sort of codename I guess.” Kaneki mumbled absentmindedly, before he seemed to focus on Hide’s pale face on the other side of the table, “Why?”   
  
“Well… I…” Hide muttered, trying to straighten out the thoughts suddenly whirling through is head. _The woman he had put a tracker on had probably been a ghoul, then. MM had been Kaneki’s new acquaintance. The restaurant she was taking about had been a restaurant made for ghouls. Kaneki had ended up at that restaurant. I should have warned him. I should have said something. I should have been more careful. I should have been able to understand. I should have-_  
  
“Hide, are you okay?” Kaneki interrupted Hide’s racing thoughts with a concerned voice. Hide looked up from his white-knuckled hands and shook his head. Now he made Kaneki worry for him, when he was supposed to comfort the other.   
  
“I overheard a woman earlier this week… She was talking about a restaurant,” Hide whispered out, unable to look Kaneki in the eye.  
  
“By ‘overheard’, do you mean you put a tracking device on her?” Kaneki asked with a raised eyebrow.   
  
“That’s not important!” Hide hissed out, surprised at how angry he sounded. He took a deep breath and continued, “I could have helped you. That’s the whole reason for these tracing devices, and I failed…”  
  
Kaneki smiled at him sadly, “This isn’t your fault Hide. That woman could have been talking about any restaurant. You can’t know everything.”  
  
“She mentioned someone named MM… Who was supposed to bring _food,_ ” Hide said in a defeated voice, putting his face in his hands.  
  
“Oh,” Kaneki breathed out.  
  
“Yeah,” Hide sighed and lowered his hands as he slumped down in his chair. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“Still not your fault,” Kaneki waved him off before taking a deep breath and stretching his mouth into a small smile, “Is the coffee done?”  
  
“I-” Hide started, but cut himself off, focusing on the strained smile on Kaneki’s face. “Yes, let me get it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh darn it! I might have dragged this out a bit, but I hope it's still okay!!   
> Next week we will pay a visit to a little certain organization called Aogiri Tree ;)


	11. Meeting

Hide turned on the news and absentmindedly listened to the reporter recounting the bid for evacuation in the 11th ward and the increased presence of the CCG in the 20th. Hide thought back to his ‘outing’ the day before and the man he had managed to track. The man, who according to his companion was called ‘Yamori’, had given off a very sinister aura, almost enough to deter him from approaching. But he had managed to place a tracking device on him, resolutely pressing down a rising sense of panic the whole time. He was convinced that the only thing that had saved his life was the fact that the two men had been distracted by a conversation regarding ‘picking someone up’. Hide had fled the scene as quickly as possible, looking over his shoulder every five meters on his way home and falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow due to sheer exhaustion.  
  
_Am I using this as an unhealthy coping-mechanism for my worry and anxiety? Probably._ Hide sighed and brought out his phone, looking at the location indicator of the man. After Hide had managed to place a tracker on him, he had taken a slight detour in the 20 th ward before going straight to the 11th ward and then he had stayed there, in a big abandoned house complex. _Well, that is very suspicious._ Hide almost felt relieved at the notion that he might not have gone through all that stress for nothing. He looked down at the map again. _Wait a minute…_ The location the man had stopped at in the 20 th ward looked very familiar. Hide frowned as he realized why. _Why would they go to Anteiku_?   
  
The news reporter on the TV went on talking about how the CCG was trying to locate the hideout of the ghoul organization in the 11 th ward and Hide sat up straight, suddenly feeling adrenaline course through his body. _The 11 th ward. Hideout._ He glanced down at his phone where the dot indicating the location of the man he had put a tracker on still blinked lazily in the location of the abandoned complex. _No way… I’m right, aren’t I?_   
  
The news report droned on, stating that in response to the increase in ghoul activity the CCG were urging the public to stay indoors as much as possible, and to not try to enter the 11 th ward. _Was this town always so dangerous?_ Hide brought up his conversation with Kaneki, seeing that the other still hadn’t replied since yesterday and felt exasperation and fear battling for dominance in his mind. He would have to have a serious talk with Kaneki later about responding to messages and calls; Hide’s nerves could only handle so much. Especially when the situation outside was this serious.  
  
_Why hasn’t he answered? What if something bad has happened again?_ Hide couldn’t stop his thoughts from racing; focusing on all the horrible ways his friend could be in trouble. Not for the first time he wished that there was some way for him to contact the people at Anteiku, or ask them if they knew anything. He knew he couldn’t talk to them directly, he had promised Kaneki as much, but nothing stopped him from going for a short visit. _Maybe Kaneki was working and everything was fine._  
  
Making up his mind, Hide hastily put his shoes and jacket on and exited his apartment. 

* * *

He arrived at Anteiku after dark, and as soon as he could see the café further down the street he got a sinking feeling in his stomach. It was too dark. When he got closer he saw a sign outside reading ‘Closed’, and Hide stopped dead in front of the café; feeling lost. _Anteiku was usually open at this hour, wasn’t it?_ Hide frowned and cast a quick glance around, ensuring that the street was empty, before trying to look inside.  
  
The darkness hopefully helped cover Hide from eventual prying eyes, but as Hide peeked through a small gap in the blinds covering the windows it didn’t help cover up the broken pieces of furniture strewn about, and what looked suspiciously like hastily mopped up blood-stains. Hide suddenly felt very cold, panic crawling up his increasingly tight throat. _What could have happened here? Had Kaneki been involved? Where was he now??_  
  
“Hey.”  
  
Hide froze, feeling adrenaline override the panic at hearing a voice so close behind him all of a sudden. He hadn’t heard anyone approach. He hastily whipped around in the direction of the voice, raising his hands in what he hoped could be interpreted as a combat-pose, before blinking in surprise.   
  
“…Nishio?”   
  
“Yo, shit-head,” Nishio drawled, raising one hand in a lazy wave together with an eyebrow as he looked at Hide’s raised arms.” What are you trying to do? Imitate a chicken?”  
  
“Jesus,” Hide breathed out and lowered his arms. “You scared the life out of me!” Hide tried for a smile, but kept his eyes peeled on the other; the last time they met hadn’t ended well for Hide.   
  
Nishio simply shrugged and asked in a disinterested voice, “What are you doing here?”  
  
“Why? What are _you_ doing here?” Hide countered. He had no intention of telling Nishio anything, no matter if Kaneki seemed to have formed some sort of friendship with the other now. He remembered Kaneki saying something about Nishio not healing after their fight and looked the other over; not wanting to spend time alone, at night, with an injured and hungry ghoul. “Are you… healed now?”  
   
Nishio frowned slightly before crossing his arms with a smirk, “Hm. You figured it out. Did you?”  
  
“Figured what out?” Hide asked defensively, regretting his thoughtless words. _Kaneki trusted me to not tell!_  
  
“Don’t play stupid, it doesn’t suit you,” Nishio snorted and waved a hand in the air.   
  
“Gee, thanks,” Hide drawled sarcastically, trying to distract the other from the topic at hand.   
  
“Did Kaneki tell you?” Nishio asked with an expression that screamed ‘I’m not interested’, but he leaned in as he asked it; betraying his interest.  
  
“Maybe,” Hide hesitated. He didn’t trust Nishio, but considering the fact that he was still alive he guessed that the other had no intention of hurting him right now. Then again; if Nishio was aiming to hurt Kaneki in any way, Hide wasn’t about to give out any information. “What’s your relationship with Kaneki? Last I knew, you weren’t exactly… on the best terms.”   
  
“I… owe him some.” Nishio ground the words out as if they pained him.  
  
“Who? Kaneki??” Hide asked, unable to conceal the surprise in his voice.   
  
“Who else?” Nishio growled before taking a deep breath and continuing, the words leaving his mouth with a grimace. “He… kind off pulled a horse crap move and… saved Kimi… and me.”   
  
“Kaneki?? Saved you?!” Hide exclaimed, unable to keep the surprise from his voice. Kaneki hadn’t told him anything about this!  
  
“Don’t make me repeat it,” Nishio growled out, his voice morphing into anger in a heartbeat.  
  
“Okay, okay, okay! I’m sorry!” Hide said, hands in the air in a placating gesture. “But really? I guess there’s still a lot I don’t know about him...”  
  
Nishio pulled a disgusted face. “This isn’t the time for shit like that. Kaneki needs help and-”  
  
“Wait!” Hide interrupted the other, ignoring the glare he received in response. “He needs help?? Do you know where Kaneki is?? He hasn’t answered any of my messages since yesterday, and now this!” Hide gestured to Anteiku with a grimace.   
  
Nishio simply looked at him in silence for a couple of minutes before mumbling out, “Of course you wouldn’t know… God damn it, this is too much trouble!”  
  
“Please tell me,” Hide pleaded desperately, taking a step towards the other; all earlier fear for his own safety forgotten.   
  
“I don’t know shit. Just that some people took him away. Broke into the café and everything.”  
  
Hide felt himself pale as he breathed out a disbelieving, “What?”  
  
“I’m not gonna repeat myself, shithead,” Nishio growled out, but it didn’t contain much anger.   
  
“He was… kidnapped?” Hide tried to get his breathing under control as his thoughts raced through his head. _Kidnapped? Why??_  
  
“Guess so,” Nishio sighed while running a hand through his hair. “Does it really matter though? He’s gone, so let’s bring him back. Or something shitty like that.”   
  
Hide’s mouth opened in surprise at the words, and he managed a small smile despite the shock. Or maybe because of it. “That’s actually kind of sweet of you.”  
  
Nishio narrowed his eyes and glared at Hide, “You take that back, right now!”  
  
“Whoa!” Hide raised his hands in surrender; the last thing he wanted right now was a fight. “I’m sorry. You’re not sweet.”   
  
Nishio huffed angrily, but didn’t push it. “Now. We are holding a meeting at Anteiku tomorrow. I think you should come.”  
  
“Eeh…” Hide hesitated, furrowing his eyebrows. “Are you sure I’m welcome? I mean- I’m not really supposed to know anything…”  
  
“I’m not gonna stand here and comfort you,” Nishio said in disgust. “If you wanna help him, then come.”   
  
“Why are you helping me?” Hide asked with a frown, trying to keep the suspicion out of his voice.  
  
Nishio seemed to hesitate at that, and Hide thought he wasn’t going to answer. After several quiet seconds Nishio let out a quiet breath. “If I was in your situation, I would want someone to do the same.” With that, Nishio turned on his heel and walked away into the dark.   
  
“When is the meeting tomorrow?!” Hide called after him.  
  
“Meet me at the train station at four.”

* * *

Hide exited the train the next day feeling exhausted; he hadn’t been able to sleep at all. His thoughts had been stuck on what could have happened, or what could _be_ happening to Kaneki, and he had found himself looking at the location of the last person he tracked, this _Yamori_ , again and again. It was such an unlikely coincidence; the man visited Anteiku before going to the 11th ward, a place known for its dangerous ghouls, at the same time as Kaneki was kidnapped. Hide wondered if his earlier hunch was right and that the man was connected to the ghoul organization in the 11th ward, and more importantly; if he was connected to Kaneki’s kidnapping, or if he was simply desperately grasping at straws.  
  
As soon as he exited the train station he spotted Nishio, standing to the side of the road emitting his usual aura of disinterest and distaste.    
  
Hide waved as he got closer, “Hey! Nishio!”  
  
The other simply looked up to meet his eye, and then turned and started to walk away.  
  
“Great, as polite as ever,” Hide mumbled under his breath but followed along silently. He hoped the other could hear him.  
  
They arrived at Anteiku in a matter of minutes; it was still closed and almost looked abandoned in the daylight, but Nishio led them to a back door and opened it without preamble. They entered the café and Hide followed Nishio up a couple of stairs and through a long and dark hallway, ending up in front of a closed door.   
  
As they opened the door they came upon a quiet room, but it was far from empty; all occupants immediately turning to stare at Hide as he entered and he felt himself tense up. He could see shock and fear in the eyes looking him over, mixed with uncertainty and Hide did not doubt that the look was mimicked on his face as well. Hide’s eyes landed on a small girl sitting on one of the couches in the room; it was the girl he had seen at Anteiku before, the girl he had placed a tracking device on. ‘ _Hinami’,_ his mind supplied him.   
  
Hide quickly looked over the rest of the room’s occupants; recognizing the boisterous man and the tall woman he had seen working at the café, and the manager Yoshimura. Hide noticed that Touka was not among them and let out a small sigh of relief; he still remembered Kaneki’s warning that she wouldn’t accept Hide knowing about the whole ghoul thing.   
  
Hide became acutely aware of how vulnerable he was right then; if all the occupants in the room except him were ghouls, Hide didn’t want to be the reason for making them feel threatened. He turned to ask Nishio for… support? Reassurance? He didn’t know, but as he turned towards the other he saw that Nishio was already making his way across the floor and plopping down in a chair with a disinterested face. Hide smiled uncertainly, for once not able to cover up his insecurity with his usual façade of confidence and cheerfulness, but trying to ease the tense feeling in the room.  
  
“Hello. I’m a friend of Kaneki’s,” Hide said while trying to appear as non-threatening and relaxed as possible while being stared down by, what he assumed was, four ghouls. His greeting was followed by silence and Hide had started to shift from foot to foot as someone cleared their throat to his right. Hide, together with all the others in the room, turned towards the source of the sound.   
  
Yoshimura smiled at him as he spoke in the same calm and kind voice as Hide remembered, “Welcome, Hide.”   
  
Hide felt himself relax at the friendly and somewhat familiar face. “Mr. Yoshimura. Hello.”   
  
“You can sit down beside Mr. Koma, we are still waiting for a couple of people,” Yoshimura said with a smile as he gestured towards one of the two couches in the room. Hide hesitated, but the man smiled and patted the seat next to him and Hide slowly made his way over and sat down, feeling very out of place. The gathering of people felt remarkably normal for being one made up of, what Hide guessed to be, only ghouls. He felt slightly surprised at how much like humans they seemed, before feeling embarrassed at his own thoughts; of _course_ they seemed human, wasn’t that what he had told Kaneki over and over? That there was no difference?   
  
“You know Big Brother?” Hinami asked him suddenly, Hide turned to look at her and saw that the fear in her eyes had been exchanged for tears.   
  
“Eh… Yes. We have been best friends for as long as I can remember,” Hide said with a soft smile and Hinami’s face broke out into a small smile in return.  
  
“Big brother’s very kind. He teaches me words.” Hide smiled at this; it was such a Kaneki-like thing to do and suddenly he felt more at ease. The people here seemed to know Kaneki and care for him, and that had to mean that they would help finding him. Hide looked up and caught the manager looking at him and Hinami with a small smile on his face, seemingly very pleased with something. Hide was startled out of his thoughts as the door suddenly opened, revealing a frowning Touka.   
  
“Manager, what’s going on?” She froze in the middle of a step as she noticed the gathering of people in the room, her frown deepening. “What’s happened?”   
  
Her eyes immediately sought out Hinami, and she seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. Then her eyes landed on Hide.   
  
“ _You_!” Hide felt his skin run cold at the venom in her voice. For the first time Hide realized that Kaneki’s warning might not have exaggerated. He shrunk back into the couch, but was unable to look away from Touka as she narrowed her eyes and continued in a hiss, “What do you know?”   
  
“Touka,” Yoshimura interrupted her. “Hide is here as Kaneki’s friend. He’s worried. As we all are. As for what he knows, well…” At this, Yoshimura turned towards Hide, seeming to expect an answer. Hide cleared his throat, taking a deep breath as he straightened up in the couch again. _Time to prove myself._  
  
“Well I know about you being… ghouls.” He couldn’t help the hesitation; he hadn’t spoken about this out loud with anyone except for Kaneki. At Touka’s furious expression he hurried to continue, “And I don’t care! I’m Kaneki’s friend and that doesn’t change. And… he trusts you guys, so I do too. I’m here to help him,” Hide ended resolutely, staring at Touka and daring her to argue.  
  
“I believe him,” Nishio spoke up suddenly, gesturing towards Hide. “We need all the hands we can get.”  
  
“Nobody cares what you think, shitty-Nishio!” Touka growled out.  
  
“Haaaah? You said something, shrimp?” Nishio drawled as he stood up from his chair and Touka took a step in his direction. Hide was silently glad that Touka had focused her anger towards someone else. Before things got out of hand Yoshimura took a step forward from where he was standing and everyone immediately fell silent.   
  
“Well then. We cannot stop Hide from caring. Let’s get to the matter at hand, shall we?” Yoshimura said in a calm tone and put his hand on Touka’s shoulder, steering her fully into the room and toward the chair furthest from Nishio. Touka snorted at this, but didn’t argue as she sat down and crossed her arms; sending another scowl in Hide’s direction.   
  
“Sooo,” Hide drawled, hoping his voice came out stable enough. He hadn’t forgotten that he was alone in a room with several ghouls, and now one of them was openly glaring at him. He put his hope in their connection to Kaneki; they wouldn’t hurt his friend…Right? “What's the plan?”   
  
“That’s what we're here to figure out,” Yoshimura said with a kind smile. “First, I assume we are all somewhat aware of the current situation in the 11 th ward?”  
  
The conversation floated on for a while, and Hide had managed to calm down somewhat. He started to feel a bit reassured that there were so many people here that would help him find Kaneki, wherever he was. It was nice to not carry the burden alone for once. These feelings of hope quickly died at Yoshimura’s next words.  
  
“I don’t think we will be able to have any more contact with Kaneki.”   
  
“What?” Touka breathed out after several seconds, breaking the silence that had fallen over the room at the manager’s words.  
  
“Hey! You shitty old man! What are you saying?” Nishio growled out with an angry scowl on his face. Hide simply felt stunned; he had come her expecting help in finding Kaneki, or at least an explanation for what had happened, but that might have been too much to wish for-  
  
“Well, I’m going,” Touka spoke up, sending Yoshimura a nasty glare. “Alone, if I have to.”  
  
“I… owe him. I’m coming too,” Nishio said, and Touka gave the other a short nod.  
  
“Big brother saved me. If there’s anything I can do to help, I will,” Hinami said, her hands clenched in her lap and her voice firm.  
  
Hide felt a rush of affection towards Kaneki when he realized the number of people he had already managed to help since he became a part of the ghoul world. Kaneki had been so sure that he had lost his humanity after the operation, but you only had to look at this room to realize that Kaneki’s sympathy and compassion were still chancing lives for the better. Hide would be lying if he said that the realization didn’t fill him with a sense of pride. He raised a hand awkwardly, “Well. Obviously I’m going too. I’m not going to abandon him, not now.”  
  
The manager smiled, “I just want to clear something up. I am intending to go after Kaneki, but I wanted to make sure you realized that you will have to put your lives on the line. Both me and Yomo will do our outmost to protect you all. Anteiku’s policy is to help other ghouls, so can you do that?”  
  
“We can!” Nishio, Touka and Hinami stated in unison and Hide smiled at the sight of Kaneki’s friends being so determined to help him, even in his absence. The manager nodded with a look on his face that Hide could only describe as proud.   
  
“Well, then. We do have another support member this time as well,” Yoshimura said while turning slightly towards the door just before it opened, revealing a serious man with blond hair that Hide had seen at Ateiku before, followed by another man in an obnoxiously purple suit who was waving his hands around as he talked. “Long time no see, my loves!”  
  
Both Nishio and Touka immediately got to their feet, facing the purple man with raised fists.  
  
“Tsukiyama!” Nishio snarled. “How are you even alive?!”  
  
“Tsukiyama?” Hide breathed out, feeling the blood drain from his face. “Then you are the one Kaneki…”  
  
“Oh? Who do we have here?” Tsukiyama drawled as he took a step in Hide’s direction with a smile, before stopping as Nishio took a step of his own so he ended up blocking his way. Tsukiyama looked over Nishio’s shoulder and the smirk he sent Hide made him shudder in disgust. “A human? How cute! Who’s is it?”  
  
Hide bristled, “It??”   
  
“Now, now. I called him here,” Yoshimura interrupted the commotion in a calm voice. “It’s better to have him on our side, am I right? Besides, we have a better chance at success with him.”  
  
“I guess,” Nishio shrugged, but didn’t move. Hide was grateful. “I still don’t trust him.”  
  
The conversation devolved into bickering, and Hide felt that there was a lot of underlying history here that he wasn’t really able to follow. After a couple of minutes the door opened yet again to reveal two new people who hastily joined the group in the room. Hide shrank back slightly, keeping quiet and feeling out of place as several smaller conversations broke out in the room.   
  
Touka was recounting to Nishio what she had seen when they had taken Kaneki away; apparently she had been the only other person present during the attack. Hide listened intently while trying to commit all the details to memory. When she finished talking Hide frowned slightly.   
  
“Can you describe the people, the ghouls, who took him?” Hide asked and Touka sent him a surprised look; frowning as she realized that he had been listening. Hide didn’t care; he needed to see if his hunch was correct about the man he had tracked.  
  
“Well. There were several of them-”  
  
“Was one of them tall?” Hide interrupted her, his words coming out fast in his eagerness. “Really big and with blond hair? Scary looking?”  
  
Touka stared at him, mouth slightly open. “Wha- How do you-?”  
  
Hide thought back to the ghoul he had managed to track earlier and felt his blood run cold. He had thought that the man seemed dangerous, and he had learned to mostly trust his instincts when it came to those sorts of feelings, but he could never have guessed that he would be the one to kidnap his best friend the same day.  
  
“I think I know where Kaneki is,” Hide said.   
  
“What?” Touka asked, her surprise slowly changing into suspicion. “How?”  
  
“I placed a tracker on a ghoul called ‘Yamori’ and-”   
  
“Wait, wait, wait, you tracked him?? The big guy??” Touka asked with sudden intensity, looking at Hide with furrowed brows.  
  
“Um… yes?”   
  
Touka’s eyes widened and she breathed out a quiet, “Holy shit.”   
  
“Why?” Hide asked hesitantly, he was missing something here.  
  
Noshio patted him on the shoulder, “I misjudged you.”   
  
“Why??”   
  
“That guy is- ‘Yamori’ is... _Strong_. He is seriously bad business,” Noshio said slowly, before turning to smirk at Touka. “Or maybe you are simply getting super-weak.”   
  
“Shut up shitty-Nishiki!” Touka snapped back, but Hide barely registered that they were still talking. ‘ _Seriously bad business’._ Hide hadn’t really thought about it, but Yamori was a ghoul that had waltzed into Anteiku and simply grabbed Kaneki. Probably defeating both Kaneki himself and Touka as he did so. Hide felt the blood drain from his face as he took this in. _No wonder I felt a bad vive coming from him. God, I should be dead_.  
  
“It seems like you get it now,” Touka snorted. “And what? You are going around tracking ghouls like an idiot??”   
  
“Now you sound just like Kaneki,” Hide said weakly, grateful that he was already sitting down.   
  
Touka tsked, but didn’t retort.  
  
“Back to the matter at hand everybody!” Yoshimura called out over the room and everyone gathered back together. “We can't move in without some kind of cover. We wouldn't stand a chance.”   
  
“The CCG is planning a raid in a couple of days, we could strike then,” Hide said almost absentmindedly, trying to focus back in on the matter at hand.  
  
“How do you know that the CCG will strike?”   
  
“Well…” Hide hesitated, he had no idea how they would react if they knew he worked for the CCG. “They hinted at it on the news.”  
  
Yoshimura looked at him in silence for several seconds before a smile tugged up his lips and he gave a small nod. “Okay. That sounds good.”  
  
“Hide here knows where they are,” Touka said, nodding her head at Hide.  
  
“Well, that’s very convenient!” Tsukiyama exclaimed. Everyone ignored him.  
  
Yoshimura nodded once again. “We should sit down and work out the details of this operation.”  
  
Everyone gathered around the small coffee table, pulling up whatever chairs and furniture that was available for sitting on.   
  
While people were settling down Touka turned towards Hide. “You can't come with us though, you would only be in the way.”   
  
“Wow, thanks,” Hide grumbled. Hadn’t he just proven that he was able to handle himself? Well, her voice _did_ contain less hate than it had before.  
  
“She's right,” Nishio said offhandedly, inspecting the nails on his right hand as he spoke.  
  
“I thought you had my back!” Hide exclaimed indignantly.   
  
Nishio shrugged in response.  
  
“He can join Hinami,” Yoshimura said before turning towards the girl in question. “If that’s okay with you?”  
  
Hinami nodded with a serious expression. “Yes. If he’s a friend of big brother, then I trust him.”  
  
Hide smiled and felt a renewed wave of guilt over the fact that he had placed a tracking device on her, regardless of the fact that it had wound up actually helping in the end.   
  
“Thank you, Hinami,” Hide said with warmth.   
  
Hinami’s eyes widened in shock. “You know my name?”   
  
“Yes. Kaneki told me about you,” Hide said with a smile. “He just wouldn’t shut up about the cute little girl and how kind she was. He really cares about you, you know.”     
  
Hinami gave him a watery smile, before she lowered her head with tears in her eyes. Hide instinctively reached out and patted her head, trying to comfort her. “Let’s go save him, okay?”   
  
She nodded. “I’m not going to lose him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kind comments! They really motivate me to continue writing this!! :)  
> I have a lot of things coming up this week, so the next chapter might be out a little late and I apologize for that in advance. 
> 
> I hope you're having a good day! And as always; thanks for reading :)


	12. Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE!  
> I have updated the rating on this fic since this chapter contains some graphic violence. If this is not something you want to read, then this is your warning :)  
> Hope you enjoy!

Hide was fairly certain that he had never felt as anxious and restless as he did during the time he sat and waited with Hinami, Yoshimura and Irimi. He could hear the others talking over the earpiece he had equipped. _That_ purchase had earned him a strange look from the woman in the tech-store.  
  
Uta, Yomo, Touka, Nishio and Tsukiyama had just entered a building, keeping away from the fight that had broken out between the CCG and Aogiri Tree. Hide knew that he wouldn’t be much help down in the fray, but that didn’t help with this feeling of restlessness.   
  
Hide scratches at his mask as he shifted from foot to foot and checked the time on his phone for what felt like the hundredth time since they got there. The mask covering his face had been improvised; they hadn't had a lot of time to prepare, and so he had settled for a woven bag from Anteiku’s storage, secured with a rope. At least Hinami had decorated it with a somewhat crudely drawn face. Hide smiled at the thought as he looked over at the young girl who was gazing down at the complex with a focused look on her face.   
  
Hide brought his phone back up and, after checking the time yet again, he confirmed that the tracker he had placed on Yamori was still located in one of the complex’s buildings, where it hadn’t moved since the attack began. After the first couple of days since Kaneki’s disappearance Yamori seemed to spend almost all his time in the hideout in this specific room. As Hide watched the flashing dot, it suddenly moved; exiting the room and quickly moving towards another building.  
  
“I’m going there,” Hide said abruptly as he stuffed the phone back in his pocket.  
  
Hinami turned her head to look at Hide with a confused look. “Where?”  
  
“The room,” Hide said and turned to look at Yoshimura, who was looking at him with a thoughtful expression. Hide didn’t need to elaborate, he had told them about the tracking device and the room where Yamori spent most of his time, and about his suspicions that this might be where Kaneki was kept. “Yamori has gone outside. This is our chance to see what he’s hiding in there.”  
  
“You can’t! It’s too dangerous,” Hinami said in a pleading voice and Hide crouched down in front of her with a smile.  
  
“I won’t attract much attention going alone,” Hide said and patted her head lightly. “And besides, you are already so good at the whole ‘listening’ thing, you can try and tell me where the people are so I can avoid them.” Hide didn’t necessarily like putting so much pressure on a child, but he needed to do this and if it made Hinami feel better, then so be it.  
  
Hinami looked down at the ground, before asking in a small voice, “Are you sure it’s him?”  
  
Hide hesitated a second before nodding. He couldn’t afford to start questioning his instincts now. “Yes.”  
  
“What is the idiot doing now?” Touka hissed in his ear, and Hide flinched before remembering the earpieces. _Right._   
  
“Relax. I’m just going to go check a room out,” Hide said as he got back to his feet, looking over Hinami’s shoulder and breathing a small sigh of relief as he saw Yoshimura give him a small nod.  
  
“What room?” Touka asked, the annoyance clear in her voice.  
  
“It’s in building 5, I think Kaneki might be there.”  
  
This time it was Yomo’s voice that came through the earpiece, “It’s on the other side of the complex from us. It will take us some time to get there to back you up.”  
  
“It’s alright. Hinami got my back,” Hide said with a smile towards the smaller girl, trying to fake a confidence he didn’t feel.  
  
“Hinami, you don’t have to listen to that idiot,” Touka said in exasperation and Hinami smiled.  
  
“I know, Touka. It’s alright. Irimi and Mr. Yoshimura will help me.”

* * *

As if by a miracle, Hide made it through the building undetected. Hinami kept him company through the earpiece and warned him when someone, human or ghoul, were drawing close. All the fighting going on had its benefits; no-one had time to notice a lonely figure crawling through the shadows. Hide also had to admit that his endeavors in tracking ghouls had given him some good practice when it came to sneaking around.   
  
“It’s the door at the end of the hallway,” Hinami said and Hide crept forward, keeping to the edges of the hallway and moving as slowly as his racing heart would permit him. _Kaneki could be on the other side of that door. He had to be on the other side of that door._  
  
Hide carefully took his phone out and double-checked that, yes, Yamori was still in another building and wasn’t lurking on the other side of the door in front of him.   
  
“Thanks Hinami. I’m turning the earpiece of now,” Hide said as he reached up and flicked the device off before waiting for a reply. He knew that he others wouldn’t approve of this, but he didn’t want to risk alerting any possible occupants in the room of his presence if someone decided to talk at an inopportune time.  
  
Hide slowly pushed the door open and peered inside, sucking in a gasp as he took the room in, the blood draining from his face fast enough to leave him dizzy.  
  
The floor beneath all the dirt and blood was checkered in black and white, the ceiling stretched upwards in a dome overhead; creating an unsettling feeling of a stage, or an arena. In the middle of the room stood a chair, and the only sound Hide could hear was the raspy breathing of its occupant who seemed oblivious to the fact that anyone had even entered the room. The person was leaning forward slightly, startlingly white hair covering their face from view, but Hide could see the person trembling slightly; pale skin looking even paler covered by tattered and dirtied clothes.  
  
Hide took a hesitant step towards the chair before stopping himself. There was an upended bucket standing close to the chair with _something_ spilling out of it. Hide took a hesitant step closer and flinched as he recognized what was spilling across the floor. _Fingers and toes. Oh God. It’s fingers and toes._ Hide clamped a hand over his mouth as bile rose in his throat. The blood on the floor took on a new meaning as he noticed that it was centered around the chair. _This is a torture room._   
  
Hide instinctively took a step back as the realization hit him. Hide prayed that Kaneki had _nothing_ to do with the room he was in now. _Kaneki can’t have been in this room. He can’t have._  And that whoever the unlucky soul in the chair was had done something, _anything,_ that could even remotely justify this treatment. Hide shuddered as he realized that the person’s toenails were a dark black, the same as the toes in the bucket. _Ghouls heal fast._  
  
Hide tore his eyes away from the person in the chair with some difficulty and cast another quick look around the room. He felt bad for the unlucky stranger, but if Kaneki had been here he needed to know. The room was eerily empty, only housing a table with some… _tools_. Hide shuddered and sent a quick look towards the door behind him, not wanting to risk Yamori or anyone else walking in and taking him by surprise. He cast another look at the person in the chair, and seeing that he still hadn’t reacted to his presence at all, Hide quickly pushed the door shut again to keep anyone outside from noticing that he had entered the room.   
  
The figure in the chair suddenly mumbled something and Hide froze in place, turning around to face the only company he had in the room. _I thought he was unconscious._ Hide relaxed slightly when he noticed that the figure’s hands were held behind the chairs back by a pair of handcuffs and that his feet were bound to the chairs legs. _Oh God, please let the bindings hold._  
  
“Hello?” Hide called out hesitantly, not wanting to risk taking the figure by surprise. Who knew how he would react?  
  
The figures head whipped up suddenly at the sound of his voice. The person looked right at Hide, but his eyes didn’t focus on his face, seemingly looking right through him. Hide’s eyes widened in shock.   
  
“Kaneki…?” Hide breathed out, unable to look away from the unfocused eyes. _It can’t be…_ The figure in the chair did look like Kaneki, but there was no recognition on the others face, and the expression was unlike anything Hide had ever seen on his friend’s face; disinterest and hate in equal measures. Hide remembered the mask covering his face, and slowly reached up to remove it. As he pulled the bag from his head, he saw the other’s face fall; morphing into despair at a moment’s notice.  
  
“No. Nonono, you’re not real. Not real,” the voice rose and fell, tumbling out of the other’s mouth seemingly without control, but it was undeniably Kaneki’s voice. _It is Kaneki. I found him. He’s here._ Hide had imagined that the thought would make him feel happier than it did.  
  
Hide pressed down on the panic bubbling in his chest and resolutely avoided glancing at the bucket or the tools again, keeping his eyes on Kaneki’s trembling form. He managed to find his voice, choking out, “I’m real. Kaneki. It’s me. Hide. I’ve come to get you.” _How could he not have realized that the person in the chair had been Kaneki?_  
  
“No. Not real. I won’t be fooled,” Kaneki mumbled and lowered his head again; slumping forward as far as his handcuffed arms would let him.   
  
“I’m real!” Hide said with desperation. They had gone through all this trouble, all this danger, they were still in danger. He had to make Kaneki see reason, and fast, before Yamori came back. “Look at me!”   
  
“No. Get out,” Kaneki mumbled, before suddenly raising his voice and shouting, “Get out! Get out!! GET OUT!”  
  
Hide flinched at the other’s sudden outburst, but took another step closer to the chair. He would not be so easily deterred. “I’m not going anywhere.”  
  
Kaneki didn’t seem to hear him anymore as he continued to mumble under his breath, “Leave. Get out. It’s _my_ head. Mothe- No! Weak, weak, weak, weak.”  
  
“What did they do to you…?” Hide fought back the tears threatening to spill over from his eyes. He had to stay strong right now, he couldn’t afford to break down. For Kaneki’s sake. “I’m going to get you out of here,” Hide said resolutely, forcing his voice to be stable. “It’s going to be ok.”  
  
Hide realized that he had to find a way to get the handcuffs off of the other before they would be able to get out, and he took a hesitant step towards the table at the edge of the room. It was the only surface in the relatively empty room that housed… _things._ Hide tried hard not to think about what those things had been used for as he looked the table over for a key.  
  
“Not again,” Kaneki said in a suddenly clear voice and Hide turned around to be met by eyes full of tired despair looking at him. Hide glanced down at the table and paled. Kaneki thought that he-  
  
“I’m not gonna hurt you. I just need to find a key,” Hide said in a voice that was surprisingly hard to push out of his throat.   
  
A sudden scraping sound resonated through the room and Hide turned around with a burst of adrenaline and saw the door slowly being pushed open. Hide looked over at Kaneki and saw that the other had slumped down in the chair again, head hanging low in what looked like defeat, and decided that his best option for now was to stay hidden and look for an opportunity to get them both out of there. He managed to dive behind the table just in time before a big figure walked into the room.  
  
The man’s face was covered by a hockey mask, but Hide could still see his hair and his body shape. _Yamori._ Hide felt frozen to the ground, Nishio and Touka’s words about Yamori’s strength echoed in his head as he watched the man in question walk up towards the chair, towards Kaneki.  
  
“Kaneki. We are under attack from Doves. My duty is to defend this place,” Yamori said as he stopped in front of Kaneki’s chair, voice calm and casual. Kaneki didn’t show any indication that he had heard the other, but that didn’t seem to deter Yamori. “Do you believe in rumors? A long time ago I heard that if you eat another ghoul, then your body will become stronger. They taste bad, but I’ve tried it,” Yamori continued on, removing the hockey mask from his face as he did so, revealing a carefully controlled expression that didn’t fully manage to hide the excitement in his eyes. “I swear my kagune has gotten stronger since then and I don’t have a lot of enemies left in the 13 th district. I believe in that rumor. We ghouls are probably designed to compete with each other. To consume each other. And now it’s your turn to be consumed by me,” Yamori said as he reached a hand out and-   
  
“Stop!” Hide called out before realizing what he was doing. He couldn’t allow that man to touch Kaneki, not after seeing the tools in this room, the blood, the fingers- Hide sucked in a breath and squared his shoulders as Yamori turned his head with an annoyed expression to look in his direction.   
  
When Yamori’s eyes found the source of the sudden shout his lips twisted into a caricature of a smile, “Oh? Who do we have here?”  
  
“Don’t touch him!” Hide growled out, hoping that he wasn’t visibly shaking as he tried to glare Yamori down.  
  
“You a friend of his?” Yamori asked as he nodded in Kaneki’s direction. “How did you get in here…?” Yamori tilted his head as he mumbled to himself, before taking a step in Hide’s direction with a smile. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter. You are very welcome.”   
  
Hide opened his mouth to answer when he was suddenly yanked up from the floor by the front of his jacket. A surprised shout escaped him as he tried to understand what had happened while suddenly gazing straight into Yamori’s face. _I didn’t even see him move._  
  
“Oh? Don’t I recognize you?” Yamori asked in a pleasant voice as he pulled Hide closer to his face. Hide did his best to meet the other’s deranged gaze without showing fear; it was made significantly harder as his feet kicked at the air for purchase and it was getting increasingly harder to simply breathe. “Aaaah, you’re that bumbling fool who dropped coins all over the ground. Such a sloppy ghoul-” Yamori cut himself off with a sudden frown, leaning forward and taking a deep breath close to Hide’s face. _Too close. Too close!_ Yamori leaned back again and threw his head back as he started laughing. “You’re not! I can’t believe it! You’re a goddamned human!”  
  
Hide cast a desperate look over Yamori’s shoulder at Kaneki, seeking comfort, or reassurance, or _something._ But the other still sat slumped in his chair, seemingly not hearing anything that was going on. _Or not caring._ The thought came to Hide unbidden, but settled in his stomach with a cold uncertainty. _I’m alone in this._ Hide paused. _No, I’m not._ He raised a hand to try and turn his earpiece back on, cursing as his hand shook badly enough for him to fumble with the switch.  
  
“Well, then. I don’t have time for trash like you,” Yamori said with a sneer and Hide felt his eyes widen as Yamori shifted the arm carrying Hide effortlessly, swinging him to the side. “You humans break too easily. Die.”   
  
Hide suddenly felt weightless and he realized Yamori had thrown him. The vertigo was short-lived as he collided with something hard; a grunt leaving his throat as he slumped bonelessly to the floor. A sudden feeling of déjà vu washed over Hide and he groggily looked up to find that Kaneki’s eyes finally seemed to focus on him. _Who attacked me? Nishio-? No, Yamori._  
  
“Hide…?” Kaneki’s voice reached Hide’s ears and he sounded so uncertain, so scared. Hide tried to form a smile on his face to assure the other that everything would be okay, but Hide’s view of Kaneki was suddenly blocked by a gleeful-looking Yamori.  
  
“So he _is_ a friend?” Yamori asked in a happy voice and Hide struggled into a sitting position, doing his best to ignore the throbbing in his head from where he had probably hit the wall.   
  
Hide opened his mouth to argue, to fight back, to tell Kaneki that they were all here to get him, but what came out was a small and pathetic “Don’t-” before his voice seemed to get stuck in his throat as Yamori leaned over him, a deranged smile pulling his mouth impossibly wide.  
  
“Don’t look away now Kaneki. You have to watch as I eat him,” Yamori said as he reached down to grab Hide again, pulling him to his feet by his throat. Hide blinked owlishly as he gasped for air, the room spinning around him. Maybe he had hit his head a bit harder than he thought. Yamori looked over at Kaneki with a smile, and Hide could see Kaneki’s eyebrows furrow as his eyes stayed focused on Hide’s face. “And would you look at that; now you’re responsible for the death of somebody else you care about. Remember what I told you Kaneki. Only the strong survive.”    
  
Yamori leaned in towards Hide and suddenly all Hide could see was Yamori’s staring eyes, his wide smile, his sharp teeth- Hide clenched his eyes shut; blocking out the sight of what he was sure was his impending death. This wasn’t how the rescue mission was supposed to go. He had failed.  
  
“Don’t touch him!”  
  
Hide’s eyes shot open as the hand around his throat suddenly let go and he fell a short distance to the floor, slumping down while gasping for breath. Hide tried to force his spotty vision to focus, and managed to make out the form of Yamori looming over Kaneki’s small, sitting, form.   
  
“You gonna start barking now? Shut up!” Yamori growled and leaned forward, Hide opened his mouth, but no sound came out as Yamori’s hands reached for Kaneki’s throat. _No. Not Kaneki. I gotta help him!_ Hide met Kaneki’s eye briefly and felt startled when he saw a small smile creep onto Kaneki’s face.   
  
Suddenly Kaneki moved, hunching forward. Hide blinked as Yamori took a sudden step back while raisin a hand towards his face and Hide followed the motion to look upon a big gash in the man’s cheek. _When had that happened?_   
  
“A… bite…?” Yamori said incredulously, looking down at the blood dripping to the floor with what looked like fascination.    
  
In the sudden silence, Kaneki spoke, “It really does taste bad. Like rotten fish.”  
  
Hide felt his eyes widen. Kaneki had-   
  
Before Yamori had the time to answer Kaneki had yanked his hands forward, effectively breaking the chair’s legs and jumping up in the air. Yamori hunched forward with anger blazing in his eyes, “You fuck-! You ate me!”  
  
Kaneki landed on the other’s shoulders, using the chain connecting his cuffed hands to choke of Yamori’s air. “My bad?” Kaneki said, voice level and almost disinterested as the man struggled to breath beneath him. Hide blinked, _was that a smile on Kaneki’s face?_  
  
Yamori threw Kaneki off of him and Hide managed to half-rise into a sitting position as his instincts screamed at him to get to Kaneki; to make sure that he was okay. He barely had the time to get one foot beneath him before he froze in place as Kaneki landed effortlessly on his feet several meters away from Yamori, who now had blood streaming down his face from where his ear had been just a second before.   
  
“You…brat! You bit me again…!” Yamori growled with enough anger in his voice to make Hide flinch.   
  
Kaneki seemed unfazed as he stood up straight, facing his opponent with disdain in his voice, “You tried to eat Hide and me, didn’t you? So if you end up getting eaten, then that’s. Just. Too. Bad.”  
  
“Have you gone insane? Useless bastard!” Yamori screamed as he moved in, lighting fast, to grab Kaneki again, growling in his face, “The strong eat! In other words, me! That’s me!!”  
  
Hide found that he couldn’t move, couldn’t look away as he looked on in horror as this giant of a man raised his friend up from the floor. Kaneki looked so small in the other’s hands.  
  
The same thoughts didn’t seem to occur to Kaneki as he responded in a calm voice, “So try it.”  Kaneki twisted in Yamori’s grip, bringing his leg around to connect with the side of Yamori´s head, but Yamori blocked the kick with a hand; grabbing hold of the leg with a smile.   
  
“You idiot. I won’t let it go, even if it breaks.”   
  
Hide flinched as the momentum of Kaneki’s kick started to twist his leg around.   
  
“I don’t care if it breaks. You think I’d call this pain?” Kaneki asked in the same detached voice he had used ever since the fight started and the room was suddenly filled with the snapping and tearing sound of a leg being forcefully twisted around itself. Hide suddenly felt very cold as all the blood drained from his face and he sat back down on the floor with a heavy thud. _What was happening again? Kaneki-? Was I supposed to call someone? Where is everyone else?_  
  
“You… I’ll kill you,” a voice rang out in the room, emanating from a portion of the wall that had partially collapsed. _When had that happened?_ Hide shook his head as he tried to focus on the events taking place in front of him, focusing on the figure emerging from the rubble and smoke. Yamori? But something was different about him; there was something covering his face, spreading down one of his arms. _His kagune? But it’s so big._ Hide looked over to where another figure stood. _Kaneki._ Wait, hadn’t his leg- Hide glanced down and his mouth fell open as he was unable to spot any kind of injury on his friend. _Did I imagine it_ …?  
  
The figure spoke again, taking a step in Kaneki’s direction, and Hide suddenly recognized Yamori’s voice, “I’ll kill you and eat you, Chew you into a sloppy mess. Devour. Kill kill kill.”  
  
“Yeah. What a bother,” Kaneki drawled as he raised a hand, forcing one of his own fingers down until a resolute crack sounded in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I hope you enjoyed the new chapter!  
> Thank you so much for all the kind comments and support! It means a lot!!


	13. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE!  
> This chapter contains some graphic violence.

There was a body on the floor and for a second Hide felt dread wash over him; cold and merciless. _Please don’t let it be Kaneki._ He had a hard time imagining his friend winning in a fight against a monster like Yamori, especially after all that he had just gone through. A couple of seconds later the dust settled enough for him to make out a smaller form standing over the body lying on the ground. Despite the gory scene in front of him Hide let out a sigh of relief.   
  
“Cannibalizing another ghoul makes you stronger… Is that what you said?” Kaneki’s voice filled the room, which was startlingly quiet after the violent fight. Hide sat at the edge of the room, trying to wrap his aching head around the situation that was playing out in front of him. Hide realized that Kaneki’s kagune was piecing Yamori’s legs and arms: effectively pinning him to the ground beneath the other.   
  
Hide opened his mouth to speak up; to try and stop this fight, to stop Kaneki, but before he could get a word out, he froze. Kaneki lifted one hand and violently tapped at the side of his own head. _What is he-?_ Hide watched in silent horror as Kaneki reached into his own ear with a face of utter disinterest and started to pull out a long, squirming, centipede. The creature writhed in Kaneki’s grip, body still half-trapped inside the other’s _head._ After what felt like an eternity Kaneki held the massive dangling centipede in front of his face for a second, before tossing it over his shoulder, ignoring the trickle of blood running from his ear.  
  
Hide didn’t even try to push down on the bile rising in his throat as he leaned forward on his hands and knees and dry-heaved; mind replaying the insect getting pulled, wiggling, from his friend’s ear and _what-_ _What was- Why- Why had it been- How long? Oh God- In his head?!_ Hide retched helplessly as his shaking arms did their best to support him.  
  
“I wonder if eating your kagune will stop your regeneration?” Kaneki’s eerily disinterested voice mused and Hide looked up with watery eyes in time to see the other lift his kagune up, freeing Yamori . Yamori seemed to take the opportunity to try and crawl away and Hide winced as Kaneki brought his kagune back down; pinning the other man against the floor once again. Yamori screamed and Hide looked on in horror as Kaneki gazed down at the man trapped beneath him with dead eyes and a smile on his lips. Hide shuddered as he registered what Kaneki had said; he couldn’t mean that he would-? “What’s 1000 minus 7?”  
  
Hide couldn’t turn away from the scene in front of him as Kaneki bent down and tore into the kagune protruding from Yamori’s back. The sounds resonated through the big room; seemingly amplifying until all he Hide could hear was the tearing, the crunching, the slurping- Through it all Hide was vaguely aware of his own breathing picking up and the sound of Kaneki mumbling, “Gross. I’m gonna puke. Gross, gross. Disgusting.” Hide raised his hands as if to cover his ears, but his arms didn’t seem to obey him and he still couldn’t look away, he couldn’t- _No, no, no, no. Stop. Stop._ _  
  
 _ “Stop!”   
  
Kaneki froze and whipped his head around to glare at Hide, one of his kagune rose to point threateningly in Hide’s direction. Hide flinched back, but continued to speak, doing his best to ignore the trembling in his voice. “That’s enough. Please stop, Kaneki. You’ll kill him.”  
  
Kaneki glanced down at the bloodied man pinned beneath him, before he raised one of his own hands and gazed at the blood there with distant eyes. He then stepped away; face devoid of any of the regret or disgust that Hide found himself hoping to see.  
  
Kaneki looked at Hide once again, before turning to face Yamori, who was now whimpering with his face against the floor. “If humans were the ones who turned you cruel, then perhaps you could be considered a victim as well. But I won’t be like you and take life for the sake of pleasure.” Kaneki turned away with a look of mild disgust on his face, before continuing in a somewhat pleased tone, “So the investigators are storming this place? Then I guess they will come into this room as well? And it seems like you can’t regenerate anymore. Please go ahead and get killed or die. I don’t want to be responsible for something like your life.”   
  
For the first time in a while Hide could make out a coherent sentence from Yamori’s mumblings, “Pease don’t leave me here alone!” Hide never thought he would be able to feel pity for the man.   
  
Hide managed to tear his eyes away from what remained of Yamori as Kaneki started walking towards where Hide sat. Kaneki stopped right in front of him and Hide had to fight back the instinctive unease as Kaneki stood over his sitting form. _Like he had stood over Yamori, before-_ Hide shut that train of thought down. _This is Kaneki. He would never hurt me._ He wished that the thought was more of an affirmation, and less of a plea.  
  
Kaneki offered him a hand and for a second all Hide could see was the blood smeared all over those pale hands and the too dark fingertips. _Dark as blood._ Hide hoped that Kaneki didn’t notice the slight hesitation before he reached up to clasp his hand. _Calm down. The blood can be washed away._ Despite Hide’s determination he couldn’t help flinching when, as soon as their hands touched, Kaneki jerked his arm back almost violently. When Hide looked up into the other’s face in confusion and alarm, he was met with wide and slightly unfocused eyes staring down at his still raised hands.  
  
Hide frowned as he took note of the other’s too-fast breathing and took a deep breath of his own to try and calm his still rolling stomach. _It’s fine. I’m fine. We’re both just… stressed out._ For the first time in his life he didn’t feel completely at ease around Kaneki, and the realization put him on edge. Hide kept his eyes in Kaneki’s slightly trembling form as he slowly pushed himself to his feet. The room felt like it was tilting slightly, but he didn’t know if this was because of the shock or his probable concussion, or both at once.  
  
“It’s okay. Calm down,” Hide tried to keep his voice level as he slowly raised his hands, palms out, in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. Even though Hide did his best to move slowly, he didn’t miss the way Kaneki’s eyes darted to his hands and his breathing picked up even more. “I’m not gonna hurt you. It’s me, Hide.”  
  
“Hide,” Kaneki breathed out, and his shoulders lowered slightly. “You’re here.”  
  
“Yeah. You’re safe now. Yamori’s-” Hide cut himself off as Kaneki flinched at the name, and Hide glanced over Kaneki’s shoulder at the still feebly squirming body on the floor and swallowed thickly. “It’s just us here. Let’s go find the others and go home.”   
  
Kaneki’s eyes focused on Hide again, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Others?”  
  
“Yes, we all came to save you,” Hide said with a smile, voice soft, hoping to reassure the other.  
  
Kaneki got an unreadable look on his face and Hide could see the other clenching his fists. “Why?”  
  
Hide frowned at this, but before he could answer and try to put the other at ease; assure him that they all cared and came to save him, Kaneki lowered his head and continued talking in a mumbled voice. “No. They can’t- You can’t be here.” It took Hide a second to realize that Kaneki wasn’t talking to him anymore as the other started to back away slowly, raising his hands to clutch at his head. “Not good. Dangerous. My fault. My fault. Have to protect them.”  
  
Hide raised a hand to reach out to the other but stopped. He yearned to comfort the other; to reassure the other that it was fine, that Hide was there to help him, to bring the _real_ Kaneki back. But considering how Kaneki reacted when their hands had touched, Hide lowered his hand back down and kept still.   
  
“Kaneki,” Hide said in a firm voice instead, trying to bring the other out of whatever thoughts were running through his head. The other didn’t react, so Hide repeated himself in a louder voice, “Kaneki!”   
  
Kaneki stopped short, breathing ragged, and glanced up at Hide from under white bangs. His hands were still tangled in his hair; white strands sticking out from between bloodied fingers.   
  
“Let's go home,” Hide said, and he was surprised at how pleading he sounded. This all felt like a long nightmare and he desperately wanted it to end.  
  
“I have to go help them,” Kaneki said in a low voice. “They are in danger. It’s my fault-”  
  
“No. It’s _not_ your fault,” Hide cut him off.” “We all chose to come here.”  
  
Whatever Kaneki was going to reply got cut short by a sudden loud noise; as if a wall had caved in and Kaneki snapped his head around in the direction of the sound.  
  
“I don’t have time for this… I have to…” Kaneki mumbled as he turned to face the door. Hide could see his hands shaking and he was suddenly scared that Kaneki would leave him all alone in the room. He glanced over at the still writhing form of Yamori and felt a shiver travel up his spine.  
  
“Kaneki. Let’s go outside, all right?” Hide tried again, his voice sounding desperate even to his own ears.  
  
Kaneki turned again; looking back at Hide and his eyes were conflicted. “I have to go help them. I have to-” Then he looked to the floor with furrowed brows and shock his head while mumbling, “Can’t save everyone. Stupid, stupid. Why won’t you learn.” After a second Kaneki raised his head to look at Hide again before giving a small nod, “Let’s go outside.”  
  
Hide met the other’s gaze and, after confirming that Kaneki’s eyes actually focused on his, he only hesitated for a second before nodding back.

* * *

With Kaneki’s help they managed to get outside fairly quickly. The sound from the ongoing battle was closing in, but everyone seemed to be at the front-lines; leaving the corridors they ran through fairly deserted. Hide was a bit unsteady on his feet in the beginning, still feeling the effects from the blow he had taken to the back of his head, and after his first stumble Kaneki stopped and regarded Hide with an unreadable look.   
  
For a terrifying second Hide thought Kaneki would abandon him there; cast him aside for being too weak. Kaneki promptly put a stop to those thoughts as he slowly took a step closer and reached out for one of Hide’s arms, clearly intending to help him along. Hide felt touched, but didn’t miss the way Kaneki’s posture tensed up and his hand shook ever so slightly.   
  
“It’s okay. I can walk on my own,” Hide reassured the other as he took a small step away from Kaneki, not wanting the other to feel uncomfortable with the proximity just to help him. The time he had spent here had clearly _changed_ how he viewed touch.   
  
Kaneki’s face twitched into something resembling regret and pain, but it was gone too quickly for Hide to be sure. He blamed it on his still throbbing head and started walking again. As they finally opened a door and were met by fresh air Hide took a deep breath and allowed a small smile to form on his face. _They made it. Kaneki was out._   
  
Hide suddenly became aware that Kaneki wasn’t walking beside him anymore, and the smile quickly slipped from his mouth as he whirled around. His eyes landed on Kaneki where he had stopped a few meters back and Hide took a deep breath to calm himself. _It’s okay. It’s okay._   
  
“…Kaneki?”  
  
“I have to go back. I have to help them.”  
  
Hide was also worried for the others, but he didn’t think he would be able to watch Kaneki go back inside the buildings, not when he had finally managed to get him outside. Not without him anyway. “Take me with you.”  
  
“No,” Kaneki said simply as he turned to leave.   
  
“Wait!” Hide exclaimed and reached a hand out towards the other. Kaneki took a couple of quick steps back, eyes suddenly losing their focus as he looked down at Hide’s hand with furrowed brows. Hide let the hand drop down again, cursing himself for the sudden movement.   
  
“Stop it,” Kaneki said in a low voice, but Hide wasn’t so easily deterred. The possibility of losing Kaneki again after just finding him sat like a weight in his stomach.  
  
“Please just- Wait a minute okay? I will talk to the others and we can see where-”  
  
Hide was interrupted by a loud explosion, and Kaneki whipped around to face the building they had just exited; eyebrows furrowed and mouth pressed thin. That had been fairly close by.  
  
“I have to go,” Kaneki said, looking over his shoulder at Hide with an impatient look on his face. “You get to safety.”  
  
Kaneki started walking back towards the building without another look at Hide.  
  
“Kaneki!” Hide couldn’t help but call out, taking a step in the other’s direction.   
  
“Stop it!” Kanki suddenly growled as he spun to face Hide again. Hide froze. The look in Kaneki’s eyes sent a primal fear tingling down Hide’s spine and he had to remind himself to breathe. _Ghouls hunt humans._ He had never imagined that Kaneki could sound so angry, so threatening; at least not directed towards him. Hide couldn’t convince his legs to take another step forward, feeling rooted to the spot at the wild look in Kaneki’s eyes; he barely recognized his friend in this person standing in front of him.   
  
Hide opened his mouth to respond but no sound came out and before he could pull himself together Kaneki had taken off in a sprint, quickly disappearing around the corner of the building, leaving Hide standing alone outside, feeling more lost than ever.  
  
After a quiet couple of seconds he reached a hand up to his ear, fumbling with the earpiece for a while before managing to turn it on; he had not realized that his hands were shaking quite so badly. He took a steadying breath and spoke into the device, hoping that someone was still there to answer him. _How much time has passed since I turned it off?_ He had no idea, it felt like an eternity.  
  
“Hello?” His voice sounded strange to his own ears  
  
“Hide!” Hinami’s voice came through the device and Hide relaxed slightly. “Thank God! I tried to listen in the room you talked about, but it’s almost soundproof. I think it sounded like some kind of fight, though? Are you okay??”    
  
“Yes, I’m fine, Hinami. Sorry for worrying you,” Hide said and dragged a hand down his face. _Fine is a relative term._  
  
“Did you find him??”  
  
Hide hesitated for a second, sending a look over at the corner of the building where Kaneki had disappeared not even a minute ago. “Yes…?”  
  
“What…?” Hinami asked in a strangled voice. “Is he-?”  
  
Hide realized how she might have interpreted his vague answer and mentally kicked himself, she didn’t deserve any more stress than he had already caused her. “It’s okay! He’s alive.”  
  
“Oh. Thank you,” Hinami choked out. “Are you coming back here?”  
  
Hide took a deep breath. “I’m not with him.”  
  
“What? Why?!”  
  
“He took off…” Hide said, aware that it was another vague answer but deciding that now might not be the time to go into details concerning what had happened to Kaneki. _If you could even call that person Kaneki anymore,_ a small voice in his head whispered. Hide thought of the other’s attempt to help him off the floor, help him walk, and quickly shut that voice down. _He is._  
  
“Why would he…?” Hinami trailed off. When she spoke again, there was an unmistakable urgency in her tone, “You have to get back here now. People are coming your way, both ghouls and humans.”  
  
Hide felt it as another wave of adrenaline hit him. “They are coming here? Now?”  
  
“They are still some ways away, but they could be there in a couple of minutes.”  
  
Hide sent another look at the building where Kaneki had disappeared. “…Right.”  
  
Hinami hesitated for a second. “Are you okay?”  
  
“Yes. Yes, I’m fine,” Hide reassured her, before thinking of something. “The others? Why aren’t they on here?”  
  
“Well. They ran into some problems… So they turned their earpieces off.” Hinami said and Hide could hear the obvious stress in her voice, how close to tears she was, and he was forcibly reminded of just how young the girl on the other end of the conversation was. It was scarily easy to forget.  
  
“They will be fine,” Hide said decisively, wanting to ease some of her worry. He continued in a somewhat guilty tone, “And sorry for turning mine off.”  
  
“Yeah… It’s okay. Just get back here.”  
  
“I- I just have to check something out first,” Hide said as he started walking quickly back towards the building.  
  
“Please-”  
  
“I’m sorry. I really am. I will be careful,” Hide said and pressed down on a renewed sense of guilt for worrying her while causing so much trouble; he would have to make sure to properly apologize when this was all over.  
  
Hinami was silent for a couple of seconds before asking with some hesitation, “What are you going to do…?”   
  
“I have to warn Kaneki. He doesn’t have an earpiece, and he doesn’t know people are coming this way. I might be able to catch up to him,” Hide said as he started walking alongside the building wall. “I have to try.”  
  
Hinami was quiet for several seconds, just as he thought she wasn’t going to answer, she spoke in a low voice, “Okay, but please be careful. There’s so many of them everywhere and me and Irimi can’t keep tabs on them all.”  
  
“I will. Thank you.”  
  
Hide rounded the same corner that Kaneki had disappeared around, before continuing down the length of the building. Just as he was about to turn the next corner he stopped short at the sound of a voice he didn’t recognize, coming from somewhere ahead.  
  
“You were also fighting?”  
  
Hide hesitated before peeking around the corner. There was Kaneki; staring up towards a window that Hide couldn’t see from this position.  
  
Kaneki stood still for a few seconds before looking down again, taking a step forward.   
  
The voice spoke again, “Wait! There are things I want to ask you.”  
  
Hide frowned. He recognized that voice.  
  
“What you said before-”  
  
“I will fix it,” Kaneki cut the voice off, tone cold.    
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“It’s all wrong, and I will fix it.”  
  
“You can’t just fix it all alone,” the voice said and Hide could see the pained look on Kaneki’s face even from where he stood.   
  
“I have to try. I have to protect them,” Kaneki said in what could almost be counted as a whisper.   
  
“…What happened to you?” Hide could hear the frown in the other’s voice.   
  
_Amon. It’s Amon._ The realization hit Hide suddenly and he pressed a bit further against the building. He did not want one of his superiors to find him in the middle of the raid wearing a mask. That would not end well for him or his career, or him in general. _What is Amon doing talking to a ghoul on the battlefield?_  
  
The movement seemed to draw Kaneki’s attention and the other turned his head quickly to look over his shoulder, directly at Hide. Kaneki seemed to sigh and then turned to face forward again, taking off at a slow jog without answering Amon’s question.  
  
Hide took a step after the other before a scream nearby stopped him dead in his tracks. _I have to get back. I will just be in the way._ Hide turned around and started making his way back towards where Hinami and the others were waiting, thinking hard. Had Kaneki met Amon before this? What did Kaneki mean with ‘It’s all wrong’? How did he plan to ‘fix it’?   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I was a bit grossed out just writing that first part, but I hope it came out alright!
> 
> Thank you so much for all your supportive comments, they have motivated me to keep this story going for longer than I had originally planned! That said; this also means that I'm gonna take one week off to plot out where the story is going so that it's at least somewhat coherent. If you have any specific wishes, then now's the time to speak up :) 
> 
> Thanks for reading this far!! It means a lot!
> 
> Next chapter will be up in two weeks! :) :)


	14. Reassembling

“Hide!” Hinami exclaimed as soon as Hide emerged into the small clearing. It had taken a while to find his way back to the others as they had decided to move to a safer location some ways away from the building complex where Aogiri’s headquarter was. Or had been.  
  
“I’m glad you’re- What happened to your head?”  
  
“Hello Hinami,” Hide said as he reached a hand up and felt the back of his head, wincing slightly as the contact made him aware of the pain that still radiated from where he had hit his head earlier. It wasn’t until that moment that Hide noticed the feeling of half-dried blood on the back of his head. “I’m fine… it’s just a bump.”  
  
“Are you sure? Aren’t humans really fragile?” Hinami asked with a frown, worry clear in her eyes as she looked Hide over.  
  
“Yes, I’m sure,” Hide said in an attempt to reassure her; shaking his head with a smile, and feeling relieved when the motion only resulted in a small throb of pain. “I’m not gonna keel over. Thanks for worrying about me.”  
  
A sudden sound made Hide turn around. Something large was making its way through the trees and Hide took an instinctive step closer to Hinami, standing slightly between her and whatever was approaching. The large man emerging into the clearing was a stranger and Hide felt the blood drain from his face fast enough to leave him dizzy. _No. It’s supposed to be over. I thought we were safe.  
  
_ He was brought out of his near panic by a small hand on his arm. “Hide. It’s okay,” Hinami said in a calm voice before turning towards the large man. “This is Banjou, he’s a… friend of Kaneki’s.”  
  
“Oh! Thanks for the introduction,” the man called Banjou said in a gruff voice. “Have we met before?”  
  
Hinami shook her head and smiled at the frowning man. “No, but I heard you talk to Kaneki just now. He helped you guys escape.”  
  
It wasn’t a question, and Banjou nodded along to her words. “That’s true. Well, he told us to go meet up with some people matching your description, so here we are,” Banjou said as he gestured over his shoulder and soon enough four more people emerged; three of whom were wearing gasmasks over their faces. He turned back and looked at Hide. “Sorry if we scared you.”  
  
“It’s… fine. Sorry, I wasn’t expecting strangers to come here,” Hide said, feeling a bit foolish at his overreaction.  
  
Hinami turned her smile at Hide, and it wasn’t until now that he saw how tired it was. “I’m sorry I didn’t warn you. I’m a bit… distracted.”  
  
Hide hoped that his answering smile looked genuine enough as he spoke. “It’s not your fault, Hinami, you’re doing great. Let’s just wait for the others to-” Hide cut himself off, frowning. _How could I have missed-?_ “Hinami? Where’s Yoshimura?”  
  
Hinami hastily looked to the far edge of the clearing where Irimi was sitting with her back to them, before turning back to Hide and speaking in a low voice. “He had to go do something. But it should be fine, Irimi is keeping tabs on him.”  
  
Hide felt himself frown, but nodded at Hinami’s explanation. He could ask about details later, when they were all safe away from here. The small group in the clearing lapsed into silence as they waited for the rest of the group. It felt like an eternity later when the sound of someone approaching made Hide turn around in time to see Nishio appear from between the trees. He was supporting Touka and was followed by-  
  
“Kaneki,” Hide breathed out, feeling his shoulders slump as his knees nearly buckle with relief.  
  
“Big brother!” Hinami exclaimed with tear-filled eyes and a big smile on her face.  
  
“Kaneki!” Banjou echoed with a big smile of his own which made Hide trust the other more than any spoken reassurances had managed.  
  
They all looked a bit worse for wear, but they were all _alive._ Hide breathed out a sigh of relief as they all gathered in the middle of the clearing. They had all survived. They were okay. They were going home.  
  
His relief was short-lived as his attention was drawn back to Kaneki as the other combed a hand through his hair, which was startlingly white under the light of the moon. His eyes zeroed in on the other’s black fingernails. Hide took a shuddering breath to try and keep his new-found calm. _The bucket. The blood. The tools on the table_. Hide swallowed heavily, trying to press down on the nausea rising in his throat. He was brought out of his thoughts when he noticed Kaneki staring right at him with furrowed brows.  
  
“You’re really real?”  
  
_There’s that question again_. “Yes,” Hide said with what he hoped was a kind smile. He tried to push down on the tears threatening to spill over at the sight of Kaneki’s pained expression as he battled with the urge to embrace his friend and shield him from the world. From all that had happened. _What did they do to you?_  
  
“I almost thought I-” Kaneki hesitated for a second longer before taking a small step in his direction, furrowing his brows in confusion. “That you weren’t-” Hide caved.  
  
“I’m so sorry!” Hide cried as he latched onto his friend, hugging him hard and feeling his tears spill over as he felt Kaneki shake against him. Shaking. Hide cursed himself as he remembered Kaneki’s reaction to being touched earlier, and was just about to pull away when he felt Kaneki slowly lift an arm and rest it on his back. The touch was careful, almost non-existent, but Hide could feel it as if his whole being was enveloped in warmth. For the first time since Kaneki had disappeared, he felt at peace.  
  
After what felt like minutes, but must have been only seconds, Hide managed to take a deep breath and calm down a bit. He became aware of Touka looking at them with narrowed eyes, but as they stepped apart she had schooled her expression back into only showing exhaustion.  
  
“Let’s go home,” Touka said with a small and fragile smile. Hide had never seen her look so insecure and lost before. “I can help you color your hair, Kaneki. That way you won’t stand out so much while working.”  
  
“I’m not going back to Anteiku,” Kaneki stated sadly, looking right at her as he spoke. Hide felt his blood run cold. _What? He’s not coming back…?_  
  
“What?” Touka breathed out, seemingly as surprised as Hide felt.  
  
“I have so much to do. So many answers I need. There’s no time,” Kaneki said, looking from Touka, around the people gathered in the clearing, and then to Hide. Hide found himself simply staring back at his friend with his mouth slightly open. _Kaneki’s… not coming back?_  
  
“There’s always time,” Hide said in a voice that he could barely hear himself. “Please don’t leave.”  
  
Kaneki took a breath as if to answer, but then looked away. After several seconds he spoke in a pained voice. “I can’t go back there. I- I have to find the people responsible for making me like this. I have to stop Aogiri Tree,” Kaneki said, and it sounded too much like an excuse for Hide to feel completely comfortable. _He’s trying to run._  
  
“I understand,” Hide said as he reached out a hand for Kaneki’s arm, before stopping himself as he saw Kaneki’s pained expression. Hide hesitated, looking over at Touka, who were staring at them with a pained expression of her own. “Just…Let us help you. We need you.”  
  
At his last words Kaneki’s face seemed to shut down and he looked away without answering. After several seconds of silence he took a deep breath and turned back to Touka, who was still looking over in their direction. “I won’t go far, but I’ll live alone. That way, what I do can't be tracked back to any of you.”  
  
“So you think you’ll do it alone?” Touka asked incredulously.  
  
“We are coming with you, just so you know,” Nishio said casually, Touka’s arm still slung over his shoulder to help her stand. If the blood on her clothes were anything to go by, then Hide was impressed that she was still conscious.  
  
“You can't. It’s too dangerous. This is my fight,” Kaneki said with a resolution that Hide would never had thought the other capable of.  
  
“You are welcome to try and stop us,” Nishio shrugged.  
  
For a terrified moment Hide thought Kaneki would attack the other, or worse; run. Hide could see the other fidgeting with his hands, stretching the fingers with his thumb almost to the point of it looking painful. Nishio and Kaneki maintained eye contact while Touka, Hide and all the other in the small clearing watched on in silence. At the same moment that Hide decided to intervene to try and break the tension, Kaneki spoke.  
  
“I don't want you to-”  
  
Touka was the one who cut Kaneki off, taking a stumbling step forward and forcing Nishio to step with her to continue to support most of her weight.  “Stop being so egotistical! We don't care what you want.”  
  
Touka’s crass words startled a smile from Hide and he turned towards Kaneki, who looked equal parts conflicted and angry. He took a step closer to his friend and spoke in a casual voice, trying to put the other at ease. “And you would have a better chance at protecting people if you were close by, right?”  
  
Kaneki turned to look at Hide and frowned. “I… guess. But…” Kaneki looked down towards the ground. “Not when it comes to you.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Hide asked with a frown, trying to ignore the now familiar feeling of dread. _Will he try to shut me out again? After everything that has happened?_  
  
“Well,” Kaneki said in a firm tone. “You work for the CCG. They are bound to keep track of their own employees in some way, right? That would put everyone else in danger.”  
  
“I… guess…” Hide trailed off, glancing around the clearing and all the ghouls gathered there. Banjou had taken a step back and was glaring at Hide with open distrust on his face as Kaneki said that he worked for the CCG.  
  
“It’s okay. He’s on our side,” Kaneki said calmly, waving a hand at Hide while looking at Banjou and his friends.  
  
Hide sent the big man a quick smile before turning back to Kaneki, deciding to believe that he was safe with these people who all called Kaneki a friend. The uneasy feeling in his stomach wouldn’t leave, so Hide gave in and asked the question that swam at the forefront of his mind. “We’ll still be able to see each other, right?”  
  
“As long as we’re both careful,” Kaneki said and for the first time since the start of this nightmare, Hide saw a genuine smile twitch up the corners of Kaneki’s mouth, even if it only lasted a second.  
  
Tsukiyama took a step forward, mouth stretching into a mockery of an honest smile as he spoke. “I have some...resources. I can look into fixing an apartment close to Anteiku.”  
  
“Don't make it traceable,” Kaneki said in a deadpan voice, all traces of a smile gone from his face as he turned to face the smirking man. Hide felt his dislike for the man skyrocket.  
  
“Of course not, mon ami!” Tsukiyama exclaimed as he brought a hand up to the side of his face with a shocked expression. “Only the best for my friends.” Hide couldn’t suppress a shudder at the way the man pronounced the word _friends_.  
  
“I'll stay in my room at Anteiku,” Touka said matter-of-factly. “I have friends from school who know where I live, and I don’t want to move and have them ask questions.”  
  
Kaneki nodded at this and Hide couldn’t help but feel a bit surprised at the prospect of Touka having good friends from school. Friends that were probably humans. Then she gave a wet-sounding cough and Hide got reminded of the state she was in, all to save a friend. Hide looked away, feeling ashamed of his thoughts.  
  
Hinami took a small step towards Kaneki, wringing her hands. “I want to go with you, big brother. I… don't have such great memories at Anteiku, and I want to help.”  
  
Hide saw Kaneki looked over at Touka again who looked slightly hurt at Hinami’s words, but kept silent, and then over at Irimi who had stood up from her sitting position and gave a slight nod in his direction. Kaneki walked the few meters separating him from Hinami and put a hand on the small girl’s head, smiling down at her. “You are always welcome, Hinami. Make sure to talk it over with Yoshimura first.” Hinami smiled at this and nodded, stepping over to where Touka was standing.  
  
Banjou cleared his throat. “You really saved me, saved us,” Banjou started before looking over at his companions, who all gave him a small, silent, nod. “I want to help you in any way I can, but I'm not sure if…” Banjou trailed off.  
  
“You are very welcome Banjou,” Kaneki said, extending a hand towards the other man. “You and the others, if they want. Let’s do our best together.”  
  
“Oh,” Banjou breathed out, looking a bit stunned before his face split into a big smile and he grabbed Kaneki’s hand eagerly. Suddenly Hide could see the man that was Banjou, and not the ghoul, and for the first time since he had met the larger man, Hide wasn’t scared of him. “Thank you! I hope I won’t disappoint you!”  
  
“You won’t,” Kaneki said with certainty and Banjou smiled even bigger.  
  
Tsukiyama raised a hand and placed it over his own heart as he spoke up. “It goes without saying that I want to come with you as well-”  
  
“No,” Kaneki cut him off, voice cold again. “You can help, but you are not living with us.”  
  
“...Very well,” Tsukiyama conceded with a stiff smile on his face. Hide wanted to call the other out on it; to confront this fake man and get him to admit what he _really_ wanted with Kaneki. But Tsukiyama had helped to bring Kanki back, so Hide pressed his lips together and kept silent.  
  
An explosion went off in the distance and Hide was forcibly reminded of the battle taking place close by. He anxiously tried to peer through the thick trees surrounding their clearing, but he couldn’t make anything out. “Maybe we should get out of here.”  
  
“Yeah,” Kaneki said as he nodded. “Let’s.”  
  
“I quite agree.”  
  
The voice made everyone in the clearing turn around to where Yoshimura was emerging from the trees, a small smile visible from beneath the hood of his cloak.  
  
“Manager!” Several voices echoed at once. Hide saw Irimi hurry up to his side and say something to him, voice too low to be heard where they were standing, at least for Hide. He could see Kaneki’s expression change from relief to a frown.  
  
“Are you okay, manager?” Kaneki asked somewhat hesitantly, but Yoshimura waved off both him and Irimi.  
  
“I’m fine,” Yoshimura said as he walked closer to the middle of the clearing where they were all gathered. “We can go to Anteiku, we will be safe there.”  
  
The sound of an approaching helicopter prompted them all to nod and take off without further discussion, Hide feeling grateful at the somewhat slow pace they set due to various injuries and general tiredness. Even he, with his hurting head and human physique, managed to keep up. When they had made it out of the park safely Hide matched his pace to Kaneki’s where the other was jogging alone near the end of the group.  
  
Kaneki threw him a glance out of the corner of his eye and spoke without a hint of being out of breath. “You should go home, Hide.”  
  
“I’m not leaving you. Not now,” Hide huffed out with his eyes set determinedly on the path in front of them, refusing to allow his body to slow down even as he felt his legs tremble with waning adrenaline.  
  
“I want to be alone,” Kaneki said with an emotionless voice, still keeping his eyes straight ahead and running without any discernable effort, despite the way Hide had felt the other tremble not long ago.  
  
“Tough shit,” Hide said with a huff. He wouldn’t leave Kaneki now. Not ever.  
  
“I am a ghoul,” Kaneki said and Hide was surprised to not hear any sadness in the other’s voice, only acceptance.  
  
Hide shook his head. “No, you’re both a ghoul and a human.”  
  
“Not anymore.”  
  
“That’s bullshit!” Hide protested angrily, unable to keep his voice down. For the first time since the conversation started, Kaneki turned his head to look at Hide.  
  
“…What?”  
  
“That’s bullshit.  You are you, regardless of what happened _to_ you,” Hide said, glaring at the other. “Haven’t we gone through this already?”  
  
Kaneki was quiet for a long time as he stared at Hide with furrowed brows before looking back to the path in front of them. “Well, then. Let’s just go back to Anteiku for now.” Hide frowned at the other’s attempt at changing the subject, but didn’t push it. _We’ll talk about this later,_ he mentally promised the boy walking beside him. _If only there was some way for Kaneki to feel more like himself again…_  
  
“…We’ll find a solution,” Hide said out loud before the thought had fully formed in his head.  
  
“What does that mean?” Kaneki asked distractedly, looking off into the night.  
  
“We can- I don’t know, find something else,” Hide started, struggling for words at the same time as the thoughts formed in his head “Some other way to survive. If we just-”  
  
“Hide,” Kaneki cut him off, voice almost angry. “Ghouls have to eat.”  
  
“I know,” Hide said in resignation. The image of Kaneki _eating_ was still seared into his mind a bit too strongly for his liking. A sudden realization almost made him stop. “But you’re not planning to eat humans. Am I right?”  
  
“I can’t. And besides, I need to get stronger.”  
  
Hide was silent for a long time. “Is it... safe?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Kaneki said in a clipped, quiet voice, keeping his face forward and not looking at Hide.  
  
Hide frowned, but before he could speak up, Kaneki continued. “What would you have me do? I can’t eat humans.”  
  
“I know,” Hide said and looked up at the dark sky. There were no visible stars. “I know. But maybe- Maybe that’s not the only option.”  
  
“You mean I should starve?” Kaneki asked, and there was no accusation in his voice, no anger. Only a tired acceptance.  
  
“No!” Hide exclaimed in horror, feeling shocked as he stared at his friend. “Off course not! I’ll… I’ll work on it.”  
  
Hide could see the small frown that formed on Kaneki’s face at those words, but the other didn’t ask any further questions. They walked in silence for a while, and Hide was just about to allow his legs some rests and fall back a bit when Kaneki spoke up, almost too quiet for him to hear.  
  
“We shouldn’t meet for a while.”  
  
Hide stopped dead in his track. “What?!”  
  
“We need to lay low,” Kaneki said in an even tone as he came to a step a few meters in front of Hide. “The CCG is bound to keep their eyes and ears open for anything out of the ordinary, especially after a raid like this, and especially concerning their employees.”  
  
“I… I guess,” Hide said slowly, not liking the reasoning but unable to argue the point.  
  
“It won’t be forever,” Kaneki said with a small smile which did nothing to ease the feeling of dread in Hide’s stomach. _He’s going away again. He’s pushing me away._  
  
“Hey, shithead!” Touka suddenly called from up ahead and Kaneki looked over. “Come over here a second.”  
  
Kaneki looked at Hide for a second before taking off.  
  
“You could sound more upset about it,” Hide muttered to himself as he took off again, looking over at where Kaneki reached Touka and Nishio. Touka extended her hand and seemed to give Kaneki something, but it was too far away to make out clearly, and Hide looked back up to the sky as he forced his legs to keep on moving. 

* * *

Back at Anteiku they all separated; going back to their own apartments or deciding to spend the night there, until only Hide and Kaneki were standing in the back room on the first floor. They had both agreed that it would be too dangerous for Kaneki to go back to his own apartment, but Hide didn’t want to leave the other so soon after finally finding him again.  
  
“I don't wanna be alone,” Hide said, shifting from foot to foot. _I don't want you to be alone,_ went unsaid but Hide had no doubt that Kaneki would hear it anyway.  
  
Kaneki hesitated, looking uncomfortable, but before Hide could backtrack and take his words back, he spoke. “I'm not sure that's… a good idea.”  
  
“It's fine,” Hide said quickly, refusing to back down so easily.  
  
“You don't know that. I'm not-”  
  
“It's fine!” Hide cut the other off, tiredness making him feel annoyed. _Why couldn’t Kaneki just listen to him? Trust him?_  
  
“No.”  
  
The word was spoken with so much resolution that Hide almost gave in. A look at Kaneki’s slightly trembling hands made him cross his arms.  
  
“Please? For me?” Hide said, pushing down on the feeling of shame at using such an underhanded tactic. Kaneki looked torn; eyebrows drawn together and mouth pressed thin. Hide’s pleading always worked as a last resort, he hoped that still held true after everything that had happened between them. Hide laid a light hand on Kaneki’s arm and spoke softly. “I promise to be careful.”  
  
Kaneki sighed before reaching into his pocket and brining out a small container. “Then use this.”  
  
“What is it?” Hide asked with a frown, looking down at the small, inconspicuous, container in Kaneki’s hand.  
  
“RC suppressant gas,” Kaneki said casually, extending his hand further to beckon Hide to take it.  
  
“What?!” Hide exclaimed as he took a step back from Kaneki and the container. “I'm not gonna use that on you!”  
  
“It's for your own safety.”  
  
“Where did you even get this?” Hide asked incredulously, glaring at the container still held in Kaneki’s hand. He didn’t want his friend anywhere near that thing.  
  
“… Touka gave it to me,” Kaneki said carefully and Hide found himself feeling relieved at the slight tone of shame that he could pick up from Kanekis voice. It was a familiar tone, belonging to the Kaneki he knew. The other had seemed unsettlingly… empty since he had found him.  
  
“What?” Hide asked, startled. He thought back to when Touka had seemed to give Kaneki something on their way back to Anteiku and frowned. _Why would Touka-?_  
  
“She picked it up during the raid,” Kaneki said as a way of explanation, still holding the container out for Hide to grab.  
  
“Were the CCG using this?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“So, then it’s made to hurt ghouls. Made to hurt you,” Hide said with disgust clear in his voice. Kaneki hesitated, and it was all Hide needed. “I'm not taking it.”  
  
Kaneki finally lowered his hand, and with it he turned away. “Then you're sleeping alone.”  
  
“Kaneki!” Hide said, feeling the annoyance rising again, this time mixed with anger. “You can't expect me to use this.”  
  
“If you have to, to protect yourself, then yes,” Kaneki said coldly, still half turned away.  
  
“Okay, okay,” Hide said and took a deep breath before raising his hand, trying to keep it from shaking. “Give it here.”  
  
Kaneki placed the bottle in Hide’s hand and turned to walk up the stairs to the second floor. Hide took a hold of the bottle; the gravity of what it contained made it feel much heavier in his hand than it actually was, and followed him up the stairs. Hide was sure that he would never use the gas, but if it made Kaneki feel more at ease, then he would hold onto it. For now.  
  
They entered the spare room on the second floor that Yoshimura had offered Kaneki. It would work for them both. There was a small bed in one corner and Hide recognized it as the one he had woken up in after the incident with Nishio. Kaneki sat down on the floor, but Hide insisted that the other take the bed. _He probably hasn’t slept in a bed since he got kidnapped._ After several minutes of arguing that only stopped when Hide agreed to take the blanket and pillow on the floor, they settled down.  
  
Hide curled up on the floor and stared up at the dark ceiling. He could hear Kaneki’s soft breathing close by. “…Are we really not gonna be able to meet for a while?”  
  
Hide could hear a slight rustling and guessed that Kaneki had turned over on the bed. “We shouldn’t. At least for a while.” Hide didn’t answer and after several quiet seconds, Kaneki spoke again. “I have to protect everyone.”  
  
“Start with protecting yourself.”  
  
“What?” Kaneki asked and Hide could picture the confused frown on the other’s face. In his imagination Kaneki’s hair was still black.  
  
“You can’t protect anyone if you don’t take care of yourself first.”  
  
“I… can’t,” Kaneki whispered in admission, pain clear in his voice. Hide was suddenly very happy that he had insisted on staying with the other for the night.  
  
His heart ached as he propped himself up on his elbows and gazed into the darkness at what he hoped was Kaneki’s head. “Then I will do it for you until you can.”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're all home!   
> Phew, this was a hard chapter to write. 
> 
> Thank you so much for all the kind comments, they really do motivate me to continue this fic!!


	15. Moving Forward

Hide slowly righted himself, trying to press down on the bile rising in his throat by swallowing several times. The body in front of him had to have been dead for several days before CCG got the call to come and collect it in a back alley. The smell seemed to clog up his throat; coating his tongue and stinging his eyes, but Hide tried his best to ignore it as he focused on breathing through his nose.  
  
The corpse had clearly been a ghoul; the staring and unseeing eyes were unmistakably black with a red iris and Hide felt a chill travel down his spine at the sight. Even after working for the CCG for several months, even after everything that had happened to Kaneki and with the people at Anteiku, he still couldn’t completely suppress that initial, primal, fear.  
  
Hide’s eyes travelled down the torso of the – once – ghoul sprawled on the ground and focused on the deep gash in its stomach; it seemed to have been quite literally ripped open, and he once again swallowed hard. _Remember why you are here. Remember why you are here_. He repeated the mantra in is head as he looked over his shoulder to make sure that the warning sign he had put up still kept people out of the alley.  
  
He had been called to the location as a member of the CCG; he was to collect the corpse and bring it back to headquarters for further study. A second look at the dead body in front of him told him that the former ghoul had been roughly his size and age. He quickly bent down and hooked his arms under the body’s shoulders, effectively lifting the body of the ground and then stumbled towards his CCG truck; putting the corpse down as carefully as possible in the back and doing his best to not let his eyes linger on the still form. He shuddered as he stepped back and felt gratitude towards the water-repellant coat he had on as he tried to ignore the distinct wetness covering his front. Despite his initial reluctance at taking it, he even appreciated the CCG issued gun at his hip. It was a comfortable weight when he was alone on these missions.  
  
Several strange looks had been sent Hide’s way when he had volunteered to take shifts as a “remains-rescuer”, or more commonly known as a “vulture”. It was normally a job reserved for those who had ended up on the bad side of someone higher up and the position was avoided like the plague. Nobody saw the prospect of picking up the remains of dead ghouls as anything other than a dirty and repugnant, despite the use the CCG had for them when it came to research. _I guess the thought of ever touching a ghoul, even a dead one, is too disgusting for them,_ Hide thought bitterly as he patted down the corpse’s pockets for a wallet; finding it in one of the pants’ pockets and pulling out an ID-card. _Yup, my age. Poor kid._  
  
Amon, Hide’s boss, had also reacted with surprise when Hide handed in his official request at getting assigned regular shifts as a vulture. He had given his hesitant approval when Hide explained that he wanted to get involved with the Laboratory Division because of his interest in science and research. It wasn’t even really a lie. Working shifts as a vulture gave him a foot in with the Laboratory Division without having to spend years in training.  
  
Hide was pulled back to the present by a sudden sound from behind the truck and he quickly straightened up and shut the back doors as he looked around the car towards the entrance of the alley. A small boy stood just inside the mouth of the alley, apparently having ignored the warning sign informing people that the area was temporarily off limits, and looking fixatedly in his direction and holding a hand to his stomach with fingers that where white at the knuckles.  
  
Hide opened his mouth to ask if he could help the boy when the other blinked. The little boy’s eye’s shifted from an inconspicuous brown to a glaring red and Hide found that his voice died in his throat. Instead, he reflexively reached for his hip where he kept his gun, trying to calm his heart down as the small boy took one step closer to where Hide stood, still staring at his face.  
  
“Please help me, I’m so hungry,” the child sobbed as he approached. Hide slowly raised the gun and pointed it squarely between the boy’s eyes. He desperately hoped that the mere sight of the gun would discourage the child enough to leave him alone. _Please go! I don’t want to hurt you!_ Hide did his best to keep the gun steady as the child stopped and looked up at him with teary eyes. He couldn’t help but think that he might have trembled more if the eyes that looked up at him had not been blood red, but if his time at the CCG and Anteiku had taught him anything it was that you should not judge a ghoul by its appearance.  
  
The child suddenly scrunched his nose up and shifted his gaze to try and look behind where Hide stood. “That’s nasty. What’s that smell?”  
  
Before Hide could answer or act in any way the child moved again; turning on his heel and running out of the alley. Hide stood staring at the point where the child had turned the corner, immediately blending in with the few passersby on the street. After several tense seconds, Hide allowed himself to lower the gun and he quickly holstered it again, trying to force himself to calm down.  
  
Hide carefully turned back to the truck, trying to keep one eye on the entrance to the alleyway as he eased the door to the back open again and immediately recoiled at the smell that assaulted him. The brief respite from the body had cleared his nose enough to make the re-introduction of the smell all the worse. _Is this what the child meant? Don’t all corpses smell basically the same?_  
  
Hide grabbed a facemask from the supply-box he had brought with him and secured it over his face before strapping the body down to the floor and starting to wash off the wall and the ground where he had found the ghoul. He then hastily tore off the protective clothes that covered his own and threw the bloodied clothes in a bag and zipped it up tight before placing it next to the body. He did his best to work as fast as possible as to not attract any more unwanted attention and caught himself glancing over his own shoulder more times than he cared to admit; always finding the same empty alleyway behind him.  
  
Nevertheless, he couldn’t fight off the growing feeling of unease as his thoughts once again circled back the child and all the possible reasons as to why he had hesitated before simply running away. Hide shook his head in an attempt to clear it as he got into the driver’s seat, and as he drove off he felt relief rise inside him in proportion to the distance he put between himself and the alleyway.

* * *

Hide arrived at the headquarters of the CCG as the sun approached its highest point in the sky, driving up to the side-entrance used for these kinds of “deliveries”. He got out and knocked on the door, showing his badge to the person that answered and stood aside as a small squad of white-clad people exited the door to retrieve the body in the back of the truck. One of them was Cheiko; a researcher that Hide had talked to several times before in an effort to get a foot in at the Laboratory Division. She had always referred him to the official route of many-yeared education. He didn’t have the time for that, he had to try and help Kaneki as soon as possible.  
  
Now she was standing bent over the corpse, inspecting it before straightening up and looking over at Hide. “Good work as always, Hide.”  
  
“Thanks,” Hide said with a shrug. He knew that they were grateful that someone did the job so that they didn’t have to. He also knew that she probably had seen through his effort to get closer to her Division long ago.  
  
Cheiko stepped out of the way for her colleagues as they gathered around the open back door of the truck. “By the way, the boss wants to talk to you,” she mumbled as she wrote something out on a notepad. “You’ve met him, right? Kouitsu Chigyou?”  
  
“I haven’t,” Hide said in surprise. Kouitsu Chigyou was the head of the Laboratory Division, known for his interest in trying out new theories and making discoveries. Exactly the type of person Hide wanted to talk to. _But why does he want to talk to me?_ Hide did his best to conceal the excitement and worry bubbling up inside him. “Does he want to see me now?”  
  
Cheiko sent him a quick smile and pocketed the notepad as she shook her head. “Tomorrow should work. Come in after you’ve clocked out. I have to go now!”  
  
Hide waved goodbye before averting his eyes as the group of researchers sloppily loaded the body onto a stretcher under Cheiko’s watchful gaze, and efficiently rolled it inside the building. Hide didn’t doubt that it would never again see the light of day. The CCG performed a lot of experiments with the ghoul corpses they got their hands on and it was this kind of research that had made the production of things like RC suppressant gas possible. Hide had no doubt in his mind that they had more inventions on the way, and that most of them, if not all, were focused on subduing or killing ghouls; not helping them.  
  
When he had been given the all clear he once again entered the driver’s seat, drove the truck back to the garage, and left it to be cleaned later. He entered the building through a door with security code and camera, and into an elevator where he pressed the button for the 6 th floor. He had not realized how frazzled the encounter with the child ghoul had left him until he spied his reflection in the elevator’s mirror; pale face, pinched eyebrows and lips pressed thin. _Why hadn’t Cheiko mentioned that he looked like shit?_ He quickly schooled his expression back to its normal, carefree, state and hoped no one would notice.  
  
As the ding sounded out and the doors opened Hide let loose a sigh of relief and felt his shoulders loosen as some residual tension left him with the breath. The familiar corridors eased his nerves as he slowly made his way over to where his department was located down the right-hand corridor. Hide turned a corner and was greeted by a smiling Seidou and a curt nod from Amon.  
  
“How did it go?” Amon asked as Hide approached his desk.  
  
“I survived,” Hide said as he slumped into the chair in front of Amon’s desk, putting the car keys on the top and pushing them forward. “Thanks for the truck.”  
  
“You don’t have to thank me every time. Besides, I’m sure we could find someone else to send out on these missions. There’s better ways of getting out of the office, you know,” Amon said almost exasperatedly, sending the keys a meaningful look. “Ways that would result in less keys ending up on my desk.”  
  
Hide thought back to the conversation he’d just had with Cheiko and the invitation to talk to Chigyou the next day and smiled at Amon. “You know what, I might have found another way.”  
  
“I’m glad to hear it,” Amon muttered as he took the keys from his desktop, but Hide saw the way the other’s eyes narrowed in interest at his words.  
  
“I’m talking to Chigyou tomorrow.”  
  
Amon stopped and raised his eyebrows as he looked at Hide. “That sure is another way. Good luck.”  
  
Hide was sure that if it had been any other of Amon’s subordinates in his place, indirectly asking for permission to join another division on the side, then Amon wouldn’t be as accommodating. Hide knew that he had been promoted because of him tipping the CCG of concerning the location of the Aogiri Tree’s headquarters, as well as the skills he had displayed when he managed to track Jason, a highly dangerous ghoul, by himself without being detected. Regardless of how impressive these accomplishments were, they didn’t equal a full, multiyear, education and Amon seemed a bit lost on what to do with him at times. For once, this could prove to be useful if it allowed him more freedom of movement between divisions than other investigator-assistants enjoyed.  
  
“Thank you. I will report on what we decide afterwards,” Hide said with a smile and Amon nodded.  
  
“Anything worth noting on the vulture-mission today? Or are you ready to start with your paperwork?” Amon asked as he picked up a stack of papers; clearly wanting to get back to whatever it was that Hide had interrupted by returning to the office. Hide thought back to the events of the day and the interaction with the child ghoul before he shrugged. Lying came too easily nowadays, almost instinctually; everything to keep his true intentions for working at the CCG a secret.  
  
“No, nothing. I would love to get a short breather though,” Hide said with another smile. “Clear my lungs and all, you know.”  
  
Amon nodded with a somewhat sympathetic expression. “Of course.”  
  
Hide smiled broadly and jumped out of the chair. He quickly made his way back towards the door, making for the cafeteria and the coffee-machine. Seidou spoke up as he passed by his desk.  
  
“Back in the office for now, Hide? You sure you want to interact with us _investigators_?” Seidou stressed the last word with a smirk on his face. Ever since Hide had told Seidou that he wanted to gain access to the Laboratory Division, the other had teased him every chance he got; apparently the idea that someone willingly wanted to work with research was utterly incomprehensible to the other.  
  
“Well, if I have to… Sadly enough the corpses have better manners than you do, Seidou. Maybe you could learn a thing or two from them,” Hide said with a smirk of his own as he leaned on the other’s desk. His answer made Seidou’s smug face shift into a disgusted one and Hide laughed.  
  
“Why do you do the Laboratory Division’s dirty work? It’s not the most… hygienic experience is it?” Seidou asked as he leaned back in his chair, seemingly perfectly happy at the excuse to slack off for a minute.  
  
“Well, someone’s gotta do it,” Hide said with a shrug before winking. “And besides, this way the Lab-division owes me some.”  
  
Seidou laughed at this and shook his head. “I will never understand why you want to get into the Laboratory Division. They’re just a bunch of weirdoes!”  
  
“Well,” Hide said with his hands splayed wide, “There’s your explanation!”  
  
Seidou snorted. “Really though. Why?”  
  
Hide thought for a second. He couldn’t tell Seidou the complete truth, but he could avoid lying for once. “I want to understand them.”  
  
“Huh? Them?”  
  
“The ghouls,” Hide said with a shrug as he looked away, and locked eyes with Amon. The other was staring straight at him with a thoughtful expression, but as soon as Hide looked over Amon looked back down at his paperwork. _Huh. Had he been listening?_  
  
Seidou furrowed his eyebrows and opened his mouth with an almost annoyed expression. Hide tore his eyes from Amon and decided that this conversation had gone on for long enough. “I’m going to the cafeteria, you want to join?”  
  
Seidou closed his mouth again before shrugging. “Yeah, sure.”  
  
Hide looked back over at Amon’s desk, but the other had his nose buried deep in some documents and didn’t look up again.

* * *

When they arrived at the cafeteria, Hide went straight for the coffee-machine with Seidou following close behind and Hide realized that he was grateful for the company. Even if Seidou could be a slightly awkward conversation partner, he nevertheless made Hide feel a bit more normal in his day-to-day life. A bit more grounded. Seidou talked on, standing beside Hide as he fixed his coffee.  
  
“You coming with us tonight after work for some food? Maybe we could get Amon to treat us!” Seidou said with a big smile on his face. Hide hesitated for a split second before shaking his head.  
  
“No, I can’t.”  
  
“Oh, okay,” Seidou said before keeping quiet for a couple of seconds. “You know, you haven’t really been coming to a lot of these social gatherings… I guess I get a bit worried?” Hide looked up at this. Sometimes Seidou managed to surprise him with his genuine concern and friendship. Sometimes it made Hide question his own intentions. _Remember why you are here._  
  
“I’m sorry. I would just love to get home and shower after today,” Hide said while gesturing at himself.  
  
Seidou wrinkled his nose as he nodded. “Ah. Yeah. I understand that. Those missions have a tendency to get stuck in your nose.”  
  
“They sure do,” Hide muttered as he took a sip of his coffee. The ghoul child’s words rang in his ears again ‘ _That’s nasty, what’s that smell?_ ’  
  
“Hey, Akira solved the case concerning the old lady ghoul. Apparently she was connected to some strange restaurants… I can’t believe she solved it before me! She’s got to be cheating in some way!”  
  
Hide gave what he hoped was an appropriately consoling answer as they took a seat in the back of the cafeteria. Seidou kept up the friendly conversation while Hide replied with as much enthusiasm and sincerity he could muster while not really listening. He had gotten used to keeping up mundane conversations while thinking about other things since he’d starting working in Amon’s department.  
  
Even if Hide was grateful for Seidou’s friendship, he reminded himself that the other probably wouldn’t hesitate to turn him in the second he learned of the reason Hide was there to begin with. He had to gain information, and he couldn’t afford to get too attached to anyone at the office. _Remember why you are here._ The familiar mantra repeated in his head as he went over the conversation he had had with Cheiko, trying not to feel too excited about the meeting the next day with Chigyou. Hide nodded at something Seidou said as he took another sip of his coffee. _I might finally be getting a foot in._

* * *

Hide closed the door behind him and heaved a deep sigh, surveying the mess that was his apartment. He unceremoniously dropped his bag by the door and immediately went for the bathroom; he wanted nothing more than to stand beneath the warm spray of the shower and wash away the smell of the corpse that lingered in his nose and seemed to have seeped into his every pore.  
  
After scrubbing down twice and not being able to come up with a good enough excuse to stay in the shower, Hide reluctantly stepped out. He slowly dried his hair as he once again tried to ignore the unease in his stomach that something had been wrong with the ghoul he had found that day. _I have to ask Chigyou_ _tomorrow._ The corpses were not usually left untouched for several days, especially not in an area like that where the number of ghouls were high enough to result in some of them starving.  
  
Trying to keep his mind away from the blood and the guts and the smell, Hide exited the warm bathroom, the feeling of cold air hitting his heated skin forcefully reminding him of where he was. He went to his bedroom and quickly changed into some fresh clothes before picking up the disposable phone he kept on his nightstand. He sat down on his bed as he called the only number in the contact list, and he didn’t have to wait long before someone picked up.  
  
“Hello, Hide?”  
  
Hide smiled. The sound of the other’s voice never failed to make him relax. “Hey, Kaneki. What’s up?”  
  
“I’m fine,” Kaneki said immediately. _Too fast._  
  
“Good, good…” Hide trailed off, knowing the other was lying but not looking to confront him about it. Kaneki was more stable than he had been a couple of months ago, directly after the whole incident with Aogiri Tree, but he was far from fine. He also knew that Kaneki hated to involve others in his problems and if he found out that Hide worried about him, then the chances were good that he would pull away from him even more.  
  
Hide cast about for another topic. “Hey, Amon seemed interested when I mentioned that I wanted to understand ghouls today…”  
  
“Hide,” Kaneki said with a sigh. “We have already gone over this. Just because your boss expresses some interest in _your_ interest in ghouls doesn’t mean that he would be willing to have a civil conversation with one.”  
  
“Well, you talked to him before, didn’t you?”  
  
“I… did…” Kaneki trailed off.  
  
“I think he would actually listen to what you have to say,” Hide said as nonchalantly as possible.  
  
On the other end of the line Kaneki was silent.  
  
Hide sighed, he should have known better than to bring it up. Kaneki wouldn’t put his friends in danger because Hide _believed_ that it would be okay, and Hide couldn’t really argue with that. Maybe it was for the best; he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something happened because of his careless decision.  
  
“Sorry. I’m not gonna push you into talking to him.”  
  
“No. It’s okay. It’s just… Can we talk about something else?” He could hear Kaneki taking a deep breath on the other end before continuing, voice controlled and calm. “I miss you, you know?”  
  
“Can I come over later this week?” Hide asked immediately, reveling in the warm feeling in his chest at hearing those words. He knew that it was hard for Kaneki to put himself out there like that, especially after Aogiri Tree, and he intended to treasure every instance of it.  
  
“Sure.”  
  
“I like your new nickname, by the way,” Hide said in a teasing voice, trying to smooth over his earlier blunder.  
  
Kaneki snorted but didn’t reply. Hide couldn’t help the smile that formed on his own face. “It’s very… edgy.”  
  
“Stop it,” Kaneki said, but Hide could hear the smile in his voice. He loved it when he could get Kaneki to smile these days; they both needed the distraction.  
  
“I mean it though. ‘Eyepatch’. They could have come up with something much worse,” Hide said as he leaned back on his bed, flopping down on his back to stare up at the ceiling.  
  
Kaneki huffed. “I guess.”  
  
“And at least you aren’t named after a cute animal,” Hide said while doing his best to sound serious, but failing to contain a small laugh at the end.  
  
“Touka will kill you if she hears you talking like that,” Kaneki said with laughter in his voice. Hide felt the smile on his face grow.  
  
“She always says she will, but would you look at that? I’m still alive.”  
  
“Yeah, you are...” Kaneki trailed off and his suddenly serious tone made Hide frown. “Please stay that way.”  
  
“Hey, I’m fine,” Hide tried to reassure the other as he sat up again.  
  
“I know,” Kaneki said quietly before falling silent. Hide desperately cast about for something to say, something that could reassure the other, but came up empty-handed. He was aware of the fact that Kaneki was worried for him, and no matter what he did or said he never seemed to be able to completely assure the other that he was fine. _Kaneki has enough to worry about, he shouldn’t have to worry about me! Say something!_ _Anything!_  
  
“I will see you later this week, okay?” Hide said hesitantly.  
  
“Yeah... Goodnight.”  
  
“Night,” Hide said while cursing himself for letting the conversation end on a bad note. He hung up and placed the phone back on the nightstand before he lay back on the bed again, staring up at his empty ceiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the timeskip wasn't too jarring! I wanted to get the story going before I managed to write an infinite number of chapters, and this seemed like the best solution :) 
> 
> Once again; thank you so much for your comments and support!! They mean a lot to me :) Without them I very much doubt that I would have managed to write as much as I have on this story. 
> 
> I hope you are all having a good day!!


	16. Intel

Hide entered the Laboratory Division with a big smile on his face and his stomach tied in knots.  
  
Cheiko looked up from the other side of the room as he entered; a small smile on her face and a notepad in her hands. She stepped away from the monitors she had been standing and walked up to him. “Welcome, Hide. Right on time”  
  
“Hello, Cheiko,” Hide said as he shook her hand, trying his best to take deep breaths. _This is my chance_. “I tried my best.”  
  
“Before chief Chigyou comes I have a couple of questions for you,” Cheiko said as she glanced down at her notepad. “Is that okay?”  
  
“Oh?” Hide raised an eyebrow in question. “Ask away.”  
  
Cheiko nodded before raising the notepad slightly and seemingly reading off of it. “When you picked the body up yesterday, did you notice anything strange at the scene?”  
  
Hide frowned. _Something strange? Do they assume that something strange would have been at the scene? Why?_ He was just about to open his mouth to respond that he hadn’t seen anything out of the ordinary when a thought made him stop. _The kid._  
  
“There was this kid… A ghoul kid,” Hide said, trying to convince himself that he did the right thing by telling them about the encounter. _I need to gain their trust._ “He said something smelled bad?”  
  
Cheiko immediately looked up with focused eyes, pen hovering over the notepad. “Near the corpse?”  
  
“Yeah,” Hide said with a nod.  
  
“Hm, that’s what we feared,” Cheiko mumbled as she wrote something down on the notepad.  
  
“Eh…” Hide hesitated as he watched her write. “Can I ask what this is about?” He couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed; he had come to the Laboratory Division thinking he would finally gain some access, but instead he was questioned about the case from the day before.  
  
“Yeah, sure,” Cheiko said with another smile as she stopped writing and looked up from her notepad. “The body from yesterday was placed there-”  
  
“Sorry I’m late!” A new voice cut in suddenly and Hide cursed his luck as he turned to come face to face with the head of the Laboratory Division; Chigyou.  
  
“Oh, Mister Chigyou, welcome. I was just asking Hide some questions,” Cheiko said as she turned towards the man.  
  
“Well, sorry to interrupt,” Chigyou said with a smile as he stopped in front of them while extending a hand for Hide to take, which he then shook enthusiastically as soon as Hide took it. Chigyou had black hair in a bowl-cut, reaching far enough down on his face to cover his eyes from view and a long labcoat. Hide felt himself relax as he saw the kind smile on the other man’s face.  
  
“Hello, Mister Chigyou,” Hide said with his most polite smile as he subtly tried to extract his hand from Chigyou’s grip.  
  
Chigyou shook his head, smile still in place. “Please, just Chigyou. I can never get Cheiko to stop calling me ‘Mister’, but hopefully you’re not as formal!”  
  
Hide nodded as he finally managed to get his hand back. If omitting formalities when speaking to the man in front of him would make Chigyou like him more, then he would gladly do so.  
  
Cheiko finished writing something down on her notepad before clicking her pen and putting it in her breast-pocket. “Well, I better take my leave. See you around, Hide,” Cheiko said as she handed Chigyou her notepad and nodded at Hide before walking out of the room through the same door that Chigyou had entered from.  
  
Hide nodded at her before turning his attention back towards the man in front of him just as the other man spoke up again.  
  
“By the way!” Chigyou exclaimed as he animatedly waved his right hand in the air. “I really wanted to thank you!”  
  
Hide felt his expression change from practiced politeness to confusion in a heartbeat. “Huh? Thank me?”  
  
“Of course! For your brilliant idea!”  
  
“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I follow,” Hide said, feeling more at a loss by the minute.  
  
“Oh, well. Cheiko told me of one of your little chats…” Chigyou trailed off and Hide had to remind himself to relax his shoulders. _What have I said to Cheiko? I haven’t said anything incriminating, right?_  
  
“Yeah, we sometimes like to talk when we meet. I didn’t know the word got around, though,” Hide said with a smile that felt too stiff on his face to have any chance of looking natural. Chigyou didn’t seem to notice as he continued on.  
  
“You made the interesting remark that not all ghouls are monsters that eat humans. And it was such a strange thing to say, she just had to relay it to me!” Chigyou said with a smile and Hide felt his blood run cold. _Do they think I’m a ghoul sympathizer? Have they found me out? Are they gonna arrest me?_  
  
“Yeah, well,” Hide choked out, casting a quick look around the room for any hidden investigators or other personnel that could apprehend him, but the room looked just as empty as it had when he first entered it.  
  
Chigyou started speaking again before Hide could continue. The other man was still smiling. “And I realized what you meant! Of course! All ghouls aren’t monsters that eat _humans_. Some ghouls are monsters that eat other ghouls! That’s an important fact that shouldn’t be overlooked when combating them!”  
  
Hide felt suddenly dizzy. _What?_  
  
Chigyou continued, seemingly not noticing Hide’s sudden paleness. “So I thought we should exploit that, especially since some of the ghouls eating other ghouls develop into a kakuja, and they are exceptionally strong! It would be very convenient if we could ‘nip them in the bud’ so to say.”  
  
Hide simply nodded, allowing the other man to plow on as he tried to make sense of what was happening. _Chigyou was… praising him? For coming up with the idea of specifically targeting ghouls that doesn’t kill humans? Ghouls like Kaneki?_  
  
“So I designed this fluid,” Chigyou said as he rooted through one of the many pockets on his coat before holding up a vial in front of Hide’s face containing a clear substance. “It’s a distillation of the same RC suppressant used in bullets, gas and quinques, but with some new modifications.”  
  
From the corner of his eye Hide could see his own hands start trembling and he discreetly moved them behind his back.  
  
“If injected into the corpse of a ghoul it should, in theory, affect the one later eating that meat. This poison will make it easier to exterminate the ghoul, or even kakuja, in question.”  
  
Hide cleared his throat and forced himself to speak, doing his best to keep his voice calm and level. “Wouldn’t that only be effective while the ghoul is eating? How would you catch them?”  
  
Chigyou chook his head with a big smile, seemingly delighted that Hide was engaging in the conversation. “No, no. The poison releases slowly under a longer period since it’s distributed by the digestive process. That way, the ghoul will be incapacitated during far longer than we have managed with the bullets or the gas. It’s all very exciting!”  
  
Hide forced himself to smile and desperately hoped that it looked more natural than it felt. “That’s a great idea!”  
  
“I knew you would agree,” Chigyou said with a wide smile as he clapped Hide on the shoulder. “We seem to share the same passion for theories and experiments, you and I. I’m always glad to meet a kindred spirit.”  
  
“Sure,” Hide said, feeling sick to his stomach. He tried desperately to keep up his carefree façade in the face of the smiling scientist; he could not let this opportunity to gain knowledge slip through his fingers. _I can continue this conversation until I get some more information. I have to. I’ve finally gotten some access to the Laboratory Division, now I have to make it count!_ “If you just place the corpse outside, then how will you know which ghoul took a bite out of it?”  
  
“Oh, we wouldn’t just leave it there without some sort of supervision!” Chigyou said as he took a couple of fast steps over to the cluster of monitors that Cheiko had been standing over as Hide entered the room. “We’ve put up security cameras at the locations to monitor who come and go. And to see if anybody touches the corpses,” Chigyou said as he indicated one of the monitors where a young woman laid on the ground in the semi-darkness of an alleyway; eyes staring straight ahead and one leg missing. “They are our precious research subjects after all, we have to make sure to learn something from them.”  
  
Hide swallowed down the bile in his throat as he looked over at another monitor and saw a young child on the ground in another alleyway. “Oh? So there’s many more out there?”  
  
“A couple more. We put them out not too long ago, but since we now know why nobody has taken a bite out of them I think it’s time to bring them in and…” Chigyou trailed off as he waved his hands in a vague gesture. “Refine the recipe, so to speak. We have to make sure our specimen are edible, after all.”  
  
“I would love to help with this experiment of your,” Hide said with a smile on his face and his hands tightly clasped behind his back, knuckles white with the restraint of keeping them from shaking. “Do you think I could take some shifts in here to learn more? I’m not bad when it comes to research and drawing conclusions.”  
  
Chigyou smiled at him. “You don’t have to sell yourself to me, I’ve already decided that you could be a useful resource here. I’m just going to check in with Amon first, I don’t want to steal his precious subordinates without permission.”  
  
Hide suppressed a shudder at the other’s choice of words. _His subordinates are just another resource, just like the bodies of the ghouls he has placed all over town._  
  
Hide felt like the smile on his face had been etched there as they said their goodbyes. He cast one last look at the monitors before exiting the room; the alleyways stared back at him together with the empty eyes of their occupants. _I have to stop this._

* * *

“Hey, Hide! I heard that you finally got your foot in at the Laboratory Division! Congrats man,” Seidou said with a huge smile as he patted Hide on the back.  
  
“Yeah, finally! ” Hide said as he did his best to produce a smile of his own. “I just hope Amon approves so that I can cram in some shifts.”  
  
“I'm sure it's no problem! He knows how much you want this. And besides, I bet he can’t wait to throw you out of the office!” Seidou said with a smirk and a laugh.  
  
“I guess so…” Hide trailed off, not really listening. _I have to warn Kaneki about this._  
  
“Everything okay?” Seidou said in a suddenly serious tone. “I didn’t really mean that he would be happy to get rid of you. I was just joking.”  
  
“Hm?” Hide looked up and the worried look on Seidou’s face made him re-focus on the conversation at hand. “Oh, yes, I’m fine. Just didn't sleep that well,” Hide said with a smile as he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. _You are too caring for this line of work, Seidou._  
  
Seidou frowned before patting Hide on the back again. “Well, it's a good thing you won't have to take more shifts as a vulture then!”  
  
Hide felt no need to correct the other man’s assumption. If Seidou assumed that Hide had slept badly because he found the work as a vulture distasteful, then that was the explanation he would go with.  
  
“Yes, that's nice,” Hide said with a small, but genuine, smile. It felt like the first time that day that he'd been sincere with someone. At that moment, Akira and Amon walked into the room, seemingly in the middle of a discussion.  
  
“The threat cannot be overlooked. If it really is the work of a single ghoul, the rating have to be at least S,” Akira said, face serious as always. “We should try and work out a theory on where the next ‘restaurant’ is going to be held.”  
  
“I agree,” Amon said with a nod as they walked past where Hide and Seidou stood. “It’s interesting that the attacking ghoul only seems to be targeting other ghouls... There has not been a single report of a human casualty, has there?”  
  
Hide almost looked up at this. _It couldn’t be Kaneki, right? He would have told me if they were involved in something this big._  
  
Akira hesitated a second before answering with a distinct downturn of her lips, looking as if she had bitten into something sour. “No, there haven’t been any reports indicating human casualties. Yet.”  
  
“A ghoul that doesn’t kill humans, huh…That is interesting,” Amon trailed off as he sat down at his desk, but Hide didn’t miss the way the other’s eyes looked over to where Hide stood.

* * *

Hide knocked on the door before opening it, revealing a big room with an open layout and several smiling faces looking over at him.    
  
“Hide!” Hinami exclaimed as she ran up to him, hugging him with a strength that always managed to surprise him.  
  
Hide hugged her back, smiling down at the girl. “Hey, Hinami! How you been?”  
  
“I missed you!” She said as she burrowed her head into his chest and Hide laughed as he heard the smile in her voice.  
  
“You gotta let me breathe!” Hide said with an exaggerated wheeze, taking a few stumbling steps back and dragging Hinami with him. “Don’t forget that I’m just a weak human!”  
  
Hinami laughed as Hide dragged her over the floor and he couldn’t help but join in at the unhindered joy in her voice. He looked up only to catch Kaneki looking over at them with a small smile on his lips, standing by the windows on the other end of the room. Hide smiled back at him before looking back down at Hinami who was still clutching at his middle and giggling.  
  
Hide reached down to ruffle her hair, which earned him a half-hearted protest and a small pout as Hinami quickly stepped out of his reach.  
  
“Hey! Big brother worked hard on this haircut!”  
  
Hide gave an incredulous snort as he looked over at Kaneki again. “Really?”  
  
“Really,” Kaneki said with such a serious face that Hide couldn’t help but break out into renewed laughter.  
  
“That’s great! It looks great, Hinami,” Hide managed after a couple of seconds, and Hinami gave him a suspicious look before nodding.  
  
Hide sent another smile Kaneki’s way before he walked up to the couch, plopping down next to where Banjou was sitting.  
  
“Anything new?” Hide asked Banjou as he nodded towards Ichimi, Jiro, and Sante who were sitting in the kitchen area.  
  
“Nothing much,” Banjour replied with a big grin. Hide couldn’t believe he had been scared of the man beside him at one point.  
  
“Tsukiyama isn’t here?” Hide asked as he looked around the room, trying to catch a glimpse of something obnoxiously purple.  
  
“No, thankfully not,” Banjou said with an even bigger grin, which Hide mirrored as he took in the answer.  
  
“Nice.”  
  
Hide had never liked the extravagant man and his somewhat worrying attachment to Kaneki, but if he helped in keeping Kaneki safe then he wouldn’t complain. Too much.  
  
“How are you doing, Kaneki?” Hide directed his questions towards his friend who was still standing by the window; a small smile on his lips. The sight of the other’s smile made Hide feel warm inside. The fact that the other was smiling at all made Hide feel giddy. _We’ve come a long way in a couple of months._  
  
Kaneki turned towards the two on the couch and made his way over, sitting down on the armchair on the other side of the small table. Hinami plopped down on Kaneki’s right armrest, swinging her legs in the air.  
  
“I’m fine,” Kaneki said at last and the smile on his face made Hide believe it for once.  
  
They spent the afternoon talking and playing a game that Banjou had found in some obscure thrift shop in the area. Ichimi, Jiro, and Sante joined them halfway through and from there on the game devolved into a competition over who could get away with the most cheating and who could make up the most obscure rules. As Kaneki’s laugh rang out in the room Hide wondered when the last time he felt this much at ease had been. _It was during my last visit here._  
  
The peaceful atmosphere was broken as the sun set and everyone started getting up from the table where cards and tokens were strewn across the surface. Hide and Kaneki set about cleaning the table as Banjou, Ichimi, Jiro, and Sante went into the living room with Hinami.  
  
Hide was painfully aware of the questions that had been circulating in his head the whole night, and after ignoring them for so long he finally gave in to the desire to voice them out loud. He tried to talk casually as he sorted through a mixed pile of playing cards and papers with handwritten notes. “Hey, today at work I heard some talk about a ghoul attacking ‘restaurants’ but not killing a single human. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”  
  
His question was met with silence and after a couple of seconds Hide placed the pile of cards he was holding on the table and looked up at Kaneki. The other was pointedly looking down on the table.  
  
Hide let out a sigh as he crossed his arms. “…What’s happened?”  
  
Kaneki absentmindedly traced an uneven ink-line on the table with his hand as he answered, eyes still avoiding Hide. “We’ve looked into some ghoul restaurants to get information about the whereabouts of doctor Kanou.”  
  
“Have you found him?” Hide asked as he tried to push down on the hurt at the realization that Kaneki had kept this from him. He knew how important finding doctor Kanou was for Kaneki.  
  
“No. Not yet,” Kaneki said as he finally raised his head to look at Hide. “But we’ve gotten a lead on where Kanou might be.”  
  
“You have??” Hide asked as he felt relief rise in him. _Maybe Kaneki can finally get some closure_. “That’s great news!”  
  
Kaneki’s mouth twisted up at the edges to form a small, but genuine, smile. “Yes. Hopefully it leads somewhere.”  
  
“Just be careful,” Hide said as he leaned his arms on the table between them. “The CCG has started an investigation concerning the attacks on the restaurants.”  
  
“Thanks for the heads-up,” Kaneki said with a nod. _I’m happy if I can help in any way,_ Hide thought, but didn’t say out loud. If the warmth in Kaneki’s eyes were anything to go by then the other already knew this.  
  
Hide hesitated before deciding that it was time to tackle the real subject that he had been avoiding the whole night. _But I have to warn them._  
  
“Hey, can we talk?” Hide asked Kaneki in a low voice, trying not to garner any attention from the people in the adjacent living room. If Hinami’s slightly tilting head was any indication then he had once again underestimated just how sensitive a ghouls hearing could be.  
  
“You can't say it in here?” Kaneki asked in a voice that was pointedly loud enough to be heard by everyone. Hide shot the other a glare, but didn't comment. He knew that Kaneki valued his newfound family and wanted to include them as much as possible, which was good, but he wanted to break the news to Kaneki first. Alone. _I think that’s what he would want, considering the whole… kakuja issue._  
  
“I’d like to talk in private,” Hide said in a voice that was too polite to be taken for anything other than annoyance.  
  
Kaneki looked over at the living room and the people in it who were still feigning deafness, and then back at Hide’s pleading eyes before nodding. “Okay.”  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whats THIS? Tokyo Ghoul with some questionable experiments?? Who could have guessed??! I hope you liked the new chapter!
> 
> I just want to thank you for reading this far! And thank you so much for all the nice comments and for the kudos and- and- You guys are the best! I go back to read them from time to time and it really motivates me to keep writing. Thank you again!!
> 
> Now for the not-so-fun-news: I'm gonna have to be away for work a lot more from here on out. Therefore I'm not gonna be able to update this story as regularly as I have been :( I'm thinking that I will post the chapters as soon as I finsih writing them, and I'll try to update once every week/two weeks. But no guarantees! I hope you understand :)
> 
> Stay tuned for the thrilling continuation of "Amon sending Hide strange looks while talking about ghouls"!


	17. Converging

Kaneki and Hide walked through the common room as casually as possible. When they passed by where Hinami was sitting and reading a book she looked up at Hide with pleading eyes.  
  
“Will you stay here tonight? I’ve missed you! And I know Kaneki’s missed you too.”  
  
Hide glanced over at Kaneki, but the other was looking straight ahead, continuing his way towards the stairs leading to the second floor. Hide turned back towards Hinami and nodded with a smile. “I promise! Wouldn’t wanna miss another chance to talk to my little princess!”  
  
Hinami rolled her eyes with a laugh but wasn’t able to completely hide the pleased smile that formed on her face at his words. Hide turned and hurried after Kaneki as they both ascended the stairs in silence, but Hinami’s words had put a smile on his face.  
  
They went into Kaneki’s room and as soon as Hide had closed the door behind them, Kaneki crossed his arms in front of his chest. “So?”  
  
Hide waved him off. “I just wanted to run something past you before I told everyone. And can you blame me for trying to get you alone in a room for a while?” Hide said with a wink, trying to ease the mood a bit.  
  
Kaneki sighed but lowered his shoulders slightly and a small smile turned the corners of his mouth up. Hide took that as his queue to start; already regretting his next words and how they would affect the person in front of him.  
  
“The CCG is creating a new weapon.”  
  
“What?” Kaneki asked as the small smile slipped from his face, leaving no indication of ever being there. Hide thought the room suddenly felt colder. “What kind of weapon?”  
  
“They are modifying the RC suppressant into a liquid, a poison. And they are using it on ghoul corpses,” Hide said matter-of-factly, trying to keep his voice as stable as possible. _It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault._  
  
“On corpses? Why would they…?” Kaneki trailer of before his eyes widened ever so slightly. “Oh.”  
  
“Yeah…” Hide trailed off, looking down on the floor and away from Kaneki’s realization. “They think it would be a good way to combat starving ghouls, and… kakujas.”  
  
“So they are targeting the ghouls that are already starving?” Kaneki said in a low voice and Hide could hear the sadness in it, together with the anger that seemed to almost always be present nowadays. “…And kakujas.”  
  
“Yes…” Hide said in a small voice, still looking down on the floor rather than meeting Kaneki’s gaze.  
  
“This could become a problem. Why would they suddenly…” Kaneki mumbled under his breath and Hide felt the shame rising inside him bubble over. _This is all my fault. Me and my stupid, big mouth._  
  
“Actually-” Hide began, and stopped when his voice broke. He cleared his throat and tried again, looking up at Kaneki as he spoke. “Actually, I might have had… something to do… with it.”  
  
“What?” Kaneki breathed out and Hide felt confused when he saw the other’s pleading gaze directed at him. “Please no. Hide you can't have-”  
  
Hide stilled as a sudden realization hit him. _He thinks I sold them out. He thinks I helped the CCG make a weapon specifically aimed at vulnerable ghouls and ghouls like him._ Hide shook his head and raised his hands in front of him as he tried to ignore his own affronted feelings. _How could Kaneki believe that I’m capable of betraying them like that?_ “No. I didn't do it willingly. I just-”  
  
Kaneki’s expression morphed from pleading to concerned in the span of a second. “Did they hurt you? Threaten you?”  
  
“No!” Hide cut the other off before Kaneki could work himself into a state of panic. He could already hear the other’s breathing picking up. “No, calm down. Just let me finish, please.”  
  
Kaneki nodded; eyebrows drawn together and shoulders tense, but he kept quiet.  
  
“I might have said something about not all ghouls being monsters and eating humans,” Hide began and sent the other a sharp look when he saw Kaneki open his mouth to cut in, no doubt to argue about the fact that Hide had talked in favor of ghouls at work again. Kaneki had voiced his displeasure of this many times before, stating that it endangered Hide needlessly, something Hide didn’t agree with. Regardless, this was not the time to drag old arguments back up.  
  
“And!” Hide continued forcefully. “They interpreted it to mean that some ghouls are eating other ghouls instead of eating humans...” Hide trailed off, guilt making his throat close up at the end..  
  
“Oh,” Kaneki breathed out with furrowed brows. Kaneki seemed lost in thought and Hide felt a desperate urge to explain himself, to prove to his friend that he could be trusted. That he’d simply made a mistake.  
  
“I didn't mean anything by it! I promise!” Hide said as he took a step in Kaneki’s direction, and this time it was his turn to look pleadingly at the other. “I would never betray you guys.”  
  
“I know. This is not your fault,” Kaneki said and Hide felt relief wash over him. “It's just. This. This is… kind of bad. If they manage to create a poison that’s effective against ghouls, then everyone would have to watch what they eat.”  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
“Do you know what they are going to do with it?”  
  
“Last I heard they had placed infected corpses in different locations to try and lure ghouls in, but are gonna bring the bodies back in to refine the formula since it didn't seem to be working too good.”  
  
“Oh. Okay,” Kaneki said as he ran a hand through his hair. He seemed to hesitate a second before looking over at Hide and continuing. “Could you stop it?”  
  
Hide shook his head. “No, sorry. I would if I could, but I've just been accepted into the Lab division so I have no say in that project. At least not yet.”  
  
Kaneki nodded as he walked over to his bed and sat down with a heavy thump and a sigh. Despite Kaneki’s reassurance that he didn’t blame Hide, he couldn’t completely get rid of the strong feeling of guilt sitting heavy in his stomach.  
  
Hide took a step in Kaneki’s direction before stopping and looking down at the ground again. “I'm really sorry. Hopefully they won't be able to actually make it effective.”  
  
“It's not your fault,” Kaneki repeated as he waved him off. “I know you just want to help.”  
  
“Yeah…” Hide said as he sat down beside Kaneki on the bed, keeping some distance between them. He sighed before continuing in a low voice, almost not realizing that he was speaking out loud, “Why does everything have to be so black and white? Can't people at least try to see the other side of the story?”  
  
Kaneki pulled a face. “I… understand what you mean, but it's not that easy. You know that.”  
  
Hide hesitated. He knew that Kaneki _wanted_ the world to change, now more than ever, and he knew that Kaneki had wanted humans and ghouls to understand each other. However, he wasn’t completely sure that that was still the case. Somewhere along the way his friend had seemed to give up on this dream. Now he seemed to simply want to _change_ it.  
  
_Well, then I have to get him to believe in his dream again._ “Imagine how things would change if people understood that not all ghouls are monsters who kill people for fun. That a lot of ghouls don’t want to kill people.”  
  
“You tried talking to some humans about this and look where it got us,” Kaneki said in a sad voice and Hide couldn’t keep from wincing slightly at the reminder. Kaneki placed a hand on his arm. “Sorry, that was uncalled for. I know you couldn’t have known what would happen.”  
  
“No… You’re right. It’s risky. But does that mean we should stop trying?”  
  
“Maybe,” Kaneki said. “At least for now.”  
  
Hide continued, undeterred. “I’ve… been thinking. What if… What if ghouls _didn’t_ have to kill people?”  
  
“Not this again…” Kaneki said with a sigh as he retracted his hand from Hide’s arm and leaned back on his elbows on the bed, turning his head away to look at the opposing wall. “We’ve been over this already, and besides, I don’t kill humans. You know that.”  
  
“I know,” Hide said as he fidgeted with his hands in his lap. This was always a sensitive topic. “But that isn’t necessarily… safer. Wouldn’t you want to be able to eat something else? Something that’s neither ghoul nor human?”  
  
Kaneki sat up straight on the bed and Hide looked up to see Kaneki scowling. “I don’t need to hear this again. Your dreams don’t change reality and I’ve made my choice. Drop it.”  
  
“That’s not what I-” Hide said before cutting himself off and starting again, pushing down on the surge of annoyance he felt bubbling up. _Arguing will get us nowhere. Calm down, Hide._ “I don’t know exactly how eating ghouls affect you, since you’re not telling me,” Hide said with a pointed look at Kaneki, who in turn pointedly looked away. “But I _do know_ that it’s not good. I just want you to be safe.”  
  
Hide could see Kaneki’s shoulders rise an inch before the other got to his feet, standing over Hide. When he spoke his voice was quiet and cold, and the sound of it made Hide tense up instinctively. “I told you to drop it.”  
  
Hide stood up as well, anger suddenly coursing through him at the way Kaneki tried to intimidate him. _That’s it!_ “Can you stop being so god damned selfish for once?? Why do I have to walk on eggshells around you all the time?! Can you at least meet me half-way?! I’m just trying to help!”  
  
Kaneki scowled at him as he took a step back to create some space between them. “Nobody asked you to! _I_ never asked you to! You’re the one who decided to treat me as if I’m fragile.”  
  
“I never-! I just want to help you!” Hide said angrily, watching as Kaneki turned around and took a couple of steps away from him. “To fix whatever I can!”  
  
Kaneki turned back around so fast that Hide barely had the time to take a step back before Kaneki’s hand was fisted in the front of his shirt, pulling Hide close.  
  
“There’s nothing for you to _fix,_ ” Kaneki said, voice lowering to a growl at the last word and Hide was pretty sure he didn’t imagine the way the veins around Kaneki’s left eye darkened in color.  
  
Hide raised his hands in surrender and focused on staying calm. _It’s Kaneki. He won’t hurt me. It’s okay._ He forced himself to take a deep breath before he answered. “That was a bad choice of words, I’m sorry.”  
  
The silence stretched out and Hide stared down into Kaneki’s visible eye, feeling very small in the light of the anger he could see there, but not backing down. _He needs to realize that people care about him and that it’s their own choice… and I guess I have to realize that not everything is my responsibility. Right now I might only be making things worse._  
  
After what felt like forever, Kaneki loosened his grip on Hide’s shirt and stepped away. Hide’s eyes focused on Kaneki’s hands, which were clenching and unclenching in time with the other’s rapid breathing.  
  
“You know I like you the way you are, right? I just… Have a hard time accepting it sometimes. All that’s happened, that is…” Hide trailed off. He looked at the other’s trembling shoulders. “We’ll make the most of things, okay?”  
  
Kaneki didn’t turn around to face him and didn’t answer. Hide hesitated before speaking up again, clearly hearing the insecurity in his own voice. “Do you want me to leave?”  
  
“….No,” Kaneki said in a tired voice, finally turning around to look at Hide. “You promised Hinami you would stay, right?”  
  
Hide gave a small snort at that. “Yeah, I did.”  
  
Kaneki nodded before a flash of what looked like regret passed over his face and he hastily looked away from Hide, talking in a strained voice. “You can sleep on the couch downstairs if you want to. I understand if you don’t want to sleep in the same room as me after- ”  
  
“Is the mattress still in the wardrobe?” Hide cut the other off.  
  
Kaneki was silent for several seconds before muttering out a “Yes.”  
  
“Great,” Hide said as he walked over to the closet and pulled the mattress out. He could feel Kaneki’s eyes on his back as he laid it out on the floor.  
  
“I’m only hurting you.”  
  
Hide stopped his movements, but didn’t turn around. He could hear the sadness in his own voice as he answered, “No, you’re not.”  
  
“But I do!” Kaneki said and Hide sat down on the mattress to look at Kaneki, who was still standing with his hands clenched at his sides, but his angry expression had morphed into one of equal parts sadness and regret. “Nothing good comes from staying my friend, you should get out before I-”  
  
“I think I’m the one who decides that,” Hide cut him off, crossing his arms over his chest. _That’s enough._ “If you don’t want me around, then tell me, but don’t try and push me away by pretending it’s for my sake. It’s egoistical and you know it.”  
  
Kaneki’s shoulders slumped and a defeated look took over his face as he sank down on his bed. “You don’t have to stay, you know.”  
  
“I know that.”

* * *

Hide woke up with a start, gasping into the darkness as he tried to make sense of his surroundings. _Where am I?_ Hide sat up and felt around him frantically, trying to make sense of the fabric surrounding him. _Where is everyone?? Kaneki, Hinami, Banjou, Touka, Amon, Seidou??_ Last he had seen them they had all been staring unseeingly up at him. All been laying in a pool of- ….Blood. Hide heard his own breathing pick up even more as he tried to get to his feet, but his legs were tangled up in something he couldn’t see in the dark and he fell down as soon as he tried to get up. _I have to find them! I have to save them!_ A whimper floated through the air. _Why is it so dark??_  
  
Suddenly a hand landed lightly on his arm and Hide recoiled with a whine, away from the sudden presence. He tried to ask who it was but his mouth refused to form words; simply gasping for air as his eyes stared widely into the darkness surrounding him. _Is it the attacker? The monster? Is it back to finish the job?_  
  
The hand came back, softly landing on his arm, and this time when he flinched it didn’t go away. _Oh God. This is the end. Where’s Kaneki? Everyone -_ He suddenly remembered the staring eyes, the blood, the deafening quietness, the helplessness, and he whimpered. _Why is it so hard to remember what happened?_ Hide clawed at the hand which still refused to let go. In the middle of it all he suddenly became aware of a sound; something other than his rapid breathing. A voice talking in a raspy rush of words.  
  
“No, no, no. I have to save- I can’t- Kaneki- No, no, please don’t- Hinami- Oh God, why?”  
  
Hide felt a sob catch in his throat and the words stopped. _Oh. I’m the one who’s talking._ He immediately tried to hold the words back, to keep as silent and still as possible as he waits for the person near him to attack, to move, to do _something_ other than keep the hand on his arm _._ What greeted him instead were words; softly spoken close to his ear.  
  
“Hide, it’s okay. You are safe. We are all safe and home and please, please calm down.”  
  
_What?_  
  
Hide held his breath, trying to understand, trying not to miss a word being spoken, trying to see something in the darkness around him. _Who?_  
  
“Breathe, Hide. Come on, it’s okay,” the voice said close by and the hand on his arm rubbed comforting circles. _The person wasn’t going to attack him…?_  
  
It wasn’t until then that Hide realized that he was crying.  
  
“Ka- Kaneki?”  
  
“Yeah, it’s me, Hide. I’m okay. We’re all okay. It was just a dream,” Kaneki said from beside him in the dark.  
  
“I- I thought you all- I _saw_ you all lying- Oh God.”  
  
Kaneki hushed him in a soothing tone, moving his hand from his arm to his back, pulling him into a hug. Hide immediately stiffened up.  
  
“Sorry,” Kaneki murmured as his arms fell away and Hide was left in the darkness alone again.  
  
“No, no, come back. I didn’t- I just thought you didn’t want- That is- You don’t always react well when… touched,” Hide said while reaching out in front of him, groping blindly until his hands found the soft fabric of Kaneki’s shirt. He gripped it tightly and didn’t let go even as Kaneki’s hand came back to his arm. He felt relief wash through him at the contact; breath coming easier.  
  
He could hear Kaneki give a short chuckle before responding, “Leave it to you to be worried about me in this situation. But I guess… you are right. I just don’t…”  
  
“You don't have to explain yourself. It's fine,” Hide said as he let go of Kaneki’s shirt to inch his hand up until h could clasp the other’s shoulder instead. The act of reassuring Kaneki grounded him; made him feel more real. _This is real. It was just a dream._ “Can I hug you now, though?”  
  
“You know, I was the one who hugged you first?” Kaneki said with some humor in his voice and that, more than anything, made the tight knot in Hide’s chest ease slightly. Hide tightened his grip on the other’s shoulder and pulled Kaneki in against him; hugging him with all his strength before relaxing against the other when he felt Kaneki hug him back.  
  
After several seconds of silence Hide took a deep, shuddering, breath and closed his eyes. He could feel Kaneki’s arms around him and for the first time in what felt like forever, he felt at peace. Together with the sense of security came a crushing feeling of tiredness and the act of sitting upright, even partially held up by Kaneki, suddenly seemed like too much for his body to handle. Hide pulled back from Kaneki’s arms, noting with a slight, unexplainable, feeling of disappointment that the other immediately let him go without protest. He slumped down in a laying position, stretching out on the mattress. He could feel Kaneki stilling where he sat, probably debating whether he should go back to his own bed or not. He did not feel ready to give up on the security Kaneki’s presence gave him, not when his recent dream was still so fresh in his mind. Hide opened his arms wide for the other. “Come here.”  
  
Kaneki didn’t move at first, but then an amused huff could be heard in the darkness and Hide felt the mattress dip before the weight of Kaneki settled in his arms, hugging him back. Hide smiled against the top of Kaneki's head as he closed his eyes.  
  
Hide suddenly realized how natural this all felt: the reassurance and the closeness. As if this was how things were supposed to be. _For me at least._ “I’m sorry… did I make this weird? Is this okay?”  
  
“Yes,” Kaneki mumbled against his chest as he relaxed against Hide. “It’s… nice. Thank you.”  
  
“Hm? Shouldn’t I be the one thanking you right now?”  
  
“No, I- Thank you for being here. For everything,” Kaneki said and Hide felt the air move across his shoulder as the other spoke. “I don't want to imagine where I would have been if you hadn't been here. After everything.”  
  
“Oh… You're welcome,” Hide said as he rubbed the other’s back as well as he could while still refusing to let go of the hug. “I will never leave you, I hope you know that.”  
  
“Me neither,” Kaneki said as he tightened his grip on Hide in turn. “If you don't want me to, then I will never leave you. And I'm sorry for all I've said. I haven't been the kindest.”  
  
“You've been hurting. I know that.”  
  
“But so have you.”  
  
Hide felt tears threatening to spill over and turned his head to look up at the ceiling, fighting down another sob. “That means a lot to hear. Thank you.”  
  
“You really scared me. Are you okay?” Kaneki asked softly.  
  
“I’m… fine.”  
  
Kaneki scoffed, but didn’t argue. Hide was thankful for that.  
  
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
  
Hide thought about it for a couple of seconds before answering. “…Not really? I’m just so scared of losing everyone. Loosing you.”  
  
Kaneki was quiet for a long time and Hide had almost fallen asleep before the other spoke again. “I understand.”  
  
Hide thought back to all the ties he had slept in this room and had to comfort Kaneki after one of his nightmares, which seemed to happen more often than not. “I know.”  
  
“Has this happened before? The nightmares?”  
  
“…Yes.” _But usually I’m better at dealing with them alone_ , he didn’t say aloud. He didn’t doubt that Kaneki heard it anyway.  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“It’s not your fault,” Hide said at once, knowing that Kaneki didn’t agree.  
  
Instead of arguing the point, Kaneki simply moved one hand to clasp Hide’s own, lacing their fingers together. “I’m here now.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
Kaneki didn’t answer but Hide felt the arm encircling him pull him a bit closer before relaxing. Silence settled over the room and Hide closed his eyes with a small smile, feeling secure and warm. The dreams that came to him when he fell asleep were untroubled and peaceful.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why can't they stay safe and happy forewer???  
> Just so you guys know; this fic will not be getting explicit on the shipping side of things! :)
> 
> Thank you for your kind and understanding comments :) They mean so much!! 
> 
> I hope your coming week will treat you well!


	18. Old Friends

“Good morning everyone!” Banjou said in a loud voice as he walked into the kitchen, going straight for the coffee-maker on the counter which was puttering away happily, working on the giant pot of coffee that Hide had set it up to brew.  
  
“Morning, Banjou!” Hide said with a smile aimed towards the big man as he himself sat slumped forward in his chair with his arms crossed on the table, waiting very un-patiently for the coffee-maker to finish its job.  
  
“Oh, Hide!” Banjou said as his eyes landed on where Hide sat. “I’m glad you stayed!”  
  
“Do we have any breakfast at home?” Hide mumbled as he pressed his face into his crossed arms.   
  
“I bought some last week. The bread should still be fine,” Kaneki said as he wandered into the kitchen. Looking as pristine as he always did nowadays; or at least as pristine as he looked when there were other people than just Hide present. The thought that there was a part of Kaneki that he only showed in front of Hide made the small smile on his face grow.  
  
“We need to go shopping soon,” Banjou mused as he opened the door to the fridge and peered inside. He turned to look at Hide with an open and inquisitive expression on his face.  “What do people normally eat for breakfast? Only bread?”  
  
“You don’t have to go shopping for my sake, don’t worry about it,” Hide tried to assure the other. Banjou’s question made him feel equal parts fond and exasperated; on one hand he was touched by the other’s willingness to learn about his way of life, but on the other it was _way_ too early to be explaining breakfast to someone who had never eaten it before. Or any food for that matter.  
  
Kaneki sat down beside Hide and waved a hand in the air to dismiss Hide’s worries and Banjou’s earlier question. “It’s no trouble. If someone comes over unannounced it would look weird if we don’t have any food. Besides, you are here often enough to merit a better stocked kitchen.”  
  
“Well, then I’m not gonna argue with you,” Hide said as he sat up straight and stretched, seeing through Kaneki’s attempt to cover up his affection but not calling the other out on it.   
  
“Good,” Kaneki said with a nod and a small smile. Hide beamed back. _First smile of the day- Check!_  
  
“Hide! You stayed!” An exited voice suddenly broke through the stillness of the kitchen from the doorway and Hide turned in time to see a smiling Hinami quickly walk over to him before latching on to his waist in a hug that was slightly too strong to come from a human girl of that size.   
  
Hide hugged her back, reveling in her easy smile and unquestioning acceptance of him before pulling back slightly to raise a hand to his chest in mock offense, “I promised, didn’t I? Does my word mean so little to you?”  
  
“I’m glad you did!” Hinami said as she let go of him with a laugh.   
  
“Me too,” Hide said with a quick glance over at Kaneki before turning his attention back towards Hinami. “And even happier now that I’ve seen you!” Hide said with a big smile which Hinami returned before walking the few steps over to Kaneki and giving him a hug as well.   
  
“Good morning, big brother!”  
  
“Good morning Hinami,” Kaneki said with a soft smile as he embraced her. “Did you sleep well?”  
  
“Yeah!” She then took a step back to look between Hide and Kaneki where they were sitting next to each other, her expression becoming more serious. “Did you both sleep well? I heard… Well, yesterday night…” She trailed off.  
  
Hide sent Kaneki another look. _Did she hear me when I woke up from the nightmare?_ He did not feel like explaining that particular incident to her at the breakfast table.  
  
Hinami took a deep breath before continuing, “Are you two fighting? I didn’t listen, I promise! But you were kind of loud, and… you sounded upset. Both of you.”   
  
_So not the nightmare, then, but the fight._ Hide sent Hinami a reassuring smile. “Oh. Oh, no. We’re fine, we just had to talk through some stuff. Sorry if we disturbed you.”   
  
“It’s no problem! I’m just glad you’re okay,” Hinami said with a smile as she sat down at the table in front of Hide.  
  
Kaneki looked over at Hide with a smile that managed to make him relax. Banjou came over to the table and placed steaming cups of coffee in front of all its occupants, who all thanked him and enthusiastically started sipping on the drink.  
  
Hide got up and went about making a sandwich with whatever he could find in the barren fridge and cupboards. _We really do have to go shopping, not even a college student lives like this._ His end-result could be called breakfast if you added some fantasy and a good dose of optimism, at least according to Kaneki who also ended his comment by wrinkling his nose in distaste.  
  
Hide simply shrugged and took a bite.   
  
They all sat and talked while sipping at their coffees; Hinami eagerly talking about a book she had found at a second-hand store, and Hide trying to convince Kaneki to watch a new movie with him that had just come out.   
  
Suddenly Hide heard the door open and turned in his seat to see Touka and Nishiki enter the apartment, bringing with them a gush of fresh air and what sounded like the end-note of an argument.   
  
As soon as they entered the kitchen Touka sent Hide an angry scowl and crossed her arms. “What is he doing here?”  
  
“ _He_ is here to spend time with his friends,” Hide said with narrowed eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest.  
  
“Touka, stop it. Let’s have coffee first at least,” Kaneki said with a groan. Touka ignored him.  
  
“Nice to see you, man,” Nishiki said as he walked past Hide and patted him on the shoulder to grab a cup of coffee for himself.  
  
“You too,” Hide said while keeping his eyes on Touka. Nishiki looked between the two of them before scoffing and taking his cup into the living room.   
  
“Whatever,” Touka muttered under her breath as she sat down at the kitchen table.  
  
“That means ‘Good morning’!” Nishiki called from the other room.   
  
“Thanks!” Hide called back, “But I’m proficient enough in Touka-speak to translate that for myself!”  
  
“Watch it you two!” Banjou said while nudging with his head, overly-obviously, in Touka’s direction; who was sitting and staring at Hide with a murderous expression on her face.   
  
Hide gave a slightly strangled laugh. “You know we’re just joking, Touka! Good to see you.” With that, Hide fled the kitchen and took his half-empty mug of coffee and sat down on the couch next to Nishiki in the living room, breathing a sigh of relief. He and Touka had gotten along better the last couple of months, but she still had a hard time accepting him in their life; accepting that he knew about them being ghouls. Kaneki had said that it had something to do with a girl named Yoriko. Hide didn’t think it was his place to pry.  
  
Hide could hear Touka and Kaneki talk in low voices from the kitchen, but he couldn’t make out what was being said. If Nishiki’s slightly vacant expression and tilted head was any indication, then he had no problem hearing the ongoing conversation.   
  
Hide and Nishiki sat in a somewhat companionable silence as they sipped their mugs of coffee and Hide made his way through his admittedly bland breakfast sandwich.   
  
Ichimi, Jiro and Sante stumbled through the living room and into the kitchen where Hide could hear the tell-tale sound of a new pot of coffee getting made.  
  
After several minutes, and just as Hide was considering going back into the kitchen out of sheer boredom, Kaneki entered the living. Nishiki heaved a deep sigh; looking between Hide and Kaneki before standing up and ambling into the kitchen with a muttered, “Yeah, it’s way too early to be third-wheeling anyone.”  
  
“Coward,” Hide said in a mocking tone, keeping his voice light even as he kept his eyes deliberately turned away from Kaneki while he felt how his cheeks heated up slightly. _There’s nothing to third-wheel here!_  
  
Even without enhanced hearing he had no trouble picking out Nishiki’s, “Idiots,” from the kitchen.  
  
Kaneki sat down on the couch beside Hide and leaned his head back to look up at the ceiling. _Isn’t he sitting closer than he has to?_ Hide’s distracted thought came to an abrupt halt at Kaneki’s next words, “We are raiding one of Kanou’s estates in a couple of days.”  
  
Hide sat up straighter, clutching the cup tightly in his hands. “Oh? You finally found him?”  
  
“Yes,” Kaneki said with a small smile that soon turned into a frown. “Or we hope so. There’s a big estate outside town that seems very likely to be his hideout.”  
  
“You said ‘ _We_ are raiding’, who’s going with you?” Hide asked as he scarfed down the last of the sandwich, chasing it down with a generous gulp of coffee, trying to look more at ease than he felt. He could already feel the clump of anxiety form in his stomach at the thought of the upcoming raid, and he had only known about it for seconds. _Deep breaths._  
  
“Banjou, Ichimi, Jiro, Sante and… Tsukiyama.”  
  
Hide made a grimace while fiddling with the mug in his hands. “Do you have to bring Tsukiyama? Can’t you take Touka or Nishiki with you?”  
  
“I don’t want to endanger them if I can help it.”  
  
Hide gave a small laugh and raised an eyebrow at this. “But you can endanger Banjou and his gang?”  
  
“You try talking him out of it then!” Kaneki said with a small laugh of his own and Hide was grateful that the other could still laugh during the conversation, considering the topic.  
  
“I’m coming with you!” Banjou’s voice came from the kitchen and Hide laughed louder.  
  
He turned his attention back to where Kaneki was sitting and looking at him while trying to convey his support and worry through his expression. “Alright, alright, but Tsukiyama? Really?”  
  
“Well…” Kaneki trailed off before his face closed down; turning more cold and blank. Hide hated that expression, or lack thereof. It was always an indication of the Kaneki that had resulted after his time at Aogiri. “I don’t really care if he’s endangered… And he’s strong, which might prove to be a huge help.”  
  
“You have to be careful,” Hide said in a serious tone, willing Kaneki to understand how important this was to him. _Please be okay. Please look after yourself._  
  
“I’m always careful,” Kaneki said as he scratched absentmindedly at his chin and looked back up at the ceiling.   
  
“No, you’re not,” Hide said with a sigh.  
  
Kaneki sent him a glare without any real heat behind it, but didn’t answer.  
  
“…I’m worried,” Hide continued before hesitating slightly, shuffling a bit closer to where Kaneki was sitting. “Can you take one of my trackers with you? So I can hear what’s going on?”  
  
“Hide. You know that I don’t like those things. You will get in serious trouble because of them one day,” Kaneki said as he turned his head to look at Hide with equal parts exasperation and fondness in his expression. “Again.”  
  
“Please?” Hide asked in his most pleading tone. He might have pouted a bit for effect as well.   
  
Kaneki shook his head and huffed a small laugh at Hide’s expression. “Maybe. No promises, but give one of them to me and I will think about it.”  
  
Hide allowed the pleading look to fall from his face and gave the other a sincere smile in its place. “Thank you!”  
  
Hide closed the last couple of centimeters between them, grabbing Kaneki’s hand in his and squeezing it lightly. Kaneki squeezed back and together they sat in silence for several long minutes. The peace was broken by a sudden, loud, voice.   
  
“Hey, Hide! Nishiki said that-” Hide looked up in time to see Banjou stop dead in his tracks as his eyes landed on Kaneki and Hide on the couch. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”   
  
Hide felt his face heat up in at an alarming pace, but Kaneki didn’t let go of his hand. _Is this okay then?_  
  
“It’s no problem, Banjou. What was it?” Kaneki asked in a level tone, but Hide could hear the hint of embarrassment there. The affirmation that he wasn’t alone in his bashfulness made Hide relax back against the couch again.  
  
“Eh…” Banjou trailed off, looking between Hide and Kaneki before a big, face-splitting, smile spread over his face. “Nothing important! I gotta go!”   
  
Before either of them could ask for clarification, Banjou was out of the room, leaving the two of them alone again. Hide looked over at Kaneki, but the other met his eyes with a matching look of confusion.   
  
“Well. I think I need more coffee,” Hide said with a small laugh at Banjou’s odd behaviour.  
  
“Sounds good,” Kaneki agreed and stood up from the couch. Hide cursed his inability to keep quiet as he felt Kaneki let go of his hand.   
  
Hide got up and joined Kaneki in venturing into the kitchen where Touka sat and helped Hinami with a book, Ichimi, Jiro and Sante sat at one end of the table talking in low voices, and Nishiki was scrolling through his phone absentmindedly. The room was filled with the smell of coffee and the easy background noise of relaxed conversations. Hide immediately zeroed in on the coffeemaker and the half-full pot of coffee it contained.  
  
“Sooo…” Nishiki drawled as they entered the room, putting his phone down on the table in front of him. “Kanou’s estate, huh?”  
  
“So much for privacy,” Hide muttered as he poured himself and Kaneki more coffee.  
  
Nishiki ignored him, instead opting for dramatically rolling his eyes and continue talking. “I tried to convince Kaneki to let me come, but apparently I’m not welcome on this exclusive excursion.”   
  
Touka looked up from where she was sitting with Hinami; scowling in Nishiki’s direction, but Hide could see the small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth, belying her teasing. “You said that ‘The plan is horseshit and anyone joining must be crazy.’”  
  
Nishiki rolled his eyes in an exasperated manner, “Details, details.”  
  
“A small group is better,” Kaneki said defensively as he took a small sip from his cup. “We will attract less attention that way.”  
  
“Sure,” Nishiki said as he leaned over towards Hide and whispered in a voice that was loud enough to be heard in the entire room, “He’s just too proud to admit that he worries about us.”  
  
Kaneki pretended not to hear them.

* * *

At the office the next day Hide sat at his own desk, yawning widely as he scratched at his unruly hair.  
  
“Rough night last night?” A teasing voice said from behind him, making Hide turn around in his chair and come face to face with a smirking Seidou who was doing his best at wiggling his eyebrows. “Is there someone special?”   
  
Hide laughed and was just about to deny it, when he thought about Hinami, Banjou, Nishiki and Touka. _Kaneki_. Instead he smiled and shrugged, “You could say that.”  
  
Seidou’s eyebrows stopped their attempted wiggling and instead rose all the way to his hairline. Before he could open his mouth and ask for more details, however, Amon came over to where Seidou and Hide were standing, nodding at them both in greeting. They both stood up straighter in the presence of their boss, but Seidou sent Hide a look that conveyed that this topic was far from over.  
  
Amon turned towards Hide. “I got a request from the head of the Laboratory Division. They want you to take some shifts there. I take it that means that the meeting with Chigyou went well?”  
  
“Yeah! It went great!” Hide said with genuine delight.   
  
Amon nodded with a small smile at Hide’s enthusiasm and clapped him on the shoulder. “I have already given my approval. Just don’t shirk your responsibilities here.”  
  
Hide nodded his assurance. “I promise I won’t! Thank you!”  
  
“Well…” Amon trailed off, shifting his weight from foot to foot. Hide was just about to give the other an easy way out before Amon opened his mouth to continue with a slightly hesitant voice. “Did you… learn something interesting at the Laboratory Division?”   
  
Hide gave a small laugh at the other’s awkwardness before answering. “Yeah, I-” Hide cut himself off. _This could be a great chance to see what he thinks about the new RC poison._ Hide debated with himself for approximately one second before his curiosity made him give in; Amon’s interest in Hide’s ideas about understanding ghouls gave Hide some hope about the other’s capability of being sympathetic towards ghouls. “Actually, the lab division is developing a new weapon, a RC suppressant poison that’s administered to ghoul-corpses and then attacks the ghouls eating them in turn. It’s targeting ghouls that are eating other ghouls.”  
  
Amon’s eyes widened in a subtle display of surprise. “Really?” _Not enough of a reaction._  
  
“Yeah. Interesting approach, right?” Hide said with a voice that he tried to keep from being too pointed.  
  
Amon seemed to weigh his words and sent Seidou a subtle glance before looking back to Hide with a small shrug. “I can’t say that I agree wholeheartedly with the method, but it's good that they do what they can to combat ghouls.”   
  
Hide nodded before deciding to push his luck a bit. “Isn’t it better that they eat each other than humans, though?”  
  
“Kakujas are dangerous and it’s good if we find an effective way to combat them,” Amon said in an automatic voice, angling his head away from Seidou so only Hide could see the small frown on his face as he spoke.   
  
Hide let his own mouth form a small smile. _I’m right, aren't I? He’s questioning things._ “Maybe it’s not only kakuja’s that are eating other ghouls? Starving ghouls might eat what they find. Or maybe there’s ghouls that don’t want to kill humans and-”  
  
“Well, there’s no use discussing it here,” Amon cut him off brusquely. “We will have to wait and see how the development goes.”   
  
“Yeah, I guess so,” Hide said as he felt his smile freeze on his face. _Did I misread things? Push it too far? …Is he gonna report me?_  
  
“By the way, I have been meaning to treat you to a dinner for a long time now to discuss your future at the bureau and so forth. It’s tradition here at the CCG. Are you free after work next Wednesday?”  
  
“Sounds great!” Hide said as his smile once again relaxed into a genuine one. So he just didn’t want to discuss it in the open.  
  
“What about my future, Amon?” Seidou said in a whiny voice next to them and Hide was forecefully reminded of where they were. The CCG. The Commission of Counter ghoul. Thankfully Amon turned to walk back towards his own desk with Seidou trailing behind, leaving Hide alone to sort through his thoughts.   
  
The day passed slowly with Hide doing his best to focus on his work and to not glance over at Amon’s desk every few minutes. He had caught his boss glaring at him after he had been caught looking over for the fifth time. Hide couldn't help it, what if Amon would be somewhat sympathetic to ghouls? To Kaneki's story? Having a fairly high-ranking member from the CCG on their side could prove to be crucial. And besides; If someone known for their ferocity and diligence like Amon could start questioning things, then there was hope.   
  
Hide’s thought were interrupted by the sound of Akira’s voice suddenly demanding everyone's attention from where she entered walked through the office door. If her voice was anything to go by, then it was serious news. Hide looked up in time to see Special Class investigator Yukinori Shinohara and Rank 2 investigator Juuzou Suzuya enter the room after Akira and he quickly got to his feet, trying to keep the surprise from showing to clearly on his face. _If Shinohara and Suzuya are involved then it has to be serious._  
  
“We have an update regarding the Binge Eater-case,” Akira said without preamble. Everyone gathered around without question and Shinohara spoke up, effectively taking command of the room with just a few words.   
  
“When we looked into the case of the Binge Eater we found something strange regarding an accident in the 20 th ward where a girl and a boy were seriously injured. Maybe you heard about it? Dr. Kanou was responsible for the operation.”  
  
Amon spoke up, having taken a place next to Akira in the improvised circle at the middle of the office floor. “Oh, the case where they didn’t ask the girl’s relatives about permission for the organ transplant? Yeah, I heard about it.”  
  
“I have as well. It was all over the news for a while,” Akira said in a serious voice and Seidou nodded along. Suzuya didn’t react to the words in any noticeable way, but kept their eyes on Shinohara.  
  
Hide tried to stand as still as possible to not attract any attention, suddenly feeling very lightheaded. _Why are they brining this up? Have they figured me out? Am I going to jail? Kaneki won’t know what happened to me…_  
  
Shinohara continued, “Apparently Dr. Kanou used to be a coroner for the CCG. When I tried to talk to him I found out that he had gone missing. And when I looked into the boy, a high school student by the name of Kaneki Ken, I found out that he disappeared half a year ago. This was just a couple of months after the accident which landed him in the hospital together with the girl.”  
  
Hide suddenly noticed that Suzuya had shifted their attention from Shinohara and to him; the unblinking stare doing nothing to calm his racing heart.   
  
“What if the girl who died in the accident… was the Binge Eater?” Shinohara said, looking each of the people in the room in the eye as he spoke. Hide swallowed thickly. _So they don’t seem to have figured out my connection to Kaneki. Yet. But it’s only a matter of time._  
  
“Hm… That might be worth looking into,” Amon said, effectively diverting all attention towards himself. “We should go to the high school and ask around, see if anyone has any idea what happened to this Kaneki Ken or where he is now.”  
  
_If they look into it they are gonna find out that I was his friend. It’s better if they hear it from me._ Hide desperately hoped he was making the right choice as he took a small step forward to gain everyone’s attention. He cleared his throat and squared his shoulders. “Well, actually… Kaneki’s my best friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this far!! I hope you liked it :)  
> As always; your support means the world! 
> 
> The next chapter should be out fairly soon!


	19. Moving Closer

“…What?”   
  
“Kaneki Ken, the high school student that went missing. He was- _is_ my best friend,” Hide said in a voice that gained confidence as he spoke.  
  
All the people in the room were looking directly at him now. Hide smiled and felt surprised that he didn’t have to force it, but that it was a relief to get the fact off his chest. _Being open and honest with my colleagues feels nice, who could have guessed?_  
  
“Do you have any contact with him?” Akira asked curtly, eyebrows slightly furrowed above her intense gaze. _I really have to watch what I say now. Both for my sake and Kaneki’s._  
  
“No, as you said, he disappeared six months ago. I haven’t heard from him since,” Hide said as he thought back to the accident with Rize and everything that followed, how much Kaneki had changed since then. _Maybe Kaneki Ken did in fact disappear six months ago_. “I’ve tried to find him again, but I don’t really know where to start.”  
  
Amon was looking at him intently, eyes narrowed in thought. “But you knew about the accident?”  
  
“I had no idea his doctor was involved in any shady business, if that’s what you mean?” Hide asked, not having to exaggerate the sadness in his voice as he mulled over the horror his friend had lived through after that particular experiment. “But yes, I did know about the accident. Of course I did, Kaneki was in the hospital for a fairly long time.”  
  
“And after the accident?” Shinohara asked with furrowed eyebrows. “Did you notice anything strange?”  
  
_What’s my best option here?_ If he let on that Kaneki had been acting a bit differently after the operation, then they might be quicker in piecing two and two together and hunt Kaneki down. On the other hand; if he didn’t tell them that Kaneki had been acting a bit strange after the operation then they might suspect Hide for keeping things from them, and then accuse him of obstruction of justice.   
  
He knew which option he would prefer.  
  
“No, nothing. He seemed completely normal. Well, right up until he suddenly stopped coming to classes…” Hide trailed off, hoping that he looked fittingly crestfallen for a young man having recently lost his best friend.   
  
“Is that so…” Akira said and Hide caught Amon looking intently at him before glancing away.  
  
Shinohara “Well, we better keep this under wraps for now. If word got out about humans turning into ghouls it might cause a panic. Since we are currently investigating a beloved doctor we can’t afford to get on the public’s bad side.”   
  
“Yes, we need to remain in their good graces for this,” Amon agreed with nod. Hide was eternally grateful for the change of subject and the shift of focus away from himself.  
  
“It would be so much simpler if there weren’t as much politics involved,” Seidou muttered under his breath.   
  
Akira turned to look at Seidou, managing to tilt her head to give the impression of looking down on him despite her shorter height. “It doesn’t have to be, as long as we convince them that we are doing the right thing. It is all about framing.”  
  
Seidou frowned at her. “You’re suggesting we lie?”  
  
“No. I am suggesting that we do not tell the public the whole truth every time. If the public endorses what we do, then the higher-ups will make sure we do it.”  
  
“Are you suggesting we manipulate our bosses?” Seidou asked in a frustrated voice, throwing his hands up in the air while glaring at Akira.  
  
“No,” Akira stated flatly with a small smirk on her lips that immediately made everyone question her sincerity. Seidou opened his mouth with a scowl, no doubt to point this out, when Shinohara cleared his throat.   
  
“In regards to Kanou, he owns a really strange estate; too big for one man, and with an enormous basement on the blueprints,” Shinohara said in a voice that conveyed all business, effectively dragging the conversation along.   
  
“So we will raid the estate in the hopes of finding Kanou, or something incriminating,” Akira said matter-of-factly.   
  
“Yes,” Shinohara said with a nod. “The estate is located outside town so it should prove to be-”   
  
Hide’s thoughts suddenly stopped short as Shinohara continued talking. _Wait. Estate? Kanou’s estate? Outside town?_   
  
He thought back to the conversation he had had with Kaneki about the estate that they had found and were going to investigate in a couple of days. _Is it the same place? I need to talk to Kaneki._    
  
Hide looked back over at Shinohara as the Special Class investigator continued going through the planned operation in detail, outlining every possibility and precaution with occasional input from Akira and Amon, and desperately did his best to nod at the right moments and look as if he was paying attention.  
  
After what felt like forever Shinohara distributed folders containing information and pictures about the case. Hide leafed through the papers and couldn’t keep himself from grimacing; they had included some unpleasant details in the descriptions and the photographs.   
  
Seidou spoke up in a faint voice, “Oh God. Their insides… It looks like jam...”  
  
“Well,” Shinohara spoke up again, “The raid doesn’t have a set date yet, we still need to get all the right papers signed and filed. I will call a meeting when the time has come. Dismissed.”  
  
Everyone started leaving the room, Seidou looking a bit pale and Suzuya trailing after him with endless questions. Akira silently strode out of the room after Shinohara.   
  
Hide gathered his thoughts and were just about to go to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee when Amon walked up to were Hide stood.   
  
“What was the last conversation you had with Kaneki about?” Amon asked without preamble, looking intently at Hide with furrowed brows. _Should I tell him everything? Can I trust him?_  
  
Hide squared his shoulders and did his best to not look intimidated. “Is this part of the investigation?”  
  
“I-” Amon cut himself off before continuing in a hesitant tone, “Yes?”  
  
Hide thought back to his conversation with Kaneki; about how the other didn’t want him to put himself at risk at work. About how worried Kaneki was. Disclosing any kind of sympathy towards ghouls in front of his superior would do just that; put him in danger. He remembered Kaneki’s arms around him and shook his head.  
  
“I told everyone all I know. I’m sorry.”  
  
Amon nodded but Hide could see the slight downturn of his lips. _He’s disappointed._   
  
“Maybe we could talk about it during our dinner next week?” _That will give me some time to think this through and discuss it with Kaneki._  
  
Amon looked genuinely surprised for a second before he managed to school his expression back into indifference. “I would like that.”

* * *

After work that day Hide went straight over to Kaneki’s place. He tried to keep his visits there as few and far between as possible as to minimize the risk of someone catching on to where he was going, but he really needed to talk to Kaneki about what had happened today. Face to face. Alone.   
  
Hide closed the door to Kaneki’s room behind them after having made sure that Hinami wasn’t home; her hearing would pick up on whatever they said, no matter how many doors they closed. Banjou, who was in the living room, wouldn’t be able to hear their conversation and his booming voice would alert them if anyone else came home during their chat.  
  
“What is it?” Kaneki asked as soon as the door closed. He stood in the middle of the room while trying, and failing, to mask his worry at Hide’s abrupt actions in dragging him away for a private conversation.  
  
“Come here,” Hide said as he sat down on Kaneki’s bed and patted the spot to his right, feeling relieved when Kaneki took the seat without further questions. This conversation would be better to have sitting down.   
  
Hide took a deep breath and decided that getting straight to the point would result in the least amount of stress for both of them. “They have figured out who you are.”   
  
Kaneki seemed to freeze, face going pale as he breathed out, “What?”  
  
Hide grabbed the other’s hand, which lay limp in Hide’s own. “The CCG. They figured out your name, the accident, that Rize was a ghoul, Kanou, all of that. I don’t know if they suspect that you’re a ghoul yet, but that might just be a matter of time.”  
  
“...Oh,” Kaneki said in a faint voice and Hide was immensely glad that they were sitting down. He squeezed Kanekis’s hand tighter in a feeble attempt to reassure the other.  
  
“I don’t think they made the connection to ‘Eyepatch’ yet either.” Hide said while hoping that this would be seen as some sort of consolation.   
  
Kaneki didn’t answer, he simply stared straight ahead.   
  
Hide decided to try a different approach. “Amon asked about you. Afterwards.”  
  
Kaneki turned his head to look at Hide, but didn’t say anything.   
  
Hide took a deep breath before continuing. “I didn’t tell him anything, but earlier he seemed sympathetic to the whole thing with poisoning ghouls. Said that he didn’t completely agree with the method.”  
  
“Well, that’s just great…” Kaneki breathed out and Hide frowned.   
  
“What? Isn’t that good news?”  
  
“This is all a bit much,” Kaneki said in a shaky voice as he dragged a hand down his face.   
  
Hide felt his face soften as he reached a hand over to place on Kaneki’s shoulder. “I know. We will make it through this as well.”  
  
Kaneki looked over at Hide and managed a small smile, which Hide returned, before reaching out and pulling Hide into a hug. Even if it was only the last couple of days that they had gotten this close to each other it nevertheless felt natural, felt right.  
  
They embraced in silence for several seconds before Kaneki pulled back slightly so that he could lean his side against Hide instead, keeping the contact between them as they sat side by side.   
  
Hide thought about the dinner he had planned with Amon the following week. His attempts at making a difference in the way humans and ghouls viewed each other seemed so trivial when he sat next to Kaneki. Next to all that really mattered in his life. Nevertheless, he had to keep on trying.  
  
Hide could feel how relaxed Kaneki was and realized how rare these calm private moments had become between them. Hide took a deep breath, already regretting the words he were about to say, wanting to cling to this sense of peace for as long as possible but needing to get his idea of his chest. To share it with Kaneki.  
  
“I know you don’t want me taking risks, but I had an idea,” Hide said slowly. Kaneki was silent against him so he decided to press on. “If I write a paper about the successful manufacturing of artificial meat, then the public demand might actually make the CCG do it.”  
  
“That sounds… risky,” Kaneki said hesitantly and Hide could hear the unspoken _I don’t like it._  
  
“I think this could really change things. Humans might see this as a possibility to negate the threat that ghoul’s poses, and obviously a lot of ghouls would love an alternative food source. If we could make humans and ghouls understand each other we could avoid a lot of unnecessary violence.”  
  
Kaneki was silent for several long minutes before Hide could feel the other relax against him again. “I think you should do it.”  
  
“Really?” Hide asked in surprise as he turned his head to get a look at Kaneki’s face, but the other’s hair was obscuring his view.  
  
“Really,” Kaneki said with a nod. “I support you, and trust your choices. Besides, I think your idea might work and actually change something.”  
  
“Wow, _thanks_ ,” Hide said with a small laugh, even as he felt his cheeks heat up at Kaneki’s words. _He supports me. He trusts me!_   
  
“You know what I mean!” Kaneki laughed and sat up straight. Hide had to fight the instinct to drag the other back down against him.  
  
“Yeah,” Hide said with a smile that he could see reflected on Kaneki’s face. “Thank you. I will bring it up with the Laboratory Division later this week.”  
  
Kaneki leaned in and placed his forehead against Hide’s while speaking, “It’s a nice dream.”  
  
Hide closed his eyes. “Hm?”  
  
“To make ghouls and humans understand each other. That’s a nice dream. I think I lost sight of it along the way.”  
  
“Do you think it’s just a dream? Not a possibility?” Hide asked with a small frown, opening his eyes again and coming face to face with a serious looking Kaneki. _So close._  
  
“I don’t think we can save everyone,” Kaneki said slowly before a small smile turned the corners of his mouth up. “But it doesn’t hurt to try.”   
  
Hide could feel his own smile stretch into a big grin as pride welled up inside him at how far Kaneki had come over the last couple of months. How much more optimistic he had become. “You wouldn’t have said that a month ago.”  
  
Kaneki’s own smile grew. “I wouldn’t,” he agreed.  
  
Hide moved before he made a conscious decision to and he could have sworn that Kaneki met him halfway. Suddenly they were connected; lips against lips, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. The moment stretched on, making a home for itself in Hide’s heart until he knew that it would stay there forever. When they finally pulled apart they were both smiling.  
  
Hide found himself saying the first words that came to mind, speaking to make sure that what was happening was real. “I thought you would be against my idea, what with your earlier statement about laying low and being careful.”  
  
“I hope you will still be careful,” Kaneki said with an almost indignant look as he settled back against Hide’s side. Hide raised an arm around Kaneki’s back and pulled him close. “But both humans and ghouls are losing if things stay as they are now. As long as there’s people like Kanou out there, destroying innocent lives… “  
  
The reminder of Kanou made Hide pause; crash-landing back into reality. “You said you were going after Kanou later this week, right?”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“The place you are going…Is it west of town? A large mansion?”  
  
“Yes,” Kaneki said slowly with furrowed eyebrows. “….How did you know that?”  
  
“The CCG have gotten wind of that estate as well,” Hide said. “They are planning a raid as we speak.”  
  
“What day?” Kaneki asked in a voice that immediately shifted into business-mode as he got up from the bed and started pacing the floor. Hide immediately missed the heat of the other’s body next to his.   
  
“I don’t know yet. I will tell you as soon as I get the info,” Hide said as he forced himself to remain seated to try and make Kaneki feel more at ease. “What day are you guys going?”  
  
“Saturday.”  
  
“So in two days, huh…” Hide trailed off. _So soon._ “Hopefully the bureaucracy will slow the CCG down enough so that you get there first.”  
  
“Yeah…” Kaneki agreed, looking unconvinced. Hide noticed with a tinge of regret that the tenseness was back in the other’s shoulders.   
  
“Can you bring the tracker with you?” Hide asked. “Especially now that the CCG has caught wind of the place?”  
  
Kaneki stopped pacing and frowned at Hide. “That’s a big risk if. If they get a hold of your phone then they will know where I am. And since they know where the estate is they will recognize the location. It will put all of us at risk”  
  
Hide felt himself deflate. “That’s true…”  
  
“I can’t, sorry.”  
  
“I understand…” Hide said with a sigh. “That doesn’t mean I like it. Can’t you guys postpone the raid a couple of days? Or weeks? Then you shouldn’t have to worry about running into the CCG.”  
  
Kaneki immediately shook his head. “No, I can’t risk Kanou getting away. Not now.”  
  
“I don’t want you getting hurt. What if the CCG goes there on the same day as you guys? What if I can’t warn you in time? There’s several high-level investigators involved with this mission.”  
  
“I can’t,” Kaneki said with pinched eyebrows and pain in his eyes. Hide couldn’t sit still anymore. He got up and pulled Kaneki into a tight hug, trying to convey all his feelings and fears through the contact.   
  
All he managed to say was, “I’m worried.”  
  
“I worry about you too,” Kaneki said as he buried his face in Hide’s shoulder.

* * *

Two days later Hide found himself in the Laboratory Division standing beside Chigyou who, in turn, was sitting in front a computer doing what looked to be advanced calculations. Hide had had a hard time concentrating the whole day, his mind constantly going back to mull over the raid that Kaneki and the others would execute later that evening, and he had to forcefully remind himself why he was there, of the importance of what he was doing. Hide took a deep breath to calm himself down. _One thing at a time_ , he thought as he looked down at Chigyou. _I hope I’m not making a mistake now.  
  
_ “I have an admission to make,” Hide said in a voice that was surprisingly stable.  
  
“Hm?” Chigyou hummed as he glanced up from the screen he had been absorbed in.  
  
“When I said that not all ghouls eat humans to survive…”   
  
“Yeah?”  
  
_Here goes._ “I wasn’t hinting at the fact that some ghouls eat other ghouls instead.”  
  
“Oh, yeah?” Chigyou asked with a raised eyebrow, interest clear in his eyes.  
  
“Yeah. I mean…” Hide said, before taking a deep breath. _It’s now or never._ “What if we managed to produce a substance that could sustain ghouls? Like artificial meat?”  
  
Chigyou’s mouth slowly stretched into a smile. “Oh?”  
  
“Yes. The rejection of human food is due to the same enzymes in the mouth that enables them to break down flesh. That’s what makes it impossible for them to eat human food, and why it’s so hard for them to fake eating it. If we could pinpoint those enzymes, we should be able to artificially create a substance that fulfills the same needs as human flesh, but doesn’t come with the same… high costs.” Hide spoke quickly, trying to catch the other’s interest and convince him before he could start second-guessing his own decision to bring this up at all.     
  
His worry seemed to be misplaced as Chigyou nodded along with his arguments with an interested spark in his eyes. “I quite agree!”  
  
Hide had to keep himself from frowning. He didn’t want an agreement; he wanted a concrete plan of development. He desperately scrambled for another argument that might convince Chigyou to give the idea a chance.  
  
“And this would make running Cochlea much easier, don’t you think?”  
  
“It really would. And it would surely make the rate of human attacks go down immensely! It would be a truly spectacular achievement!” Chigyou exclaimed with enthusiasm.  
  
Hide felt emboldened. “So maybe that’s something we should work on? Finding new solutions?”  
  
Chigyou nodded, but the smile on his face dimmed. “The CCG _should_ want to find new strategies to eradicate them.”  
  
“I’m sensing a ‘But’ there…?”  
  
“But,” Chigyou said with a nod. “It’s not going to happen.”  
  
“What? Why? It would be beneficial to everyone involved, it would help solve-”  
  
Chigyou raised his hand in the air and Hide stopped short. “I have to stop you right there. You don’t have to convince me, I personally would love to work on this. I have in fact proposed it in the past! Just another sign that we really do think alike!” Chigyou said, but this time when he spoke his smile was smaller, wearier. “But the CCG does not approve of the idea and they refuse to fund the research…”  
  
Hide felt himself deflate. _Of course the CCG had already thought of this solution. And of course they wouldn’t approve of it. They live off of the bloodshed after all._  
  
Chigyou looked down at his hands as he sighed. “It’s hard being part of a federal agency sometimes.”  
  
Hide froze and slowly looked up at Chigyou. The man was still looking down, seemingly inspecting the nails on his right hand, but there was a small smile playing at the edges of his mouth.  
  
Hide spoke slowly, treading carefully. “The CCG operates with the public’s opinion in mind, right?”  
  
Chigyou nodded, still looking at his own hands. “Yes, they get their funding from taxes after all.”   
  
“Then they have to, at least to some degree, follow what the public wants them to do, right?”   
  
Chigyou’s smile grew. “Yes.”   
  
“I see…” Hide trailed off. _So then it’s possible to influence them._ Hide gave a short bow towards the other. “Thank you for your time.”   
  
“Good luck out there,” Chigyou said with a nod, and Hide made his way out of the room. _The CCG operates with the public's opinion in mind. Then I just have to make the public want the same thing as me._  
  
Hide had just closed the door to the Laboratory Division behind him when he was startled by his phone ringing. He absentmindedly brought it up and answered the call.  
  
“Hey, Hide!” Seidou’s voice came through the speaker, sounding stressed out and a bit afraid. _This can’t be good news._ “Shinohara has called a meeting. Right now. I- I think I saw Amon gearing up.”  
  
“Shit!” Hide cursed under his breath. _Is it already time?_ “I’m on my way! Thanks for calling.”   
  
Hide hung up and started jogging towards the elevators. _I have to contact Kaneki and warn them that we are coming._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is Amon so awkward when I write him?? I love him.
> 
> The story is going to end in one or two chapters, so I hope you are looking forward to the endgame! 
> 
> Thank you all so SO much for your support! It means the world to me, and has motivated be to continue writing this! THANK YOU!


	20. Mercy

Hide slowly walked down the empty corridor, trying to figure out his way back to his colleagues while not letting his imagination run wild with what could be lurking in the deep shadows surrounding him.   
  
He slowly raised a hand to his ear and spoke into his communicator as quietly as he possibly could while straining his eyes for any movement around him. “Hide here. Does anyone copy?”   
  
The words echoed down the corridor and Hide tried not to let the emptiness surrounding him get to him. He knew that his team was somewhere close by and that Kaneki’s gang was in the building as well as some ghouls from the Aogiri Tree. He thought back to the quick text he had sent his friend on their way over to Kanou’s mansion, warning that the CCG was on their way, and to the lack of response he had gotten. _Kaneki’s fine. They are all fine._  
  
At least Tsukiyama had been fine when he had teamed up with Aogiri Tree to fight against the CCG, and almost blown Hide’s cover while he was at it. _Who, in their right mind, greets an undercover acquaintance with a familiar: ‘Hello, funny to meet you here. How are you doing?_ ’  
  
The fight that had broken out between the CCG and the ghouls from Aogiri Tree and Kaneki’s group had been chaotic enough that Hide had managed to slip away from his colleagues to try and find Kaneki. He had had no luck so far and was starting to regret his impulsive decision to go alone.  
  
His earpiece crackled to life. “Hide? This is Seidou. Are you okay? Where are you?”  
  
“I’m not sure,” Hide said with a sigh of relief. He hadn’t fully realized how tense the silence had made him and it was nice to hear the voice of a friend. “But I’m fine. Are you guys okay?”  
  
“Akira is hurt, and I can’t find Amon anywhere,” Seidou said with a tense voice. Hide could practically feel the other’s barely contained panic and he pressed down on rising feelings of guilt at leaving his colleagues in the fight. Hide knew that he wasn’t very valuable in a combat situation; his training in the CCG had only gotten him so far, but maybe he could have helped protect them.   
  
Hide took a deep breath and pressed himself into a dark corner of a corridor, trying to blend into the shadows as he asked, “Are you okay?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m fine, but I don’t know what to do.”  
  
Suddenly something moved in his periphery and Hide immediately re-focused on his surrounding while reaching for the gun at his hip. A broad back disappeared into a room further down the corridor to his right. _Amon?_   
  
“Talk to you soon, I gotta go. Stay safe,” Hide said as he pushed himself from the wall and took a step towards the room.  
  
“Hide? What-”  
  
Hide reached a hand up to his earpiece and turned it off, not willing to let the noise of the speaker ring out into the corridor for longer than necessary. _Sorry Seidou_ _._  
  
Hide started walking faster towards the door down the corridor. _It had to have been Amon. I’m not alone down here anymore. Finally._  
  
Hide forced himself to slow down as he reached the door, bringing out his gun loaded with q-bullets as he inched closer to the opening.  
  
He peeked inside just in time to get a glimpse of a figure bent over the still form of Shinohara on the ground. Suddenly Hide realized that the earlier eerie silence was broken; the sound of crunching and muttering emanated from the crouched figure with white hair, black clothes and- _It’s_ _Kaneki. What happened to Shinohara? Did Kaneki-?_  
  
Before Hide had time to process what was happening a sudden movement caught his attention and he watched as Amon brought his massive quinque down in a wide swing; sending Kaneki flying across the room.   
  
Amon was panting heavily as he righted himself after his attack, quinque leveled towards where Kaneki was getting back to his feet while grabbing at his head. Hide was standing frozen in the doorway.  
  
“So now you _are_ a killer?” Amon spat out. Even from this distance Hide could see the way his hands shook where he grasped the handle of his quinque.  
  
Hide felt rooted to the spot. _Had Kaneki actually-?_  
  
“No.” The voice that came from Kaneki was thick and shrill all at once. It seemed to be searching for the right pitch as it went and the sound of it made Hide’s knees shake. It made him think of the fight with Jason and how he had almost lost his friend to the violent and twisted version of Kaneki that had emerged at the time. The version he had thought was gone forever. But as he took in Kaneki’s crouched form; twitching fingers, big grin and all, he knew with sudden horror that the other version of his friend had never truly gone away.   
  
Hide sent a glance over at Shinohara and felt a dizzying wave of relief wash over him as he saw the man move his arm feebly. _Kaneki didn’t kill him._  
  
“Don’t lie to me!” Amon screamed as he lounged forward again, bringing his quinque down hard and fast in what would surely have been a killing blow on someone weaker than Kaneki. As it was, the weapon collided with a thick mass protruding from Kaneki’s back. It was a new form of kagune that Hide had never seen his friend produce; wiggling and writhing with numerous smaller extremeties extending out from the length of the central mass.  
  
_It looks like a giant centipede_. The thought registered at the same time that Kaneki muttered out a string of numbers and now that Hide looked closer, he noticed that the hands that Kaneki still had grasped around his own head were scratching at his ears. _Centipede in his ears.  
  
Oh.  
  
Oh god_.   
  
"A centipede," Hide breathed out while awe and fear battled for dominance. It was soon overshadowed by nausea at the memory of Kaneki pulling a wriggling centipede out of his ear. "...A centipede. Of course." It made a macabre sort of sense.  
  
Kaneki’s voice brought his focus back to where Amon and Kaneki were still facing each other. Kaneki was shaking his head while looking at Amon with an almost pleading look, “I didn’t-”  
  
Amon cut the other off by swinging his quinque around in a fast sweep aimed at Kaneki’s head while screaming, “I saw you!” Hide had never heard his superior sound so angry. _It’s because he_ _thinks Shinohara is dead._  
  
Kaneki leapt out of the way of the attack, spinning in the air and landing on the ground facing where Hide stood in the doorway. Kaneki’s eyes landed on Hide and Hide could see the surprise in the other’s eyes for a second before it was gone and Kaneki looked back at Amon. Kaneki did nothing to acknowledge that he had seen Hide, no doubt trying to protect Hide and pretending that they didn’t know each other. Regardless of the reasons, Hide still felt a bit disappointed in the easy way that Kaneki seemed to turn away from him. Until he noticed the way Kaneki stood straighter, eyes a bit clearer, hands stilling and smile fading from his face. _Maybe I’m helping him after all._    
  
The next words that Kaneki spoke were level and focused again and Hide almost stumbled with relief as he recognized his friend in that voice once again. “That thing was poisoning him.”  
  
Amon stopped short before his next swing could reach Kaneki. “…What?”  
  
“That _thing_ on him,” Kaneki said in a disgusted tone of voice while gesturing to where Shinohara still lay on the ground. “It was poisoning him.”  
  
Amon shook his head, clearly avoiding looking at his fallen comrade, “No. It’s taxing on the body, but it doesn’t-”  
  
Kaneki wrinkled his nose in disgust. “You are wrong. There is something in it that smells… wrong.”  
  
Hide felt himself go cold. _Wrinkling his nose. Bad smell. Just like the child in the alley._  
  
Hide shook his head to clear out the thoughts; Kaneki looked fine. It had to be something else. _It can’t be the poison. It can’t._  
  
A low groan interrupted whatever Amon was about to say and Hide watched as his boss whipped his head around to stare at where Shinohara was feebly raising an arm from the ground. Amon took an instinctive step towards his fallen colleague before he stopped himself and turned fully towards Kaneki again, face set in stone and quinque raised.  
  
Kaneki had a pained expression on his face. “You can go check on him. I won’t stop you.”  
  
Amon narrowed his eyes and was silent for several seconds before slowly inching his way towards Shinohara. When he reached him, Amon bent down while still keeping his eyes on Kaneki who was standing at apparent ease and giving no indication of being about to attack.  
When Kaneki didn’t move Amon seemed to relax slightly and sent a quick look down towards Shinohara. He said something in a voice low enough that Hide wasn’t able to hear it but whatever Shinohara’s heaving chest managed to answer seemed to put Amon at ease as his shoulders relaxed minutely.   
  
“You said that you would fix it,” Amon said as he straightened up, looking at Kaneki again. Hide could see him renew his grip on his quinque, but he didn’t raise it again. “That everything was wrong.”  
  
Kaneki nodded, but kept silent. Hide could see the other’s hands start trembling again and frowned. _Hadn’t he calmed down? Why was he shaking?_  
  
Amon sent another look down to where Shinohara lay, before grimacing. “I- I think I’m starting to understand what you mean.”  
  
Hide could see the surprise on Kaneki’s face. And the skepticism. The same skepticism that had been visible on his face when Hide had brought up Amon’s possible sympathy before. Hide could also see the distrust; the way Kaneki tensed his shoulders and balled his fists.   
  
Amon took a deep breath and squared his shoulders before breaking the silence once again. “…Are you still alone?”  
  
This made Kaneki’s already tense body crouch down in a defensive stance and Hide was suddenly all too aware of the wild look in his friend’s eyes as they quickly flickered to where he was standing in the doorway and then back to Amon. “Why are you asking? Are you investigating me? Threatening me?”  
  
“What?” Amon asks with furrowed brows. “No!”  
  
“You are threatening them,” Kaneki said while nodding before laughing without happiness. A sudden snap resounded in the room and Hide froze as his eyes immediately focused on his friend’s bent finger. Maybe Kaneki hadn’t been as calm and collected as he had thought. “I won’t let you,” Kaneki continued in a shaky voice.  
  
Amon was frowning; clearly not following the conversation. “I’m not-”  
  
“You can’t hurt them!” Kaneki screamed as he lounged forward and Hide heard Amon swore as the investigator brought his quinque back up just in time to block Kaneki’s kagune. They moved almost too fast for Hide to follow and he felt helpless, so utterly helpless as he watched the two people he had hoped could talk, could come to an understanding, swing at each other with deadly weapons.   
  
_I have to stop them. They should talk, not fight._ Hide opened his mouth to try and gain their attention, but then he froze. Amon had just been about to swing at Kaneki’s side and the other had taken a step to dodge and… stumbled. Kaneki had stumbled. _I haven’t seen Kaneki stumble since… Since before the accident._  
  
Amon looked surprised even as his quinque made contact with Kaneki’s side and sent him sprawling on the floor, a big gash adorning his side.    
  
Hide whimpered even as he tried to remind himself that Kaneki’s healing was fast even by a ghoul’s standards. It was hard convincing himself that it was okay as he watched his best friend struggle to get back to his feet with blood dripping down his side.   
  
_I can’t just leave him._ Hide took a step in Kaneki’s direction. _I have to help._ Kaneki looked up as Hide moved, his eyes finding Hide’s as he shook his head with pleading eyes, willing Hide not to help him. To stay away. _Kaneki is trying to protect me._  
  
Amon picked up on Kaneki’s movement and sent a quick look over his shoulder, locking eyes with Hide. Hide saw surprise on Amon’s face as he registered Hide’s presence before he turned around to focus on Kaneki again. “Stay back Hide. This is dangerous.”  
  
“I’m not planning to get involved, sir,” Hide said with a choked voice. _I want to protect him to._  
  
Amon took a step towards where Kaneki stood and Kaneki tried to do the same but stumbled and almost fell. Even from the other side of the room Hide could see Kaneki’s hands shaking.   
  
“What’s wrong with you?” Amon asked brusquely, but after months of working with the other Hide could pick up on the tone of uncertainty that the other tried to hide.  
  
“Nothing,” Kaneki said in a hoarse voice followed by a giggling laugh. Kaneki shook his head and muttered, “Just breathe. Breathe. Remember, what’s 1000 minus 7?”  
  
_I have to get him out of here._ Hide was terrified that the other Kaneki would come back. That this time he would lose his friend once and for all.  
  
“I’m tired of the lies, tell me the truth,” Amon said as he adjusted his grip on his quinque, brining it down a few centimeters.  
  
Kaneki stayed in his crouched position and in the light of the room Hide could see the pale shade to his face. “There’s nothing you have to concern yourself with.”  
  
“You are a ghoul. Of course I’m concerned,” Amon said with furrowed brows as he raised his quinque back up. Hide could see Kaneki trying to straighten up slightly, but wince and fall back down into a crouch. Hide took another step forward. _I can’t just stand and watch._  
  
He looked over at Kaneki who was, once again, looking right at Hide and giving a miniscule shake of his head. _He doesn’t want to put me in any danger._  
  
Amon scoffed and took a step forward of his own, “Right then, I see no point in continuing this conversation.”  
  
Kaneki smiled and took a step of his own and Hide stood there and watched. Watched as Kaneki, as his friend, stumbled to his knees. Watched as his friend’s kagune fell limp to the floor with a dull thud. Watched as Kaneki’s face paled further and Amon kept on walking towards him with purposeful steps. _It’s the poison. Oh God, it’s the new poison from the Laboratory Division. This is bad._  
  
Hide’s own knees gave out and he sat down heavily on the floor, pale-faced and dizzy. He saw Kaneki’s head jerk up to look in the direction of the sudden noise and locked gaze with a mis-matched set of terrified eyes. _Screw this._  
  
“Please stop!” Hide heard himself shout before he realized what he was doing.   
  
Amon kept his eyes on Kaneki but turned his head slightly towards Hide, surprise clear on his face. “What?”  
  
This reminded him too much of the fight with Jason. He had only stood and watched then, but this time he might actually be able to help Kaneki.  
  
“Look at him,” Hide said with a small gesture towards Kaneki. “He’s in no condition to fight. Remember article 13, do not cause more pain to a ghoul than necessary.”  
  
“Yes, he’s a ghoul and needs to be put down,” Amon said in a hard voice, but he lowered his quinque a few centimeters again.  
  
“He saved special class investigator Shinohara,” Hide said with desperation lacing his voice.  
  
Amon shook his head with an angry scowl. “There is no evidence for that!”  
  
“Let’s focus on helping Shinohara first,” Hide said in a pleading voice. “We should make sure he’s okay. We can take care of that ghoul later.” Amon looked at Kaneki and then back at Hide before sighing.   
  
“I’m calling for back-up.”  
  
Hide felt his face fall. _So much for trusting Amon_.   
  
Amon looked over at Hide as he started to walk towards where Shinohara was lying. “So get him out of here.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
Amon nodded towards Kaneki, who was still on his knees, breathing hard, looking as if he tried to follow the conversation, but couldn’t. “Make sure he gets out before the back-up gets here.”  
  
It took Hide a couple of seconds before he realized what Amon meant. “But I-”  
  
“We don’t have time for this. Move!”  
  
“Yes, sir!”  
  
Amon sent Kanekis trembling form another look before adding, “Be careful.”  
  
Hide ran up to where Kaneki was crouched on the ground, making sure the other could see him coming in his confused state.   
  
“I’m just gonna grab your arm,” Hide said in a low voice, giving up on the whole charade of not knowing Kaneki; there were more important things to focus on right now.  
  
“H-Hide?” Kaneki breathed out and shifted his whole body. Hide tried to not tense up as the massive kagune shifted as well, but as soon as it moved the kagune seemed to disintegrate. _This is really, really, bad._  
  
“Shhhh,” Hide hushed the other and out of the corner of his eye he saw Amon approach Shinohara and crouch down beside the older investigator. _I hope he is okay._ “It’s gonna be okay.”  
  
_What does the poison do? How do we combat it? Do we simply wait it out? Why didn’t I ask the Laboratory Division?!_ “It’s gonna be okay,” Hide repeated, willing it to be true.   
  
Hide did his best to heave Kaneki into a standing position and by his arm and grunted with the effort. Kaneki was much heavier than he looked.   
  
Hide ignored the feeling of Amon’s eyes on them as they stumbled out of the room. There would be questions later, he was sure. Or maybe he would simply be imprisoned for his actions without Amon hearing him out. Hide’s thoughts circled around and around as they slowly made their way down several long corridors and Hide suddenly realized that he had no idea witch way they were supposed to be going. For all he knew, they could be walking deeper and deeper into the maze that was the mansion’s basement.   
  
Hide tried to press down on the building panic as he felt Kaneki lean more and more of his weight on him, stumbling every other step with uncharacteristically clumsy feet.   
  
“Kaneki?”  
  
He received no answer and Hide tightened his grip on the other even as he felt his own strength leave him at an alarming rate; he couldn’t keep this up for much longer. He needed Kaneki’s help if they were going to get out alive.   
  
“Kaneki!” Hide tried again as he stopped walking, straining to keep his grip on Kaneki as the other didn’t seem to notice him stopping and attempted to take another stumbling step.  
  
“Hey, maybe we should stop?” Hide asked uncertainly, suddenly all too aware of the silence surrounding his friend. Instead of answering Kaneki seemed to shiver before his legs gave out completely. Hide’s grip on the other finally slipped as he wasn’t able to hold up Kaneki’s full weight and he winced as Kaneki landed on the floor in a graceless heap.   
  
“Sorry, I’m so sorry,” Hide rambled as he sank down beside where Kaneki was curling in on himself. Hide placed a shaking hand on Kaneki’s back. He quickly looked up and down the corridor, feeling relief when he didn’t see anything move. “It’s okay. You’re fine. We’re fine.”  
  
Kaneki sucked in a shuddering breath before it left him again in a rush. “I- I can’t- I don’t-”  
  
“Just breathe,” Hide said as he rubbed his hand in small circled on the other’s back. “Come on. In…. and out. In… and out.”  
  
Kaneki shook his head as he continued to breathe in stuttering gasps. “No. I- I can’t-”  
  
“Breathe,” Hide interrupted him with a firm voice, clamping down on his rising fear. He desperately hoped that Kaneki hadn’t ingested a lethal dose of the poison. _Maybe all doses were lethal doses. You know nothing about this substance._ Hide quickly shut down those thoughts; they were of no help right now. He had to focus on what he could do to help, no matter how much the uncertainty of the situation was killing him. “Just breathe. We will take care of the rest later.”  
  
Kaneki looked up at him with wide eyes and the sight of the pleading and uncertainty in them made Hide’s insides turn cold. _I have no answers to give him._   
  
Kaneki closed his eyes and managed to suck in a deeper breath, which almost immediately came out in a cough.   
  
“Hey, Kaneki? Open your eyes,” Hide said while shifting the hand that had been rubbing circles on his friend’s back to pat lightly at his cheek to try and rouse him.   
  
“Mother?” Kaneki asked in a shaky voice, eyes still closed.  
  
“No. It’s me, Kaneki. Come on, open your eyes.”  
  
Kaneki breathed out some unintelligible words before his head lolled slightly to the side. The chill in Hide’s stomach turned to ice.   
  
“No, no. Stay with me, okay?” Hide insisted as he abandoned his careful patting and instead slapped Kaneki on the cheek.   
  
Kaneki’s eyes fluttered open, but they seemed unable to focus as he gazed around corridor. _I have to get him out of here. Now._  
  
Hide stumbled to his feet and grabbed Kaneki’s shoulder to try and hoist him back to his feet, but his own exhaustion coupled with the other’s unresponsiveness made it impossible.   
  
“I’m cold,” Kaneki mumbled as Hide let go of his arm.   
  
“Just hang in there. I’m gonna get you home,” Hide tried to assure the other. Assure himself.  
  
“I am home,” Kaneki said as his eyes suddenly focused on Hide’s face. Hide could do nothing to suppress the small smile that formed at hearing the other’s words.  
  
“I’m honored, but I will get you to safety,” Hide said with renewed determination. He gritted his teeth and clasped his hands under Kaneki’s arms, ignoring the way his own body screamed in protest as he started dragging Kaneki’s limp form down the corridor.   
  
Hide lost all sense of time passing as he dragged Kaneki through the dark tunnels. Kaneki had closed his eyes and stopped speaking and Hide focused on the sound of the other’s slightly uneven breathing as he willed his legs to keep on moving. _You can do this, Hide. For him._  
  
An undetermined amount of time later he could hear footsteps approaching them from the front and to his horror he realized that he was too exhausted to even attempt to find them any cover; he could barely keep himself standing.   
  
He set Kaneki down on the ground as carefully as possible and did his best to ignore the way his friend simply slumped down where he placed him. _Later. Focus on that later. I have to get us out first._ Hide grabbed the pistol at his hip and raised it, noticing the way his hands shook from that small effort and hoping beyond hope that he wouldn’t have to fight whoever was approaching them with steady steps.  
  
A large form rounded a corner in front of them and it took Hide a few seconds to make sense of what he saw. _Who_ he saw. When he did he slumped down on the floor beside Kaneki and gave a small laugh in relief.  
  
“Banjou. God am I happy to see you.”  
  
“Hide!” Banjou exclaimed in surprise. “What are you- Kaneki?! What happened?”  
  
He approached them and reached out towards Kaneki with a concerned expression on his face. As soon as Banjou’s hand made contact with Kaneki’s shoulder, the other’s eyes snapped open and he threw a hand out in what he no doubt hoped would be a defensive attack. The blow barely made it all the way to Banjou’s arm before Kaneki’s arm dropped back down. Nevertheless, the big man drew back as if Kaneki had landed a hard blow.   
  
“Kaneki?” Banjou asked with furrowed brows as he glanced from Kaneki to Hide and back, looking for answers.  
  
“I don’t-” Kaneki mumbled, words coming out thick and jumbled. “What is-? Who would-? Hide?”  
  
Banjou frowned and looked at Hide. “What happened?”  
  
“He got dosed up with a poison that the CCG has been working on. Similar to the suppressant gas, but worse.”   
  
“Will he be okay?” Banjou asked with such a worried tone that Hide was almost taken aback. It was easy to forget how intently the big man cared.  
  
“…I don’t know,” Hide said with all the desperation he felt at the situation.   
  
There was silence for several seconds that was broken by a whimper coming from Kaneki and Hide almost jumped back to his feet.  
  
“We have to get him out of here,” Hide said as he took a step towards Kaneki, only for his knees to almost buckle beneath him. _I must be more tired than I realized._ _I should never have stopped._  
  
“Here, let me,” Banjou said as he reached out for Kaneki’s shoulder again, only for the other to flinch at the movement; glazed eyes swiveling in the direction of Banjou’s outstretched hand.  
  
Hide frowned and put a hand on Banjou’s arm to force it down again, away from Kaneki. “He’s not really aware of what’s happening right now. It might not be a great idea.”  
  
“He seems fine with you being close.”  
  
Hide looked over at Kaneki and noticed the way the other had relaxed minutely as he stepped closer. “I guess that’s true.”  
  
Banjou nodded with a serious expression. “So you tell him what’s happening. He will listen to you.”  
  
“I don’t think that would help,” Hide said with a frown.   
  
“It doesn’t hurt to try,” Banjou said with a shrug as he cast a look up and down the corridor to make sure that no-one was approaching.  
  
“Right,” Hide said as he bent down towards where Kaneki sat slumped against the wall and spoke as calmly as he could manage in a low voice. “Kaneki? Banjou’s here. He’s gonna carry you, okay?”  
  
“Hide?” Kaneki breathed out and then winced in what looked like pain.   
  
Hide placed a careful hand on Kaneki’s cheek, glad when the other didn’t flinch at the contact. “Yeah, it’s me. It’s gonna be fine. We’re gonna get you out of here.”  
  
“Out? Where?” Kaneki mumbled before suddenly going even paler. Before Hide could register what was happening, Kaneki was leaning forward and retching loudly. Hide jumped back with a yelp and wrinkled his nose at the strong smell of iron permeating the air.   
  
“Let’s go. Now. We have to get home,” Hide said with a look up at Banjou, who was looking down at Kaneki with pain in his eyes.   
  
Banjou nodded. “Right.”  
  
Hide placed his hand on Kaneki’s shoulder and squeezed tight as Banjou bent down in front of him. Hide could feel Kaneki tremble beneath his fingers.  
  
“Sorry about this, Kaneki,” Banjou said as he scooped the other up without any visible effort.  
  
“Wha-” Kaneki stuttered out as he squeezed his eyes shut and whimpered at the vertigo.   
  
“He’s gonna kill me later,” Banjou muttered as he took of down the corridor.   
  
“You can blame me,” Hide said as he did his best to kept up with Banjou’s longer steps. They walked for a couple of minutes in silence, Hide watching with a strange sense of detachment as Banjou carried Kaneki’s limp body in his arms, until the larger man stopped and turned to look down at Hide.  
  
“Don’t you have to go back to your colleagues? Won’t they notice if you’re gone?”  
  
Hide looked back up at him with a blank face. “I don’t care.”  
  
Banjou frowned. “I might not be the smartest person in the group, but I know that you have worked hard for that position. And that you’re trying to use it for a lot of good.”  
  
Hide focused his gaze on Kaneki, still lying limp in Banjou’s arms. “It doesn’t matter right now. I have to look after him.”  
  
“I’ve got this,” Banjou said with a nod clearly indicating the unconscious form in his arms. “He wouldn’t want you to risk everything.”  
  
“But I have to-”  
  
“Then what if the CCG follow you? What if you bring them to him while he can’t defend himself?”  
  
_What am I supposed to say to that?_ “I’m not gonna just leave him.”  
  
“Come over as soon as you can,” Banjou said with a soft expression on his face, eyes kind and understanding. “I don’ think we will be going anywhere for quite some time.”  
  
“I can’t-”  
  
“It’ll be fine. Go.”  
  
Hide hesitated for a second longer before nodding. “Alright. See you soon. Take care of him.”  
  
“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I had the time to finish this chapter! I hope it's okay :)
> 
> There will be one or two more chapters to this fic before it ends, and I really hope you will stay with me until then; your support means the world to me and is the reason I've been able to keep writing this story!! I really want to deliver something worthy of your support and kind words!
> 
> I hope you are having a fantastic day/night, wherever you are!


	21. Recuperation

“I should have gone with you,” Hide said as he squeezed Kaneki’s hand. Kaneki didn’t respond, didn’t even stir, where he was lying on the bed. Ever since Hide had arrived at the apartment the night before after a debriefing at the CCG, Kaneki hadn’t so much as stirred. The morning sun was just entering the room and Hide tried to futilely rub the tiredness out of his eyes.   
  
“No, you shouldn't,” Banjou said from his place in the doorway to Kaneki’s room, where he stood looking at Kaneki’s prone form with a sad expression on his face. “You wouldn't have been able to change anything.”   
  
Hide sighed and lowered his hand from his eyes to grab onto Kaneki’s with both of his. “I know, I know. But I can't help but feel like I abandoned him.”  
  
“You didn't though? You did what was best for everyone at the moment. Including him,” Banjou said decisively with a nod, but Hide could hear the underlying fear and tiredness in it. They were all desperately trying to reassure each other that everything would be alright. That Kaneki would be alright. After several quiet moments, Banjou broke the silence again, “I’m pretty sure he would appreciate that.”   
  
“I just feel like I should have been there with him,” Hide said with a sigh as he looked back down to where his hand was intertwined with Kaneki’s. “I feel so helpless.”  
  
“I get that,” Banjou said, followed by a long exhale as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorframe. “I feel useless too.”  
  
Hide shook his head, but didn’t look up from Kaneki’s frighteningly still form. “You got him to safety, that's all that matters.”   
  
“I guess,” Banjou trailed off, fiddling with his hands a bit as he glanced off to the side. “I’m not all that good with these sorts of things. You know, expressing myself? But I’m glad that he has you. I think you do a lot to keep him safe, if you get what I’m saying?”   
  
“Is he though? Safe?” Hide asked and was a bit dismayed when he picked up how choked his voice sounded even to his own ears. He swallowed hard and shook his head. _No use wallowing in the fear. It won’t help Kaneki._ “Thank you Banjou. It means a lot to hear. I’m pretty sure he trusts you more than anyone at this point to have his back.”   
  
Banjou smiled at this. “Thanks. I’m glad if I can be of use.”  
  
Hide nodded but found himself unable to look away from Kaneki's unconscious face. It was strange seeing the other so vulnerable and still. It felt like a lifetime ago since Kaneki had allowed himself to look anything other than how he himself intended; since anyone caught him off guard. _After this whole ordeal is over I will make sure that he has the opportunity to relax for real and let his guard down, and it won’t be because of an injury next time! It will be love and security and comfort._  
  
Hide’s train of thought was derailed by sudden movement; Kaneki scrunched up his brow in a miniscule frown.   
  
Hide immediately sat up straight and unconsciously tightened his grip on the other’s hand. “Kaneki?”  
  
From the corner of his eye Hide could see Banjou moving closer to the bed while asking, “Is he waking up?”   
  
“I think I saw him move,” Hide answered while leaning closer to Kaneki's face. “Kaneki? You awake?”  
  
Kaneki gave a quiet groan and furrowed his brows further before he eased his eyes open; blinking slowly as he sluggishly looked around the room. Hide pushed down on the unease at seeing Kaneki awake but not fully aware of his surroundings. He knew how much his friend must hate what was happening at the moment, and he wanted to focus on making him feel better. Hide squeezed Kaneki’s hand again and felt relieved when Kaneki's eyes landed on his face.   
  
“Hide,” Kaneki mumbled in a barely audible voice, nevertheless the sound of it made Hide’s heart soar.   
  
Before Hide had the chance of replying, he was interrupted by a booming, “Kaneki!” as Banjou leaned over Kaneki’s bed in his excitement at seeing his friend awake. Kaneki winced at the sudden loud sound and Hide frowned at the larger man.   
  
“Banjou, keep quiet. He just woke up.”   
  
“Sorry, sorry,” Banjou mumbled as he took a small step back, still smiling widely as he looked down at Kaneki. Hide turned his attention back to Kaneki and found the other’s eyes still following him, looking slightly more awake now.  
  
“Welcome back,” Hide said with a big smile, not even trying to hide the relief in his voice. “How are you feeling?”   
  
“I’m fine,” Kaneki said as he started to push himself into a sitting position before suddenly freezing in place. Hide could practically see the blood drain from his friend’s face.   
  
“Kaneki?” Hide asked in a worried tone as he raised a hand towards where Kaneki was still sitting absolutely still on the bed. “What’s wrong?”   
  
Hide saw Banjou take a quick step closer to the bed, eyebrows drawn together in worry.  
  
Kaneki didn’t answer but frowned as he slowly raised a hand to lift his t-shirt from his stomach and Hide’s eyes landed on the big bandage there; covering the still-healing wound he had gotten in his fight with Amon. The bandage was slowly turning red.  
  
“Kaneki! You have to be careful!” Hide blurted out, berating himself for not realizing what the problem was sooner. He was so used to Kaneki’s rapid healing that he had all but completely forgotten about the wound.   
  
“Why haven’t I healed?” Kaneki asked in a puzzled tone, eyes still focused on the wound adorning his side as if it would disappear if he looked at it intensely enough.   
  
“I think it’s the poison, it must still be in your system,” Hide said while sitting back in his chair. “Lay down again. Doesn’t it hurt?”  
  
At this, Kaneki looked up at Hide. “Well, yes.”  
  
Hide shook his head and pushed at one of Kaneki’s shoulders until the other had lain back down with a barely audible groan. “Stupid.”  
  
Kaneki took a couple of deep breaths before he ground out, “What… what happened?”  
  
“You got poisoned,” Banjou said before glancing in Hide’s direction with a raised eyebrow and adding in a hesitant voice, “We think?”   
  
Hide nodded. “By that new poison from the CCG.”   
  
“The CCG?” Kaneki asked in a slow voice, sounding as if he searched his memory as he spoke.   
  
“Yeah. When you guys and the CCG were raiding Kanou’s estate you ran into an investigator…”  
  
Kaneki’s eyes widened in realization, “Kanou’s estate!” He looked up at Hide with pinched eyebrows. “Are you okay?”  
  
“You almost died from a newly developed poison and you are asking if _I’m_ alright?” Hide asked incredulously while shaking his head, but he couldn’t keep the smile from his face. _Even after all this he’s still too caring for his own good._  
  
Kaneki simply stared at him until Hide scoffed and waved a hand in dismissal. “I’m fine!”  
  
“Good,” Kaneki said in a serious tone that made Hide pause. “I was worried when I… got taken out of commission when you were still there with all the fighting going on.”  
  
“I’m okay,” Hide said while placing his hand on Kaneki’s arm. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to cause you more stress?”  
  
“What? No, you didn’t.”  
  
“Would it…” Hide started, but stopped and sent a hesitant look in Banjou’s direction. The big man wasn’t always the quickest on the uptake, but now he nodded with a small smile still in place.   
  
“I’m gonna get you guys some coffee! I’ll be back in a while.”   
  
“Thank you Banjou,” Hide said with gratitude loud and clear in his voice.  
  
After Banjou had exited the room Kaneki turned towards Hide with a questioning expression on his face. “Would it what?”  
  
“…”Hide felt like something big was lodged in his throat. He tried to clear it and tried again, voice coming out a hoarse whisper. “Would it be easier… easier for you. If… if we didn’t…”  
  
“Don’t even finish that sentence,” Kaneki said while shaking his head. He reached out and grabbed Hide’s hand in his with a strong grip.   
  
“I just mean,” Hide said as he squeezed Kaneki’s hand back, “Maybe I’m just making things harder for you. I feel like I'm not really able to help you. Like I'm just another factor for you to worry about, and I don't want that.”   
  
“Don’t say that,” Kaneki whispered as he shook his head again. He raised his hands and placed them on either side of Hide’s face, cradling it between his slightly trembling fingers as he looked Hide right in the eye. “Don’t you dare say that. I don't think I would have been here without you.”  
  
“That’s nice of you to say.”  
  
“I’m being honest. I don’t think I would have made it this far without you. And if I had, I don’t think I would really be me. You keep me grounded.”  
  
Hide smiled and he felt tears fall from his eyes. All the stress from the previous night catching up to him. “I didn’t help much yesterday though.”  
  
“You did,” Kaneki said as he kept his gaze locked on Hide. “You have to understand that you bring me back when I… loose myself. I could never repay that.”   
  
Kaneki let go of Hide’s face to grab his hand again and Hide looked down at their joined hands as he thought back to Kanou’s estate and when Kaneki had seemed to focus back on the world around him when he laid eyes on Hide. “There’s nothing to repay. I don’t want to lose you.”  
  
“Nevertheless, I’m still grateful,” Kaneki said and as Hide looked up he saw Kaneki smiling. _He’s so beautiful._ “Thank you Hide.”  
  
Hide nodded but kept silent. The smile on Kaneki’s face brought back the fear he had felt since the raid on Kanou’s estate. The realization of all he could lose. “You can’t die.”  
  
“That’s not up to you. Or me,” Kaneki said as he squeezed Hide’s hand with a sad smile. “I’m sorry. I know this is hard for you.” Kaneki gave a short, humorless laugh. “I know how hard it is for me.”  
  
“Yeah… It’s just-” Hide cut himself off. _Just what?_ Hide remembered the mind-numbing fear he had felt seeing Kaneki collapse the night before. The indescribable, soul-wrenching, pain he had felt watching the other suffer from the poison. _What if I lose him? What if I lose him before he knows? Before I work up the courage to tell him?_ _What if I can’t say everything I want to say, before it’s too late_?  
  
“I-” Hide cut himself off and cleared his throat before he continued, “I can’t lose you.”  
  
Kaneki raised his free hand to pat Hide’s arm. “I understand, but-”   
  
Hide frowned and shook his head, making the other stop mid-sentence. Now that he had started talking he desperately wanted to get his meaning across. _Then just say it._ “No. I _can’t_ lose you. You mean everything to me.”  
  
Hide felt Kaneki’s hand in his clench. _Did I push it too far?_  
  
“I understand. I-” Kaneki paused and took a deep breath, looked up at Hide’s face and gave a small smile. Hide felt his heart flutter at the look in the other’s eyes. “I feel the same.”  
  
They settled into contemplative silence for a long time, simply enjoying each other’s company.

* * *

“Shouldn’t you be at work?” Kaneki broke the silence, stretched out on the bed with a book in his hand. “I don’t mean to throw you out, but they might get suspicious if you are gone directly following the raid.”  
  
Hide looked over at Kaneki with a soft expression, putting his laptop down on the floor beside his chair. “It’s Sunday.”  
  
“Oh,” Kaneki said with a slightly confused expression before nodding. Hide smiled at the hint of red that rose in the other’s cheeks. “Well then.”  
  
“He absolutely refused to leave your side until you woke up!” Banjou said suddenly, making them both jump slightly as he made his way back into the room holding two cups of steaming coffee.  
  
Kaneki placed a hand over his face, but it still didn't manage to completely cover up the small blush adorning his cheeks at Banjou’s words. Hide smiled and shrugged. “I’m not ashamed of caring about you.”  
  
Banjou handed them a cup of coffee each and carefully helped Kaneki to sit up in bed to drink it before making his way out of the room again; saying something about having to call Hinami and tell her that Kaneki was awake. Hide was grateful for the privacy.  
  
“It’s okay,” Hide said with a smile of his own. “They had actually called everyone in today because of the raid yesterday but I managed to get the day off since I need to “mentally recuperate after the taxing events of the raid at Kanou’s estate’,” Hide recited with a dramatic flourish of his hand to his forehead.   
  
Kaneki snorted. “They bought that?”  
  
Hide’s smile grew. “Well, Amon didn’t push it.”  
  
Hide saw Kaneki open his mouth to say something before hesitating and closing it again. He waited patiently as Kaneki took a slow sip of his coffee.  
  
After several quiet seconds Kaneki spoke up. “Amon was there, wasn’t he?”   
  
Hide felt a bit startled at the change in direction the conversation had taken. “…Yeah.”  
  
Kaneki nodded before asking in a serious tone, “What happened?”  
  
Hide was silent. He didn’t want to bring this subject up. He didn’t want Kaneki to worry. He wanted to protect him.  
  
“Hide,” Kaneki said again, tone almost pleading. “What happened?”  
  
_It’s not my place to decide. He has the right to know._ “Well, you... fought.”  
  
“I what? Did I fight? Amon?” Kaneki asked with increasing intensity. “What happened?”  
  
“But you didn’t hurt him. And he almost didn’t hurt you,” Hide said with a vague gesture towards Kaneki’s side where the wound from the night before still hadn’t healed.  
  
Kaneki’s face turned dark. “I can’t even remember what happened after I ran into the senior investigator. So much for me being in control. And so much for him being on our side.”  
  
“Well, he did let you go,” Hide said with a shrug and a hesitant smile.   
  
Kaneki frowned with a thoughtful expression. “You’re right. He did.”  
  
“And you are more in control than you think. Even though you don’t remember the fight, you didn’t hurt him.” Hide said and put down his cup of coffee to grab one of Kaneki’s hands. “I’m proud of you.”  
  
Kaneki smiled. “Thank you. It’s just… scary. To not remember.”  
  
“I understand. I think,” Hide said. “And even if I can’t really imagine what you’re going through, I’ll always be here for you.”  
  
Kaneki squeezed Hide’s hand that he was holding. “That means a lot.”  
  
“Speaking of, how are you feeling? You sure you’re fine?”  
  
“I think so? I feel a bit weak and dizzy, but otherwise I’m-” Kaneki cut himself off and frowned.  
  
“What?” Hide asked with sudden worry. _What if something had gone wrong? A new side-effect of the poison? The wound re-opening?_  
  
“My kagune won't come out.”  
  
Hide blinked. “What?”   
  
Kaneki’s frown deepened as he gestured vaguely towards his own back. “I can't bring it out.”  
  
“I'm…” Hide hesitated, trying to wrap his head around the implications of that. _So the poison makes a ghoul unable to manifest its kagune, just like suppressant gas. But if he still can’t manifest it after all this time had passed…?_ “I'm sure it's only temporary.”   
  
“What if it never comes back,” Kaneki said under his breath, giving voice to the thought that had formed in Hide’s own head. “What if I will never get it back. And even after all this time, I still haven't healed.”   
  
Hide took a deep breath and squeezed Kaneki’s hand in what he hoped to be a reassuring way. “Kaneki, calm down. I'm sure the effects will go away with time.”   
  
“What if it doesn't?!” Kaneki asked with anger and fear in his voice, yanking his hand from Hide’s grip. “How am I supposed to protect everyone when I'm powerless?!”  
  
“You're not powerless!” Hide said with anger of his own before softening his voice and continuing, “And maybe you should let us protect you for a change.”   
  
“You know you can't-”  
  
Hide cut the other off, no idea letting Kaneki continue that sentence and make them both feel bad. “I'm not the only one here. And besides, that's rude. I’m as strong as the most ferocious of ghouls!” Hide said as he made an exaggerated flexing pose, displaying his relatively skinny arms for Kaneki to see with a serious expression.   
  
“I’m not rude, it’s only the truth,” Kaneki said followed by a deep sigh and a shake of his head. Hide counted it as a victory.   
  
Hide sat back down and patted Kaneki on the arm. “It’s gonna be fine. It sounded as if the poison was similar to the suppressant gas but stronger. I’m sure it will have the same sort of effects and then disappear.” He didn’t know if he wanted to reassure Kaneki or himself. What he did know was that Kaneki needed to rest and not worry so much for once, and he was gonna make damn sure that he did.  
  
“Yeah…” Kaneki trailed off before taking a deep breath and looking back up at Hide with a more closed of expression in place. “You should go to work tomorrow. They might get suspicious if you are gone for too long.”   
  
“I'm not leaving you,” Hide said decisively while crossing his arms over his chest.   
  
“Hide…”   
  
“No. I'm staying.”  
  
Kaneki looked up at the ceiling in exasperation. “You can't just sit here.”  
  
“I'm not leaving,” Hide repeated with a frown before smiling. “But I have an idea on what I could do while I ‘ _Just sit here’_ ”  
  
Kaneki looked down at him with a small smile tugging up the corners of his lips. “Should that worry me as much as it does?”  
  
Hide laughed. “No worries, it includes writing a report.”   
  
Kaneki snorted in amusement. “Of course it does.”   
  
“Listen,” Hide said while swatting at Kaneki's arm lightly. “I'm gonna make a report detailing the CCG’s work in manufacturing artificial meat for ghouls.”   
  
Kaneki peeked up. “They decided to go through with the research?”   
  
“No,” Hide said with a smirk. “But I'm gonna make it look like they have.”   
  
Kaneki raised an eyebrow in question. “Oh…?”  
  
“You remember when I talked about forcing the CCG’s hand in producing artificial meat? By making the public demand it? If I publish a report on the subject and make it available to the public through some _accident_ , then I think we might gain the leverage we need to make it really happen.”  
  
“That might just work.”   
  
“I know, right?” Hide said with enthusiasm and a big smile at Kaneki’s acceptance of his plan. So far. He hadn’t yet brought up the part that he was the most worried about. He took a deep breath and continued. “And… we could also use this opportunity to see how Amon reacts.”   
  
Kaneki’s face immediately fell into a frown at the mention of Amon’s name. “What do you mean?”   
  
“If I accidentally show him the report I can see how he reacts. If he reacts negatively I can just say that it’s a project for the Laboratory Division or something. Getting accused of writing false reports is a bit less serious than getting accused for staging a revolution and aiding a wanted ghoul, after all.”  
  
“But just barely. You could get in serious trouble,” Kaneki said with a worried expression on his face.    
  
“He let us go. If he had wanted to he could have dispatched of you right then and there. He could have reported me after I helped you escape. He didn't.”  
  
Kaneki didn’t look pacified. “What if they are waiting for you when you get back to work? To arrest you?”   
  
“They won't,” Hide said with a decisive voice. Amon had given him no real reason not to trust him, and for the plan to work, he _had_ to trust Amon. “And we need him to make the plan work. I don’t have the clearance to publish reports in CCG’s name. He does.”  
  
Kaneki still looked unconvinced but didn't press the matter. 

* * *

Hide’s laptop was still turned on in his lap when he jerked awake, the report he had been writing the day before still taking up the screen. Kaneki blinked his eyes open at the sudden movement and smiled sleepily when his eyes landed on Hide in the chair.   
“Good morning,” Kaneki mumbled before dragging himself up into a sitting position. Hide noticed the lack of a wince this time and felt relieved. _He must finally be healing._  
  
_I could use some healing right now._ Hide thought as he groaned and rolled his stiff neck. “Is it? I feel like an old, old man.”  
  
Kaneki scoffed and swatted at Hide’s leg closest to the bed. “You’re not old. Just don’t sleep in chairs and you’ll be fine.”  
  
“Well, I couldn’t leave you unsupervised. What if you decided to go out and gallivant through the city like a vindictive vigilante like you usually do?”  
  
Kaneki’s eyebrows shot up and he scoffed. “I don’t go gallivanting through the city!”  
  
“You do,” Hide said in his best serious tone as he nodded with as straight a face as he could manage.   
  
Kaneki snorted before schooling his expression into what Hide was sure the other thought looked like real anger. “Now I have to kick you out on principle.”  
  
“No, I want to stay here and-”  
  
“Hide, it’s okay,” Kaneki said with a genuine smile. “I’m fine. Go to work.”  
  
Hide sighed and took a closer look at Kaneki, taking in the small smile on his face and his relaxed posture. “Do you promise that you’re fine?”  
  
“I promise. I think my wound has finally healed as well,” Kaneki said as he poked lightly at his side to prove his point. Hide was relieved when the other didn’t as much as wince at the action. “And I will be here when you get back.”  
  
“That’s what I wanted to hear,” Hide said with a smile as he gave in and got up from the chair. It would feel good to get a change of scenery after so long in one place. He just wished that Kaneki could come with him. “Okay, then. See you later.”  
  
“Don’t forget your report,” Kaneki said with a gesture to the computer called out as Hide started walking towards the door.  
  
Hide chuckled as he reached for his computer on the bedside table and then, before he had really made the conscious decision to do so; he placed a small kiss on Kaneki’s forehead. “Thank you!”  
  
Kaneki’s slightly surprised expression morphed into a smile as he looked up at Hide. “Good luck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally have internet at my new apartment! I can finally upload a new chapter!   
> I hope you guys like it :) 
> 
> One more chapter to go and then this story is DONE!   
> I hope you have enjoyed the story as much as I have enjoyed writing it and talking to you all!!
> 
> Have a great day!


	22. Possibilities

When Hide came into work the next day he hesitated by the elevators before turning and making his way towards the Laboratory Division instead. _I won't be able to focus on work anyway_. He had to know how the poison would affect Kaneki, and if the effects would go away.   
  
“Hide! Hello!” Chigyou said with a smile as Hide entered the Laboratory Division. The head of the Division was sitting in front of multiple computer monitors in the room, seemingly looking over some reports.   
  
Hide smiled and raised a hand in greeting. “Hello Chigyou.”  
  
“How did the raid go?” Chigyou asked and Hide’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.   
  
“You knew about the raid?”  
  
Chigyou nodded, still sitting in his chair and with a smile on his face. “Well, yes. We used it to test out the new version of the RC suppressant poison in action.”  
  
“Oh, right…” Hide ground out, pressing down on the sudden surge of anger rising inside him. _He just wanted to test his invention. He didn’t intend to hurt Kaneki specifically._  Hide took a deep breath and continued. “About that…”  
  
“Yeah?” Chigyou asked as he finally turned around fully in his chair to face Hide with an expectant expression on his face.  
  
“How does the new version of the poison work exactly? It's a modified version of the one you used on corpses, right? I didn’t get to see it in action at the raid and I’m curious,” Hide said with his most innocent face.   
  
“Oh!” Chigyou exclaimed, lighting up with genuine delight at getting asked about his new invention. “Well, it's really similar to the RC suppressant we used on the corpses if you remember? Are you familiar with how that poison worked?”  
  
Hide nodded while trying not to think about the dead ghouls and how close Kaneki had come to joining their ranks. His voice was slightly strained as he answered, “Yes.”  
  
“While the new version is similar in how it affects the body of infected ghouls we found a way to inject it into Aratas,” Chigyou said with a proud smile. “Imagine if we could get the poison into the quinques! That would be a real feat!”  
  
“Yeah, that would be something all right,” Hide agreed with a strained smile. _It would be a disaster. It would give the CCG an undeniable advantage the ghouls most likely won’t be able to compete with._ Hide forced a deep breath and hoped that he sounded nonchalant as he asked, “So for how long do the symptoms stay? Do they all go away, or does it have any lingering effects?”  
  
“No, so far we haven’t managed to make the effects permanent,” Chigyou trailed off with a thoughtful expression.   
  
“Oh,” Hide breathed out as he felt the tension leave his shoulders. He barely managed to hide his immense relief at hearing that the symptoms would all go away. _Kaneki is gonna be okay._  
  
Chigyou frowned slightly at Hide’s reaction before smiling up at him with an encouraging expression on his face. “We are working on it though.” _He thinks I’m disappointed._  
  
Hide almost laughed at the absurdity of it all as he nodded at Chigyou. “Yeah, great.” _I have to text Kaneki and tell him that it's all gonna be fine._ Hide gave back Chigyou a small, forced, smile. “I gotta go, but thanks for the info!”   
  
Chigyou simply smiled up at him and turned his attention back to the computers in front of him. “Okay, it was nice talking to you.”  
  
Hide exited the room and immediately took out his phone.  
  
_“The symptoms will all go away! You’re gonna be fine!!!”_ Hide wrote out in a message to Kaneki as he took the elevators up to his department, unable to contain the relieved smile spreading over his face. The smile stayed on all the way to his floor, where he did his best to school his expression into a neutral one before exiting the elevator. _I hope no-one found my absence since the raid suspicious._  
  
“Welcome back Hide!” Seidou said as soon as he stepped into the office. The other looked like his usual, happy, self, but Hide could see the hint of worry there even before Seidou asked, “You okay? I haven’t heard from you since the raid.”  
  
“I’m fine Seidou. Thank you,” Hide replied with a smile. Hide didn’t pick up on any suspicion from the other, only concern. “Sorry for dropping off the radar.”   
  
Seidou smiled a genuine smile and patted Hide on the shoulder. “No worries. We’re just glad you’re okay. Those kinds of raids can be very taxing.”  
  
Hide thought of Kaneki still in bed at the apartment and forced a smile. “They sure can.”  
  
Hide looked around the office and caught Amon frowning over at him and Seidou by the door. Amon nodded in greeting and Hide hesitated a second before nodding back. He could see no anger or betrayal on the other’s face, only tiredness; as if Amon hadn’t been able to sleep. Considering that a highly wanted ghoul had managed to escape during a CCG raid, that Amon had _let_ a highly wanted ghoul escape during a CCG raid, it was very possible that the other hadn’t slept the last couple of nights.  
  
Hide approached Amon’s desk and extended a cheerful, “Morning!” As he stopped in front of it.  
  
“Good morning,” Amon answered with a curt nod, face impassive and giving nothing away.  
  
The silence stretched between them until Hide shifted uncomfortably. “Soo… Anything new?”  
  
“No. Nothing special,” Amon shook his head, but Hide could see the hint of a kind smile on the other’s face. “You can continue on with your regular duties.”  
  
Hide sent a look towards where Seidou sat writing something on his computer, well within hearing-distance, before turning back to Amon and nodding. “Yes, sir.” _This isn’t the time to talk._  
  
Amon seemed to hesitate for a second before speaking. “How is your friend doing?”   
  
Hide’s eyebrows shot up. _That was unexpected._ “He’s… fine.” Hide couldn’t help but add a, “Why?”  
  
“Just trying to get a clear picture of where we are standing.”   
  
“Okay…” Hide trailed off, feeling unprepared for Amon’s openness about the whole thing. He had been so sure that the other would pretend that their encounter at Kanou’s estate had never happened. _But this is better, right? It means that he’s invested. That he cares_. “Well, I better get back to work then.”  
  
“Yes. Talk to you later.”  
  
Hide sat down at his own desk but couldn’t seem to focus on work; his thoughts circled around Kaneki still healing in bed back at the apartment and how much he wanted to be there with him, and the possible implications of Amon’s reaction. The hours dragged by in slow-motion as he went through the paperwork required after the raid.   
  
The other people in the office slowly trickled out as the day turned to evening and Hide could have sworn that time slowed down just to mock him. He desperately wanted to go home to Kaneki but if he wanted his plan to work in getting Amon to read the report, then he had to stay a while longer. Seidou, the last person in the office besides Amon and Hide, finally got up from his desk with a yawn and waved goodbye before exiting the office. Hide smiled as he finally, finally, started packing up his stuff.   
  
Hide glanced in Amon’s direction, relieved that the other was focused on something at his desk, before slipping the report about artificial meat onto the floor. If he knew Amon then the other was too curious to leave it lying there over night without looking at it, and Hide had to admit that he was too cowardly to hand Amon the report himself. Besides, this way he had a chance to explain it away and claim that the report wasn’t his if Amon reacted badly.   
  
Hide straightened up and casually waved in Amon’s direction as he exited the office. “Goodnight Amon.”  
  
Amon didn’t look up from his work as he answered. “Take care on your way home, Hide.”  
  
As soon as Hide exited the building he had to stop himself from running all the way to Kaneki's apartment.

* * *

Hide came into work the next day and immediately cursed under his breath when he met Seidou in the corridor outside their office. _Seidou is never in this early! Why is he already here?_ They entered the office and Hide did his best not to look at the report still lying beneath his desk. He casually sat down in his chair and started working on his pile of paperwork, hoping that his expression didn’t betray how stressed he was. _No-one except Amon was supposed to see the report._  
  
Seidou stopped behind Hide’s desk and Hide had to remind himself to relax. _Please keep on walking. Keep on walking._  
  
”Oh! Hide, you dropped a paper.” Seidou bent down and pulled the paper from beneath Hide’s desk. _Seidou’s never very perceptive, why did he have to notice the report? If he sees what’s on it he could easily report me. Or worse; ruin our plan to get it published._ Out of the corner of his eye Hide could see Amon turn his head slightly in their direction as if to listen to the conversation. _Does that mean that he knows what he report says? That he read it?_ Seidou extended his hand with the report towards him and Hide tore his eyes from the computer screen with his best disinterested hum while praying that Seidou wouldn’t read what was on the paper.  
  
“What? I am busy here you know,” Hide said with exaggerated exasperation, hoping to distract Seidou with some of their usual banter.  
  
“I’m so very sorry to disturb you, but you dropped this.” Seidou shook the paper in front of Hide’s face and Hide pretended to look it over. _I can’t seem too eager to get it back. I just have to pretend that it’s trash so that he won’t be tempted to read it._   
  
“That’s not mine. I don’t know where it came from,” Hide said with a shrug.  
  
“But it was underneath your desk,” Seidou said with a frown as he lowered the arm holding the report back down.  
  
“Well, I’m sorry then. I could throw it away for you?” Hide asked with a smirk.   
  
Seidou seemed to take the bait as he struck a dramatic pose with his hand on his forehead as he handed Hide the paper. “Yes please do! I have a crazy schedule today.” Hide forced a laugh as he took the document. _Success._  
  
“Of course, your majesty! Wouldn’t want you exerting yourself with trivial things like cleaning!” Hide said with a small bow, ignoring the sting of guilt he felt at deceiving his friend. His friend who’s eyes had landed on the paper in Hide’s hand. _Oh no._  
  
Seidou’s smile morphed into a serious expression in an instance and Hide cursed himself as Seidou held his hand out towards Hide again, this time beckoning for the paper. “Can I take another look at that? The headline says-”  
  
“How’s the work going, you two?” Amon cut in, just in time to prevent Hide from crumpling up the paper to throw it across the room in desperation.  
  
“Oh, Amon!” Seidou said as he turned towards their superior. “I was just interested in reading a report we found on the floor. I think it said something about artificial meat for ghouls and if that’s true then it would be huge news!”  
  
“Artificial meat?” Amon asked with a raised eyebrow as he turned towards where Hide held the paper in his hand with a painfully tight grip. “Let me see.”  
  
Hide hesitated a second before handing the paper over. He had to remind himself that he wanted Amon to read it. _Hopefully he has already read it. It’s fine._  
  
Amon’s eyes quickly scanned down the paper before casting a quick look at Hide. Hide didn’t know what expression he was making, but whatever it was it made Amon turn back to Seidou and nod. “Ah, yes. This is a report in the making. You will be able to read it soon enough. Back to work you two.”  
  
“Yes, sir!” Hide said and tried to keep the gratefulness from being too apparent in his voice.   
  
Seidou shrugged and accepted the explanation with a simple, “Yes, boss.”  
  
Hide carefully glanced in Amon’s direction as the other man walked back to his own desk with the report in hand, placing it on the desktop and seemingly nonchalantly placing several other documents on top of it to cover it up. Amon didn’t look back up again and after several tense minutes Hide managed to relax slightly and get back to work. _It’s fine. It’s fine._  
  
Hide spent the rest of the day trying not to tense up as soon as Seidou approached him or even looked in his direction, acting as normally as he could while keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of Seidou suspecting him. He tried to convince himself that Seidou hadn’t had the opportunity to read more than the headline and that he would take Amon’s explanation at face value. That Seidou wouldn’t question it further. Wouldn’t report him.   
  
As everyone was packing up for the day Amon approached him with a casual expression on his face which did nothing to make Hide relax. “Hide, can I talk to you for a second?”  
  
“Sure thing, boss,” Hide said as he straightened up with his bag on his shoulder. _I really hope Kaneki’s fear about Amon changing his mind about not reporting me doesn’t come true._ Hide mentally shook his head. _It’s okay, he saved me from Seidou’s questions earlier._ “What is it?”  
  
“What was that report?”  
  
Hide fought hard to keep his face relaxed as he gave a short laugh. “Just something I’ve been working on during my spare time.”  
  
Amon frowned and folded his arms over his chest. “You shouldn’t leave things like that lying around. It’s dangerous.”  
  
Hide relaxed slightly. _At least Amon isn’t going to report me… I think._ “Well, I counted on you being the one who found it.”  
  
Amon lowered his crossed arms and let out a deep breath as his expression relaxed. “I saw it on the floor yesterday night.”  
  
Hide felt relieved that his plan seemed to have worked, even after the near-disaster with Seidou this morning. As he felt the tension leave his body Hide gave a laugh and raised an eyebrow in mocked offense. He was talking before he could stop himself. Hide blamed the stress. “Oh? Are you going through the trash, boss?”  
  
“No?” Amon asked, seemingly completely taken aback by the question. Hide changed his mind; the unfitting joke was worth it for Amon’s surprised face alone. “This is no time for jokes, Hide.”   
  
“Sorry,” Hide said while he tried to contain his grin. “And what did you think of the report?”  
  
“I’m interested,” Amon said with slow and measured words.   
  
“I knew it,” Hide breathed out in relief before pausing and frowning at Amon. _Best to double-check._ “You haven’t ratted me out, have you?”  
  
Amon looked affronted. “Of course not!” He then looked Hide straight in the eye and furrowed his brows in what Hide recognized as the other’s ‘serious-business’ expression. “But I should. You could- we could get imprisoned for this. Or executed.”  
  
Hide nodded, fully aware that the other was testing his resolve. “I’m well aware. Thank you for not reporting me.”  
  
Amon stared at him in silence for a couple of seconds before his expression softened again. “Make it count.”  
  
Hide smiled broadly and made a mock salute. “Yes, sir! I will!”  
  
“Well, see you tonight,” Amon said as he started to walk back to his own desk.   
  
Hide stopped from where he had turned towards the office door, ready to go home. “Huh?”  
  
“The dinner?” Amon asked with an amused curl to his lips.   
  
“Oh, right.” Hide had completely forgotten it during the chaos of the last couple of days. _The dinner where Amon wanted to talk about how the CCG treats ghouls. And where he wanted to talk about what I knew about Kaneki._ Hide suddenly felt a lot more apprehensive. “Yes. The dinner.”  
  
“I’ll text you the location.”  
  
“Sounds great. See you later!”

* * *

Hide entered the restaurant alone, feeling acutely aware of Kaneki’s eyes on his back as the other waited on the corner outside, well out of sight.  
  
Hide entered the restaurant and took a deep breath to calm down before he spotted Amon sitting alone at a table with a menu in hand. Amon looked up as Hide approached his table. “Hide! Welcome. I just sat down.”  
  
“Amon, hello,” Hide said as he sat down and cast a quick look around. Amon had taken a table at the far end of the restaurant, well away from all the other patrons. Well out of ear-shot. _Good._ “I was wondering if it’s okay if I brought a friend?”  
  
Amon raised an eyebrow in question, but Hide could swear that the other wasn’t truly surprised by this development. “Oh? Who?”  
  
“Just a… childhood friend who would like to sit down and talk.”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
The answer was quick enough that Hide was sure that Amon had expected this, but there was a hint of worry on the other’s face that Hide had never seen when Amon was about to go into a fight. That, more than anything, made Hide sure that Amon wouldn’t try to turn them in. Amon was simply nervous to talk to Kaneki. Hide brought out his phone and pulled up his conversation with Kaneki.   
  
_“You can come inside.”_ Hide hit send and leaned back in his chair while looking at Amon on the other side of the table. The other seemed slightly nervous as he took a sip of his water and sent quick looks towards the front of the restaurant.  
  
Amon suddenly frowned as he focused on something behind Hide’s back and Hide turned in time to see Kaneki enter the room. He could see how Kaneki fought hard to try and appear relaxed, even as he scanned the whole room as soon a she entered it, eyes quickly landing on Hide before flicking over at Amon and staying there as he walked closer to the pair.   
  
Hide looked at Amon as Kaneki stopped in front of their table. His superior looked forcefully relaxed, just like Kaneki, but there was a hint of a smile on his face as if he were meeting up with an old friend. Amon extended his hand towards Kaneki in greeting.  
  
Kaneki hesitated slightly before raising his hand and grabbing Amon’s. “Hello. My name is Kaneki.” He hesitated slightly before giving a hesitant smile and continuing, “But I think you already knew that.”  
  
Amon nodded and shook his hand. “I had my guesses. My name is Amon Koutaro. It’s nice to finally meet you.” Amon gave a wry smile. “Officially.”  
  
“Same,” Kaneki said with warmth in his voice and Hide relaxed. _This just might work out._  
idHIde r  
“Well. You both know me,” Hide said with a wide grin, looking between his two companions. “Let’s get some food and drinks.”  
  
Amon sent a slightly uncomfortable look in Kaneki’s direction.  
  
“Oh, don’t worry investigator. I’m housetrained,” Kaneki said with a dismissive wave of his hand.  
  
Amon looked taken aback. “I didn’t-”  
  
“Kaneki!” Hide cut in, looking scandalized. “Don’t tease him like that.”   
  
Kaneki smiled but didn’t apologize as he sat down. From the outside he still looked relatively calm and collected, but Hide noticed that Kaneki pulled his chair close to Hide’s side.   
  
Amon sent Kaneki another weary look before he waved a waitress down. Hide smiled up at her as she stopped at their table, feeling impatient to get this over with so that their real conversation could start. “I’ll have the pasta, thanks.”  
  
“I’ll just have the salad,” Amon said with his eyes still focused mainly on Kaneki.  
  
Kaneki didn’t seem very bothered by Amon’s obvious staring as he too smiled up at the waitress. “I’m fine with a cup of coffee, thank you.”  
  
Amon raised a questioning eyebrow, before sending another look around the restaurant. “Are you sure you shouldn’t order some food? For appearance?”   
  
Kaneki shrugged. “I don’t feel like puking today, but it’s rude not to order anything. Besides, I’ve heard that their coffee is really good.”  
  
“Well, let’s hope,” Hide said as he sat back in his chair. “It’s not like there’s a whole lot of other things on the menu for you to try out.” Both his companions at the table looked slightly uncomfortable by that comment, so Hide hurriedly added. “Yet. That’s why we’re here, right?”  
  
“Right,” Amon said while shaking his head. “Let’s get down to business.”  
  
“Yes, let’s,” Kaneki agreed.  
  
“So,” Amon said. “If we could create artificial meat for ghouls then they wouldn’t have to kill humans, right?”  
  
“Right,” Kaneki nodded.  
  
“But won’t ghouls still kill?”   
  
“Why?”  
  
“Well…” Amon trailed off, looking a bit uncomfortable as he averted his eyes from Kaneki. “Don’t they… like it?”  
  
“Some do,” Kaneki admitted without missing a beat, but Hide could see the tightening of his mouth, the small furrow between his eyes. “Most don’t.”  
  
“Okay,” Amon said with a nod. “Okay. This is a lot to take in. A couple of months ago I would have never even been talking to you in the first place.”  
  
“I understand. Thank you for giving me a chance,” Kaneki said seriously and with clear gratefulness.  
  
“It’s nothing to thank me for. I was blind, but I've come to realize that things are… wrong,” Amon said slowly. “I can't look away from the injustice anymore.”   
  
Kaneki smiled. “That makes me happy to hear, and relieved that even investigators can come to see that the current system doesn't work. I just hope we can make more people see the truth.”   
  
“The truth?”   
  
“That not everything is black and white. Nothing is as simple as the CCG, and some ghouls, want it to appear,” Kaneki said. “There's good and bad ghouls just as there are good and bad humans.” Kaneki who took a deep breath before continuing, “And then there’s the people who are in between.”   
  
Hide looked at Kaneki in surprise, pride swelling in his chest at the other’s, admittedly vague, mention of his own situation. It was nevertheless a huge step forward, and a huge show of trust towards Amon.  
  
Kaneki looked back at Hide and shrugged with a small half-smile. “Well, he needs to know everything if he's going to help us. He deserves to know everything.”  
  
Hide could hear how stressed Kaneki was when talking about this, but he still did it. _He’s trying so hard. He’s so strong and he’s come so far._ There was so much Hide wanted to say to Kaneki in that moment, but he settles for a nod and a simple, “Yes, I agree.”  
  
“What are you talking about?” Amon asked while looking from Hide to Kaneki and back again with furrowed brows.  
  
“Well…” Kaneki trailed off, cleared his throat and then started again. “The line between ghouls and humans might not be as clear as people tend to believe.”   
  
This statement was met by silence. Amon looked as if he was bracing for something and Hide wondered how much the other had already guessed. Kaneki in turn seemed unable to continue his explanation.  
  
Hide placed his hand on Kaneki's arm, and after a nod from the other turned to face Amon. “What he's trying to say is that humans can become ghouls. Or at least half-ghouls.”   
  
“What…?” Amon breathed out, looking stunned.  
  
“I used to be human,” Kaneki said as he placed his own hand on top of Hide’s that still rested on his arm. “Fully human.”  
  
“How could something like that be possible? What happened?” Amon asked, looking pale.   
  
Hide gave a wry smile and after giving Kaneki a reassuring squeeze on the arm and receiving another nod in return he tried to gather his thoughts to explain. “It was Kanou. You know the accident that Kaneki and the Binge Eater were involved in last year?”   
  
Amon nodded and looked over at Kaneki with a frown _. Is that worry I see on Amon’s face?_ _Sadness?_  
  
“Kanou transplanted her organs into him,” Hide nodded towards Kaneki, who sat still and silent beside him, “and hocus pocus now he’s a half-ghoul.”   
  
“This- This is all a bit much,” Amon breathed out with a strained voice, face still pale.  
  
“We understand. It took some time for me to accept as well,” Hide said with a nod.   
  
“Even longer for me to let you,” Kaneki muttered and Hide shook his head.   
  
He leaned in close to Kaneki and spoke in a low voice, “I don’t blame you. Stop blaming yourself.”   
  
Amon was staring down at the table top in front of him, seemingly not really hearing what they were saying. “So… you used to be a human? Wait,” he looked up at Hide, “you said half-ghoul?”  
  
“Yes,” Hide said and looked over at Kaneki who sighed.  
  
“I’m half-ghoul, and half-” Kaneki cut himself off and took a deep breath before speaking the last word as if it pained him to say it. “Human.”   
  
“Half…? But no ghoul parents?” Amon asked and Kaneki shook his head. “Is something like that even possible?”  
  
“Apparently,” Kaneki said with a shrug. “It was a lot to get used to. For everyone,” Kaneki continued with a somewhat ashamed look sent in Hide’s direction.  
  
“I can imagine,” Amon said faintly before looking over at Hide. “When did you find out?”   
  
“I figured out that something was wrong pretty fast after the accident with the Binge Eater. But, as you can imagine, it was hard to come to terms with the truth.”   
  
“He still figured it out faster than I would have liked,” Kaneki said with a small laugh.   
  
Amon frowned. “But you didn't really change when you became a ghoul? As a person I mean?”   
  
“No. Not really.”   
  
“But…” Amon looked down at the table with deeply furrowed brows. “God. I’ve killed so many ghouls. Seen them as beneath humans. But they’re not, are they?”  
  
Kaneki gave Amon a sad smile and shook his head. “No, they are not. So you can understand why I, and a lot of other ghouls, don’t necessarily _want_ to kill humans. The only thing really differentiating ghouls from humans are nutritional requirements, and that isn’t something they can control. A new and peaceful option would save a lot of lives. On both sides.”  
  
“Yes, yes. I understand,” Amon trailed off, still looking slightly dazed. He ran a hand down his face and took a deep breath. “No, actually, I _don’t_ understand. Is there more humans turned ghouls? How did you survive the operation? Afterwards?”   
  
Kaneki sent an uneasy look Hide’s way. Neither of them felt particularly comfortable talking about the specifics of Kaneki’s entrance into the ghoul world.  
  
Hide made a slight grimace and did his best to sound calm and professional as he answered. “I think it’s best if we focus on one thing at a time. We can meet up and discuss the moral implications of everyone’s decisions later, okay? Let’s focus on the report for now.”   
  
“Ah, yes. I just have one more question,” Amon said with a raised finger. Kaneki and Hide both raised an eyebrow in question and Amon continued, eyes focused on Kaneki. “What happened to you?”  
  
“What do you mean?” Kaneki asked with a small frown. Hide did not really like where he suspected that this conversation was headed.  
  
“When I first met you, you felt desperate. Scared even…” Amon trailed off, his eyes widening. “You had just gotten turned into a ghoul then, right? You asked me not to make you a killer.”  
  
Kaneki nodded in silence and Hide discreetly searched out Kaneki’s hand under the table; holding it tightly.   
  
“That encounter has replayed itself in my mind so many times since then. I was angry that a ghoul dared to imply that it wasn’t a killer,” Amon said, almost to himself, before his eyes softened. “But you weren’t a killer, were you? At least not yet. Something happened between that encounter and when I saw you at Aogiri Tree, didn’t it?”   
  
Hide could feel Kaneki tense up beside him and rubbed circles with his thumb on the back of the other’s hand. Hide drew a breath, ready to change the subject and hoping that the direction the conversation had taken wouldn’t trigger something for Kaneki. But before Hide had the chance to speak up Kaneki was talking, surprising him.  
  
“Yes. I was a prisoner there. By Aogiri Tree. It… changed me,” Kaneki said in a monotone voice and Hide could feel Kaneki’s hand twitching slightly in his, but the other kept a relaxed face and tone. No counting. No breaking fingers. No shutting down. Hide felt another wave of pride well up in his chest at Kaneki’s progress and he smiled; broad and sincere.   
  
Amon looked bewildered at Hide’s expression and Hide did his best to tone his smile down while shaking his head. “Sorry, I’m just so proud over him. Proud that he talks about it.”   
  
Hide saw a blush slowly creep up Kaneki’s face as the other cleared his throat. “A- anyway. Hide’s helped me a lot since then.”   
  
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” Amon said with sincerity. “You said that you would fix everything by yourself, but I guess that has changed?” Amon said with a pointed look in Hide’s direction.   
  
“Well, yes,” Kaneki said with a nod and Hide could feel the other relax beside him at the slight change of subject.  Hide’s smile grew again.  
  
The waitress came back with their food and they kept quiet as the plates were set in front of them. Kaneki took a sip of his coffee and smiled. “They do have good coffee.”   
  
Hide smiled towards Kaneki and took a bite from his food and Amon followed suit soon after. A strange sort of companionship settled over the group as they all ate together. After several minutes Amon broker the silence with a question, “So, what’s the plan?”   
  
“We should publish the report as fast as we can to minimize the risk of someone else finding out about it,” Hide said between mouthfuls.  
  
“The risk could be minimized further by not leaving it lying around the office,” Amon said with a small smirk.  
  
“Hide!” Kaneki exclaimed, looking over at him with a scandalous expression. “You said that you would be careful!”  
  
Hide sent Amon a glare, feeling betrayed by his boss’ sudden display of teasing humor “I did intend for you to find it. I have no idea why Seidou choose that day to come early to work for the first time in his career.   
  
Amon snorted. “Well, no harm done. I read it yesterday night and made some edits.”  
  
It was Hide’s turn to smirk. “I knew you wouldn't be able to resist reading it!” Hide laughed before stopping abruptly. “Wait, edits?”  
  
“Yes. I think it’s a good plan, but I added some emphasis on the fact that the artificial mean is ready to be distributed. It should create a bigger demand from the public if they think it’s already good to go,” Amon said with a thoughtful expression.   
  
“Sounds good,” Hide said with a nod as he twirled the last of the pasta onto his fork.   
  
Amon’s mouth twitched up into a small smile and he also turned his attention towards his plate of food before he stopped short and frowned. “I didn’t mean to imply that the report wasn't well written, though.”   
  
Hide waved the other off with his fork. “No offence taken. It's just good that another pair of eyes looks it over.”  
  
“I liked the part about the artificial meat having great potential for decreasing the number of attacks on humans,” Amon said with a serious tone. “I think the demand will be high enough that the CCG will have no choice but to fund the research as fast as possible.”  
  
Hide smiled at Amon’s obvious attempt to smooth over his earlier corrections. “Thank you, but the important part right now is getting the report published and making it available to the public.”  
  
“And then we will get a real alternative for ghouls,” Kaneki said while nodding along, a genuine smile on his lips.  
  
“That’s the plan!” Hide said with a big smile of his own, excited and terrified in equal measures over what the future would bring. “At least we will most likely get some sort of change.”  
  
 “I just hope that the CCG actually manage to create it,” Kaneki said with a small frown. “Otherwise it will all have been for nothing.”  
  
Hide instinctively reached out a hand to place it on Kaneki’s shoulder in a show of comfort. “I don’t think the Lab Division will have any problems. Chigyou seemed ready and willing to tackle any challenge posed to him.”   
  
“I quite agree. The Laboratory Division never fails to deliver, and I have a slight feeling that this is a project that they have wanted to work on for a long time,” Amon said with a smile, before his expression turned serious. “If we release this report then it is going to create shockwaves in society.”   
  
“Yes,” Kaneki agreed, putting down his now empty cup of coffee.  
  
Hide nodded. “And not all of them are gonna be good.”  
  
“No, they won’t,” Amon said.  
  
“Are you sure about this?” Hide asked, looking Amon straight in the eye.  
  
Amon took a deep breath, looking from Hide to Kaneki and back again, before answering in a measured tone, “Yes.”  
  
Hide nodded and turned his attention towards Kaneki. “You?”  
  
“Yes,” Kaneki said without hesitation, giving Hide a smile as he once again took a hold of Hide’s hand. This time on top of the table.  
  
Hide nodded and smiled back. “Well then. Let’s do this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so SO much for staying with me till the end! All your support and kind comments mean more to me than I can say. 
> 
> I hope this story brought joy to someone out there.
> 
> Have an amazing day!!


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